Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Zoidberg]

[billybrobby]

[SuperFly]

I'm taking a Social science class right now. The chapter on marriage/divorce says this:

Divorce rate:
4/10 marriages end in divorce
Median age divorce = 35.6 males, 33.2 females
1/3 of divorces happen by the 4th year of marriage.

Leading cause of divorce in the USA:
Personality differences.
incompatability/drugs & alchohol.
infidelity/physical and psychological abuse.
financial difficulty/poor communication skills.
lack of commitment/dramatic change of priorities.

Marital instability leads to:
Marrying on the rebound
Hostility toward family of orientation of one of the spouse to the other.
Dramatic differences in spouses familial backgrounds in terms of religion, ethnicity, race, education, social class.
Dependence on one of the families of orientation for shelter, inceome and emotional support.
unstable marriage in one of the spouses families.
Marriage after being aquainted for less than 6 months or engagement of more than three years.
Pregnancy before marriage or very shortly after marriage.

Factors responsible for decrease in divorce rate:
Annual income of over 50K
have baby 7 months or more after marriage.
Marrying over 25 yrs old.
coming from intact family of origin.
Having a religious affiliation.
Having a university background, or at least some university experience.

Re-marriage:
Percent of remarriages ending in divorce = 60%

Consequences of divorce:
Women suffer more stress and trauma than men.
Women suffer 45% loss of income and standard of living.
4x more divorced men will commit suicide than married men will.
Men who don't remarry after 6 years following divorce have higher rates of alcholism and drug use, depression and anxiety.


Then again, they don't mention the 7 year itch.

[bluelake]

I've been married now going on twenty-three years. When I first came to Korea back then, my wife (not my wife then) was my guide, interpreter, and best friend; I married my best friend (and she's still my best friend).

[SuperFly]

Has anyone here had any research experience with regression analysis?


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Regression_analysis

[ella]

Disclaimer: I've never been married, these are just my opinions and not intended to offend.

At 36, two years of dating is long enough to know whether or not this is the person you want to marry. Your gf is being ridiculous. If marriage is her goal, she ought to be dating someone who is like-minded. Sticking around year after year, becoming more deeply involved, all the while wishing/hoping/praying he'll change very, very foolish. Having said that, continuing to date someone who is doing that while you're seriously ambiguous about marriage is ungentlemanlike (is that a word?) behavior, in my opinion.

[Bramble]

[mehamrick]

I say meet the parents.. hell they might end up hating you because your a foreigner.. or who knows maybe you will like them and think it's the best route to go. I think deep down you either know or you dont..

Good luck with whatever decision you make though..

[gsxr750r]

It's just her mom. Father passed away (I am told it WOULD have been a huge problem to him). I'm sure her mom's wonderful, and I anticipate no problems if I did meet her. She has relatives who have married foreigners, and live in the USA.

This may all be too late, anyway.

[SuperFly]

Why might it be too late man?

[gsxr750r]

Because we've been down this road several times. We've gotten back together. We've broken up over the same issue.

She wants to marry. I don't want to (yet, for sure) but she's now convinced I will never marry her, so she's moved on. The last break-up before this lasted a month, and I we got back, but it was me who made the move to get her back. She knows I don't want to break up, but she insists on marriage, left because I'm still not comfortable with it, and I guess that's that.

[brento1138]

Hard to say whether she left you just to send you a message or because she just wants to marry... *gulp* anyone. That's the worry I would have. Does she want to marry you for you, or for her? Maybe you could bring that issue up with her, and let her know that you think you want to marry her for who she is, not what age you are, or if it is the "right" time society thinks it is to get married.

Someone else had great advice. Definitely meet her mother A.S.A.P. and see what you think, what she thinks, how the situation feels. It really is a Korean girl's dream to get married... it's sort of how we guys view becoming a superstar, winning the lottery, or getting 101 virgins in the afterlife... it's a Korean girl's dream, so maybe you should listen a bit to her... it's all she's ever wanted, and apparently, it seems she wants it with you!

I think if I were 2 years in, and she requested it... I'd probably go for it if things were peachy. But that's just me, and we're not all alike...

[gsxr750r]

It's over. She did something really stupid and called her mother up, telling her I don't want to meet her. This angered her mother, who told her never to meet me again.

It made me mad to hear that, so I told her if she wants to marry this summer, she can get a matchmaker and just marry anybody. She couldn't stand to wait until I was ready, and it was more important for her to kill off any chance we'd have than to give it more time. I know she loves me/loved me, but she's unable to stick around and bear it. Her solution appeared to be to sabotage any future chances so that she can go along with her decision.

Oddly, a Dr. Phil show came on today about this very subject. Isn't it amazing how that happens? It was about guys who feel exactly like I do now, only they have waited 6 to 8 years, and are stringing the girl along. I don't fit in that category. We'd only been together for two years. I wasn't just "stringing her along," I was wating until I was ready. I don't feel 2 years of dating is too long. Apparently for her, it is.

Dr. Phil's advice was that if you aren't ready to marry, then don't -- I made the right decision. And if the woman is tired of waiting, then she should move on -- so my ex-gf made the right decision.

It just angers me that she felt she had to make her mother hate me in order to give her the strength to move on. She purposefully cut off any chance of future reconcilliation. Part of me was really coming around to marriage.

[Cerebroden]

like I said....WTF is marriage actually? Is it a golden ticket for you to treat your girl differently? Her pressuring you is some BS. She should have just been happy to be with you. If she did this because of her mother, than I'm sorry, there is an underlying issue there.

I'm sure you're prolly heurt that she left but look at it from this standpoint.
Did she leave you cuz you were wrong for her? No, she left you cuz you didn't change to do what SHE wanted.
IMO that's not worth being in a relationship

[gsxr750r]

Well, now I got a text that she never actually told her mother, and I can take as long as I need, but our relationship will be difficult from here, she thinks. We'll talk on Friday.

Games, games.... guess I'm guilty of that, too.