Korean Job Discussion Forums

[madoka]

[Kuros]

Lots of great advice for you, OP.

[machoman]

i'll be honest and to the point, the essay wasn't very good. the beginning had an overall negative feeling of "pity me." and the ending felt rushed. i feel like you just whipped that out late at night because it had to be done.

you went over the external factors of what happened to your life, but didn't really go in depth enough. it's like writing on your resume "i'm good with kids." well, how are you good with kids? you wrote you're effective in overcoming obstacles, how are you effective at this?

and like the others said, citing a john grisham novel as to why you have this sudden passion to be a lawyer is very eye roll worthy.

maybe you should focus your essay more on what it means to be a lawyer, why you deserve to be in their school and not someone else, why you're passionate about it.

but yeah, i think you should skip the "pity me" part of the story (i.e. i should've been locked up with lots of kids as a day laborer)

[Ruthdes]

[phill458]

Thank you SO much to everyone who has replied. A great discussion and I have learned a lot more then I thought I knew!!!!

[mises]

[phill458]

@ Machoman (cool name)

Everything you said was right on...i wrote it in 25 minutes because I had to put SOMETHING down on paper or never get it completed.

I will post the re-written essay that all of you have helped contribute to later on today!

[madoka]

[Tbizz]

This has GOT to be a joke.

[phill458]

I have revised it a bit more, still not my finished article. Please tell me what I should add, delete, change alter as specifically as you can!!!!!!!!! I thank everyone so much for their contributions.




Failing English, Moving to Korea and Other Things You�re Not Supposed to Do

Languishing in a ninth grade grammar class, causing distractions, and proudly under achieving is unfortunately not an unusual situation students find themselves in nowadays. At that point in my life that�s who I was, just another student, not too uncommon from my peers, living day to day without a goal or a sense of purpose in my life. That is until I came to the realization that I wanted to study law in order to use my life for higher calling. My experience with the law at that time in my life, from being on both sides of it, I learned that in the proper hands, the law can be made into a powerful tool used to right wrongs and make wrongs of right.
Finding that spark in my life which produced such a profound transformation has allowed me to achieve and overcome obstacles and disadvantages that others, thought to be just too great. Instead of feeling sorry for my plot in life, I�ve learned that my so-called disadvantages were really advantages in disguise. I witnessed firsthand how the law breaks families up, through divorce and the subsequent proceedings. I�ve witnessed the law fail women, by experiencing domestic violence perpetrated by my step-father, who happened to be a police officer. My university education in fact was financed by an unintended consequence of the �Estate Tax�, as my grandfathers money was smartly distributed by lawyers using the law to avoid taxes that would have needed to be paid after my grandmother passed away. In reflection, my disadvantages were really just opportunities for me to interact with the law and see how it is actually used on a daily basis, whether it is used for good or for bad.
In the opening paragraph I touched on the fact I wasn�t the most astute high school student, however, that all changed after I started living for a purpose. I�m a believer of finishing strong and that�s exactly what I did. For my senior year, I went to 3 hours of high school, worked my part-time job until 6 at night, and then went to night school until 10pm. My next objective was to survive university. Now being the first person in my entire family, not just my immediate family to attend university would also be considered by some to be a setback, but not me. My grandfather financed my �attempt to get out of work real work� by affording me a trial semester, after which if I couldn�t hack it, my funding would be canceled and I would have to return, hat in hand to my job as a construction site laborer. Needless to say I exceeded expectations, finishing the semester with a perfect 4.0 GPA, Business College ranked #1 with a 3.89 GPA and in between studying won the intramural soccer championship. Dealing with this adversity and exceeding the expectations of others allowed me to grow into a more self-sufficient individual, something that would go on to help tremendously in my next endeavor, Korea.
I had a compelling notion upon graduating that demanded I see this bigger, more globalized world I had learned about the past 4 years but never experienced in real-life. So after renouncing a lucrative job offer I ventured to Korea, where many years before my grandfather spent his youth fighting. Now I didn�t choose Seoul, where globalization has certainly taken hold. No, I instead chose a sleepy village called Sangju that would push me to my limit, force me to engage in a new culture, require me to learn a new languish, and contest any pre conceived notions I may have held about Asian peoples and there way of life. I still wanted to make a difference in my life, just in a different way before I carried on to law school, and so I chose to become a teacher. Like my college ambitions, my sojourn to Korea was thought of as a whimsical idea by my friends and family, giving me only 3 or 4 weeks untill I returned from what would have been just an extended vacation. As my life will attest to, I am one to stick it out as they say, not only adjusting to life in my new adopted home but flourishing. At first there was some difficulties that a few foreigners in my same village could not cope with. Things like the language barrier, subtle racism, not so subtle sexism and a concept of nationalism very different from western precepts. I chose to look at these obstacles and turned them on their head, forging them into opportunities. Learning the language became a chance to socialize with the wonderful people I met. The racism I encountered allowed me to feel for the first time what others in my own country had felt for so many years and taught me the importance of always being respectful, polite, as I wanted to become an ambassador and light the way for those who would follow in my footsteps.
In my life, when it comes to challenges and/or obstacles including but not limited to and a poor LSAT result, every one of them I have dealt with in a very effective way which has allowed me to exceed every expectation others have placed on my life. From my experiences I have grown more into the person that I always admired, the person, who, when the chips were down would rise to the challenge and succeed.

[PRagic]

My professional opinion is that it gets worse as it goes along. That's a big hint without giving away too many specifics. Other posters have given some valuable input already.

[phill458]

Schwa and PRagic......would you give me some examples and specifics???

[schwa]

Sorry, I deleted my response before it posted because I thought it might be hurtful.

But since you ask, I'll respond again. Every sentence in your essay has flaws & falls well short of basic standards of academic writing. The overall tone is conversational & inappropriate for university approval. I really do understand what you're trying to say & I respect you for trying to improve yourself but your schooling so far doesnt seem sufficient for what you're hoping to accomplish with this.

[mises]

[asc422]

edit ... I quit caring ...