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The unfair perils of divorced fathers
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Gopher

Joined: 04 Jun 2005

Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 6:43 pm Post subject:

some waygug-in wrote:

How fair is that?

It sounds like something that would never fly in American family law. Important benchmarks include ten and twenty years of marriage. Only a few years of marriage, as you describe, would only warrant, at best, a few years of spousal support. Lifetime spousal support only tends to occur in situations involving twenty or more years of marriage.

So, obviously, what you describe sounds unjust. Is this Australia?

some waygug-in

Joined: 25 Jan 2003

Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 6:47 pm Post subject:

No, Canada.

Big_Bird

Joined: 31 Jan 2003
Location: Sometimes here sometimes there...

Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 6:53 pm Post subject:

Cornfed wrote:

Big_Bird wrote:

Yeah, MM2 has a point - this is something that people forget. A lot of women give up a great deal in their marriages. They often give up their further education. They give up their own careers.

This is in some kind of fantasy realm where work is a barrel of fun and it is a hideous imposition to have to "give it up" and have someone else pay all your bills. I'm generally against marriage, but I'd consider it if I got to "give up" my career, be supported by by a woman working all the hours god sends and got to loot what was left of her property and kidnap her children whenever I felt like it.

For a waste of corn like yourself, it would probably the best you could aspire to. Though I doubt you'd find it the 'easy alternative' if you had to try it. Those days when my husband looks after our kids for just a few hours, I come home and he hands them over to me absolutely exhausted. He often has to lay down and sleep to recover because it really takes it out of him. The kids are also relieved to see me, as I am much more patient in meeting their considerable demands. My brother-in-law is already doing a very good job of what you describe above. Except, unlike most women in his position, he is not contributing much to the very difficult job of bringing up the young offspring. My sister works her ass off bringing home the pay, and then has to collect her child and take care of his needs until he sleeps and then she can finally fall into her bed exhausted. While the parasitical father drinks and watches TV.

some waygug-in

Joined: 25 Jan 2003

Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 7:14 pm Post subject:

I'm sorry to hear of your sister's situation. I don't think either situation is fair.

Big_Bird

Joined: 31 Jan 2003
Location: Sometimes here sometimes there...

Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 7:19 pm Post subject:

some waygug-in wrote:

I'm sorry to hear of your sister's situation.

I don't think either situation is fair.

I think there are people of both sexes who take as much as the law will let them get away with. And there are decent people of both sexes who try to resolve things fairly.

In Australia right now, they are trying to make things more equitable for the parent who doesn't have regular custody, by lowering their payments if they have the children a certain amount of the time. It still doesn't work out fair for both parties though, but at least they are trying to make it a little better.

ReeseDog

Joined: 05 Apr 2008
Location: Classified

Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 7:43 pm Post subject:

mindmetoo wrote:

ReeseDog wrote:

Here's one for you:

My ex had custody of our daughter for nine years, during which time I paid child support faithfully. She gave me custody one year ago. She paid child support for the first two months and then stopped. She's in the wind, now. She doesn't call or anything. All I hear about these days is so-called "deadbeat dads." What about deadbeat moms out there? Or do they get a pass because they're female?

Did you try to seek a legal solution?

Not yet. The support amount awarded me by the court wasn't very much (much less than I had to pay her, BTW). After even a year it hasn't added up to very much, so it's not really worth heading to court yet. It isn't so much the money as the principle of the thing. Dig?

Of course, my daughter is asking me why her mother doesn't call. She's pretty upset about it. I do my best not to badmouth the ex in front of the daughter. Not that I need to; that little girl's pretty sharp. Her mother's going to have some tall explaining to do once they get back in contact with each other. I figure that SNAFU will work itself out, and my karma is best served by staying out of that and taking care of my daughter as best I know how.

Apologies to all for the rant. Just needed to blow that out of there.

Cornfed

Joined: 14 Mar 2008

Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 8:05 pm Post subject:

Big_Bird wrote:

My brother-in-law is already doing a very good job of what you describe above. Except, unlike most women in his position, he is not contributing much to the very difficult job of bringing up the young offspring. My sister works her ass off bringing home the pay, and then has to collect her child and take care of his needs until he sleeps and then she can finally fall into her bed exhausted. While the parasitical father drinks and watches TV.

That is exactly the kind of situation that I'm objecting to, except that the genders are usually reversed. I notice you are not suggesting that the father is doing your sister a favor by "giving up" his career to sponge off her. A point of difference from the usual situation where the woman is the leech is that your sister could presumably end the relationship if she wanted to. She runs much less risk of having her children kidnapped, being reduced to destitution, being jailed on trumped up charges etc.

Quote:

I think there are people of both sexes who take as much as the law will let them get away with. And there are decent people of both sexes who try to resolve things fairly.

Yes of course out of millions of people there will be examples of this in both sexes, but that shouldn't cause us to lose sight of the fact that marriage is basically a scam to allow women to parasitise men which has gravitated to outright predation in the modern Western world.

mises

Joined: 05 Nov 2007
Location: retired

Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 8:11 pm Post subject:

In Canada, the women is awarded sole custody 90% of the time. What men should take from this is never under any circumstances have a kid or marry a woman in Canada. The game is rigged against you. All the whining about how much the woman sacrifices or sad narratives about degenerate drunk dads is totally irrelevant to structured and legal sexism against men in the "family" law system in Canada. A fair system would seek to provide fairness unless there is a degenerate on either side, or abuse, or etc.

Big_Bird

Joined: 31 Jan 2003
Location: Sometimes here sometimes there...

Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 8:17 pm Post subject:

Cornfed wrote:

Big_Bird wrote:

I notice you are also ignoring that her 'partner' is not making the contributions a normal wife would. Of course he couldn't house the child in his body for 9 months (take it from me, that is not a walk in the park) and breastfeed him. But he could have taken the biggest part of the responsibility for caring for the child once those bits where done. Not only that, he could have been cleaning the house and doing the washing and preparing food for my sister when she came home. Domestic duties are not a walk in the park either, even with today's technology. He does none of these things. Instead she does everything. So your argument does not apply.

You are wrong about my sister being sure she could get custody. He is using that as point of leverage - threatening to sue for full custody if she tries to get him out of her life.

Mr Oh So Bitter! wrote:

Quote:

I think there are people of both sexes who take as much as the law will let them get away with. And there are decent people of both sexes who try to resolve things fairly.

You are at best a poor troll. If you are in fact serious, you are not only bitter and mean spirited (both very ugly traits), but extremely naive and clueless about what raising a child and living as a housewife involves. I know few women who do this contentedly. Most did it out of love for their children, and but couldn't (or can't) wait to return to the adult world again. In the real world things are not much better for women, as you pretend. For example, most women still have an unfair burden of domestic chores - even when both spouses are working. I also know that not so many men wish to give up their careers and aspirations so that the wife can continue with hers. Childreari