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| should i break up w/my bf? |
| yes |
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92% |
[ 81 ] |
| no |
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7% |
[ 7 ] |
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| Total Votes : 88 |
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sarahsiobhan
Joined: 24 May 2009
Location: Wherever I am , I am probably drinking tea.
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 Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 6:38 pm Post subject: |
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Maybe you're right, B.W., but I still think there are far more men who would not cheat then those who would, same for women.
Despite my unfortunate experience with a cheater, I guess I am still a pathetic optimist. |
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Baby Wipes
Joined: 30 Aug 2009
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 8:27 pm Post subject: |
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| sarahsiobhan wrote: |
Maybe you're right, B.W., but I still think there are far more men who would not cheat then those who would, same for women.
Despite my unfortunate experience with a cheater, I guess I am still a pathetic optimist. |
Far better to be an optimist than a bitter pessimist. I do, however, disagree about the far more men would not cheat comment. I've cheated on every single gf i've ever had. None of them know i did and, believe it or not, almost all of them believed, and im sure still do believe, that i was "one of the good ones." The same can be said for every guy i've ever known save for the fat nasty ones who were just happy to have someone who could stomach sleeping with them.
I'm sure i've been cheated on too. The problem is that the more one tries to prevent it (suffocating their gf with calls & questions, checking her phone and emails, etc) the more likely she is to cheat IMO. So just being an optimist, being confident and happy and living in peaceful ignorance about what your bf/gf is doing when you aren't around is the only way to live IMO. But what do i know. |
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Panda
Joined: 25 Oct 2008
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 8:51 pm Post subject: |
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I am happy OP didnt take the advice from the vast majority here.
Obviously she knows her boyfriend, as well as what she wants the best.
To stay happy in a romantic relationship, we should have more faith in ourselves, the faith comes from your growth, your proper expectation from the relationship and your courage to face imperfection of your significant other...  |
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DrugstoreCowgirl
Joined: 08 May 2009
Location: Daegu-where the streets have no name
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 8:59 pm Post subject: |
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| Baby Wipes wrote: |
| sarahsiobhan wrote: |
Maybe you're right, B.W., but I still think there are far more men who would not cheat then those who would, same for women.
Despite my unfortunate experience with a cheater, I guess I am still a pathetic optimist. |
Far better to be an optimist than a bitter pessimist. I do, however, disagree about the far more men would not cheat comment. I've cheated on every single gf i've ever had. None of them know i did and, believe it or not, almost all of them believed, and im sure still do believe, that i was "one of the good ones." The same can be said for every guy i've ever known save for the fat nasty ones who were just happy to have someone who could stomach sleeping with them.
I'm sure i've been cheated on too. The problem is that the more one tries to prevent it (suffocating their gf with calls & questions, checking her phone and emails, etc) the more likely she is to cheat IMO. So just being an optimist, being confident and happy and living in peaceful ignorance about what your bf/gf is doing when you aren't around is the only way to live IMO. But what do i know. |
So why do you bother to date if you are just going to cheat? Why not just have random meaningless flings and not hurt anyone? Do you just like using people and getting attention?
This probably is coming off like an attack but I am just curious since this is apparently a common occurance. |
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I'm no Picasso
Joined: 28 Oct 2008
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 9:01 pm Post subject: |
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| Baby Wipes wrote: |
I do, however, disagree about the far more men would not cheat comment. I've cheated on every single gf i've ever had. None of them know i did and, believe it or not, almost all of them believed, and im sure still do believe, that i was "one of the good ones."
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This is why I get nervous if someone I'm seeing is overly paranoid or jealous. I honestly believe men tend to judge everyone's behavior and what's "normal" based on their own. Therefore, if he's completely convinced that I'm more than likely cheating, it probably means that it's because something he has done has made it seem possible/probable in his mind that I am doing the same.
No one can say for sure they've never been cheated on, but I would buy the world a round if I found out it had happened to me and I hadn't known about it. I can say that, despite having found out all kinds of things during/after relationships, I have never heard or seen even a hint of any man ever cheating on me.
Whether it's common behavior or not, it turns my stomach. Not because it's wrong, but because it's weak. I don't like weak men and I don't like men who can't control themselves. The idea of him sniveling around, trying to cover up his little sin to me would make it literally impossible to touch him with genuine passion ever again.
I have never cheated. I have never even thought about cheating. I won't say I never will, because statements like that are for people who are arrogant, naive and young. But I will say it would deeply shake my own sense of identity, were I faced with even the notion of that temptation. It's just not the way that I work. And I believe there are others out there like me.
All of that having been said, I'm pretty sure I've slept with at least one guy who was "in a relationship". How the hell are you supposed to verify that kind of thing before a one-night-stand, and why would you even bother? You ask. They say no. That's that. It's not my job to perform a criminal background check. |
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Baby Wipes
Joined: 30 Aug 2009
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 9:29 pm Post subject: |
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| DrugstoreCowgirl wrote: |
| Baby Wipes wrote: |
| sarahsiobhan wrote: |
Maybe you're right, B.W., but I still think there are far more men who would not cheat then those who would, same for women.
Despite my unfortunate experience with a cheater, I guess I am still a pathetic optimist. |
Far better to be an optimist than a bitter pessimist. I do, however, disagree about the far more men would not cheat comment. I've cheated on every single gf i've ever had. None of them know i did and, believe it or not, almost all of them believed, and im sure still do believe, that i was "one of the good ones." The same can be said for every guy i've ever known save for the fat nasty ones who were just happy to have someone who could stomach sleeping with them.
I'm sure i've been cheated on too. The problem is that the more one tries to prevent it (suffocating their gf with calls & questions, checking her phone and emails, etc) the more likely she is to cheat IMO. So just being an optimist, being confident and happy and living in peaceful ignorance about what your bf/gf is doing when you aren't around is the only way to live IMO. But what do i know. |
So why do you bother to date if you are just going to cheat? Why not just have random meaningless flings and not hurt anyone? Do you just like using people and getting attention?
This probably is coming off like an attack but I am just curious since this is apparently a common occurance. |
Because i loved them. Some of them very deeply. Real noodle scratcher huh? Thats the big point of differentiation between men and women i think. I deeply loved some gf's with all my heart -- but when the opportunity presented itself, i wanted some strange.
And i'll confuse the issue even more by adding: one of the main things which caused these ex-gf's to fall in love with me too was a thing inside me (and many guys) that comes from the exact same place as the desire to cheat - love for excitement and new adventures, confidence, competition and being carefree. |
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Fox
Joined: 04 Mar 2009
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 10:15 pm Post subject: |
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| I'm no Picasso wrote: |
| Baby Wipes wrote: |
I do, however, disagree about the far more men would not cheat comment. I've cheated on every single gf i've ever had. None of them know i did and, believe it or not, almost all of them believed, and im sure still do believe, that i was "one of the good ones."
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This is why I get nervous if someone I'm seeing is overly paranoid or jealous. I honestly believe men tend to judge everyone's behavior and what's "normal" based on their own. |
I think men and women both do this, which is why I'm just as inclined to be suspicious of overly jealous women as you are of overly jealous men. |
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Panda
Joined: 25 Oct 2008
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 10:44 pm Post subject: |
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| Fox wrote: |
| I'm no Picasso wrote: |
| Baby Wipes wrote: |
I do, however, disagree about the far more men would not cheat comment. I've cheated on every single gf i've ever had. None of them know i did and, believe it or not, almost all of them believed, and im sure still do believe, that i was "one of the good ones."
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This is why I get nervous if someone I'm seeing is overly paranoid or jealous. I honestly believe men tend to judge everyone's behavior and what's "normal" based on their own. |
I think men and women both do this, which is why I'm just as inclined to be suspicious of overly jealous women as you are of overly jealous men. |
Love is really hardcore a mind-game, isnt it..... |
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Fox
Joined: 04 Mar 2009
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 10:53 pm Post subject: |
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| Panda wrote: |
| Fox wrote: |
| I'm no Picasso wrote: |
| Baby Wipes wrote: |
I do, however, disagree about the far more men would not cheat comment. I've cheated on every single gf i've ever had. None of them know i did and, believe it or not, almost all of them believed, and im sure still do believe, that i was "one of the good ones."
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This is why I get nervous if someone I'm seeing is overly paranoid or jealous. I honestly believe men tend to judge everyone's behavior and what's "normal" based on their own. |
I think men and women both do this, which is why I'm just as inclined to be suspicious of overly jealous women as you are of overly jealous men. |
Love is really hardcore a mind-game, isnt it..... |
I prefer to say that trust is really a hardcore mind game. |
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Baby Wipes
Joined: 30 Aug 2009
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 11:47 pm Post subject: |
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| I'm no Picasso wrote: |
No one can say for sure they've never been cheated on, but I would buy the world a round if I found out it had happened to me and I hadn't known about it. I can say that, despite having found out all kinds of things during/after relationships, I have never heard or seen even a hint of any man ever cheating on me. |
Just a quick FYI. I dated a girl for a year and a half and cheated on her, well, quite often. We broke up and still kept in touch on occassion. We decided to get together for drinks one night just as friends knowing that we were both in new relationships. We drank a couple bottles of wine, had a great conversation and one thing led to another. Just as we were about to hook-up she said something to the effect of 'wait wait, you have a girlfriend and i have a boyfriend. This is completely out of character for you. You never cheat. I understand its familiar and feels so natural for us but think of your new gf like you though of me when we were dating." |
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I'm no Picasso
Joined: 28 Oct 2008
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| Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 12:05 am Post subject: |
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| Fox wrote: |
| I'm no Picasso wrote: |
| Baby Wipes wrote: |
I do, however, disagree about the far more men would not cheat comment. I've cheated on every single gf i've ever had. None of them know i did and, believe it or not, almost all of them believed, and im sure still do believe, that i was "one of the good ones."
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This is why I get nervous if someone I'm seeing is overly paranoid or jealous. I honestly believe men tend to judge everyone's behavior and what's "normal" based on their own. |
I think men and women both do this, which is why I'm just as inclined to be suspicious of overly jealous women as you are of overly jealous men. |
Right. I'll hear that. I'm glad you see my point -- most people are confused when I say that, like it doesn't make any sense.... |
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I'm no Picasso
Joined: 28 Oct 2008
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| Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 12:06 am Post subject: |
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| Baby Wipes wrote: |
| I'm no Picasso wrote: |
No one can say for sure they've never been cheated on, but I would buy the world a round if I found out it had happened to me and I hadn't known about it. I can say that, despite having found out all kinds of things during/after relationships, I have never heard or seen even a hint of any man ever cheating on me. |
Just a quick FYI. I dated a girl for a year and a half and cheated on her, well, quite often. We broke up and still kept in touch on occassion. We decided to get together for drinks one night just as friends knowing that we were both in new relationships. We drank a couple bottles of wine, had a great conversation and one thing led to another. Just as we were about to hook-up she said something to the effect of 'wait wait, you have a girlfriend and i have a boyfriend. This is completely out of character for you. You never cheat. I understand its familiar and feels so natural for us but think of your new gf like you though of me when we were dating." |
Well luckily, not every man is you. |
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Baby Wipes
Joined: 30 Aug 2009
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| Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 12:27 am Post subject: |
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| I'm no Picasso wrote: |
| Baby Wipes wrote: |
| I'm no Picasso wrote: |
No one can say for sure they've never been cheated on, but I would buy the world a round if I found out it had happened to me and I hadn't known about it. I can say that, despite having found out all kinds of things during/after relationships, I have never heard or seen even a hint of any man ever cheating on me. |
Just a quick FYI. I dated a girl for a year and a half and cheated on her, well, quite often. We broke up and still kept in touch on occassion. We decided to get together for drinks one night just as friends knowing that we were both in new relationships. We drank a couple bottles of wine, had a great conversation and one thing led to another. Just as we were about to hook-up she said something to the effect of 'wait wait, you have a girlfriend and i have a boyfriend. This is completely out of character for you. You never cheat. I understand its familiar and feels so natural for us but think of your new gf like you though of me when we were dating." |
Well luckily, not every man is you. |
But a lot more than you would like to think. Eliot Spitzer was a strong family man. A pillar of loyalty and honor who was outspoken about the immorality of infidelity and prostitution. Weird that. |
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sarahsiobhan
Joined: 24 May 2009
Location: Wherever I am , I am probably drinking tea.
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| Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 4:14 am Post subject: |
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I have noticed that its' often the people who do 'bad things' like cheat consistently, and see no problem with it as long as no one is getting hurt (and does one REALLY know that?) that are often the loudest in voicing the opinion "Well, everybody ELSE does it, too!"
When in reality......they're the minority. I really hope that is the case here.
I will still venture to think that most men want to be loyal to their partner of the moment, and if they do slip up, it's a one time blip, followed by genuine remorse. A mistake is one thing; a pattern of behavior is bad news.
By the way, Baby Wipes, I am really glad you didn't tell your ex-gf that you cheated on her all the time. It would have shattered her to her soul, and tainted every relationship she had in the future.
Trust me. I know. |
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Baby Wipes
Joined: 30 Aug 2009
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| Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 3:43 pm Post subject: |
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| sarahsiobhan wrote: |
I have noticed that its' often the people who do 'bad things' like cheat consistently, and see no problem with it as long as no one is getting hurt (and does one REALLY know that?) that are often the loudest in voicing the opinion "Well, everybody ELSE does it, too!"
When in reality......they're the minority. I really hope that is the case here. |
Actually the opposite is true. IRL I've always been very outspoken about the virtues of fidelity. One of my female friends would tell me about a mutual friend cheating on his gf and I'd react with disbelief and exasperation. This is the first i've ever discussed such a subject and quite honestly it wasn't easy for me to face the realities of who i really am. I've just been noticing more and more, guys similar to me who have an outward persona of being strong and faithful, go out and find ass once the opportunity presents itself. 2 guys at my school for example. We've talked at length about gf's and loyalty and how important it is. We went to hongdae a few weekends ago and both these guys went home with girls they picked-up and then brushed it off as "hey it was a boys night out. that stuff happens" wink wink. When i was home in New York 8 months ago the same was true for other friends i hung out with - some of them married.
Again, i'm not coming on here to be some loudmouth who is promoting promiscuity. You would never ever hear me say any of this stuff in real life. I'm just stating facts. And i know a lot of guys are so far down the rabbit hole that they've even convinced themselves that they are good faithful guys, when they habitually cheat too. I've yet to meet a guy that truly honestly hasn't cheated in his life save for socially retarded/ugly dudes. |
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