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Resisting a Fling With the Director
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midwest



Joined: 25 Dec 2007

PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 6:43 pm    Post subject: Resisting a Fling With the Director Reply with quote

I was here just three days, ever so slightly jet-lagged, when I was asked to come to the school on Saturday morning. I thought this was for immigration issues, but the director said it was for a "tour" of the area. I agreed to go so that I did not appear uncooperative with the new boss.
After being taken miles into the mountains, I realized when we stopped at a romantic coffee house that he had hoped on seducing me that day. I pretended not to notice. He then took me to another restaurant that has enclosed rooms. He immediately ordered a bottle of soju. I was congenial, but I never permitted any flirting or touching. I was really disgusted knowing he is both married and that his wife is at the school everyday.
Finally, after an exhausting night, and finding out more information about my boss's personal life than I wanted to know, he took me home. Of course I refused to let him come inside the apartment.
He was shaky with lust at the school, following me around, taking photographs of me in the classrooms, attempting to make me stay in his office all during my free periods. Now I immediately leave the school between classes.
Now three weeks later he has grown to hate me. He criticizes me constantly, and his wife follows me around the school. I think she figured out his intentions and blames me for his behavior! I am so uncomfortable that I started looking for another position. What are the chances that he will permit me to leave the contract? On Friday before New Year's holiday, he was actually trying to be nice, almost apologetic. I say very little to him. He also asked me on Friday what I would be doing for the holiday. Of course, with our brief and painful history, I did not tell him my plans. Maybe he is really worried that I will leave and is trying to be nice.
One asks: How to handle this situation now? How do I get out of the contract and move on? I sense a very mean and short tempered man below his demeanor, I am afraid of him.
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ED209



Joined: 17 Oct 2006

PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 6:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You are been sexually harassed. You can either confront the boss and let him know his behaviour is of great concern to you(sometimes they just don't realize and think they need to try harder) and hope things get better. If you do want to change jobs then ask for a letter of release, if he refuses call his wife in to discuss your concerns. Labor may give you better advice than I just did, call 1350.
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CentralCali



Joined: 17 May 2007

PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 6:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Actually, the Prosecutor's Office may be the right place to pursue this issue.
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midwest



Joined: 25 Dec 2007

PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 7:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks. His wife understands little English, and he is a fluent speaker. I could only tell her through a note someone will help me to write. Letting the wife in on this I think, is the best way. Unless of course she knows that he continuously has affairs.
The labor board is the next best place.
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Trevor



Joined: 16 Nov 2005

PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 7:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Line something else up before you make a move to get out of the contract! That will put you in the safest position and your new employer may be helpful in dealing with the visa transfer.
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mrsquirrel



Joined: 13 Dec 2006

PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 7:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

^ DON"T let his wife know.

He can twist it so it's you coming onto him.

don't be stupid.

Speak to labour and the prosecutors office.

This is not a movie she won't run up an confront him, you will get the brunt of it and it will flash back in your face.

think about it.
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Netz



Joined: 11 Oct 2004
Location: a parallel universe where people and places seem to be the exact opposite of "normal"

PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 7:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

midwest wrote:
Thanks. His wife understands little English, and he is a fluent speaker. I could only tell her through a note someone will help me to write. Letting the wife in on this I think, is the best way. Unless of course she knows that he continuously has affairs.
The labor board is the next best place.


I'd say talking to the wife directly could potentially be a bad idea. Koreans, especially Korean women, will defend family members viciously, even when they know the person in question has behaved badly.

It has to do with losing face. She will have no other way to save face, than to refute your accusations against her husband.

If your boss is fluent in English, you might have a better chance talking to him privately. Tell him some lie about just having ended a long term relationship in the US, being on the rebound, how beatiful his wife is, and how lucky they are, and make sure it all sounds as unrelated and confabulated as possible. Top it off with "you think that you might be better off starting over somewhere else in Korea", and ask (beg lol), for his help.

This allows him to save face openly and privately, and get you the hell out of the situation with a minimal amount of drama.

Although you could just call the labor board, it might end up being a game of Russian Roulette.

Good Luck
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midwest



Joined: 25 Dec 2007

PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 7:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Actually Netz, I did this first, but have not followed through yet because I am having a series of interviews. I wrote a letter telling him how unqualified I was as a teacher (I used his criticisms in my letter), I told him I was too kind and friendly to the students and they could not take me seriously as a teacher. Anyway, I never once blamed him, I listed my defects in two brief paragraphs and incited him to find a better qualified teacher as soon as possible. I also "volunteered" to remain at the school until that teacher could be replaced, or, by February 15. Does that sound like it will work? I think it is a good plan.
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anyway



Joined: 22 Oct 2005

PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 7:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Netz wrote:
It has to do with losing face.


Quite literally for the wife, I'm afraid...
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Netz



Joined: 11 Oct 2004
Location: a parallel universe where people and places seem to be the exact opposite of "normal"

PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 8:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

midwest wrote:
Actually Netz, I did this first, but have not followed through yet because I am having a series of interviews. I wrote a letter telling him how unqualified I was as a teacher (I used his criticisms in my letter), I told him I was too kind and friendly to the students and they could not take me seriously as a teacher. Anyway, I never once blamed him, I listed my defects in two brief paragraphs and incited him to find a better qualified teacher as soon as possible. I also "volunteered" to remain at the school until that teacher could be replaced, or, by February 15. Does that sound like it will work? I think it is a good plan.


That sounds good to me.

Trust your instincts; you're the one in the situation.

No matter what, giving him a "way out" as your first option can't hurt, and it sounds like that's what you're trying to do.

If he's smart, he'll take it, if not, then immediately follow through with the legal course of action. Do not hesitate.

Hopefully he'll realize that it's in both your best interests� to break camp, and send you on your way. If not, you may have to "teach" him that sexual harassment will not be tolerated.

The Korean courts have been very liberal in regards to sexual discrimination law enforcement in the last few years, and he's treading on dangerous ground.

It's too bad you didn't have any of the harassment documented (audio/video), blackmail and extortion are highly effective methods of Korean negotiating. Twisted Evil
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twavelingteacher



Joined: 26 Jun 2007
Location: South Korea

PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 8:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have seen this happen before. The wife will blame you if she finds out, to save face and as a from of denial. So will the man.
You need to get out of there asap.
Do not stay there and find another job.
Seriously, leave.
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midwest



Joined: 25 Dec 2007

PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 8:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks, I vow to leave, even if that means going back to Canada. If I am accepted at one of the other positions, and he agrees, everything will be OK. The only other resistance I have here, is that the places that have interviewed me, are reluctant to offer me a job because of the current validity of my contract. They want to see a letter of release. I hope he lets me go peacefully.
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The_Conservative



Joined: 15 Mar 2007

PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 9:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Check your contract. Does he pay pension or medical insurance? If not you've got some cards you can play in exchange for the letter of release.
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shaunew



Joined: 17 Apr 2007
Location: Calgary

PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 9:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I hate to say it but welcome to Korea, it does not really get any better then this. If the owner is not sexual harassing you, they are not paying you or giving it to you anyway they can.
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midwest



Joined: 25 Dec 2007

PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 9:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

He pays pension and insurance. He has resisted getting the materials together for the ARC card. That is another reason I have been hesitant to resign as "the worst possible and least qualified teacher." Do I have to have my ARC card before moving on?
The previous ARC form can no longer be downloaded.
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