Korean Job Discussion Forums

[kermo]

Sigh. This is embarrassing, but I'm going to give it a shot. Some personal information about me follows...

I'm here in Canada for a visit with the family, and when I mentioned that I've been dating a guy who is kind, intelligent, capable and cute BUT not spiritually-on-the-same-page, I got furrowed brows, shaken heads and wagged fingers. This isn't a relationship that is supposed to lead to a marriage, but all the same, my entire family and all my friends are dead-set against it, not happy for me despite the fact that this is the first remotely pleasant, somewhat exclusive relationship I've been in for quite some time.

I see their concern, since religious incompatibilities can cause serious problems down the line (especially where the children are concerned) especially for sincere/devout believers matched with irreligious or ambivalent partners. I've seen the friction in the marriages of more than a few of my friends, so I'm not arguing there. A spouse who shares my beliefs would be ideal.

Easier said, I'm sad to say, than done. As I've mentioned in innumerable "Western girls" threads, I don't have any trouble meeting guys. I get along with all sorts of personalities, I'm friendly and good-looking enough (Strongbad might say "modestly hot.") The problem is selection. I've met only one Christian guy here in Korea who was somewhat compatible/attractive, but his intention was to finish his contract and go home to find a girl from his own country. I was in touch with an interesting fellow teaching in Japan, and met him while I was on a visa run. There wasn't much chemistry, and on top of that, he said I was *too old* for his tastes.

He's 32 and I'm 27, but he explained that he was looking for someone more ideally situated in her childbearing years. Although I'm hardly a relic, age is a factor. Many guys my age have already settled down and married. I guess 25-35 would be a good age range for me, if I had my pick.

It's tricky, of course, to initiate any kind of long-term relationship in the expat community. People come here for different lengths of time, from different countries, and often it's just not practical to expect a lasting relationship. However, the sort of "catch" my family wants for me is not exactly common. I asked my mother whether she had met JUST ONE single, reasonably attractive, intelligent Christian man around my age in the last year. She lives in a part of Canada just crawling with Christians, and she works in the Faculty of Graduate Studies at a university. She answered without hesitating: "No."

So I'm discouraged. I am supposed to hold out for something that may never (and until now has never) come along. I've tried to date Christians in the past, but found that every one of them turned out to wear that label because of their families, not their own convictions.

Why am I 27 and unmarried? Well, I was. I hastily and idealistically married my childhood sweetheart at age 21, and started to regret it soon after. He had a deeply scarred past, full of addictions and abuse, and without any experience with mature relationships or independent living. I finally gave up after four miserable years of struggling through debt, resurfacing addictions, denial and lies. I couldn't see any more hope, so I moved to Korea and put myself back together. I've spent two years here, and have never been happier.

Divorce does carry a stigma, and it's a decision I struggled with as a Christian. I wanted out for years, but didn't want to compromise my vows, my integrity and my faith. I believe that ultimately I made a choice that I can support Bibilically, but not every Christian might agree. This takes me even further out of the running.

Why am I writing this? Well, I've been posting on Dave's for over two years, and many of you have a pretty good idea of my values and my sense of humour, for a start. I haven't joined any dating sites for this purpose. I thought that it might be better to start with recommendations from friends. So, I'm actually asking you: Do you know any Christian guys who would dig me, and whom I would find diggable in return?

I'm in no rush! I am very very happy at the moment, and wouldn't change a thing. I love my job, my friends, my life and my apartment, and I'm neither lonely nor baby-crazed. I'm just interested in what's out there. I'd like to think that it's possible to satisfy my family and friends, and find that vital compatibility, but it seems more than likely that I will grow old and moldy waiting to win that lottery.

I *can't wait* to read your replies. I know this request is a long shot, but hopefully it will at least generate an interesting discussion.

[The Man known as The Man]

If anyone outside your family gives you a hard time, cite 1 Cor 2: 15, then 14


In a most loving way, of course.


This sounds all too familiar.

[kermo]

[The Man known as The Man]

Yes. Precisely that.

Good fortune to you.

[kermo]

Here's some more from 1st Corinthians chapter 7, if anyone is interested in how a Christian might look at divorce or marriage between Christian and Non.

[The Man known as The Man]

The first part is after the fact-the second is for one in your position.


Imagine-a single Christian looking around and finding nothing but, well, refuse surrounding them. I will let you use the choice of inflection re: the word 'refuse'

[kermo]

[jinju]

Why are you restricting yourself to Christians? My wife is Buddhist. I placed absolutely no emphasis on her religion. Im Catholic btw.

[LL Moonmanhead]

A,S,L?

Got any pictures? Don't want to introduce any friends to a potential moose.

[jinju]

[Corporal]

You sound like a sensible lass, so I think you already know not to be swayed by the "follow your heart" and "all you need is love" maxims of Hollywood. Practically speaking, I'd say you need to head back to the West to open up a broader range of possibilities for yourself. (That is, if you're not interested in K-men).


p.s. no Buddhists or Muslims. Diametrically opposed religions AND cultures = double whammy of doom = not smrt.

p.p.s. drinking during pregnancy is generally considered unadvisable regardless of the religious orientations of the parents.

HTH

[The Man known as The Man]

[kermo]

[kermo]

[Zyzyfer]