Korean Job Discussion Forums

[uberscheisse]

rabbi walks into a bar with a frog on his shoulder.

the bartender says "geez, where'd you get that?"
the frog says "brooklyn... they're everywhere!"

[JongnoGuru]

[Gopher]

A secretary in a sole-practice law office finds an old bottle in the long-term file storage room one morning. She takes it back to her desk and rubs it, and Genie emerges.

Grateful for being freed, Genie smiles and promises her, the paralegal, and the attorney one wish each -- any wish they want, and, hearing this, they all gather round him.

"I'd like to be with my mom," the secretary says. "She's retired and lives in Miami. I'd like to live with her and take care of her."

"No problem!" And poof! She's gone.

"I'd like to live in the Bahamas and swim and SCUBA dive every day," asks the paralegal, with a dreamy look in her eyes.

"Done!" And poof! The paralegal disappears.

Now Genie turns to the lawyer, who is furious and pointing his finger on Genie's chest for emphasis.

"I want those people back at their desks by the bottom of the hour...!"

[uberscheisse]

a woman is giving birth. the doctor pulls the baby out, cuts the umbilical cord and takes a quick look at the baby. he then heaves it as hard as he possibly can against the tile wall of the emergency room.

the woman, shocked, screams "OH MY GOD!!! MY BABY!!!"

the doctor replies "aw, i was just *beep* ing with you. it was dead already."

[Moldy Rutabaga]

From my web page...

1. A Texan, a South Korean, and a North Korean are drinking together in a pub. Deciding that they're hungry, they start pounding the table, yelling "Bring us some chicken wings!" A waitress comes up and says, "Excuse me-- there's no more chicken." The Texan thinks and says, "What does 'no more' mean?" The North Korean asks, "What's 'chicken'?" The South Korean thinks and asks, "What's 'excuse me'?"

2. A man visits his psychiatrist and asks him, "Is it okay for me to marry an octopus?" "Of course not," advises the doctor. "Well," said the patient, "now I'm stuck with eight engagement rings."

3. A cheese sandwich also walks into the bar and orders a drink. The waitress looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir. We don't serve food in here."

4. Later on, a mushroom also walks into the bar and orders a drink. The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, we don't serve mushrooms here. You'll have to leave." The mushroom says plaintively, "Oh, please can't I stay? I'm a fungi!"

5. A horse walks into the bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "hey, why the long face?"

6. Still another man walks into a bar with a set of jumper cables. The bartender says to him, "Hey, buddy! I don't want you trying to start anything in here."

7. Lastly, a dog walks into the bar with a shotgun and a cast on its foot. The dog stands, looks around, and yells, "I'm a-lookin' fer the man who shot ma paw!"

8. A woman is paying her bill in a restaurant when she hears a voice saying, "I love what you've done with your hair! And may I say how well your dress coordinates with your shoes." She asks the waitress, "What was that?" The waitress answers, "Oh, that's just the peanuts. They're complimentary."

9. A man walks into the doctor's office with a carrot in one ear, a sausage in the other, and a piece of cheese in his nose. He says, "Doc, you gotta help me; I feel terrible." The doctor thinks and says, "Well, firstly, you're not eating right."

10. A young woman is sitting in a waiting room when the doctor runs in and begins yelling, "Typhoid! Tetanus! Influenza!" When the doctor runs out of the room, she asks the nurse, "What's wrong with the doctor?" The nurse replies, "Oh, nothing. He just likes to call the shots around here."

11. A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The neutron then pulls out a wallet and asks, "how much will that be?" The bartender smiles and says, "for you... no charge."

12. Two guys are shingling a roof. One looks at the other to notice that he examines each nail before using it and sometimes throws them away. After a while he asks, "Why are you throwing away those nails?" The other answers, "Because the head is on the wrong end."
The first replies, "You dummy--those are for the other side of the house."

13. A man prays, "Lord, I'm about to lose my job. I need to win the lottery." Nothing happens that week. He then prays again, "Lord, I may lose my house! Please let me win the lottery!" He doesn't win that week again. The third week, he pleads, "Lord, you must hear me! I'm about to lose everything if I don't win the lottery!" A voice booms down, "My son, meet me halfway and buy a ticket, alright?"

14. A man walks into a bar and sees a horse behind the counter. He stares for a moment, and then the horse says, "What's the matter, buddy? You've never seen a horse in a bar?". The man replies, "No, it's not that. I just never thought the cow would sell the place."

15. Another man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. The bartender says, "What'll you have?" The man answers, "A beer, please, and one for the road."

16. A man and wife were on a holiday in Wales, and passed through a town named Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogogoch. Over lunch, they were obviously having trouble trying to pronounce the name, so they asked the waitress, "Could you please very slowly tell us where we are?" The young blonde looked at the man with a strange expression and answered, "Taaacoooo Beeeeelllll..."

17. The Bear family is waking up. Baby Bear sits down, looks into his bowl, and says, "My bowl is empty! Who's been eating my porridge?" Daddy Bear sits down, looks in his bowl, and roars, "My bowl is empty! Who's been eating my porridge?" Mommy Bear puts her head through the kitchen door and yells, "For God's sake, how many times do we have to go through this? I haven't made the bloody porridge yet!"

18. Two men are standing in front of a butcher shop when one says, "Bet you ten dollars that you can't jump up and touch the meat on the ceiling.." The other says, "No thanks." The first says, "Okay, I'll bet you twenty that you can't hit the meat on the ceiling." The second guy says, "No way." The first man says, "I'll give you fifty dollars if you can do it." The second man says, "Not interested, the steaks are too high."

And finally, the best for last...

19. Q: What lies at the bottom of the sea and shakes?
A: A nervous wreck.

20. Patient: Doctor, I've got a raspberry stuck up my bum!
. . . Doctor: Hmm, I have some cream for that.

Ken:>

[Alan_Partridge]

[gypsyfish]

A drunk walking through some woods sees a minister baptising people in a river. He walks over and watches a few minutes and the minister turns to him and says, "Come here, Sinner." The drunk wades in and the preacher grabs him by the shoulders and pushes him under water. The drunk comes sputtering up and the preacher asks, "Have you found Jesus, yet?" The drunk answer no and the minister pushes him under again. He pulls him out, "Have you found Jesus, yet?" "No," replies the drunk. This time the preacherpushes him under and holds him for thirty seconds, hauls him up and asks, "Have you found Jesus, yet?" The drunk coughs and spits out water and answers, "No, are you sure he fell in over here?"

[gypsyfish]

A woman goes to a doctor and says. "You've got to help me. My husband keeps singing the song Delila over and over."

The doctor says, "It sounds like he got Tom Jones sickness."

The woman says, "Really, I've never heard of it."

The doctor answers, "It's not unusual."

[Babayaga]

Another Jewish joke (from a " Book of Jewish Humour" ) :

A guy goes to a doctor and complains: " Doctor, I keep talking to myself! "

" Nu,so what ?", says the doctor, "Lots of people talk to themselves."

The guy replies: " Yes, doctor, but you don't know what a nudnik* I am!! "


* nudnik--Yiddish for a "boring guy".

[AbbeFaria]

might be slightly offensive but tongue-in-cheek:

A little black boy is playing in his garage when he comes across a can of white paint. He has the brilliant idea of painting himself white to be a 'white boy'

he goes inside, all painted up and says "look mom, I'm a white boy".

"Oh my god!" she smacks him hard across the face. "Boy you better get upstairs and wash that off before your daddy comes home or he'll beat your a$$!"

The little boy heads over to the stairs and meets his sister along the way. Figuring he'd try again he says, "Look sis, I'm a white boy!"

"Jesus Christ," And she smacks him just for being stupid. "You better get upstairs and wash that off, if daddy sees that he's going to spank your
a$$."

Little boy picks himself up and when he gets to the top of the steps runs in to his older brother. "Look bro, I'm a white boy!"

"Damn!" Then knocks him down the steps. When the older brother reaches the bottom he steps over the little boy "Daddy's gonna beat your a$$ when he sees you."

Just then his dad comes home sure enough spanks his a$$. "Now get upstairs and clean that stuff off!"

As the little boy walks up the steps to the bathroom he says "I only been a white boy ten minutes and I already hate them ni**ers."

----

Boy comes home from school one day and says "Dad, I had sex for the first time today!"

"That's great son, you're a man now. Are you going to do it again tommorow?"

"No, I'm going to wait a couple of days for my a$$ to stop hurting."

----

What's the difference between a s|ut and a bitc#?

A s|ut will sleep with everyone, a bitc# will sleep with everyone but you.

----

A man is walking on the beach and stumbles on a lamp half-buried in the sand. He picks it up and just for the heck of it, rubs it. Out pops a genie.

"I am the genie of the lamp and I will grant you three wishes. But, there is a catch. I will grant your worst enemy twice as much."

The man thinks on this for a minute then says 'Okay, I'm ready for my wishes. First, I want 100 million dollars."

"Granted, but your worst enemy now gets 200 million."

"That's okay. Second, I'd like a house on the beach in Tuscany."

"Granted, but your worst enemy now has two. Now, what will be your third and final wish?"

"I want you to beat me half to death."

----

A boy is sitting on the corner hitting himself in the head with a hammer.

A man sees the boy and says "little boy, why are you doing that?"

"Because it feels so good when I stop."

----

A man sees a little boy across the street and it looks like he's playing fireman. He's got a fire hat, a little plastic ax, and is riding around in a wagon with little ladders on the side. Pulling the wagon is the boys dog. On closer inspection the man sees that the rope pulling the wagon is tied around the dogs...package.

The man goes up to the boy and says "you know little boy, you'd go a lot faster if you put that rope around the dogs neck."

"The little boy looks at the dog and then up at the man and says "yeah, but then I'd lose the siren."

-S-

[Babayaga]

A young girl gets on the bus and sits in the section reserved for pregnant women. The bus driver points out that it's for pregnant women only. The girl replies:"But I am pregnant!" ."But you're not showing or anything!",--contradicts the bus driver. "Well",says the girl,"do you think it starts showing after only 15 minutes?"