Korean Job Discussion Forums

[PatrickGHBusan]

[TheUrbanMyth]

[Jonephant]

At the time i was 21, had been in the country 2 weeks and didn't have a clue what was going on. Just taking it seemed like the right thing to do. Now I'm 28 and knowing what i know, if it happened again i would certainly handle the situation differently. But like another poster said, everyone deserves a second chance and in my case everything turned out fine.

[goesslry]

That is the norm. You meet the parents for the first time to ask their permission to marry her. It is basically an interview, and they judge you purely on that meeting. After sitting on the floor at a table at their house for an excruciating painfully long time, they will (or will not) give their blessing. After that, you can go home.

Propose to her, and you will meet them. Be prepared that after their blessing, you can expect a wedding within the next 3-6 months.

[mlh53059]

I just recently went up to Seoul to meet my future inlaws and I stayed with them for two weeks during my summer vacation. My fiance had to work, though, so I was along with her mom a lot. Neither of her parents speak English, and my Korean isn't that good haha. Few random statements, but that's about it. It was the first time her mom had ever talked to a foreigner before, and she was scared/hesitant. After I started hiking with her in the mornings we talked more and more each day. Two weeks later and I really feel like I am part of her family now. Her father accepted me from the get-go and REALLY respected me from the beginning. He tried his hardest to try and make me feel as comfortable as possible in their home. I was super nervous before going, but I feel much closer to them now than I probably ever would have gotten.

[Dodge7]

[PatrickGHBusan]

[Newbie]

After dating for a year I met the wife's mother. She was very nice. Couldn't get over the fact that I looked so much like James Bond (I look nothing like James Bond). Both women decided it would not be a good idea to tell dad about me... yet.

At about 24 months of dating dad learns of his daughter dating a foreigner. Doesn't meet me, but goes on a 3 month soju bender and my gf decides to leave his home to live with me.

At about 30 months of dating I impregnate my wife. (thought it would be the best way to further piss off my gf's *beep* of a dad ... kidding).

At about 30 months and 1 day I ask my gf to marry me. Mother and gf go into a panic about how they're going to break the news to dad. A few weeks later we have the meeting with the father. I show up in a suit, smile, bring a bottle of whiskey, say all the right things. It actually felt like a job interview. "Where did you go to school?" "What did you study?" "What are you going to do with your like?" "What was your mother's/father's job?". Very practical in a way - making sure I could support their daughter and that I came from a good family. Once that was over with and he saw I wasn't a freak, things loosened up and within 10 minutes everyone was laughing, drinking, and having a good time.

We stayed in Korea for another 3 years after this point and everything went well. As other have stated, the mother was always feeding me and concerned about my well being. Very motherly. The father and I got on well because we're both meat and soju kinda guys. Although he would always tease me for being a woman when I would do things like cook, set up our bed, wash the laundry. In turn, I would be a jerk and teach him the difficulties of using a vacuum cleaner and how one can use a sponge, soap and water to clean dishes rather than making a massive pile for one's wife to tend to.

We've been in Toronto now for 4 years and we takes turns with us visiting there once a year, and the parents visiting hear the next year. Everyone gets on well. They drop lines about us moving back to Korea, and we drop lines about them finding a condo in one of Toronto's massive Korean neighbourhoods.

Did it annoy me when I first heard of dad's reaction to me? Yes. But looking at it now I can't blame him. My wife is an only child and I think the thought of most Korean parents to a daughter-white guy relationship would be, "Crap, they're going to move to his country."

[PatrickGHBusan]

[quote="Newbie"]After dating for a year I met the wife's mother. She was very nice. Couldn't get over the fact that I looked so much like James Bond (I look nothing like James Bond). Both women decided it would not be a good idea to tell dad about me... yet.

At about 24 months of dating dad learns of his daughter dating a foreigner. Doesn't meet me, but goes on a 3 month soju bender and my gf decides to leave his home to live with me.

At about 30 months of dating I impregnate my wife. (thought it would be the best way to further piss off my gf's *beep* of a dad ... kidding).

At about 30 months and 1 day I ask my gf to marry me. Mother and gf go into a panic about how they're going to break the news to dad. A few weeks later we have the meeting with the father. I show up in a suit, smile, bring a bottle of whiskey, say all the right things. It actually felt like a job interview. "Where did you go to school?" "What did you study?" "What are you going to do with your like?" "What was your mother's/father's job?". Very practical in a way - making sure I could support their daughter and that I came from a good family. Once that was over with and he saw I wasn't a freak, things loosened up and within 10 minutes everyone was laughing, drinking, and having a good time.

We stayed in Korea for another 3 years after this point and everything went well. As other have stated, the mother was always feeding me and concerned about my well being. Very motherly. The father and I got on well because we're both meat and soju kinda guys. Although he would always tease me for being a woman when I would do things like cook, set up our bed, wash the laundry. In turn, I would be a jerk and teach him the difficulties of using a vacuum cleaner and how one can use a sponge, soap and water to clean dishes rather than making a massive pile for one's wife to tend to.

We've been in Toronto now for 4 years and we takes turns with us visiting there once a year, and the parents visiting hear the next year. Everyone gets on well. They drop lines about us moving back to Korea, and we drop lines about them finding a condo in one of Toronto's massive Korean neighbourhoods.

Did it annoy me when I first heard of dad's reaction to me? Yes. But looking at it now I can't blame him. My wife is an only child and I think the thought of most Korean parents to a daughter-white guy relationship would be, "Crap, they're going to move to his country."[/quote]

Great post.

On the bolded part, my FIL and I got drunk together a a couple if years after I married his daughter. Towards the end of the evening, he told me the hardest part about his daughter dating and marrying a me was the idea what one day we would leave and he would not get to see us (he said us, which was interesting) as often as he liked.

When we had our son and then our daughter, this became all the more tough on them. The same of course was true of my mother while we were in Korea.

Now my in-laws visit once every 18 months or so and we go to Korea each year on a family visit. As a result, our kids are close to their grandparents in Korea and to their grandmother here in Canada and that is huge for us and them.

We also set up a skype account and a laptop with webcam for them so they get to speak with and see their grandkids once per week online.

One of the hardest moments was when we left Korea, the scene at the aiport was gut wrenching.

[Newbie]

[PatrickGHBusan]

Same here Newbie, my mother-in-law was devasted.

As for skype our son is older (7) but our daughter is still a bit young and tends to wander off! Still its our Sat or Sun morning routine as well.

As for my FIL, after the first few meetings we hit it off pretty well. We each made efforts to understand the other and respect each other. I admire the man, he worked hard his whole life but was and is always there for his kids. As a grandfather he has been an all-star.

[hiamnotcool]

Just FYI, I know of two guys who met their girlfriends parents and were flat out rejected for 6-8 months, they stuck with it and eventually the parents accepted them and maybe respect them more for putting up with all the crap. I'm interested in women meeting mother in laws because from what I understand that is the more dreaded relationship here and one of the main reasons korean girls like our indifferent, apathetic, and "open-minded" mamas.

Anyway, I've met 4 gf's parents to date and let me say the dad never made the cut. One of them was bald and I was like OH HAYELL NO, aint gon be no bald babies in my family. Other one was a korean language teacher, really? Isn't that his native language...and that's what he does for a living? Then there was the one that could barely say "hello" in English even though he had been studying it for like 15 years in school and college - genes definitely aren't on the intelligent side. Then there was the one that was fat, and I couldn't help but cringe at the thought of what my dad would think about me bringing a plus sized father in law home with me.

To give some advice
- check if the father is bald, that means his daughter is carrying the bald gene
- ask to eat at their house so you can taste the mom's cooking because you will be eating a lot of that, if they insist on a restaurant, insist she put some of her kimchi in tupperware
- don't let the dad or mom get away with a general answer about their employment like "secretary" or "professor"...ask for hard numbers, monthly salary AND what they save each month
- LOOK AT THE HOUSE....I say house because if it's an apartment run...don't walk....RUN AWAY
- is her mom hot? (nobody cares if she WAS a beauty queen)
- is her grandmother on the father's side hot?
- how much is dad going to put down for the wedding?
- can they use a knife and fork?


I don't know, there are a lot more questions you should be asking, but those will do for a start. Remember not to show emotion during the meeting, keep that poker face. Well, maybe occasionally pause to stare at the ceiling and sigh in an ambiguous manner that will keep them guessing.

[byrddogs]

[fermentation]

[bharville]