Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Kiddirts]

Okay, this has been going on for nearly two months at my apartment. It is a really nice place and I THOUGHT the landlord and her family (2 sons and father) were just nice people when they invited me over for dinner 6 weeks ago after finding out I was an English teacher. Here's the catch, each of the 4 times I have been to dinner, they tell me to come for dinner at around let's say 5:00 pm. Dinner will not be ready for at least an hour. so the mother pours me some orange juice, and I sit on the couch with her son, who OH MY GOD, happens to be studying ENGLISH! So I sit there after teaching a full day at my school and just wanting to relax and give a free conversation lesson for an hour. Then dinner is ready and we eat for half an hour. Then they tell me, oh sit down on the couch and talk some more. So, not wanting to grab some grub and bounce, I'm forced into some more conversation with their 16 year old son. It's such a headache, especially after a long day. The last time they invited me over, I said I work nights now to get around refusing their invitation (which would be rude) and they saw me leaving the apartment at around 6:00 to go to the gym. Oh yeah, one time I said I couldn't make it at a certain time, and said it would have to be later...I said I could come at 7:30, but that was it, she said, "Too late, come at 7:00" So I agreed...guess what time dinner was ready? 8:00 pm. Anyone else experience a problem like this? What's the best way to get around it without being too rude? I really hate giving 80,000 won worth of free english lessons for an 8,000 won bulgogi dinner. It's just too obvious what they are doing, and I hate it. Please help...

[Corporal]

Tell them to screw off.

Seriously, if you (more politely) decline two or three times in a row from now on, I'm sure the invitations will cease. You're right, it's not worth it, and it's rude of them to take advantage of you like that, I don't care how good the meal is. We're not performing monkeys after all. Here, stick a peanut in my mouth, I'll chirp English atcha for 20 minutes!

[Tiger Beer]

I'd just ignore them and don't go over. Its too obvious, and its pointless to pretend its not exactly what it is.

I had a somewhat similar situation once whereas I was in a boarding house (hasook) - two meals are included as part of the rent you pay. They give you breakfast and dinner at certain times. Unfortunately everytime I sat down the old man who was studying English would run all over the place to practice practice practice English. Every two seconds I was interepted by him pointing at stuff in the house and how do you say it in English, etc. He even came around to my door a few times to 'see what I was doing'.. at some points when it really irritated me too much.. I'd sit and eat dinner and not say a word.. just nothing. I just couldn't take it anymore, and eat as quickly as possible!! And if the meal wasn't ready, I'd go and come back later.

[kimcheeking]

Next time bring a korean book and ask for help. Lots of help. When you are eating, in Korean ask what every single vegetable is? what a spoon is? What a bowl is? what the hair on your fingers is called?

If they speak English, respond in Korean. Tell them that you have signed up for Korean lessons and need some help. If they insist on speaking English, tell them that this is Korea and you should be learning how to communicate in your free time.

[mongrel]

do it the korean style and just make up excuses each time, instead of coming out with it. they'll stop after a while. i taught an ajuma that had an English preschool in her living room, for 2 months for no money, not even dinner. maybe it sounds mercenary, but i couldn't be bothered doing it for free after doing it all day. you're right it's hard to be rude, but also you've got a right to politely say no.

[kylehawkins2000]

The excuse of choice for must Koreans seems to be "I have an appointment". Try it a few times.....I think they'll get the picture pretty quickly.

Although it's more often associated with the Chinese culture, the losing of "face" is really to be avoided here in Korea as well. I would avoid directly bringing up the problem with them. Making up a weak excuse will allow them to avoid losing face and they will likely understand what is going on rather quickly.

This kind of situation really gets under my skin sometimes though. I want to be more direct.....and I can't help but think that the Korean approach to such situations is underhanded....and in someway dishonest. Of course I can rationalize that these feelings are just a product of my culture, or personal ethnocentrism. But, alas, I cannot detach myself completely from the culture in which I was raised so I just put up with it....

[hadeshorn]

I have had 2 instances of this occuring.

My friend who does some private tutoring with this one family invited me after work to their house. I agreed and went over with him. Me, him and the mother of the kids they tutor were enjoying a quiet meal.

Then half way thru, BAM door slams open and WHOA and behold. The mothers kids and I have to tell them all about myself. I think "Hmm ok then, not a problem except my dinner is getting cold". Then 2 minutes later I have parents dropping off their kids to sit in the lounge room and watch us eat. THe mother had told other parents on the same floor we were coming over for dinner. I still havent finished my meal and I have 10 kids around me all trying to talk to us.

So I scarf down my dinner as fast as possible and my friend is giving me a "Im sooo sorry" look. As soon as I had finished my dinner *BAM* Oh look Nachos, A HUGE FRIGGEN PLATE. So we had to eat these as well while the kids are all talking to us at once. So after the nachos (Which were made with tuna) were finished. BAM! A huge fruit cocktail. I plead that I am full and try to excuse myself but I now have kids hanging off me.

The mother then drags my friend into the other room to show her how well he plays the piano. Now I am trapped entertaining 10 kids because I cant leave without my friend.

30 mins later we escape and I have never been back. Its ok for him. He gets 40,000 an hour 6 times a week to go over there. I dont!

Second instance is that I am at the Gym and I have an Ajuma come over and say she wants me to meet her daughter. I said ummmm no I have a girl back home. She says nooooooo she wants me to do some free talking with her.

This stumps me, Does she want me to talk to her daughter for free or just talk to her about anything. Since this is the perfect gym for me and its hard enough being the only guy there, let alone the only foreigner, I agree because I dont want the Ajumas ganging up on me because I didnt meet her daughter.

Anyway I meet the daughter on my day off from the gym (Which REALLY pissed me off) Because thats my relaxing day. Anyway she says all this stuff about herself and where she goes to Uni and if I want to learn Korean. I politely decline as I plead to have learning dificulties but I thank her for the offer and make my excuses to leave.

I then politely tell her mother that I am very very very busy and I dont have any spare time to help her daughter practise her english.

It went down well as I still get nods and grins at the gym.

[Kiddirts]

ha, kimche, that's great...now how do I avoid the people on the street?

[Son Deureo!]

[Gord]

[Wombat]

Don't worry Gord. It isn't your fault. Being part Korean, you have a difficult time in understanding the "Western" concept of work time versus private time.

Wombat

[Gord]

It's hardly a "work vs private time" issue. It's the expectation of being social when going to someone's house for dinner. It's a "I'm trying to do some freeloading and I think I've been freeloaded!" issue.

"Conversation" goes hand in hand with going to someone's home for dinner. That's just how the world works. No one said he has to sit down and teach a lesson, but rather he feels that freetalking is worthy of payment. "You want to talk to me, you have to pay me!" Someone's self worth has gone through the roof.

Sit down, talk about culture, share experiences, learn some Korean, whatever. It's interacting with people.

[Corporal]

The issue's not that the OP thinks he DESERVES to be paid for simply casual chatting while having a dinner at someone's house. I'm sure he has no objections to this. The issue is that the family is clearly taking advantage here. They need to be brought up short with a two-by-four. I don't know about you Gord, but most of us dislike being used as performing monkeys.

[Kiddirts]

Gord, after working 6 hours a day, 6 days a week, I just want to relax as most everyone on this board can understand. I do not need the strain, and YES, it is strain (like pulling teeth) trying to come up with conversation topics and communicate the best I can in English, especially after 6 hours of it during the day. If a friend of mine invited me to dinner at their place, would I think of it as freeloading? But please, come an hour early, "A half hour early is too late", and sit next to my son on the coach and talk to him...I'd rather be in jail for an hour, just want to rest my head. Anyone I invited to my place for dinner, I never thought they were freeloading...and on top of it, I always bring something to drink.

[TheUrbanMyth]