Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Fox]

[Draz]

[Ralphie]

"We all want what we can't have...it's a fact of life." OP, maybe you like the thrill of the chase? BTW, men aren't the only ones who enjoy the thrill of the chase, some women get a rush out of it, too. And as soon as committment phobic-types smell desperation, we bolt.

[Bloopity Bloop]

Thanks everyone for the feedback. In retrospect, I kind of laughed at myself for posting this on an ESL forum, but I was pleasantly surprised by the quality of the response. You guys have, for the most part, managed to sort out and organize my thoughts in ways couldn't. I guess I've still got a lot to learn about myself, the kind of girls I attract, etc. The problem I have now is... how the hell do I get myself out of this relationship, lol.

[fortysixyou]

Hey OP,


Here's something you might not have considered yet. In your post you described the ideal situation. Not seeing each other all the time, behaving like friends, and a good amount of sex.

Well, that's what most relationships are like AFTER about 2 years of being together. If things go well, the 'hot and heaviness' usually changes into friendship.

I've been with my girlfriend for almost 4 years now. Sure, it started off like every other relationship, mostly physical. We stayed together, and now we have your ideal relationship. She lives in Seoul, I'm elsewhere. We see each other on weekends. We MIGHT get married soon but aren't in a huge rush.

Bottom line: that ideal relationship that you want would come to you if you actually stayed with a girl long enough for the relationship to mature.

[MattAwesome]

dont get into a relationship unless you are serious about it.

if youre not, either just play around and dont give the girls a false hope so their feelings dont get hurt. or, take some alone time and rediscover yourself.

i lose interest fairly quickly too after sleeping with a girl. and after 3 months she breaks up with me.

dont meet a girl at teh club and start a relationship. be lovers and friends, and be friends with her friends. maybe you will find a good one through networking.

[GoldSoundz]

OP: Some thoughts...

Yeah, I too get bored after awhile. But I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with the girl. It's just me, regardless of who the next one is. It gets to be a vicious cycle.

Chalk it up to ADD or fear of commitment and intimacy. Maybe, it's a guy thing. If men are "hunters", then it makes sense that you would stop pursuing and shooting the deer after you've downed it. You move on to the next moving target. Like The Smiths said, "I want the one I can't have, and it's driving me mad".

I've lost some pretty awesome women by looking for what's next or what else I would be giving up. Kinda like Jack Nicholson in "Carnal Knowledge". A relationship that works oughtta be about what you can give them or give up, not what your needs are and how they can be met.

You may even be addicted to the Honeymoon phase of a relationship. The brain releases seratonin and dopamine that gets you going in the onset and then fades.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chemical_basis_for_love

You might try to keep things less physical and sexual when the relationship starts up. Focus on the girl's personality and then see if it's worth continuing. If you're not having a good time together and enjoying independence alone before hitting the sack, let it go.

Easy to preach, but harder to do. I only came back to Korea cos I got cold feet to the girl I was engaged to last year (in the US). Her mom bought us a house and she was the "one", but I kept looking over the fence at what else. When we were broken up, she was all I wanted. When we were together, I resented her and wanted out. Over and over until she couldn't stand it. Familiarity breeds contempt. Or whatever. For every fly on the inside of a window, there's one on the outside wanting in.

Anyway, enough rambling from me. Try watching "High Fidelity", about the dude who always dates with one foot out the door. That'll solve your problem.

[SeoulSister08]

I can relate to the O.P. I'll start off really excited about a guy, but after a short while I become annoyed by the things that first attracted me to him: his voice, his face, his mannerisms etc. Once those happy love hormones wear off, I become bored and begin to resent him for not being as interesting as he once was. This happens with pretty much every guy I date so I can't blame the men; maybe people like us are just too irritable to be around the same person for any extended period of time. Or we might just be hooked on those feel-good chemicals that your body produces in the beginning. Whenever I don't have this reaction about a guy, he seems to have it about me... figures. Sorry, I don't really have any advice but I can sympathize.

[PatrickGHBusan]