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Draz
Joined: 27 Jun 2007
Location: Land of Morning Clam
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 Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2011 10:59 pm Post subject: |
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Not being able to take criticism is a sign of personal insecurity and black and white thinking. If you're not sure of yourself, having someone criticize the slightest little thing will be taken as a personal insult. Pointing out one negative thing feels like they are discounting you as a person.
If you are secure (or just practicing mindfulness) you can consider the criticism calmly and decide whether it is valid or not, and then act on it or not.
The last time I was criticized it was a student in one of my classes who didn't like a part in the book. It was uncomfortable (understatement) but I decided he was right and those activities weren't particularly useful so I stopped doing them in class and used the time for something else. |
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myenglishisno
Joined: 08 Mar 2011
Location: Geumchon
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| Posted: Thu Dec 01, 2011 2:35 am Post subject: |
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| Draz wrote: |
Not being able to take criticism is a sign of personal insecurity and black and white thinking. If you're not sure of yourself, having someone criticize the slightest little thing will be taken as a personal insult. Pointing out one negative thing feels like they are discounting you as a person.
If you are secure (or just practicing mindfulness) you can consider the criticism calmly and decide whether it is valid or not, and then act on it or not.
The last time I was criticized it was a student in one of my classes who didn't like a part in the book. It was uncomfortable (understatement) but I decided he was right and those activities weren't particularly useful so I stopped doing them in class and used the time for something else. |
I used to be like that. I'd be criticized a bit and I'd think the sky was falling, that I was a hair away from being fired and so on.
The thing about criticism in Korea is that it's never worded kindly. I don't know if this is a cultural thing or if it's just a language issue, but it always sounds like: "why didn't you do ______? Why don't you _______?" Also, I find that criticism I get here is often totally out of left field and sometimes illogical. I think I'm going to get criticized for my teaching methodology, then I find out I'm in trouble because X student in Y class doesn't like the way I write the letter "u" on the chalkboard (true story).
Then again, earlier this year I had Western bosses and they weren't all that much better to be honest.
I'm trying to distinguish good/fair criticism from bad/unfair criticism and I'm trying to take neither personally. Just adapt, move on and keep the boss man happy. |
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Died By Bear
Joined: 13 Jul 2010
Location: On the big lake they call Gitche Gumee
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| Posted: Thu Dec 01, 2011 3:10 am Post subject: |
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| Draz wrote: |
Not being able to take criticism is a sign of personal insecurity and black and white thinking. If you're not sure of yourself, having someone criticize the slightest little thing will be taken as a personal insult. Pointing out one negative thing feels like they are discounting you as a person.
If you are secure (or just practicing mindfulness) you can consider the criticism calmly and decide whether it is valid or not, and then act on it or not.
The last time I was criticized it was a student in one of my classes who didn't like a part in the book. It was uncomfortable (understatement) but I decided he was right and those activities weren't particularly useful so I stopped doing them in class and used the time for something else. |
I think you're a little bit two-faced as a person in real life. Sorry, had to say that because that's how I felt after talking to you for a few hours. Please don't take this personally. Even though you're a very good looking person, you lack depth and sincerity.
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Kuros
Joined: 27 Apr 2004
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| Posted: Thu Dec 01, 2011 3:00 pm Post subject: |
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| Catholics and Jews can take criticism. I'll let you all speculate on the Protestants. |
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Quack Addict
Joined: 31 Mar 2008
Location: Seoul
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Kuros
Joined: 27 Apr 2004
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| Posted: Thu Dec 01, 2011 5:46 pm Post subject: |
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Not funny, and almost entirely backwards. Who has ruled this country over the past decade? Was it the millenials? So the first wave of "these douchebags" caused the Iraq War, Fannie-Freddie waste, the Wall Street fraud, the massive bailouts? What an idiot.
He's right about one thing: the rise of envy. The millionaires on Wall Street envied the multi-millionaires who envied the billionaires. |
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myenglishisno
Joined: 08 Mar 2011
Location: Geumchon
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| Posted: Thu Dec 01, 2011 9:05 pm Post subject: |
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| Kuros wrote: |
Not funny, and almost entirely backwards. Who has ruled this country over the past decade? Was it the millenials? So the first wave of "these douchebags" caused the Iraq War, Fannie-Freddie waste, the Wall Street fraud, the massive bailouts? What an idiot.
He's right about one thing: the rise of envy. The millionaires on Wall Street envied the multi-millionaires who envied the billionaires. |
The Baby Boomers level of entitlement supercedes that of any other human generation in all of human history. They call us entitled because they're in denial of how their entitlement basically ruined everything and put the planet in peril. |
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Quack Addict
Joined: 31 Mar 2008
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Thu Dec 01, 2011 11:34 pm Post subject: |
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| Kuros wrote: |
| Catholics and Jews can take criticism. I'll let you all speculate on the Protestants. |
What about the muslims? |
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tfunk
Joined: 12 Aug 2006
Location: Dublin, Ireland
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| Posted: Fri Dec 02, 2011 1:26 am Post subject: Re: 20-somethings can't take criticism |
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| myenglishisno wrote: |
How can I improve myself? |
What does that mean? |
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andrewchon
Joined: 16 Nov 2008
Location: Back in Oz. Living in ISIS Aust.
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| Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2011 10:00 pm Post subject: |
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Be your own lamp.
Seek no other refuge but yourself.
Let the truth be your light.
I think the time has come for you to to seek the TRUTH.
In particular, seek the truth about yourself. I did, and what I saw in the mirror-of-truth was an awful, despicable person deserving of all the misfortunes that I'd had suffered. |
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weso1
Joined: 26 Aug 2010
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| Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2011 10:09 pm Post subject: |
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Maybe we could take criticism more if the older generations didn't take every opportunity possible to start rambling "back in my day, we didn't.. blah blah blah"
Maybe if the "greatest generation" would finally fess up that they weren't so great and stop complaining about every new fangled gadget or change that comes along. Things change. Change is inevitable. Change is often, good. Stop fighting change.
I say my parents and grandparents can't take criticism. They can't accept the fact that things are better now and that because of the actions of this generation, things will be better in the next. |
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mukukja
Joined: 22 Sep 2011
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| Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2011 1:11 am Post subject: |
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| andrewchon wrote: |
Be your own lamp.
Seek no other refuge but yourself.
Let the truth be your light.
I think the time has come for you to to seek the TRUTH.
In particular, seek the truth about yourself. I did, and what I saw in the mirror-of-truth was an awful, despicable person deserving of all the misfortunes that I'd had suffered. |
I love this. Because it smacks of the loopy kind of madness I aspire to and also because it has nothing to do with anything. A gem. |
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The Floating World
Joined: 01 Oct 2011
Location: Here
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| Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2011 2:31 am Post subject: |
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| weso1 wrote: |
Maybe we could take criticism more if the older generations didn't take every opportunity possible to start rambling "back in my day, we didn't.. blah blah blah"
Maybe if the "greatest generation" would finally fess up that they weren't so great and stop complaining about every new fangled gadget or change that comes along. Things change. Change is inevitable. Change is often, good. Stop fighting change.
I say my parents and grandparents can't take criticism. They can't accept the fact that things are better now and that because of the actions of this generation, things will be better in the next. |
Exactly. Previous generations set the scene and setting for the lives we enact on the stage now.
I say we tear off all our clothes, get drunk on wine, don pink spandex and skip through the streets singing 'la la la la la la la, I'm a silly bipedal ape hoo hoo hoo tum tee tum...' |
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Julius
Joined: 27 Jul 2006
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| Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2011 4:37 am Post subject: |
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| Draz wrote: |
| Not being able to take criticism is a sign of personal insecurity and black and white thinking. |
Right. An angry, irrational response is usually a sign of hammer hitting nail on head. |
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shifty
Joined: 21 Jun 2004
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| Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2011 10:11 am Post subject: |
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Glorious thread this, lots of wise words.
I think any criticism makes entry to the subconscious. This as a previous poster, makes reference to hardwiring etc.
So I'm thinking that criticism be avoided for best result. Or only administered when there are the best of intentions and knowledge that the recipient can not only take but grow from it.
I don't think it (criticism) hurts youngsters much, since they are so malleable still and can't hold a grudge, in a way imperturbable.. it's more your venerable one that hasn't for variety of good reasons gained self-assurance.
I think it all comes under the heading of that love works, hatred falls.
Lead by example and all that.
In the Korean context, sometimes the criticism can seem ridiculous...well, actually always. But if you take it to heart and act on it, you can often find out new things, about yourself, and your boss.
It's like fate or the divine or something. |
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