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"What Kind of Relationship do You Have with Him?"
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PatrickGHBusan

Joined: 24 Jun 2008
Location: Busan (1997-2008) Canada 2008 -

Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 6:23 am Post subject:

byrddogs wrote:

PatrickGHBusan wrote:

The Sultan of Seoul wrote:

Yeah but in America, I doubt it's demanded in an often angry and accusatory tone. Maybe (in my opinion it's still this way) a white woman dating a black man in current Alabama...

There fixed it for ya.

There, fixed it for you.

What do you know about the "current" mindset in Alabama? Are you from there? Have you spent a considerable amount of time there to know this to be the truth?

Nothing beyond our visit there last year. What's the matter byrdog you do not like one-line sweeping generalisations?? Laughing

Steelrails

Joined: 12 Mar 2009
Location: Earth, Solar System

Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 1:59 pm Post subject:

sirius black wrote:

hiamnotcool wrote:

The guys asking what your relationship is are usually either trying to hit on her or make her feel uncomfortable. It's a question that is asked all over the world, and in my opinion when done without tact it is always rude and disrespectful.

^ +10 points to Gryffindor.

Again, they don't ask Korean guys about their relationships with Korean girls. They dont ask generally ask foreign guys about their relationships with foreign women. Its almost always foreign guys with Korean women.

True, but its not a race thing. I get it all the time too. Something to do with the English-Foreign aspect of it, though who knows, in my case they might be scoping me for free English lessons rather than sexual jealousy.

As for back home, I think it might happen in some form if there is some sort of obvious discrepancy between the two people, like one being super hot and the other not, or one in their 40s and the other in their early 20s. I mean if some Hasidic Jewish person was arms in arms with a Muslim woman, you might be a bit curious and ask some vaguely probing questions.

radcon

Joined: 23 May 2011

Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 2:43 pm Post subject:

Steelrails wrote:

I mean if some Hasidic Jewish person was arms in arms with a Muslim woman, you might be a bit curious and ask some vaguely probing questions.

No I wouldn't ask vaguely probing questions to strangers. But cretins would. And according to apologists on this thread, Koreans would also as its part of their culture to do so.

KimchiNinja

Joined: 01 May 2012
Location: Gangnam

Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 5:37 pm Post subject:

jfromtheway wrote:

What a joke this guy is. Korean man, admitted foreigner-disliker, Kimchininja says, "it happens in the west, too," but his example actually occurred at a Korean dry-cleaning shop. Destroy your own point, please.

You know what, I think you and a lot of guys here really have some problems in life. You probably had problems in your home country, and brought them here and now wonder why things still suck for you. Just trying to share some enlightenment.

As to whatever you are talking about I can't even comprehend. First I'm not Korean, I'm an American Caucasian. But I'm definitely not "one of you", that much is for sure. And I'm not "making points", or trying to argue nonsense on the internet, get out of your logic box.

Happy Friday by the way!

Steelrails

Joined: 12 Mar 2009
Location: Earth, Solar System

Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 5:51 pm Post subject:

radcon wrote:

Steelrails wrote:

I mean if some Hasidic Jewish person was arms in arms with a Muslim woman, you might be a bit curious and ask some vaguely probing questions.

No I wouldn't ask vaguely probing questions to strangers. But cretins would. And according to apologists on this thread, Koreans would also as its part of their culture to do so.

Well then you're either lying to yourself or are a complete bore. If you're lying, fine, at least you have a chance. If you are just an uptight bore, then might as well stay home and just read books and pet cats.

I'm honest enough to admit that my curiosity would be piqued. I'd try to be as polite as possible, but I'd also give them the courtesy of something along the lines of "I know you get this all the time and it probably drives you mad, but I just have to ask..."

Crap, if people are so hypersensitive that they refuse to ask questions and blindingly obvious exceptions, then people need to chill.

Now that being said, I'm not sure a foreign couple really qualifies, especially in say, Seoul. Maybe in out of nowhere Korea, but Seoul? That would definitely be off putting.

nero

Joined: 11 Mar 2009

Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 6:50 pm Post subject:

Steelrails wrote:

radcon wrote:

Steelrails wrote:

I mean if some Hasidic Jewish person was arms in arms with a Muslim woman, you might be a bit curious and ask some vaguely probing questions.

No I wouldn't ask vaguely probing questions to strangers. But cretins would. And according to apologists on this thread, Koreans would also as its part of their culture to do so.

So you would go up to complete strangers and ask them about their relationship? Oh sorry, you would be 'courteous.' Rolling Eyes

Sorry man, but that is rude and completely disrespectful. Sure, wonder away, but most people realise it is none of our damn business and leave it at that.
Also, I think in the op's situation I would not respond. Those guys aren't interested in dating the girl - they are interested in being nosy and intimidating. Why waste your time even interacting with people like that.

Steelrails

Joined: 12 Mar 2009
Location: Earth, Solar System

Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 6:58 pm Post subject:

nero wrote:

Steelrails wrote:

radcon wrote:

Steelrails wrote:

I mean if some Hasidic Jewish person was arms in arms with a Muslim woman, you might be a bit curious and ask some vaguely probing questions.

No I wouldn't ask vaguely probing questions to strangers. But cretins would. And according to apologists on this thread, Koreans would also as its part of their culture to do so.

So you would go up to complete strangers and ask them about their relationship? Oh sorry, you would be 'courteous.' Rolling Eyes

Dude, I wouldn't walk up to them...but if they came in my store and were standing around and I was there server and it was a lazy afternoon, why not?

So instead I should pretend like I'm not curious? I should live some lie that what is in front of me isn't highly unusual?

Heck it doesn't even go for couples. If Pat Robertson and Sam Harris came into my restaurant acting all chummy, I'd be curious too.

This kind of stone-faced mindset is precisely what is wrong. That doesn't increase cultural understanding. Interacting with people, getting to know their names, and engaging them is what helps.

But you're right, we should just be silent and pretend that everything is just the same, be a bunch of hermits in a greater public society.

Heck we can even make some sort of Hermit Kingdom. I can imagine such a place would be great for interacting with outsiders. No one would bother anyone and just leave each other away. If only there was someplace in real life that was called "The Hermit Kingdom" so we could live there and see the benefits of a "Don't talk to me and I don't talk to you" mindset.

jfromtheway

Joined: 20 Nov 2010

Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 7:30 pm Post subject:

KimchiNinja wrote:

jfromtheway wrote:

American Caucasian, huh? "We" usually reverse those words. But OK, whatever you say. If that's true then you are one of "us," but I'm afraid you are the odd one out.

radcon

Joined: 23 May 2011

Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 7:39 pm Post subject:

KimchiNinja wrote:

jfromtheway wrote:

For an "American Caucasian" you sure have a poor grasp of written English.

radcon

Joined: 23 May 2011

Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 7:56 pm Post subject:

Steelrails wrote:

nero wrote:

Steelrails wrote:

radcon wrote:

Steelrails wrote:

I mean if some Hasidic Jewish person was arms in arms with a Muslim woman, you might be a bit curious and ask some vaguely probing questions.

No I wouldn't ask vaguely probing questions to strangers. But cretins would. And according to apologists on this thread, Koreans would also as its part of their culture to do so.

So you would go up to complete strangers and ask them about their relationship? Oh sorry, you would be 'courteous.' Rolling Eyes

Cut the crap. These Korean shopkeepers arent looking for some beautiful cross cultural understanding. Do they even asks the boyfriends or husbands names? "How you doing pal, nice day we are having." Thats all well and good. "Why are you dating this guy?" not so much. Of course you probably know this but you just cant bring yourself to criticize any part of Korean culture whatsoever.

And if someone grew up in the West and thinks its acceptable to ask strangers personal questions, they were ill-bred.

sirius black

Joined: 04 Jun 2010

Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 7:56 pm Post subject:

Steelrails, gotta say I'd disagree that people would ask obviously different people about their relationships in America. I'd say generally, no. If anything, people would smile, awkwarly, and act is its perfectly normal. Its just seen as impolite usually, no matter how courteous you are. The prevailing, PC, we're all equal thinking in America is that you should see any couple as just a couple. Of course in our minds we may be thinking 'how the hell did those two become a couple?!' but you can't give it voice publicly or even stare too hard. The cool thing about here though is that walking around with someone of the opposite sex who is black, latina, etc. generally doesn't register as anything different. I found that they look at nations. If you're both assumed to be American, even of different ethnicities, then its just two Americans. They are well aware how diverse the west is and they assume (a bit too much) that its the norm.

fermentation

Joined: 22 Jun 2009

Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 8:42 pm Post subject:

sirius black wrote:

The cool thing about here though is that walking around with someone of the opposite sex who is black, latina, etc. generally doesn't register as anything different. I found that they look at nations. If you're both assumed to be American, even of different ethnicities, then its just two Americans. They are well aware how diverse the west is and they assume (a bit too much) that its the norm.

Pretty different from what I've observed.

The Sultan of Seoul

Joined: 17 Apr 2012
Location: right... behind.. YOU

Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 9:20 pm Post subject:

Whooo whooo, here come the thought police to correct the way you think and feel about Korea! Hear those sirens! Don't try to have your own thoughts or feelings! If Koreans do anything you feel is rude, remember it's okay because it's 'part of their culture!' and you're the one with the problem! 2 and 2 is 5, really it is!

Adam Carolla

Joined: 26 Feb 2010

Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 9:21 pm Post subject:

PatrickGHBusan wrote:

byrddogs wrote:

PatrickGHBusan wrote:

The Sultan of Seoul wrote:

Yeah but in America, I doubt it's demanded in an often angry and accusatory tone. Maybe (in my opinion it's still this way) a white woman dating a black man in current Alabama...

There fixed it for ya.

There, fixed it for you.

What do you know about the "current" mindset in Alabama? Are you from there? Have you spent a considerable amount of time there to know this to be the truth?

Nothing beyond our visit there last year. What's the matter byrdog you do not like one-line sweeping generalisations?? Laughing

Bleh. Go back to defending child abusers.

Steelrails

Joined: 12 Mar 2009
Location: Earth, Solar System

Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 9:32 pm Post subject:

sirius black wrote:

Steelrails, gotta say I'd disagree that people would ask obviously different people about their relationships in America. I'd say generally, no. If anything, people would smile, awkwarly, and act is its perfectly normal.
Its just seen as impolite usually, no matter how courteous you are. The prevailing, PC, we're all equal thinking in America is that you should see any couple as just a couple. Of course in our minds we may be thinking 'how the hell did those two become a couple?!' but you can't give it voice publicly or even stare too hard.

Quote:

And if someone grew up in the West and thinks its acceptable to ask strangers personal questions, they were ill-bred.

As an adoptee different race than my parents, those questions get asked all the time.

How many times have I heard "No, your REAL parents"? Depending on how they say it it can be offensive or nothing that I would even notice.

Not to mention, shopkeeps and sales types tend to ask relationships because they usually have items to sell couples/families. What you think if you walked into Victoria's Secret back home with your girl the salesperson might not enquire as to your relationship (brother or boyfriend?) before directing you over to some items couples might be interested in?

Now would I stare or enquire to random passersby? Of course not. However if say I was driving their cab or they were the only ones in the store as their food was cooking, I might chat them up and I know other people like that as well.

The important thing when asking those things is to smile, be self-effacing, be honest, be supportive and be gentle. It's not really the question, it's how it's asked.

Quote:

Which is precisely why I lambasted the hermit mentality of a certain Hermit Kingdom all of 3 posts before yours.

And guess what, its not just male Koreans who ask those questions as well. And its not just to non-Korean ethnic men with Korean women. Korean women clerks can be just as curious as to what your relationship is and they don't not ask simply because someone has a Korean face. It's the language you are speaking and the way you are interacting. Heck, two normal Koreans can get it.

Last edited by Steelrails on Thu May 17, 2012 11:57 pm; edited 1 time in total

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