Korean Job Discussion Forums

[chaz47]

My "girlfriend" in the US has a kidney infection... any thoughts on how she got one, or why she wanted to tell me... I had a very hard time trusting her while I was there, that is why I am here... it's a trial separation of sorts...

hmmmm...

[joe_doufu]

I'm afraid you're going to have to give us a little background info on why you suspect she might be up to something suspicious, before we can begin to speculate. If you're her "boyfriend", maybe she wanted to tell you about her kidney infection because she thought you might be concerned about whether she lives or dies?

[chaz47]

yes... i am concerned about her health, but i have seen this girl let "gay" (translate: bisexual) dudes play with her breasts when she was drunk... oh and we were officially dating, and her response was "i thought you were cool, you come off like you're this cool guy and then..."

but hey, i have to be understanding because she's Bipolar... uh huh... but if she drinks on her meds she blacks out...

it's not that i'm insensitive about her health... it just seems odd that this has happened before, also during a period of time where i wasn't there to do the deed with her...

[chaz47]

the breasts was for boobies

[peppermint]

Kidney infections aren't always brought on by sex and she probably wouldn't have told you if she thought this one was.

Since it sounds like this isn't the first time she's had the problem, advise her to start drinking cranberry juice and tons of water. It'll help her get better faster and cut down on the chances of it happening again.

[sheba]

It is usually caused by bacteria getting into the bladder and moving up to the kidneys. There are lots of causes - sex, sweating in that area, wiping back to front, lack of hygiene....

[joe_doufu]

[shakuhachi]

This is a good opportunity to dump her. Tell her you want a woman that is healthy, and that you are glad you found out before you made the binding marriage vows

[chaz47]

it's difficult to walk away from her cold, because she is so messed up... seriously her father died when she was 4, leaving her and her twin sister with a mother that never wanted them... they were abused until placed in foster care, then returned to their mother who still abused them but this time they fought back and soon developed meth habits and eating disorders... eventually being diagnosed bipolar and possibly the beginnings of schizophrenia...

i was the first guy in a long time that gave a shit about her (i still do) and helped her believe in herself... we were together about 2 years and she managed to go back to school, get a good job and is attempting to get off disability... it hasn't been perfect i have had to deal with the boobie grab incident and a few other unsavory moments, plus she doesn't want to have kids... as she has already had two, one she aborted and the other she adopted out... because of her damaged childhood she believes that she cannot be a good mother...

i still want to entertain a possibility of a family someday so our "relationship" has been at a stalemate for quite sometime, logically she understands this and agrees with me that time apart is a good thing...

i just fear that this another tactic to try and pull me further back into her world just when i felt some semblance of peace returning to my mind...
she knows what saying something like "i have a kidney infection" will make me think because after the boobie grab and whatnot i have been suspicious to the nth degree...

(about the boobie grab, she was at the other end of the bar and i could only see through a sea of "queens" what was going on... i made to leave and she stopped me and i confronted her with it... she followed me home after her lame drunken excuse that she thought "i was cool" she broke into tears...)

ya, this is lame who wants to hear about my pathetic relationship with someone who has a mood disorder...

i do kinda feel lame, like i did run away, but most of my life in that city had become filled with similar people... i dunno, something about the Mississippi river seems to draw mental instability and/or drug and alcohol abuse... not to mention it's great fun to know that even with two degrees i qualify to do temp work or apply myself gainfully at Subway, McDonalds or Wal-Mart...

[sheba]

It's fine to break up with her because she doesnt want a family and one day you do... but it's crappy to dump her cos she's got a kidney infection. If it's going to end 'eventually' then why are you waiting for that time to come? It will only get harder for you both.

You didnt mention anything about love. Are you in love with her or do you love her? There is a difference.

She sounds pretty messed up... she needs to help herself before anyone else can help her. Id say the fact that you moved a whole country away means something pretty significant...

[Maserial]

[Demonicat]

As someone who has dated crazy many times, allow me to suggest the break up. NOW IS THE TIME! She cannot f--- with you here (no revenge or jealousy or stalking). You break uo with her quick and clean, whether the storm of emails (few responses as they encourage her), and move on. Trust me, crazy girls don;t get better. The little things become more and more pronounced. I had a girl suggest that I cast voodoo spells on her to give her nightmares in order for me to control her thoughts...yeah...don;t let that happen to you

[kermo]

[dogbert]

[morituri]

No it isn't lame, it is only pathetic if both of you make it pathetic. It is purer and nobler than the relationships that one often sees between men and women here, where love is given or contracted because of money or looks. When one is young one thinks 'I love xxx because she/he is perfect, later when one is older one realises that one loves xxx because she/he is imperfect. By that time the person one loves is usually gone or dead.

The trouble is though we usually overestimate our patience in a relationship, and the ability of love to smooth over the hard bits. Eventually one gets to a stage where one wants to walk away, partly because the relationship reveals a part of oneself that one does not want to admit is there.

I think you can only consistently help someone with personality problems if you are stronger and healthier mentally than that person. Also that person has to want to help herself. She is in the mud, you walked out of the mud, she extends her hand and says help me, but she has to agree that help means mud free, not both of you wallowing in it.

She might be messed up, she might have hurt you bad, but there must have been times when she was supportive of you and stood by you. We have a saying: ޸��������ʦ�� ��˳����������: You do not forget friends made in times of poverty and squalor, nor abandon the wife who ate rye and corn when you were poor together. You walked away and you are out of the mud, you cannot just turn around and say to her still in the mud 'I'm alright Jack.'

'I have a kidney infection' sounds like a girl's way of saying that she wants to get back together and that she wants to get out of the mud, as opposed to you joining her in it. I think she is saying, get me out of here. Korean or American, Chinese or European, a girl has her pride, you can't expect her to spell things out for you. How it was contracted is not that important, it sounds like a cry of help.

About letting the bisexual guys play with her boobs, well she apologised. If one doesn't have a lot of self-esteem, then one will resort to hotdogging: guys will try to be Evel Knievel, girls will act the vamp. Let it go, don't hold it against her, she came back to you in tears at the end of the day.

Write her a letter, tell her you are doing well, that you haven't forgotten her. Tell her your feelings about her and that you care for her and would like to go and see her, but make it clear that she has to want to change too in order for you to help her. Tell her that both of you were given a blank piece of paper when you first met, and that in act 1, you both scribbled on it, for act two if you are blessed with one, you would like to draw a nice picture. If she is accepts your new script, then go and see her or post her a ticket to come here.

Maybe love between man and woman is just the love of the moth for the candle flame, and when two people fall in love, perhaps it is as John Bayley describes Vronsky and Karenina: a visitation from which they cannot recover. But as a greater poet once said, 'Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove.' This is true of any love, whether between man and woman, man and man, or woman and woman.

Kidney ailments are serious things, an aunt lost her kidney after an infection after an operation, and an ex-gf's father lost his through unsanitary conditions after fleeing from the mainland to Taiwan when the Communists took over China.

I hope I haven't said anything to cause offence, or made too many stabs in the dark.