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kermo
Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Location: Eating eggs, with a comb, out of a shoe.
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 Posted: Mon Dec 04, 2006 6:11 pm Post subject: |
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| Thunndarr wrote: |
I'm going to go with the "Chasing Amy" answer: ego. Men want to think that they are unique and special individuals. Every guy I know secretly thinks he's James Bond deep down. Having sex with a beautiful girl on the first night is confirmation that he is dashing and debonair. Of course, upon waking, when sobriety sets in, unfortunately, so too does reality. We are not, in fact, James Bond. We are not, in fact, any more special than the last guy who had sex with that beautiful girl on the first night. Basically, it ruins the illusion that we are awesome, something that we try to avoid at all costs.
(I say we, in the general sense, of course. I AM actually as awesome as I think I am.)
On the flipside, a girl who makes us wait shows that she is discriminating, so when she finally deigns to do the deed with us, that is confirmation (from outside of our own egos) that we are, indeed, as special as we hoped. |
I wanted to include that theory, but you put it more eloquently than I could. Thanks for that. |
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snowy32
Joined: 03 Dec 2005
Location: NZ
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| Posted: Mon Dec 04, 2006 7:00 pm Post subject: |
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| Roch wrote: |
| snowy32 wrote: |
I find this kind of funny because when I was younger I had a general rule that i didn't sleep with people on the first date and the responses i received included: "Are you joking?", "How old are you?" and my personal favourite "Are you a virgin?" muhuhahaha
After a while I realised that this rule didn't suit my life anymore. I had the rule in place when I was unable to seperate sex and love but when I reached a point in my life where I didn't want a relationship, I just wanted to have sex, I let it go. Oddly enough, it was at this point that I meet my current boyfriend (Over two years ago). |
Are you older than 27 and are you single-in-a-sense?
Roch |
No I'm not over 27 and I'm not single-in-a-sense. Why would that matter? |
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kimchi story
Joined: 23 Nov 2006
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| Posted: Mon Dec 04, 2006 9:14 pm Post subject: |
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Yeah Thundarr - that's as close as this thread has come to a contemporary conclusion for this question. Sleeping with a guy on the first date might just be a girl branding herself Fingercuffs in the guy's mind's eye. But it has nothing to do with the need to procreate (the very existence of birth control is evidence of this).
Because all that motivates us is the desire to be desired and (most importantly) the desire to feel that we can make a partner desirous because of our necessary illusion of desirability (Lacan calls this meconnaissance - we misrecognize ourselves from the time we wake until we go to sleep because actually recognizing the difference between real and ideal is called a psychotic break).
DNA or defending our line - I wish it was as noble as that. |
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kermo
Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Location: Eating eggs, with a comb, out of a shoe.
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| Posted: Mon Dec 04, 2006 9:20 pm Post subject: |
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| kimchi story wrote: |
Because all that motivates us is the desire to be desired and (most importantly) the desire to feel that we can make a partner desirous because of our necessary illusion of desirability (Lacan calls this meconnaissance - we misrecognize ourselves from the time we wake until we go to sleep because actually recognizing the difference between real and ideal is called a psychotic break).
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It's a terrible irony, then, that when a woman acts on her honest desire, she fails to satisfy her partner's need to feel desirable. |
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canuckistan
Mod Team
Joined: 17 Jun 2003
Location: Training future GS competitors.....
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| Posted: Mon Dec 04, 2006 9:24 pm Post subject: |
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| Some men are good for shagging, some men are good for marrying. Never confuse the two. |
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Bulsajo
Joined: 16 Jan 2003
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| Posted: Mon Dec 04, 2006 9:28 pm Post subject: |
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If I understand you correctly, one group includes the other, but not vice versa...
I'd say the same about women! |
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canuckistan
Mod Team
Joined: 17 Jun 2003
Location: Training future GS competitors.....
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| Posted: Mon Dec 04, 2006 9:29 pm Post subject: |
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| Bulsajo wrote: |
If I understand you correctly, one group includes the other, but not vice versa...
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Right  |
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mole
Joined: 06 Feb 2003
Location: Act III
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| Posted: Mon Dec 04, 2006 9:32 pm Post subject: |
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| canuckistan wrote: |
| Some men are good for shagging, some men are good for marrying. Never confuse the two. |
I almost choked laughing. Dad always said the same of gals. Father knows best.
Or perhaps canuckistan does.  |
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canuckistan
Mod Team
Joined: 17 Jun 2003
Location: Training future GS competitors.....
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| Posted: Mon Dec 04, 2006 9:33 pm Post subject: |
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| mole wrote: |
| canuckistan wrote: |
| Some men are good for shagging, some men are good for marrying. Never confuse the two. |
I almost choked laughing. Dad always said the same of gals. Father knows best.
Or perhaps canuckistan does. |
Canuck is an ex-Cosmo girl--I've taken all the quizzes |
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cubanlord
Joined: 08 Jul 2005
Location: In Japan!
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| Posted: Mon Dec 04, 2006 9:43 pm Post subject: |
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| canuckistan wrote: |
| Some men are good for shagging, some men are good for marrying. Never confuse the two. |
you forgot to finish your thought. Allow me....
Some men are good for shagging, some men are good for marrying, while others...those rare individuals like Cubanlord are good for both. Never confuse the three.
There you go. |
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mole
Joined: 06 Feb 2003
Location: Act III
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| Posted: Mon Dec 04, 2006 9:53 pm Post subject: |
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| canuckistan wrote: |
Canuck is an ex-Cosmo girl--I've taken all the quizzes |
I may well be the original "metrosexual." Long before that was a word I took my share of Cosmo-quizzes.
For educational purposes and to foster my transgender sensitivity.
I still don't moisturize, though. Any suggestions? |
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kimchi story
Joined: 23 Nov 2006
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| Posted: Mon Dec 04, 2006 10:27 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: |
It's a terrible irony, then, that when a woman acts on her honest desire, she fails to satisfy her partner's need to feel desirable.
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Kermo you're sooo right.
The kicker is: what is getting laid other than an attempt to achieve unity, contiguity and plenitude? So a post-coital lover is faced with the fact that an orgasm is just an orgasm (or two, or three) and that afterwards we are still just two individuals. i think for a brief moment a woman does satisfy her partner's need to be desired, and with fulfillment comes the absence of desire. Or not. If not, a relationship - the only surrogate for unity, contiguity and plenitude - begins. |
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kermo
Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Location: Eating eggs, with a comb, out of a shoe.
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| Posted: Mon Dec 04, 2006 11:00 pm Post subject: |
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Billybrobby and I were chatting about this, arguing about whether he is a weasel or I am a hypocrite (probably both), and I realized something. I have never ever ever had a relationship that began with a hasty hook-up. It was unheard of for me to do this at all before I came to Korea, but after being introduced to The Land Beyond Three Drinks and trying to play catch-up in the Life Experience dept., I always found that one of a few things happened (sometimes a combination of the following):
a) I discovered I didn't really like him much as a person
b) he had a girlfriend somewhere else
c) he wasn't really into me
d) he turned out to be a weird stalker.
100%. Never skever bever turned into anything real.
In fact, any relationship I've ever had has started out with a platonic friendship that catches fire. I guess there could be any number of reasons for this:
-The whole mating-dance-between-strangers, while occasionally exhilarating, quickly repulses me when it boils down to "your place or mine?" (Yeah, I know, there's a word for girls like me.)
-Maybe when I'm out on the piss, workin' my mojo, I'm attracting the wrong type (location/wardrobe/looks/behaviour?)
-I'm much more attracted to someone I have had time to know/trust/admire, and who has demonstrated a more-than-physical interest in me.
-Maybe my favorite kinds of guys are also the ones who are too shy to try to drag me to bed when we first start going out.
This conversation is making me miss Joe Doufu. Joe, where are you? |
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kermo
Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Location: Eating eggs, with a comb, out of a shoe.
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| Posted: Mon Dec 04, 2006 11:01 pm Post subject: |
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| kimchi story wrote: |
The kicker is: what is getting laid other than an attempt to achieve unity, contiguity and plenitude? So a post-coital lover is faced with the fact that an orgasm is just an orgasm (or two, or three) and that afterwards we are still just two individuals. i think for a brief moment a woman does satisfy her partner's need to be desired, and with fulfillment comes the absence of desire. Or not. If not, a relationship - the only surrogate for unity, contiguity and plenitude - begins. |
Wow. Wow wow wow. |
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mole
Joined: 06 Feb 2003
Location: Act III
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| Posted: Mon Dec 04, 2006 11:13 pm Post subject: |
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| kermo wrote: |
| This conversation is making me miss Joe Doufu. Joe, where are you? |
eww.. And to think you've been my pick for the coolest Dave's femme all this time. You lost it to Canuckistan here. And I generally hate Canadians. |
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