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let's face it, Jesus is boring
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Tiberious aka Sparkles



Joined: 23 Jan 2003
Location: I'm one cool cat!

PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2005 7:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

chiaa wrote:
You trying to say Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball?




WWJDD*?*
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Keepongoing



Joined: 13 Feb 2003
Location: Korea

PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2005 6:42 pm    Post subject: IT is tooooooo much Reply with quote

I wish the moderators would discourage so much of the attempt by these cultic religious people from posting so much of their doomsday rhetoric on this board. That probably wont happen, but having some out of some of that, I find it quite off putting. If they had a set of B_lls, they would do to Internet Infidels and post their rhetoric. What disturbs me is that I believe they are more interested in the prophetic hocus pocus than in the Gospel. The Gospel means good news and all they do is pass on a bunch of negative ideas and an image of an angry God waiting to cast people into a lake of boiling lava, in the event that those people do not love HIm as He wishes.


Also they judge and condemn, but if we criticize them they call it being persecuted...jeez.

Next we will have thew Moonies, Children of God and every other cult on here.
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kermo



Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Location: Eating eggs, with a comb, out of a shoe.

PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2005 7:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

magicwolfman wrote:
chiaa wrote:
Pretty fly for a white guy.


Your blasphemy will get you a one-way ticket to hell, book boy.


The funniest Jesus parody I've seen (and as you know, I'm a big fan of the J-man) is a shirt that said

JESUS SAVES








...at Walmart
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JongnoGuru



Joined: 25 May 2004
Location: peeing on your doorstep

PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2005 8:04 pm    Post subject: Re: IT is tooooooo much Reply with quote

MASH4077 wrote:
[...]an image of an angry God waiting to cast people into a lake of boiling lava, in the event that those people do not love Him as He wishes.


I imagine that would look a little like this.



Although that's not boiling lava there. Those are prostitutes and they're drowning in blood. And that's not a Christian Hell either, but a Chinese one. Or rather, one of the 10 Courts of Hell, as visitors to "Haw Par Villa" Chinese theme-park in fun-loving, cosmopolitan Singapore can tell you.

Haw Par Villa and its "10 Courts of Hell" show us what we can expect in the afterlife if we've been naughty in this one. Swearing, for example, will get you tossed against a tree of sharp, pointy knives! (Oh, *beep*! I mean "Oh gosh!!" Shocked I said "gosh". Everyone heard me say "gosh", right?? Sad )

Gamblers get frozen into giant ice cubes. (Not sure I see the relationship there. Probably a reference to some old Chinese proverb.)

And if you misuse books (whatever that means) they saw your body in half. (But so what? I mean, you're dead... right?)

My, but the punishments get more gruesome as you proceed. Though here's one I rather like and might even post around:

If you refuse to pay your rent, you will be pounded by a stone mallet. (Wielded by a fire-spitting guru, no doubt.)

Singapore being a part of 'Lesser China', the Confucian influence in the punishments is unmistakable. Disrespecting the written word, failing to show appropriate filial piety, or even just kibbitzing/nodding off in class can result in consequences more hideous and painful than that for murder. Surprised (I would like to ask every Westerner reading this to stop for a moment and really consider that last one.)



Ahhhh.... How many theme-parks have you been to that featured larger-than-life statuary of a woman breast-feeding her own mother? The very picture of filial piety indeed.

How many women on Dave's can truly say they're devoted daughters?
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blunder1983



Joined: 12 Apr 2005

PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 1:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think ur missing a big point.

If MW is rightabout Christianity

He goes to heaven
You go to hell

Net win : You

If he is wrong about Christianity

You go to heaven
He either goes to heaven or hell

Net win: You, provided you stay out of his way.

I know I'd much prefer a dip in the pool'o'blood than have to meet MW!
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Dan The Chainsawman



Joined: 05 May 2005

PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 3:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

What was that little bit about false prophets in the bible?

Book of Matthew brings up an interesting set of points:

Mat 7:15 Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.
Mat 7:16 Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?
Mat 7:17 Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.
Mat 7:18 A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.
Mat 7:19 Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.
Mat 7:20 Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.
Mat 7:21 Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.
Mat 7:22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
Mat 7:23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

Another set of interesting thoughts I find in Matthew:

Matthew 7:1 Judge not, that you be not judged.

further elaborated on:

Matthew 7:2 For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the same measure you use, it will be measured back to you.

I wonder what measuring stick MW is going to get crammed up his arse on his day of judgement? I bet it's gonna hurt worse than the pineapple Hitler got on "Little Nicky". OUCH!!!!!!!!!!
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Bulsajo



Joined: 16 Jan 2003

PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 7:38 am    Post subject: Re: IT is tooooooo much Reply with quote

JongnoGuru wrote:
Haw Par Villa and its "10 Courts of Hell" show us what we can expect in the afterlife if we've been naughty in this one. Swearing, for example, will get you tossed against a tree of sharp, pointy knives! (Oh, *beep*! I mean "Oh gosh!!" Shocked I said "gosh". Everyone heard me say "gosh", right?? Sad )

Gamblers get frozen into giant ice cubes. (Not sure I see the relationship there. Probably a reference to some old Chinese proverb.)

And if you misuse books (whatever that means) they saw your body in half. (But so what? I mean, you're dead... right?)

My, but the punishments get more gruesome as you proceed. Though here's one I rather like and might even post around:

If you refuse to pay your rent, you will be pounded by a stone mallet. (Wielded by a fire-spitting guru, no doubt.)

Singapore being a part of 'Lesser China', the Confucian influence in the punishments is unmistakable. Disrespecting the written word, failing to show appropriate filial piety, or even just kibbitzing/nodding off in class can result in consequences more hideous and painful than that for murder. Surprised (I would like to ask every Westerner reading this to stop for a moment and really consider that last one.)


Dante saw Hell, and it wasn't just being thrown into pools of lava.

Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle give Dante's version an update in the highly amusing Inferno.
And I'd be willing to bet my soul that they're better writers than this Joyner fellow.

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fiveeagles



Joined: 19 May 2005
Location: Vancouver

PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 8:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I found this to be amusing, but scary at the same time. I am typical skeptical of recordings and of such, but who knows maybe God used this way to introduce hell to some.

http://www.nowsthetime.org/sounds.html

I say this, because God's uses the foolish thing to confound the wise.

20 So where does this leave the philosophers, the scholars, and the world��s brilliant debaters? God has made them all look foolish and has shown their wisdom to be useless nonsense. 21 Since God in his wisdom saw to it that the world would never find him through human wisdom, he has used our foolish preaching to save all who believe.

Some of you guys mock God and His word, but if you don't repent you will live an eternity reliving this experience again and again wishing you had turned to Christ. The worm of the conscience will burn within your soul for eternity. Reliving the times you could have turned to Christ.

God is not someone to be mocked. His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts.


16 But God says to the wicked:
��Recite my laws no longer,
and don��t pretend that you obey me.
17 For you refuse my discipline
and treat my laws like trash.
18 When you see a thief, you help him,
and you spend your time with adulterers.
19 Your mouths are filled with wickedness,
and your tongues are full of lies.
20 You sit around and slander a brother—
your own mother��s son.
21 While you did all this, I remained silent,
and you thought I didn��t care.
But now I will rebuke you,
listing all my charges against you.
22 Repent, all of you who ignore me,
or I will tear you apart,
and no one will help you.
23 But giving thanks is a sacrifice that truly honors me.
If you keep to my path,
I will reveal to you the salvation of God.��
Psalms 50

I know I am going to get slashed for the harshness of this post. Maybe that will wake some of you from your sleep.
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cionanian-cro



Joined: 21 Sep 2005

PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 8:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Does God have no sense of humor?
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supernova



Joined: 10 Sep 2005
Location: on your side

PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 8:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

cionanian-cro wrote:
Does God have no sense of humor?


blasphemous rumor! Wink
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Red



Joined: 05 Jul 2004

PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 9:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

cionanian-cro wrote:
Does God have no sense of humor?

He supposedly gave us a book to base our lives on that contradicts itself many times, didn't he?

Dude loves a practical joke.
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fiveeagles



Joined: 19 May 2005
Location: Vancouver

PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2005 6:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Does God have no sense of humor?


Absolutely. However, when it mocks His righteousness, it loses it's humor.

Mocking and humor are two different things.

I think the Far side has capture a lot of God's humor.



However, there is humor that tries to dismiss the Holiness of God. ie. That Hell is fake or a joke. Or that God isn't as powerful and as radical as He portrays to be.
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magicwolfman



Joined: 01 Sep 2005

PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2005 7:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

blunder1983 wrote:
I think ur missing a big point.

If MW is rightabout Christianity

He goes to heaven
You go to hell

Net win : You

If he is wrong about Christianity

You go to heaven
He either goes to heaven or hell

Net win: You, provided you stay out of his way.

I know I'd much prefer a dip in the pool'o'blood than have to meet MW!


Why do you hate me so? All I am trying to do is save your eternal soul. Confused
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magicwolfman



Joined: 01 Sep 2005

PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2005 7:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

God does not have a sense of humour. He does not tempt his servants like some of you think. God is a righteous and just God. He wants want is best for you.
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Demonicat



Joined: 18 Nov 2004
Location: Suwon

PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2005 7:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[/img]
Quote:
Some of you guys mock God and His word, but if you don't repent you will live an eternity reliving this experience again and again wishing you had turned to Christ. The worm of the conscience will burn within your soul for eternity. .
-5eagles

That sounds an awful lot like the concept of Nirvana friend. Which is budo/hindu in nature. Its also alot more forgiving than the firely lake of pain that others describe <cough> Mw. I guess what I'm tryign to say is that your my favorite luchador right now, and I'm waiting to see you square off against some of the other board preachers.

SU- you will always be the smartest, but these guys may fight!
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