Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Zyzyfer]

When I first came to Korea, I'll have to admit that it was simply supposed to be a stepping stone towards getting to Japan/China, which in turn made Asia into a stepping stone for seeing the rest of the world. It was never my intention to get too involved with Korea at the time, nor to be anything other than an official, legitimate University professor career-wise.

Then I met the Invisible Chica. She came into my life at a time when I was really starting to hate on my situation in Korea, and really had no intention whatsoever to stick around. I had already set my sights on getting a job in Japan, and had started turning the first wheels for getting a job there. Though I still felt really disgruntled in Korea, I definitely was extremely happy to have met the Chica. The feeling was mutual, and we often talked about what we were going to do, since I would be leaving in less than 4 months. She at first wanted to leave with me, but I could tell that she wasn't really ready to leave Korea, so I told her that I'd come back to Korea for one more year and wait while she prepared.

Well, I'm halfway through that extra year here, and, as anyone who's resettled overseas should know, it's not easy to just pick up and leave; it takes a lot of planning. So I've been running plans through my head for the past few weeks, trying to find a solution to my problem.

What problem?

Well, it's stemming from a competition forming between our careers and our relationship. I really want to continue travelling; I've got nothing against living in Korea any longer(so long as I can have any easy city escape outlet), but my original dream was to keep travelling. The next stage was meant to either be a stint in Japan, or a much more demanding, and much more worthwhile stint in New Mexico. I'm trying to get into an American teaching program which puts teachers likely to demonstrate some extra oomph in underpriviledged areas.

Meanwhile, the Chica is starting to reflect on her own career. Some time back, we made a pact that, if she followed me during my travels, I'd come back to Korea with her, if she still desired to make her life there. She used to often tell me that she was sick of her situation here in Korea, and that she really wanted to get out. I did a test run of our escape by taking her to Thailand, and it went alright, but when we came back, she got the notion that, while she still wanted to quit her current job, she also wanted to find a new job more in her field of interest, and stick around.

To be perfectly honest, I really don't think I can reasonably set foot in a kiddie hakwon ever again, and other workplaces really don't have much room for advancement. What I do now is probably what I'd still be doing in 30 years, if I chose to live in Korea permanently right now. But I also really value my relationship with her, and I'm not willing to give up on it easily.

My question is : Which path should we take?

New Mexico : This job is hard to get, but the benefits are so numerous for me that it isn't even funny. I'd get a salary of 30K a year(2 year contract), plus grants which I can put towards education, totalling over 9K. I'm also really interested in Native American culture, as I'm descended from Apache/Cherokee lines, and can identify with various aspects of the culture. I'd genuinely find satisfaction in my job, and I'm pretty sure I'd take an interest and play an active role in the community. My living expenses would be pretty low, in exchange for sacrificing various creature comforts. As the organization is a bit on the respectable side(I think), I also feel that it would help push me in the right direction, no matter what I decide to do with my future.

Most importantly, I would be able to get my qualifications to teach, and could probably manage teaching in Korea far better, if I were to settle down here.

There are some problems, though. I seriously doubt that the New Mexico/reservation lifestyle would be easy for her to adjust to. There's also the added issue of her not being married to an American, lacking a green card, and really desiring to either have a job or possibly study. Out-of-state tuition is a total joke, though, and she'd have to both secure a job while in Korea, and improve her English tremendously, to work in the States. She does have a basic visa for entering the U.S., but she'd often have to do what I guess would be the equivalent of an American visa run.

Also, if she goes overseas and neither works nor studies, it will mostly likely complicate her ability to get a job back here in Korea, should we return.

Korea : The Chica busted her chops to get on her own two feet in life, and she's definitely had enough real hard knocks to not be suffering from some lame princess disease or something like that. She did, however, luck out in getting her current job, since she was underqualified compared to coworkers, so for her to give up her foothold on what she has is a big step indeed, as she works for one of the bigger chaebols here in Korea.

Despite that, she's fed up with her job, and she's going to quit. She's looking into getting a job in marketing, and I wouldn't put it past her to be able to land a job like that. If she landed a marketing job, she could further her career, and bring in beaucoup bucks. Meanwhile, I could happily get by with the peanuts I make teaching.

Problem is, I don't rightly like the teaching I've been doing. And I can't advance my career here.

I could possibly land a uni job. This would be phat. BUT...I do get the feeling that, if I stay here another year, it'll easily turn into ten, and then I'll be the one whining about having nothing for a career. Granted, my original career aspiration was to be a writer, which can be done anywhere, but I never intended that to be what brings in the bacon.

We're both young, but time is on my side much more than it is on hers. I may not look it, but I'm 23/25(Korean age), and she's 25/27, and, in Korean society, that clock starts ticking really hard right around that time.

Breaking it off isn't really an option; we've got a very secure relationship. It's so secure, I think this decision is almost impossible for us to decide, because we're concerned for the other's situation just as much as our own. However, marriage also is not an option I'd feel very safe about taking. I really don't want marriages of convenience.

So..........which choice should we make? Please vote seriously in the poll, and feel free to comment.

[Cthulhu]

On the one hand your age makes it an easy option to stay in Korea. You have lots of time and you are not even close to being locked into Korea as a career (us 30-somethings have much more to worry about on that front, which is why I'm leaving Korea next month).

But you sounds really enthused about that New Mexico job, so it makes it less of an easy choice. Teaching on a reservation is tough work but sure, you can get some great rewards from it, and in this case the monetary compensation is pretty good as well, to say nothing of the enhanced resume.

So I guess it comes down to how close your relationship is with Chica, and whether you've entertained thoughts of it becoming a long-term relationship/committment of some sort. She's far more limited in her overseas opportunities than you are, and going abroad probably scares her a lot more than it does for you--it appears you already know the answer to whether or not she can handle it, or would even try. Given the job opportunities on all fronts, the depth of your feelings for her should likely be the final reason to go or not to go.

[matko]

Wow Zyzyfer,

Take it from a guy who has made the mistake of sacrificing his dreams for a woman.

DON'T DO IT!!! You are too young man.

Be selfish. Trust me. Although your situation might work out better than mine, I desperately wish I could have made a different choice 5 years ago and followed my own dreams instead of sacrificing for someone else.

Maybe this sounds harsh, but that's the way it goes.

You only THINK you know her now. Both of you will change over time. If you're not willing to make the ultimate sacrifice and get married and both sit down and decide what you BOTH want out of life and then commit to that goal, you will just be chasing your tail until you finally get hit by a car!!!!

[Squid]

My two-cents worth:

Have you looked outside EFL teaching, career wise, or are you dead set teacher material, your other half works toward areas she wants- how about you?
Teaching here can be a drag, but it can anywhere I imagine, including your New Mexico gig. Plus you'd be without someone you obviously care deeply for.

Let true love run it's course, and another New Mexico will present itself soon enough, maybe closer to both your interests.

Good luck.

Squid

[Trinny]

Zyzyfer,

There should be a lot of ways for Chica to pursue further education and career in New Mexico. I had lived in Canada for two years without legal status and I found a number of ways to get around the legal status and keep myself educated and employed (not with Canadian employer though). It wasn't easy and there were many times I was tempted to go back to Korea. But I did stick it out.

Even though you guys are going back to Korea together from New Mexico, there will be a slew of opportunities opening up for her in Korea (especially in marketing), because of her stay in North America and her much improved English. I am 30-something now, and I found during my last visit that my age doesn't affect my employeability in Korea thanks to some skills I have acquired. PM me for more details.

[anae]

There wasn't a choice I felt comfortable marking, so I didn't vote.

I hate to tell you to put off your dreams, because things might never change or at least not change in a way that makes it easier for the two of you to leave together.

I can't tell anyone to end it. Only the two of you know if it is something worth sacrificing for or something that will eventually end no matter what you do.

For my own story - I came to Korea and left a boyfriend at home in Canada certain that we would make it the year apart. However, after six months, I realized we probably weren't meant to be. I met my husband a short time later.

I also won't tell you to just take her and hope for the best. I remember even the few months I spent in Korea as basically a "housewife" waiting for my job to start and I just about went crazy with loneliness and depression. I can't imagine doing it while not looking forward to something. As well, reservation life is a tough, tough road for those not connected to the culture. I don't think that I even have the cajones to teach on one of the local reserves here in Alberta even with living in Calgary.

If I were you, I would definitely ask Trinny for advice. Maybe some third solution could be worked out - like her living in a major city (nearby) while you teach on the reservation and you two meet on the weekends etc.

Trinny - I am glad to hear that age doesn't play as much of a factor in hiring policies if you have the right skills. I doubted my husband could ever go back after the fiasco that was his company was endlessly fighting about who was more senior - age or experience at the compay? They couldn't even agree about how to address each other or what form of language to use!

[Corporal]

I'm confused. You love her, or at least you like being with her, but you don't want to marry her because you think it would just be one of convenience? Umm...why do people get married, anyway? Isn't it largely for convenience? comfort? security? stability? and yes love?

please clarify, I can't judge until I properly understand your situation.

[Blue Flower]

Everything hinges on how strong a couple you two are.

Either way, someone is sacrificing something very important to them - The chica will sacrifice her current career/career prospects, her youth, family, familiar surroundings, etc, to live in New Mexico, (which I must admit to only knowing it existed from the Roswell T.V series) and have a very uncertain existence there. She will go absolutely crazy, and hate her situation, and probably you, if all she can do for that time is sit at home, and watch General Hospital - the plot may be improving, but it will never be intellectually stimulating.

Then on the other hand - if you stay in Korea (God knows why you would want to given the prospects! - chica or no chica) you will be stuck in a dead end, teaching at Hagwons, getting poked up the ass, etc. You will definately regret it. and probably end up hating her, and being very bitter, the sort of scary man you get in those movies about scary old men, you know that stagger round, ranting, with an umbrella, and a tarten scarf.

Soooooooo.... the choice basically is - do you go to Mexico alone, or together?

I must admit to being a little worried that you would either remain in Korea impermanantly, or take her to the states for at least 2 years, and not even consider getting married. For either of you to do it, requires great comittment to each other, and your relationship, you will need to be very strong to make it work.

Is it possible for you to go - sort your shit out, get a house, scout round the area, etc etc, and then have her join you once your settled, maybe in the first school holidays - to see if she likes it, before making the big committment up front. that way you can be settled, and she can just slip into the groove. Or she can see straight away that its just not for her, and save you both a lot of heartache.

It is basically her choice, as to whether she comes with you or not. Personally I think you would be stupid to stay here being a Hagwon monkey, when you have the options of doing something really worth while.

In a nutshell - my advice is do it, and let her come for a visit first, after that you can sort things out.

[katydid]

Zyzyfer...
I really don't know what to say to you about your situation, but at the get-together, I had a good chance to talk with So-hee, (bit not to you...what's up with that ) and she seemed really cool, so I hope you two come to a solution that works for the best for both of you.

[captain kirk]

you haven't mentioned her family. is she really in tight with her mother, father, brothers, sisters, cousins, etc....most koreans are, joyously/seamlessly. you're used to being on the move, have mentioned in the 'fathers' thread not being too connected there (if i recall correctly). for the average korean family, the big family (korea) have a pull which is heartful, with an indisputable gravity, no thinking around it, no detour. if you together have a heart connection that over-rides that for her, then together you can re-make the world. but if she wants to go home when it gets rough, well, are you going to follow and take a teaching job in korea again where you 'don't much like the teaching' your doing(that it's not 'going anywhere' career wise, well paying but facile and 'everybody' knows it). she's older than you, and the clock starts ticking more loudly at 25/27 for a woman in korea. does she want to have kids? most koreans do, as a matter of course. you don't want to get married. getting married is for having kids, a legally binding contract to ensure the kids get a solid base. i'll bet you she wants kids. you haven't mentioned her hard knocks previously. is she in with her family, or more like an 'orphan'? you say it's hard to decide because you are thinking of the other, and how they'll make out. sounds like a close call.

[Harpeau]

Zysifer,

It was cool meeting you both at the party earlier this month. I think that you need to ignore all of us and follow your own heart. For advice, I would go with the Blue Flower. Very wise indeed.

One thing that Sam Keen wrote in his awsome book "Fire in the Belly" is The most important question in life is where you going? The second most important question is who will accompany you. Basically, if you get the order mixed up, then you're screwed.

You have age on your side. You might want to consider taking the position in New Mexico, traveling (rendevousing) to different parts of the world on holidays.

You might want to reflect with ne another if and when you want to marry- what age range? If and when you want to have children- at what age range?

It looks like you're in a tough pickle. The good news is that you have many choices. Let that energize and empower you.

One final thought. For a Korean wanting to find opportunity- New York City- great! New Mexico? I don't know. It may not be the best location for her at this time. Something to maybe consider.

All the best and I hope and pray that wisdom will be your guide.

Blesings,
Harpeau

[mole]

You seem comfortable enough in Korea. If the other job
opportunity's not going to disappear soon, stay a while. But
maintain focus. Koreans seem to make snap decicions.

I had a Korean girlfriend long ago. It took a full year before
her parents accepted us being together. But once they did,
and she turned 26/27 or so, they were adamant about her
getting married, and quickly.

I wasn't ready. Frankly, I wasn't even legally divorced yet,
though it had been in the works for a long time. We didn't
marry. And I haven't heard from her in years.

Ooops, I'm rambling. Are there online courses you could take
from here to start working toward the qualifications for the
New Mexico job, which sounds like the course to take, with or
without Chica? I hope you take Chica, BTW.

Keep focused on YOUR dreams. What's going to be good for
YOU. But stick around in Korea long enough to satisfy your
curiosity if Chica can be a part of it. She's probably much more
nervous than you are about the whole situation.

[Zyzyfer]

[eamo]

I would normally never advise anyone on affairs of the heart as my record in that field is not so hot.

I do know one thing for sure.

If you lose a girl who you think might be your soulmate, you'll regret it the rest of your life.

Jobs come and go but the best feeling in the world (love) is rare and should be cherished and enjoyed for as long as possible.

I'm basically saying don't do anything that might mean losing the Chica.

Also I don't want a good buddy to leave Korea!!!

[denz]