Korean Job Discussion Forums

[mack the knife]

Me?

I cut off both my arms and replaced them with a sawed-off shotgun and a samurai sword.

I knew that they would be a weakness during combat, so I replaced my nads with those golden, spiky meditation balls you find at tourist traps in Itaewon.

I was the inspiration for that "Army of One" slogan the U.S. military used.

I am Blackwater.

[bejarano-korea]

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=krtRxSpR5f0


I love the legend of John Smeaton - the baggag handler who put the boot in against an Al Qaeda attack at Glasgow Airport... How tough is John... well...

Once a cobra bit John Smeaton's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

John Smeaton uses his abs to smooth diamonds.

John Smeaton does not dodge bullets. Bullets dodge John Smeaton.

Every night before the bogeyman goes to bed, he checks his closet for John Smeaton.

John Smeaton doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

It was once believed that John actually lost a fight to a terrorist, but that is a lie, created by John himself to lure more terrorists to him.

Smeaton went tae the same school as Charles Bronson and stole his dinner money everyday.

John Smeaton isn't afraid of the dark�the dark is afraid of John Smeaton.

Alex Salmond has abandoned any future plans for wind farms in Scotland. He is just going to use Johnny's arms to power the whole of Scotland and sell the surplus energy to the East Coast of America.

There was a Comet headin straight for Earth one year ago, it was too big for NASA to destroy wi Nuclear bombs... so they phoned Smeaton to jump up on springs and punch *beep* oot of it.

John Smeaton can strangle you with a cordless phone.

John Smeaton won a game of connect 4 in 2 moves.

If you wake up tomorrow, it'll be because John Smeaton allowed you to.

When John Smeaton does push ups, he's actually pushing the ground down.

John Smeaton is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Jeep.

John Smeaton drowned a fish.

Death once had a near John-Smeaton experience.

John Smeaton died 5 years ago, Death never had the balls to tell him.

John Smeaton once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Osama Bin Laden is not hiding from the Yanks, he is hiding from John Smeaton.

Most men wear superman pyjamas. Superman wears John Smeaton pyjamas.

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by John Smeaton, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

John left here for the Canary islands - they're not whistling now!

If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck and quacks like a duck it's a duck, but if John Smeaton says its a fish, its a fucking fish, end of story.

Lions put their heads in John Smeatons mouth.

A T-rex once slagged Smeaton's maw. Where the *beep* are the dinosaurs now?

John Smeaton has a pet Dodo.

John Smeaton is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like John Smeaton.

John Smeaton plays Russian roulette with a fully loaded revolver... and wins.

John Smeaton once had an erection while lying face down and struck oil.

When God said, "Let there be light", John Smeaton said, "say please."

John Smeaton doesn't need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets the *beep* out of the way.

Everybody goes to Tenerife, John goes to Elevenerife.

John Smeaton got bit by a shark, now the shark is in a goldfish bowl.

Agoraphobia does not go out when John Smeaton is about.

John Smeaton once ate an after eight at "hauf seven "!

John Smeaton can unscramble a scrambled egg.

The Berlin Wall wiz really bulldozed by a couple of thumps by John Smeaton.

The Great Wall of China aint great any mair wance John Smeaton visited it.

John Smeaton knocked that terrorist oot, then lit his roll up aff that jeep.

Time waits for no man... except John Smeaton, who comes & goes all he likes.

John Smeaton has had the final say in every major international treaty from the Decleration of Arbroath to the Treaty of Versailles and beyond.

John Smeaton can believe it's not butter.

When Smeaton peels an onion, the onion greets.

Smeaton's calander goes straight from 31st of March to the 2nd of April...No one fools the Smeaton!

Smeaton put 'laughter' into Manslaughter!!!

John Smeaton was once charged with three attempted murders in Aberdeen, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because John Smeaton does not "attempt" murder.

John Smeaton once completed a Rubix cube blindfolded with his hands handcuffed behind his back! FACT!!

John Smeaton once killed a lion with his bare hands...and a bear with his other bare hands.

[PeterDragon]

Once my friends and I were sitting around a campfire. My friend Mike stands up and says, "I'm the toughest here, because I once wrestled a deer to the ground."

My friend Doug stood up and said, "No, I'M the toughest here because I once wrestled a WILD STALLION to the ground."

My friend Russell said, "You're both wrong. I'M the toughest here. I once wrestled a BUFFALO to the ground AND snapped its neck."

Then I stood up and looked across their faces with a calm but steely gaze. "I'm tougher than the three of you combined," I said. I sat back down and continued to quietly stir the fire with my penis.

I'm nothing compared to John Smeaton though.

John Smeaton can rape the willing.

[normalcyispasse]

I shouldn't be here. I'm kind of a milquetoast. I sometimes get scared of heights when I'm on the low diving board.

[Bibbitybop]

On the Internet? We are all badasses.

[VanIslander]

isn't the op the guy who got all girly grossed out about seeing a piece of hair on a bar of soap in someone else's bathroom?

[crusher_of_heads]

[mack the knife]

[pkang0202]

I beat Chuck Norris's a**.

[VanIslander]

[Junkyardninja]

Agree or disagree, P.J. O'Rourke is just funny as hell:

Begin excerpt:

Back in April of 1986 the United States bombed Libya. Naturally, the Euros protested this "un-nuanced," "un-subtle" approach. Apparently shooting back at the bad guys is considered gauche these days. While he was being lectured by an offensive British git ("You think war is..."), P.J. snapped:

"A John Wayne move." I said. "That's what you were going to say, wasn't it? We think that war is a John Wayne movie. We think life is a John Wayne movie --with good guys and bad guys, as simple as that. Well, you know something, Mister Limey Poofter? You're right. And let me tell you who those bad guys are. They're us. WE BE BAD.

"We're the baddest-assed sons of bitches that ever jogged in Reeboks. We're three-quarters grizzly bear and two-thirds car wreck and descended from a stock market crash on our mother's side. You take your Germany, France and Spain, roll them all together and it wouldn't give us room to park our cars. We're the big boys, Jack, the original, giant, economy-sized, new and improved butt kickers of all time. When we snort coke in Houston, people lose their hats in Cap d'Dantibes. And we've go American Express card credit limit highter than your piss-ant metric numbers go.

"You say our country's never have been invaded? You're right, little buddy. Because I'd like to see the needle-dicked foreigners who'd have the guts to try. We drink napalm to get our hearts started in the morning. A rape and a mugging is our way of saying 'Cheerio.' Hell can't hold our sock-hops. We walk taller, talk louder, spit further, f*** longer, and buy more things than you know the names of. I'd rather be a junkie in a New York City jail than king, queen and jack of all you Europeans. We eat little countries like this for breakfast and s*** them out before lunch.


Ladies and gentlemen, I rest my case...

End excerpt.

[itaewonguy]

IM badass -I iron my shirts while I wear them!
IM badass- I'm into Punk Yoga. That's where you stand on somebody else's head.
IM so badass- when my mum rocked me to sleep she used real rocks!
IM so badass- I skipped breast milk and went straight onto cappuccino!

IM BADASS!!!

[karma police]

i eat live money brains for dinner!

CONFORM VEGETARIANS!

[bejarano-korea]

I.. I.. always eat my last rolo... and throw the wrapper on the floor! Thats how much of a bdass I am!

[anyway]