Korean Job Discussion Forums

[FierceInvalid]

I'm just curious. I'm not currently in a serious relationship with a Korean girl but can see it happening at some point. Most of the talk about family reactions to relationships with foreigners is pretty daunting, and my longest-running Korean gf's parents never knew I existed.

I can't imagine trying to deal with the parents of a serious girlfriend/fiancee/wife if I couldn't speak Korean. But at the same time, I think most of the time they'd find a reason to disapprove anyway (I know this isn't universal). So how much do you guys think your Korean skills (or lack thereof) affect your relationship with the folks?

[Canuck]

Im learning Korean, slowly but Ive been noticing good progress lately, which is encouraging. Anyway, for me it hasnt hurt me one bit. However, I know that when I can finally speak it well, and have real conversations with her father, its only going to help.

[Cedar]

Invalid, I'm sorry but that's sort of a "Duh!" question, isn't it? Can you imagine asking someone who's permission you want to marry their daughter where the bathroom is through sign language? Can you imagine wanting your daughter to marry someone who's thougths and personality you are learning about second hand? The family objections are lower the more Koreanized the man seems, end of story.

[The Lemon]

[waterbaby]

My in-laws have asked me study Korean harder as they want to be able to just chat with me, rather than having to go through a translater. So yes, it would be a big bonus. Anyway, they've accepted me as one of their own, without even knowing me - guess I'm lucky (or just adorable )

[orpheusdown]

down

[mokpochica]

If I didn't speak any Korean I wouldn't be able to speak to anyone in my boyfriend's family, so I'm really thankful for what I know and use it (gramatically incorrect and all) to express as much as I can. They all seem to really appreciate my efforts and have accepted that I will marry into their family. I just wish I knew more so I could communicate better with them--especially with his mom--because from the conversations we've had I know that she worries about our money and living situation..and especially about the struggles her son will face when he goes to the US with me.

[kimcheeking]

Language was not important for me and the in-laws. They told me that as long as my wife loved me and I treated her well I was okay in thier books. I got that via translatations and hugs within one minute of meeting them.

I do however try to learn Korean and it helps if you are able to inquire into what's happening on a day to day basis. Once I finish my MA I will do some serious studying to up my fluency.

[liam]

To the guy looking to 'caer bien' with his in-laws:

Is Korean necessary? Well, quite obviously that depends on the 'folks'.

Let's start with the worst case scenario and by way of introduction, an anecdote and a true one at that.

A Chinese lady friend of mine once told me how she'd 'set' a young Korean (20 years) up with one of her, euphemistically speaking, more 'mature friends'. For the less politically correct, like myself, read: chubby and balding.

Well, with age and looks working against him, our friend didn't have much but the young starlet's flower and love blind trust that usually goes hand in hand (no pun intended).

Relationship progressed well. To keep it relevant, he didn't speak a damn word of Korean (the good part's coming up and I wouldn't want to spoil a good ending).

Anyway, the young un betrays selective details of her liason to Mom and Dad. If I remember correctly, she told her mother she'd met a man. God, women, all women, can be scheming. Nothing more. Dad doesn't worry though cause angel's coming home soon.

Another couple of weeks past. Mr. Businessman--he was fourty - fourty five or so at the time and divorced -- is, well, I guess doing what any divorced middle aged man would with a young virgin and time's running out.

The date on the girl's plane ticket isn't changing. By now, she's got most of her stuff at the guy's house. What a pickle!!!

Another call. This try she's a bit more frank and let's on that the guy is Canadian. Mom doesn't tell Dad. Her girl's coming home soon anyway. What the hell.

Well, back in Korea, the girl let's the bomb drop. Mom catches it of course. Her 'boyfriend' --there're already fiances--but, yeah, she's female, is coming to visit in two weeks.

Right here it is (mind you this is a very extreme case). Canuck gets on the plane, trusty and utterly useless Lonely Planet Phrase Book in hand. He's in the air; he's in Incheon airport. The shit eating grin hasn't leave his face.

There's my girl, he thinks. Behind her, the family.

Stone cold. Absolutely stone cold. The father and brother don't flinch, heh. Nearly fainted, if I remember correctly. You can imagine the silence. How fucking uncomfortable.

Korean middle-aged men are the biggest hard-ons anyway. But get them pissed and whew.

So the Canuck just standing there, Canadian flag stamped baggage all round him. He's ready for the big stay. But he's stopped smiling.

Girl takes folks over to one side.

To make a long story short Mr. Businessman was on the next flight back to Vancouver. Apparently, he made it as far as the girl's apartment. Daddy went for the baseball bat, a ardent fan of the game no doubt and literally chasing the bugger to the high hills.

My point:

Proceed with care. Divine as much as you can about the folks from your bird. What they say is true: daughter's are usually like their mothers. If she likes you and you can somehow stay away from Pops at least initially, chances are Mom will dig ya.

Navigating round the gentleman is the biggest problem, at least it was for me. In my experience, the less Korean you speak the better. Oh yeah, and it doesn't help if you are about the same age as the girl and physically pleasing to the eye.

Women are women. In a women dominated family--thank God my wife's was just that--quick ingratiation with the gentler sex works wonders.

No Korean man wants a foreigner anywhere near his daughter. That's fucking axiomatic and will never change; I don't care who the man is.

[Canuck]

[kimcheeking]

[Nabi]

I lived with my ex-boyfriend's parents for a while and I would say my Korean language level is low intermediate. I got on with them really well, great people. I didn't have any indepth conversations with them, just basic stuff. I always worried that if I did become really proficient in Korean that it could cause problems. I have pretty strong opinions about certain issues so I would hate to have had arguments with them. On the other hand it would have been really interesting hearing about their life stories and experiences.

[sid]

[Nabi]

That's wierd, cos I thought you were "basically a chilled-out entertainer"...[/quote]

A chilled-out entertainer.....with an alter ego

[Homer]

This is a no-brainer really.

Speaking the language of your in-laws will of course improve the relatrionship if only because of ease of communication.
There is a huge gap between talking to them through your spouse's translation and being able to have a direct conversation with them.
In fact, it doesn't even compare.
Also, even the in-laws say they don't care wether their foreign son/daugher in law learns Korean or not its still true they will greatly appreceate if you do.