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Korean Job Discussion Forums
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Ody
Joined: 27 Jan 2003
Location: over here
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 Posted: Tue Jan 30, 2007 1:27 am Post subject: |
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is that for me? |
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jessie-b
Joined: 17 Apr 2006
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| Posted: Tue Jan 30, 2007 1:46 am Post subject: |
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| So I went out with a Korean guy but he ended up being a girl. Then I went out with another one and he said nothing serious could ever happen between us because he needed to eventually meet someone his parents would approve of. That's life though. |
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JongnoGuru
Joined: 25 May 2004
Location: peeing on your doorstep
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| Posted: Tue Jan 30, 2007 1:55 am Post subject: |
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| Ody wrote: |
is that for me? |
uh-huh.
Don't take me seriously, Ody. Was just being a nitwit.  I haven't seen much of this mommy-dependency in my male Korean friends, but maybe I just don't know what signs to look for. Beyond mommy-wife cooking their food, buying their clothes, choosing their neckties & dressing them every day, what else does it entail? Kinky bedroom behaviour? I really don't know. But it seems there are some female posters on this thread who do know what it is and have experienced it.
| jessie-b wrote: |
| So I went out with a Korean guy but he ended up being a girl. |
What (the hell) does that mean? |
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oneofthesarahs
Joined: 05 Nov 2006
Location: Sacheon City
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| Posted: Tue Jan 30, 2007 5:29 am Post subject: |
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As of today, the world's biggest proponent of relationships between Korean men and Western women (me, of course) is....single once again.
He's going into his army service, and we didn't want to mess with it. 
Single and ready to mingle. |
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Adventurer
Joined: 28 Jan 2006
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| Posted: Tue Jan 30, 2007 5:59 am Post subject: |
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| kermo wrote: |
Sure, people are people, and stereotypes are not going to dictate how a person behaves in a relationship. Language barriers, cultural barriers.... all that can melt away in the face of love.
I've shared my thoughts on my compatibility with Korean guys (I struggle with the language barrier, with "chivalry", and I'm just not into romance), and also talked about my feelings of apprehension after a number of bad experiences with African/Middle Eastern/South Asian guys, and been accused of racism. I've thought about it a lot, because I do think it's unfair to screen men based on the country they're from.
According to my current theory, it's all about the courtship process. I can't seem to participate when the approach is aggressive/persistent. I've thought about having a brochure or pamphlet made up, called "So You're Dating a White Girl: How Not To Terrify Her" (my friend Jason already has some wonderful illustrations in mind.) I don't get swept off my feet-- I have to be coaxed off them (unless a LOT of alcohol involved, then I just fall off them.)
As I've said in Adventurer's thread, I don't fare well in relationships that don't start out as friendships. Most Western guys know how to read certain cues and back off accordingly. Repeated phone calls and demands to meet are understood to be needy or creepy. One "no, I don't want to meet today" will suffice and jealous or possessive feelings are kept well under wraps. They don't demand that you gaze into their eyes even if you can't stop laughing.
In short, white guys are easier to keep at a safe distance. A lot of guys (and this applies to Korean guys too) just push too hard in the initial stages, and I run far far away. I remember being approached by one guy from Ghana on the bus, having a nice chat, finding him pleasant to look and intelligent. He asked for my number, and I suggested that we meet up in our respective groups later in the evening, and took down his number. When the bus arrived at the destination, we stood up and he put both his hands on my shoulders from behind. I read the gesture as affectionate, maybe possessive, but it gave me a "NO" feeling. I wanted him to stay at a safe distance until I could figure out whether I could trust him, and even that maneuver was too much for me.
I've tried explaining my need for space at the outset, but so far, it just hasn't worked. There. I've laid my soul bare. I think a guy of any nationality would have a good chance with me if he could just hold his horses. |
I can understand not wanting to feel suffocated. I remember liking one girl who wanted so much from me so quickly, and I was hot for her and did like her, but I kind of retreated and maybe I shouldn't have. She was pretty awesome. However, we do want to make sure we know what we're getting into. This was years back. If I knew her now, I would put up with it. She had her reasons, I suppose.
Korean men are used to having constant contact with their girls rather and they are often together and communicate a ton on the phone. Western guys are more at the other end of the spectrum. I personally prefer something in the middle because if I really think the girl is worth my time I want to hear how she is doing and we can have a dumb converation. It doesn't matter. Of course, I think you have to give someone their space. I would feel bad about invading someone's space. I am sure I would need my space sometimes. I come from a big family so too much space is kind of strange for me and some girls want tons of it. I don't keep tons of space between myself and my friends guys or girls. Too much space strikes me as coldness, but we all need privacy.
Sometimes dating seems like a complicated song and dance routine. I think I am straight forward. It strikes me that too often we have this game where we are wondering if we should put off calling the person in order to show you desire them and don't desire them. I think if I like you, then I like you just like if I like eating Fettucine Alfredo, Tzaziki sauce, red wine, then that is what I like. All good things we have been told should be savoured including relationships. So, yes, you have to give each other space and time but while giving out some warmth as if you are surrounded by some kind of invisible warm sun and basking in its glow. I would be worried about giving out my number if I was a girl. Some of us guys can act predatory and very aggressive. That is definitely creepy to be touched on the shoulders by someone you don't even really know.
I guess it was my chance to be corny:)
Last edited by Adventurer on Tue Jan 30, 2007 6:06 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Adventurer
Joined: 28 Jan 2006
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| Posted: Tue Jan 30, 2007 6:02 am Post subject: |
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| oneofthesarahs wrote: |
As of today, the world's biggest proponent of relationships between Korean men and Western women (me, of course) is....single once again.
He's going into his army service, and we didn't want to mess with it.
Single and ready to mingle. |
I am very sorry. I know you really like him. I do know someone who is dating someone in the military. It can be done depending on where they are stationed. That often means having to work somewhere near their base. That can be a problem. I am sure you, with your charming personality, will find some nice guy who won't believe how lucky he is, and you seem to be a big hit around here with some of the guys. |
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Matilda
Joined: 17 Jun 2006
Location: Gimhae gal
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| Posted: Tue Jan 30, 2007 4:02 pm Post subject: |
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Oohhhh oneofthesarahs I am sorry to hear of your news. Yes, keep that positive attitude up... dating anywhere is always an adventure!
Adventurer - it is tough to strike that happy medium with communication and desire. I know that the 'strong & silent' approach from a guy does not work for me personally... and desperation is not attractive (in any language!).
Guys the world over can be similar. There are plenty of 'mummy's boys' in Oz also. 
The only 'advantage' (for want of a much better word) I can see to dating a Korean man is that you can break past your usual bibimbap/kimbap routine in restaurants and he can translate bad Korean porn!  |
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crsandus
Joined: 05 Oct 2004
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| Posted: Tue Jan 30, 2007 5:42 pm Post subject: |
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| JongnoGuru wrote: |
| Ody wrote: |
is that for me? |
uh-huh.
Don't take me seriously, Ody. Was just being a nitwit. I haven't seen much of this mommy-dependency in my male Korean friends, but maybe I just don't know what signs to look for. Beyond mommy-wife cooking their food, buying their clothes, choosing their neckties & dressing them every day, what else does it entail? Kinky bedroom behaviour? I really don't know. But it seems there are some female posters on this thread who do know what it is and have experienced it.
| jessie-b wrote: |
| So I went out with a Korean guy but he ended up being a girl. |
What (the hell) does that mean? |
So I think I've experienced how/why the Mommy complex is so prevalent in Korean society. When I went to visit my Mother (this was the second time I saw her after I found her after my adoption) I find out that she bought underwear for me!!! I thought "WTF? No one's bought underwear for me since... 6th grade!" anyway, after I tried desperately to tell her in English to take them back and that I had plenty of good underwear, she mistook my pleas for "Please let me exchange the underwear you bought me for different styled pairs and please let us do this together."
Needlessly to say, I refused to step into the store once I realized what was happening and stood outside with an embarrassed look upon my face.
Oh and to stay on topic, I think all attractive females should date Korean men... especially gyopos that are around 5'11", 170lbs, nice, fluent in English, don't have Mommy dependencies, and have Polish last names. |
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Empress Jiyong
Joined: 26 Jan 2007
Location: The Old Motherland
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| Posted: Tue Jan 30, 2007 7:15 pm Post subject: |
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| crsandus wrote: |
So I think I've experienced how/why the Mommy complex is so prevalent in Korean society. When I went to visit my Mother (this was the second time I saw her after I found her after my adoption) I find out that she bought underwear for me!!! I thought "WTF? No one's bought underwear for me since... 6th grade!" anyway, after I tried desperately to tell her in English to take them back and that I had plenty of good underwear, she mistook my pleas for "Please let me exchange the underwear you bought me for different styled pairs and please let us do this together."
Needlessly to say, I refused to step into the store once I realized what was happening and stood outside with an embarrassed look upon my face.
Oh and to stay on topic, I think all attractive females should date Korean men... especially gyopos that are around 5'11", 170lbs, nice, fluent in English, don't have Mommy dependencies, and have Polish last names. |
Good story Erm... You Korean man description is very... specific.
oneofthesarahs, I'm sorry to hear about you and your boy. Is it really impossible for you to keep your relationship while he's doing his service? |
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jessie-b
Joined: 17 Apr 2006
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| Posted: Wed Jan 31, 2007 4:18 pm Post subject: |
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| When I say he was a girl, I mean I thought she was a man, she dressed like a man, looked like a man, acted like a man, but when we got back to her place....she was a girl. No package. She was kind of short I guess and had a narrow face, but...we connected well. Now I know why. You think Korean guys are clingy? Try dumping a Korean girl. She called me ten times yesterday. Maybe I'm shallow for not giving it a chance, but I like men in bed. |
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R-Seoul
Joined: 23 Aug 2006
Location: your place
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| Posted: Wed Jan 31, 2007 6:01 pm Post subject: |
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| jessie-b wrote: |
| When I say he was a girl, I mean I thought she was a man, she dressed like a man, looked like a man, acted like a man, but when we got back to her place....she was a girl. No package. She was kind of short I guess and had a narrow face, but...we connected well. Now I know why. You think Korean guys are clingy? Try dumping a Korean girl. She called me ten times yesterday. Maybe I'm shallow for not giving it a chance, but I like men in bed. |
Jessie-b you have the makings of a very good story here, care to flesh it out a bit & share with us what actually happened? |
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jessie-b
Joined: 17 Apr 2006
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| Posted: Wed Jan 31, 2007 8:57 pm Post subject: |
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| Went to a club with a Korean friend of mine, a good looking man, and a couple joined us; they said they were best friends, a guy and a girl. I thought that was sweet because you don't often see guys and girls who are best friends here. So the guy sits with me and the girl sits with my friend and they're both flirting and we dance. Then we leave and go our separate ways, but not before the guy gives me his phone number. My friend says that he feels sorry for the guy because he's so strange/ugly looking. That pissed me off because this friend just thinks he's so attractive and never compliments anyone else. So, I decide to call the weird looking guy and I listen to "My Funny Valentine," to psyche myself up. We meet at a club with a few other friends. I should have known cuz two of my friends asked me, is that dude a guy or a girl? I thought they were just being rude. He was wearing a baggy sweatshirt and a cap to cover his spikey hair. So we dance and he's flirting, putting his arms around me, lots of teenage-style eye contact..looking and then looking away quickly, blushing. We leave and start making out between these parked cars. I walk home with him and we're making out the entire way and its snowing, very romantic. We get to his place and I start to put my hand down his pants and he says, "no *beep*." Ooooh, I thought maybe he just had a very small one or was in an accident or something but then I lift his shirt up and he's got a tight sports bra on, concealing his small breasts. Her breasts. I think to myself, Alright, I can deal with this and we keep making out. Then I feel tired and start to fall asleep. She keeps waking me and trying to talk, but its all in Korean. I say I'm going home, I need to walk. She follows me outside and down the street. I yell, I need to be ALONE! Go home! She follows me in her car until I duck into an underpass and escape. |
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djsmnc
Joined: 20 Jan 2003
Location: Dave's ESL Cafe
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| Posted: Wed Jan 31, 2007 9:12 pm Post subject: |
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| oneofthesarahs wrote: |
Single and ready to mingle. |
Sounds like you were looking forward to it! |
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oneofthesarahs
Joined: 05 Nov 2006
Location: Sacheon City
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| Posted: Thu Feb 01, 2007 5:47 am Post subject: |
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Thanks for the support everybody. The main obstacle to having a relationship while he's in the army is that it would have to be a fairly phone-based relationship, and he is TERRIBLE at holding conversations on the phone. His English is pretty good face to face, but he has real problems speaking English on the phone if he can't read facial expressions/body language. So we're just calling it "friends" for now and seeing how it plays out.
I'm just taking it in stride and deciding this is a sign that I need to get out and meet new people. I relied on him way too much in terms of socialization, since I live in an area where it's hard to meet English speakers. So hell yes I'm ready to mingle. |
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Adventurer
Joined: 28 Jan 2006
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| Posted: Thu Feb 01, 2007 6:18 am Post subject: |
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| jessie-b wrote: |
| Went to a club with a Korean friend of mine, a good looking man, and a couple joined us; they said they were best friends, a guy and a girl. I thought that was sweet because you don't often see guys and girls who are best friends here. So the guy sits with me and the girl sits with my friend and they're both flirting and we dance. Then we leave and go our separate ways, but not before the guy gives me his phone number. My friend says that he feels sorry for the guy because he's so strange/ugly looking. That pissed me off because this friend just thinks he's so attractive and never compliments anyone else. So, I decide to call the weird looking guy and I listen to "My Funny Valentine," to psyche myself up. We meet at a club with a few other friends. I should have known cuz two of my friends asked me, is that dude a guy or a girl? I thought they were just being rude. He was wearing a baggy sweatshirt and a cap to cover his spikey hair. So we dance and he's flirting, putting his arms around me, lots of teenage-style eye contact..looking and then looking away quickly, blushing. We leave and start making out between these parked cars. I walk home with him and we're making out the entire way and its snowing, very romantic. We get to his place and I start to put my hand down his pants and he says, "no *beep*." Ooooh, I thought maybe he just had a very small one or was in an accident or something but then I lift his shirt up and he's got a tight sports bra on, concealing his small *beep*. Her *beep*. I think to myself, Alright, I can deal with this and we keep making out. Then I feel tired and start to fall asleep. She keeps waking me and trying to talk, but its all in Korean. I say I'm going home, I need to walk. She follows me outside and down the street. I yell, I need to be ALONE! Go home! She follows me in her car until I duck into an underpass and escape. |
Well, it sounds like you kind of enjoy it but it is more of your affectionate and caring side and you wanted to give that person a fair shake, but it turned the person was from the wrong gender for you. I am glad that has never happened to me as a male. That reminds me of Crocodile Dundee. |
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