Korean Job Discussion Forums

[ThePoet]

I get my first vacation time (other than a visa run) in two years and I am going back home to Canada.

The problem is, I really don't want to go back "home". I feel comfortable here in good ole' Daegu. I am nervous about being out of touch with old friends and family, having had my life diverted along a different life's journey than all of them. Our paths and shared experiences have become different.

No, the feeling I have is more...obligation...than happiness to be going back. Obligation to see my mom, who, at 76 years old probably won't have many years left and misses me. Obligation to visit friends and family who say they miss me, but what the heck will we talk about after we've "caught up"?

In January/February next year, I'll take a vacation to Thailand, Indonesia, and the Philippines for the first time in my life, and I AM looking forward to that. I want to travel...I want to see the world! I almost waited too long before I decided to come into the ESL life and now I want to experience travel and the wonderment of seeing new things for the first time -- many times. But this trip back home, I am somewhat dreading.

So I guess the question I have here -- to all of the oldtimers who've been here a long time -- did you have the same type of feelings the first time you went back after a long absence? If you did, how did you deal with them, or did you find that, when you got there, the feelings were unfounded? I'd be interested in hearing about your first time back experiences

Poet

[Flossie]

Oh dear. I can imagine exactly what you are going through. I went through the same thing a couple of years back. I've been in Korea for 2 1/2 years and went home during the first Chuseok I was here for a family wedding and to see my folks.

I was keen to go shopping and buy all the things I couldn't get over here but I wasnt homesick, didnt miss anyone, liked my life here and was really happy to be coming back to Korea at the end of it all.

Love my family but there's a reason I've spent the last 12 years away from home. My mom and I are great talking on the phone but put us in the same room or the same house for longer than about 3 minutes and all the childhood tensions come back. The perceived criticism (that is mostly all in my imagination), the side comments (oh, so you haven't had a chance to hang out the laundry yet. well, don't worry dear, i'll do it)....

Sorry...gotta stop. I guess you can see what I'm getting at. Not the easiest thing being in close proximity to them.

Needless to say that I haven't been back home in two years. Getting serious pressure to go back but fortunately I just signed a contract for a year with no holidays (believe me...it's fortunate. I would forgo the vacation in order to hae a rock solid excuse not to have to go home^^)

I totally understand your worries. The 'duty' visit is not easy to get through, but just remember that we can't always do things for ourselves. Sometimes we gotta put others first. Putting your family first is a good thing. Something I know I should do more often.

Well, enough of the blathering rant. Focus on giving your mom some good memories and getting your fill of good home cooking. Then come back and get ready for your next vacation...the one you really want.

^^

[captain kirk]

That sounds kinda crappy, that you see going home as an obligation. To visit your mother who misses you. How do you feel about your mother? Don't you love your mother? Don't you miss her chicken soup?

Because the best thing about going back for me was visiting with Mom and Dad, who I hadn't seen in four years. My parents aren't as old as yours, more like 67, but I can't begin to understand what it's like for them to be so old, and being back obviously made them comfortable and happy. Like here comes the chip off the old block. And I looked at them like they were chips off the old block. After so much time in relalative isolation here being with family wasn't bad, it was great.

Re; Flossie's post yeah, we argued fiercely at times but I forgot about that. It happened. They remember like yesterday what is now long ago to me. Because they are older and with each passing year time passes faster in terms of perception. So I've changed when they haven't been around, but they still see and relate to the ghost of me, my former self. And want to tug at that as if it's real and has gravity. So I had to buck out of what they thought I was. I had to force them to readjust to be able to be myself. Like an assertion thing in huge shoves. But these passed like periodic squalls until the old dears got the picture.

I think you mean you revel in your new found freedom out here and can't get enough of it. Me too. So interesting and full of variety, especially getting around Thailand and so on; have a great time.

[buddy bradley]

This thread is exciting. Thanks guys - I was feeling tired and hungover before reading this but now I can't even sit still.

[astroboyfan]

[captain kirk]

Well, you whippersnapper thrillseekers, old Socrates said, 'an unexamined life isn't worth living'. So if you don't like the thread, go kill yourself.

[buddy bradley]

[astroboyfan]

[Chillin' Villain]

[ThePoet]

[kermo]

[Rteacher]

Like the song says: "Be it ever so humble...there's no place like home"

[sheba]

It's sad that you feel obligated and not excited....

I replied to another poster thismorning. They said they spent a lot of time travelling and living abroad and never went back to visit the family. Now their mother is dying and they are having to deal with a lot of guilt about avoiding going home until now.

Just be thankful you are going home for a visit and not to say goodbye or attend a funeral.

[joe_doufu]

Why not take Mom on a cruise, someplace sunny that you'll both enjoy?

[The Man known as The Man]