Korean Job Discussion Forums

[ThreeDogNight]

This is not a post to criticize Korea, or Asia or to talk about getting stared at here. It's a post about the general and mysterious nature of staring in itself, and what it all means.

I've gathered, from introspection, four theories as to why Koreans and Asians stare. By staring I not only mean AT YOU, but at YOUR CLOTHES, AT YOUR BELONGINGS, AT ANYTHING THAT PERTAINS TO YOUR PRIVATE LIFE. So here goes.

1) The Dominance Theory-This theory is that staring is a way of getting
attention, or of dominating over another person by usurping their
attention, either in a negative, positive, or critical and ignorant way.
One positive example would be a man staring at a woman or a woman
staring at a man in order to attract him or her. One negative one
would be to make fun of someone.

2) The Interest Theory-Suggests that staring is just out of curiosity, sim-
ilar to little kids' behaviour, or in the case of Asia, almost everyone.
It's based on attraction but also for the sake of finding out. The other
person wants to investigate, or feels drawn to you or the object in
general.

3) The Ignorance Theory-Suggests that staring is a cultural habit or norm
that doesn't suggest anything negative but also isn't seen as positive
either. It underlies an uneducated mind that doesn't see others as
people but as curios or objects, therefore offending the personal
sanctity of the other person. White people staring at black people
because they were black in 1920's America would be one negative
example. They didn't know it was offensive. Now perhaps they do.

4) The Pride-Cultural/Criticism Theory-Is the most acute, and probably
the most disdainful. Suggests that the other person is intentionally
staring to usurp his or her judgment, control, or power over something
other than him or herself, just like we used to say 'Staring someone
down.' It could be an intimidation tactic, a survival tactic in a crowded
and brutal world, or just plain old prejudice. It shapes and controls the
pattern and actions of society and people, particularly in regards to
bad habbits but sometimes in regards to freedom of thought and
expression like much of what you might want to consider in most of
Asia. Over-criticism kills creativity and makes one feel abnormal for
being and doing what they like.

These are some theories I've gathered about staring. I don't know about you, but 'The Mystery of Staring' is beyond me, to some extent, other than the fact "I KNOW PEOPLE STARE AT ME BECAUSE I'M A DIFFERENT RACE." What I'm talking about here is people staring for minutes at a time, not only at me but at shoes, clothes, cars and even your pet dog. What could they be thinking? Why are they STARING FOR SOOO LONG?! Is it positive or negative, good or bad, what they're thinking? In the West, I've never encountered the amount of staring as I have here in Asia. It just makes me wonder.

Kiwiboy need not comment.

[Clutch Cargo]

Some good observations on staring 3dn. I would also add a category for 'fear'.

Many times I've been in a supermarket and a child will be blabbering away to his or her mommy when they suddenly see me. They sort of freeze on the spot and the face goes blank, mouth agape, and they stare. Their eyes follow me as I make my majestical way to the noodle isle.

I think part of the trouble with interpreting a stare here is the lack of facial expression.

[ThreeDogNight]

[ThreeDogNight]

But it's not necessarily why they stare but how they stare, and at what and for how long.

I had a guy stare at my dog for about two minutes. I mean he just bore holes into the critter. But why stare so long? Can't they form a mental image and take it with them? Are they studying the object at hand? Is it that interesting?

[Clutch Cargo]

I had a girlfriend a few years ago who had a Japanese mother and a Chinese father. One morning she was staring at me from the doorway as I reposed naked on the bed. She had a blank look on her face. I asked her why she stared at me like that and she answered that she was eating me with her eyes. A few minutes later she fulfilled her desire.

[weatherman]

I might add that staring is very situational. Being checked out on the bus for the clothing I am wearing is a lot different than the staring I get when I walk into a bar. It is when the staring is about power that it becomes a problem. When it is out of interest, I don't care. That said, I have become very good at burning the "take control of you, power stare" back at the said guy, (always I guy) and making him the butt.

[ThreeDogNight]

[ohahakehte]

koreans arent nearly as bad as indians or kenyans. i was in india last week and they stare at you as if you were krishna reincarnated. people of all ages do it, especially children. i can understand why they do it but its annoying after a while.

[peppermint]

I dunno about that. I saw a man fall over a small bush because he was too busy staring at me to notice where he was going. I'm nowhere near conceited enough to think he was stunned by my beauty.

[ryleeys]

Ummm... that was me.

[captain kirk]

All or any combination of your theories could be appropriate depending on the characteristics of the particular stare. 'Being on guard' might be considered a factor/theory branch. Most Korean men have done their army stint. I offer this because from the bus window I saw two Korean policemen doing guard duty beside an isolated water reservoir. It was chilly and I wondered it they had long underwear under their uniforms (I doubt it). One was sitting on a cold boulder by the highway. The other was sitting on a cold boulder up by the reservoir and looked very chilled to the bone while he checked his cell for messages, did text messaging, or played a game on it. They looked thoroughly chilled, probably wondering 'why, oh why, do I HAVE to guard this stupid water reservoir, anyway?!'. They looked like they'd lost all feeling in their butts!

[Donghae]

Sure, it's true that westerners often get stared at in Korea and elsewhere in Asia. But staring happens pretty much everywhere and anyone who suggested it to be somehow unique to this part of the world sounds like their experience of much else of the world is very limited.

I've also heard it said that if you're forever aware of people staring at you, chances are you're doing a fair bit yourself. I think there's quite a lot of truth in that. If I'm honest, I know it would be true of me on a few occasions.

[Drakoi]

how about the 'natural reflex' theory, or the 'you're staring so they're staring' theory?

[kiwiboy_nz_99]

[GoshiwonGuy]

I agree with most of the theories so far, but I've only got a staring problem when it comes to some mixed race people, usually wicked looking Eurasian ladies.

Depending on your view their looks change. Now They're asian/Now they're white. Like friggin holograms...and usually damn sexy...

GG