Korean Job Discussion Forums

denz · Posted: Thu Aug 28, 2003 10:15 pm Post subject:

well, you all know my position on this, but i believe it's best said after a few pints... erm... byongs of beer.

love them all, let god kill them off.

denz

Hotel Cheonan · Joined: 08 Apr 2003 Location: Gwangju

ZyZyfer'

I agree with what Harpeau said earlier. I think listening to others is ok, but when it comes right down to it, the decision is best left up to you. I think when it comes time to make your decision, you'll be surprised about how easy you came up with it. I know this might not help, but that's what I think.

hope all goes well

Mashimaro · Joined: 31 Jan 2003 Location: location, location

I wouldn't want to go to New Mexico....
I couldn't blame your chick if she doesn't either

gang ah jee · Joined: 14 Jan 2003 Location: city of paper

kill her, then yourself.

Zyzyfer · Posted: Fri Aug 29, 2003 12:46 am Post subject:

Zyzyfer · Posted: Fri Aug 29, 2003 12:49 am Post subject:

FierceInvalid · Joined: 16 Mar 2003

I have no frame of reference for this kind of thing, but Eamo and Blue Flower both sound pretty reasonable to me.

uber1024 · Joined: 28 Jul 2003 Location: New York City

I'll throw my two cents into the hat because I'm in the same position in reverse. I am dying to come to Korea. I want to be there, but I have my own "Invisible Chica" here in New York and I don't know if she would come with me or if we would stay together if I came alone. It's still a relatively new thing (less than a year), so we're not yet totally sure that we're "the ones" for each other yet.

But I tell you that if I decide over the next few months that she even might be a soulmate of mine then my decision to go to Korea now has two people that need to agree on it and I would neither go nor stay without 100% agreement on both of our parts. There's no debate on that. If she decides that, knowing how much I want to come to Korea, that there is no way that she could do it if even for a year, then there are no regrets for me. I'm staying in New York and will live a happy life.

But, if things go any other way then I will buy you and your "the Chica" a round of drinks when I get there.

Seriously, you have to both agree on this, IMO. There would be regrets either way if you didn't. And you have to TOTALLY agree. Both of you. Otherwise something will be in the back of at least one of your minds for the rest of your lives.

Blue Flower · Posted: Fri Aug 29, 2003 5:17 am Post subject:

astroboy · Joined: 06 Apr 2003

my opinion :

it could be diffficult for her to live in New Mexico
but it could be more difficult for you and her to live without each other in different worlds.

plus you know korean girls are tougher and stronger than they look.

god.

matthews_world · Joined: 15 Feb 2003

Sounds like the career paths don't match. Doesn't look good.

You also got to consider having a family. When she's pregnant, you'll have the opportunity to try your own thing for awhile.

Very Happy

Zyzyfer · Posted: Fri Aug 29, 2003 5:52 pm Post subject:

globalgrrrl · Joined: 10 Aug 2003

I was in a slightly similar situation... I got accepted into grad school while I was in Korea and couldn't decide between school and my bf. I guess the decision was easier for me, though, bc I was slowly beginning to realize that he wasn't the one that I wanted to be with and the time apart helped me realize that even more. It sounds to me that you really care about your gf... but perhaps, the time apart will allow you to see more clearly of what you want?

I'm still in the ESL bis here in the states. I've been able to see quite a few teachers who've taught abroad in Asia kind of get stuck when they come back... they've been in Japan or Korea for like 5 or 10 years, but find out that they can't make it here due the lack of further education or experiences or whatever. I think it's important for you to vary and expand your professional experience, esp. since you're still young... unless ESL/EFL is all you want to do. But even then, don't you want to grow on a professional and personal level by expanding on that?

I commend you for not taking the marriage route. If you know you're not ready, that shouldn't be an option. Like the other posters, the decision is ultimately your own. Good luck with whatever you decide. ( I feel like I'm writing for dear abby! Wink

)

Tiger Beer · Joined: 07 Feb 2003

I'm of the opinion you shouldn't ever sacrifice anything for a woman, (unless of course you have made the lifetime commitment to her of marriage). If you haven't done that, which you haven't, then you seriously need to pursue whats in your heart, and it doesn't sound like Korea is it.

Women come and go out of your life, and just when you make a decision for one, suddenly she might make an opposite decision, and then you are screwed.

I've hit crossroads like this as well in my life, and if you aren't happy, you can't make anyone else happy. I'm guessing you should definetely go to New Mexico as its very much in-line with your interests in every conceivable way.

The relationship will have to either revolve around it, or despite of it. If it continues, then you know you have something. If it falls to the wayside, then at least you were able to share your Korean experience with someone special and you have to just think of it as that.

Also, remember its not an either/or choice. You can pursue your New Mexico plans and attempt to continue a relationship long-distance with plans to meet each other during the breaks and so on.

Either way, go for the New Mexico gig. Also, I'd highly recommend going solo to start with. (I made the mistake of bringing a girl with me to the next great adventure once.. and it can be hell to try to figure out what you need to be doing while accomodating her needs as well. Basically it just doesn't work unless she has a very specific purpose beyond just you for accompanying you).

Tiger Beer · Joined: 07 Feb 2003

Just an additional post as I read others. This thing about finding 'soul-mates'. Your girlfriend is a cool girl, but a 'soul-mate' would be one who has a similar destiny.

Your destiny doesn't seem to lie in Korea, I think it leads to New Mexico. Her destiny is one she has to figure out. If her destiny leads to New Mexico, then perhaps its right.

I've come to the crossroads as well with different women, and once I made the decision to do the things I needed to do, I always look back not at the girl that I lost, but on what I would have lost had I stayed with that girl.

If the girl has a similar path to you, then thats the girl you want to be with, and she'll find her way back into your life.

Actually, I have a nice story to share regarding this as well. There was a girl I was dating during my entire time in California. I left her and the entire situation for various reasons mainly because I wanted to be back here in Korea. Anyhow, there is a good chance she may be coming over here and staying with me for a couple months Wink

So what I'm saying is that you should go to New Mexico and do what you need to do. She will have to make her own decisions on what she needs to do, and if she wants to visit you in NM later or stay extended time, then all the better. But most importantly, I think you need to go, and I think you need to get situatated there for a minimum of three months to set your routine, get things situated, and reflect on Korea and your relationship with the invisible chica, and then you can make a much better decision regarding the relationship at that point.

Who knows.. maybe it'll all workout. But I think to stay in Korea only because of her would be a big mistake. Also, women love it moreso if their man is happy because you'd make her more happy as well. Sounds like NM is priority #1 at this time, and let everything else fall into place around it.