Korean Job Discussion Forums

eui.yun · Joined: 31 Jul 2007

Just a warning that this is also a mini-rant.

I can't decide whether I should go on this trip to visit my guy friend in San Diego so I need some advice.

He's a friend that I've known for awhile but haven't seen very often because he moved around a bit but now he's settled down in San Diego in a 2-bedroom condo and has a g.f up in L.A. He's always told me to come visit him and offered to let me stay at his place and show me around the city and take me to all these great places... so naturally, I finally took up the offer since I make decent money now....

Last week I was chatting with him online to confirm the dates and he said that he's a little iffy about having me stay at his place b/c he hadn't been in close contact with his g.f and thought she'd get upset if she knew a girl was stayin at his place, so he said that he'd talk to her and get back to me. In translation, he's backing out of his word. (Well, in my opinion)

I e-mailed him tonight saying that I can't afford to spend money on a hotel on a trip where I'd only be hanging out with him and that if his g.f doesn't give him her blessing, I'm not coming. So he responded soon after that I should just come and that he'll just worry about her later.

Why even mention it in the first place if he could just deal with it later? That has tainted the trip for me and I'm wondering if I should even go. Seems like the only reason he said I should come is b/c he felt that I was giving him an ultimatum and he doesn't want to be mean. I want a guy's perspective on this... was he just blowing smoke up my butt when all this time, he was telling me to come visit & stay at his place? GAH I hate people who can't follow through with their words!

endofthewor1d · Joined: 01 Apr 2003 Location: the end of the wor1d.

he wants to have sex with you. he's worried about the strain that will put on his current relationship, but not so much so that he's ruled it out. he can't decide whether a fling with you is worth his current girlfriend dumping him, so he's passing that decision to you.
with the information you've provided, this is one guy's take on the situation. good luck.

Missihippi · Joined: 22 Oct 2007 Location: Gwangmyeong

Ya-ta Boy · Joined: 16 Jan 2003 Location: Established in 1994

I will third the opinion given by the two posters above.

He's trying to have his cake and eat it, too. Keep the girlfriend while having some on the side.

It's up to you how you feel about playing this role.

pest2 · Joined: 01 Jun 2005 Location: Vancouver, Canada

agree with the others... but did you already buy the airticket? and, about just wanting sex,... well, you can always deny him.

blackjack · Joined: 04 Jan 2006 Location: anyang

Maybe your friend didn't think that it would be a problem. but when he mentioned it to his gf she freaked. how would you feel if your boyfriend was in a different city and was having some random girl stay at his flat?

SuperFly · Joined: 09 Jul 2003 Location: In the doghouse

How close are you to him? How well do you know him? These are two VERY important questions that would determine what posters 1,2 and 3 above mentioned.

cbclark4 · Joined: 20 Aug 2006 Location: Masan

The real question is how well do you know his girlfriend?

If you are not friends with his gf stay away.

JustJohn · Joined: 18 Oct 2007 Location: Your computer screen

It's still possible he just doesn't want to be mean by rescinding the offer, and he couldn't do anything else given your ultimatum. In that case just tell him it's not a big deal and you'll only come if it's ok with his g/f.

Young FRANKenstein

Dome Vans · Guest

For what my pitiful opinion is worth. I agree that he seems to want his cake and eat it as mentioned by the first few posts. But it depends on how much of a 'friend' he is.

He has this ulterior motive to get you staying there even though his girlfriend isn't too sure. Even though she may be overly jealous. Warning bells! It seems pointless to go round the world to stay with him if his idea of being a friend is to get you in the sack. A waste of money and it would be an awful trip. You need to think of yourself if everything goes t*ts up. You get there and she's nasty towards you or the trip isn't what you wanted then you've lost out and out of pocket and one friend less. If he's a proper friend you'll still have contact even if you turn down the offer.

The con's outweigh the pro's here. But it's your choice.

mateomiguel · Joined: 16 May 2005

I also moved to LA a few years ago and invited one of my good female friends to come and visit me. I promised to show her lots of cool places. I talked it up like nobody's business.

I did this because I wanted to have sex with her.

I didn't, unfortunately, but I did get some good home cooked brazilian food from her. It wasn't really enough though.

sirfro · Joined: 01 Dec 2006 Location: Guui-dong...lol

Masta_Don · Joined: 17 Aug 2006 Location: Hyehwa-dong, Seoul

Here's my armchair analysis.

He does want to sleep with you, but it's not a conscious thought. The reason I believe this is that he mentioned his girlfriend. The reason is two-fold.

First, by telling you, he's reminding you that he is taken. This might disarm you and go without thinking about What if something happens? *tingle, tingle*.

Second, it's to remind himself. By doing so he creates a barrier. 'She won't be thinking about me and I'll be thinking about my girlfriend.' He's focusing, unconsciously, on his girlfriend so as to not think about you and What if something happens? *tingle, tingle*.

If he were conscious of trying to sleep with you, then he wouldn't have mentioned his girlfriend (no one picks up talking about a significant other, right?). But you'll go, have a few drinks, and then all of a sudden, out of the blue *tingle, tingle* from both of you. It's just how people work.

mateomiguel · Joined: 16 May 2005