Korean Job Discussion Forums

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[Pa Jan Jo A Hamnida]

Lazy.

[imoscardotcom]

[Ruthdes]

I don't have time to go into details right now, but rewrite your 2nd last paragraph. I counted at least 3 or 4 typos/mistakes without even reading carefully. (You had to learn a new languish?...Freudian slip!?).

I think it's definitely better now, but still a bit sloppily written. Sentences are still too long - I'll go into details later. It has also, unfortunately become a bit more cliched than it was before. Maybe take out some of the overused idioms (chips are down, etc). For format's sake, put a space between each paragraph. That will make it easier to read.

I would also like to hear some specific stories about Korea. Maybe an anecdote or two would help.

[phill458]

Heavily revised, still needs major work, please let me know where and hold nothing back!!!!


Failing English, Moving to Korea and Other Things You�re Not Supposed to Do


In life there are many things we are told that we are not supposed to do. For most people things such as lie, cheat, and steal come to mind. As well, most people are told that they needed to do things such as excel in school, attend a good university, and work in a professional field. I was told different. I was not supposed to graduate from high school, definitely not college. I was not supposed to travel abroad, and aspirations of becoming a lawyer were dreams that, if spoken aloud, would have made me the laughing stock of the community. I was told to put my head down, to work in the family construction business, and to be thankful for what I had. As you can tell, I wasn�t a very good listener! I had a drive, an ambition for something more. I believed in my core that my life has a greater purpose, and I viewed the law as the medium with which to help me accomplish this. As my life will testify, given my experiences and hard work, if given the chance, I will accomplish my goal.

You�re not supposed to go to college. I was not even supposed to graduate from high school. Raised on food stamps by a single mother, I wasn�t exactly given every chance to excel. However, I knew a better life existed for me than what my family had planned; earning honest money performing back breaking labor on construction sites. If I was to make it out of my supposed lot in life, it could only be through hard work and with a steely determination. Through it all, the multiple divorces, the domestic abuse at the hands of my step-father, even the paralysis when I suffered 4 broken vertebrae in an accident; I never lost sight of my goal. I graduated high school by way night school. At University I went on to graduate top of my class, during which time I also won an intramural soccer championship. At every juncture and with every purported disadvantage throughout my life I have succeeded. But the greatest testament to my will and determination, I can walk.

You�re not supposed to move to Korea. I was instead supposed to accept one of the lucrative job offers I received upon graduating. I didn�t. I had a compelling notion that demanded I see this globalized world everyone talked about and where I would one day have to work. I chose a sojourn to Korea, where many years before my grandfather had spent his youth fighting. In my two years of teaching English in a small rural village, there were many daunting tasks I was faced with. Out of everything I endured and had to overcome, from learning the language, enduring the racism while winning over my fianc�s parents, to accepting to live the Confucian way of life, all of those things paled in comparison to the labor dispute my lawyer and I recently argued and won. The dispute arose after my employer at a private academy I worked at canceled my contract and visa prematurely in order to save a few thousand dollars on severance fees and airfare. His rationale was that since I was as a foreigner, I would have no avenues of recourse and would just accept his decision, as is the norm in Korea. Threatened with deportation and with my back to the wall, I proceeded to craft the initial complaint, located an attorney to help file charges with the Seoul Labor Office and participated in marathon negotiation sessions until we finally settled the for 90% of our initial claim of damages. No matter how great the obstacle might be, I have proven that I�m more than up to the task, and will not quit until it is overcome.

You�re not supposed to go to a good law school. With my LSAT score of 153 I�m not supposed to apply to a good law school. I will. I have the confidence coupled with the humility to know that if I put in the hard work that will be required, to truly devote myself to my studies; I will rise to the top. With my record of diverse experiences, and wit my record of accomplishments, I feel I would make a positive contribution to any class. However, at a good law school where my peers would undoubtedly possess fantastic qualities as well I could really shine.
In the end did what I wasn�t supposed to and didn�t do what I was. I opted instead to live my life. I chose not to succumb to the barriers and restrictions placed upon my life. I attribute this behavior for allowing me to surpass every expectation others have placed on my life. Through my experiences I have grown more into the person that I envisioned, a person who, when they get knocked down, get up again. A person with the unflinching will to succeed. A person ready to learn the law.

[bucheon bum]

Still too informal. Do not use contractions in a formal essay. Avoid using words like "thing." No offense but it is pretty scary you had a 3.90 gpa. Your writing is rather poor. I hope you didn't major in the liberal arts or social sciences.

And it has too much self-promotion. Wow, you're hot shit. Why should the law school care? What will you do for it??

[phill458]

I haven't written in two years and I basically gamed the system during my time at Uni, going to writing centers and TA's offices until they basically wrote the whole thing for me. I very much do appreciate the critiscm.

I would like to ask how I can make it less formal/what should I change?

Any other value statements/sentences you would reccomend including?

I guess my goal to make it look like i was "hot shit" is not to say im personally better than anyone else, just positioning. I want to make the admissions officer pause while reading the stacks upon stacks of essay's and give mine a second look.

[Bibbitybop]

h by Tool http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5l93K93-Cjs