Korean Job Discussion Forums

[lastat06513]

Let's face it.
As we slowly enter the second decade of the 21st Century, the definition of marriage is drastically changing.
I think for every 5 good marriages we see, even here Dave's, there is unfortunaely one marriage that fails.

I read an article that states that many people in the US are avoiding marriage and instead just live together....
The more I think about it (and ponder my mistake), it does make some sense- no strings attached and no commitment pressure that comes along with getting married.

I am not putting down marriage- it can work if both people are trully committed to the principles of marriage.
But the reality is that divorce is on the rise, not just in the US but also in Korea and some other places.

I am starting to think that "love" is an emotion that does not have to written down on a certificate. I am starting to believe that 2 people can happily live together and have fulfilling lives without the merits of having a marriage certificate.
In fact, in some cases, I feel that marriage actually changes the relationship between people and sometimes (not all the time and not with all people) it can bring the worst out in people.
Now lets look at the divorce process~ the longer the couple had live together, the more the spouse can ask in the way of assets, alimony, and child support if minor-aged children were produced during the course of the marriage and sometimes, as we have to admit, it can get messy.

Again, I am not putting down all marriages- there are alot of people who are very happy together and only love each other more and more as time goes by~ For them, I only wish the very best.

But for the rest, I honestly think marriage is deeply overrated these days.
I used to think that everything a person does lead to the moment where they meet the person of their dreams and live happily ever after--- But the older I get (birthday coming up on Friday), the more I feel that individual freedom is paramount in any relationship, as space makes people appreciate each other more (you know the term "distance makes the heart grow fonder"....I know it sounds corny...oh well).

What do you think?
Whats your opinion on marriage or just living together- kosher?
Do you find marriage as rewarding as society makes it out to be? Do you feel that 2 people can live happily without being married....

For me, these days, I think so; my marriage was very short lived while I had a 4-year relationship with a great girl in Korea. And my aunt and her boyfriend had been going together for more than 23 years and no one can pry these two apart...thats the irony that brought about this thread....

[Atavistic]

In the US marriage still brings tons of legal bens that living together doesn't. As long as that's still the case (and don't even get me started on immigration), marriage is NOT simply about love. It never has been.

[cj1976]

For every marriage that happens, there's a good chance a lawyer somewhere is about to get richer.

[ernie]

my problem is that many people, instead of relaxing and actually enjoying the person they're dating, are always thinking about marriage... arrgghh... why would i want to spend my entire life with someone who can't even enjoy themselves now?!

[mistermasan]

i would like to try marriage. but then, i have never been in love.

[cj1976]

An excerpt from the British comedy series League of Gentlemen sums it marriage quite nicely:
"Endless nights in with nothing to say. Awkward fumblings between the sheets as your passion fades�the grinding tedium of enforced companionship."

[Riddzy]

I think Guy de Maupassant said something like "marriage is nothing but an exchange of bad tempers during the day, and bad smells at night.

[Young FRANKenstein]

[Control Z]

A marriage contract is a legal and financial arrangement, pure and simple. Being married is not necessary for one's personal happiness.

It can be a tremendous benefit to a financially weaker spouse though. Two of my female friends moved in with their boyfriends after dating for some time. One of them proposed getting engaged after six months of living together and the boyfriend freaked out (nervous) and kicked her out. Only his name was on the lease so she was really in a financial bind after that because she didn't make much money. In the other case, the couple got engaged after a year of living together and she started making all the wedding arrangements. He get cold feet about three months before the wedding date. It was really awkward and hard for her because she didn't have enough money to live on her own at that point. She didn't know if they would eventually still get married or even remain a couple. They unded up getting married, divorcing after 18 months, and then she moved back in with her parents.

The problem is that there is tremendous societal pressure to find a boyfriend/girlfriend, get married, etc. Many people don't get married for love. They're just thinking their future spouse "will do" or "This is what people do. You get married and have kids." People are terribly afraid of being alone and women especially are not encouraged to be self-sufficient and adventurous.

I could go on and on. The bottom line is that I feel marriage is not necessary except for legal reasons. Living together is fine as long as your financial bases are covered. Bringing kids into the world, married or not, is a whole 'nuther ball of wax.

[Flash Ipanema]

[Mix1]

[twg]

[Don Gately]

[JongnoGuru]

Basically.

[Control Z]

Flash Ipanema:

I actually agree with you. When I said �love,� I meant:

-looking at that person and wanting to spend the rest of your life with him/her

-taking your vows seriously and standing by your spouse�s side if he or she were to encounter some great misfortune

-thinking about your partner�s endearing qualities and asking yourself, �Why do I love him/her?� Are these long-lasting qualities that will keep us communicating, laughing and bonding in the future? Things like s*x, social circles, and money are basically short-term influences. I once had a guy tell me that he�d settle for his girlfriend to become his wife because �she gives great BJs.� Is she going to be doing that at 60? The answer is probably not. My female friend married her long-time boyfriend, they had a kid a year later, and they were divorced less than a year after that. She said he was �too nice.� You didn�t know that after years of dating and living together?

I�m always looking ahead and it�s my nature to be a forward thinker. I feel too many people are only thinking of now and not seriously considering the sacrifices and commitment required to maintain a marital relationship. It�s all about the margarita fountain at the wedding and putting on a show rather than thinking deeply about what you�re signing up for. It�s a huge commitment, one that is not necessary for people to make because of pressure, complacency, or desperation. Some people figure �He�ll change� or �It�ll all work out somehow� instead of really having serious and open communication with their partners about getting married and future expectations. I think we�re on the same page here.