Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Gulukovich]

I joined this board cause I've been seeking help in a dire situation that I'm in and it seems there is no way out of it for me. I am currently working in a middle school Korea, and I'm in a relationship with a Korean woman that has turned into a physhotic mess.

We've been dating for 1 year 4months and have been living together for 8 of those months. During our time together, she has demanded (as a Korean wife) to control all the money I make as she says it is her right. I'm not engaged to her, nor married to her, but she insists this is her right. Just last August she threatened to break up with me if I didn't give her my bank card. I relunctantly gave it to her, cause I had feelings for her at the time, and was willing to give it a shot. However, I couldn't keep inside the lack of independence I once had, so I told her this traditional style korean marriage convention was not for me. But at this point it started to get slowly worse and worse with her control. Suffice to say over time my feelings gradually changed towards her, and I tried to break up with her. She refused and said I have to try more, and that it's her decision to make not mine, since she's invested so much time in our relationship and all that. She then started to interfere with my work contract by phoning the school asking questions about my own personal business, money, emotional abuse etc...

Cut to last week where again we had a serious argument, because my feelings about her are nonexistent now. She refuses to break up with me, and makes insane accusations. All I do is go to work and promptly come home, but one night last week she wanted to talk to me. Shen then abruptly accuses me of having an affair with a coteacher at work. She persists with this talk even though I told her it's not true. She wonders what other reason could there be for her and I not being intimate for a long time. She thinks it's because of another woman. She doesn't understand that it's because of the things going wrong in our own relationship and that I don't want to be forced to marry someone like her that has become so controlling, emotionally abusive, continuing accuses me with insane illogical arguments, etc... She accused me of this affair for about 30minutes. Finally I had enough and said I can no longer endure this kind of bullshit so I want you to leave. She wouldn't leave.

Here's where it gets bad...I try to take her outside, but she goes to the kitchen and grabs a big kitchen knife and threatens to kill me repeatedly while slashing the knife around in the air, against the bed, against the doors. She follows me around the room, and I'm obviously scared out of my wits, for about an hour it seemed. I finally managed to get to the kitchen and grab a chair to keep in front of me. I go outside to the neighbor and ask them to please call the police. I'll try to summarize better now... Police came and did nothing, and since that night she has repeatedly threatened to kill me if I even make her angry let alone try and 'garbage' her as she says it. Just last night she again threatens me by saying she'll call the police and tell them I hit her, or go to the school or call head education office. I actually have an audio file of all her accusations unbenownst to her. So I talked to the school about this, the Canadian embassy, the superintendent, and nothing seems to be possible. They don't want to help and even say as much that it's a private matter. And yet she's so controlling and gives me threats, etc.

Is there any way to get her out of my place or out of this situation? It's like I have absolutely no right for anything now. So she's free to do what she wants and control all aspects of my life? I have a right not to marry her, but I can't even get control of my own money, can't even defend myself verbally as she threatens to go crazy again? I'm taking her threats very seriously, hence this posting here to try and find out all pertinent and relevant information possible. Someone out there please shed some light on what her rights are, and if she indeed does go to the police or Ed office, or school and says some lame bullshit, that I'm ok? I just don't know what to do. AmI legally allowed to just get some people and move all her stuff out and change the locks? What's the deal? Thanks in advance

[Css]

Its your house right? Just change the locks, leave her stuff outside..

Inform the school and let them know she is a nutjob and may well try to cause trouble..ditto the police, just to have something on record...


and make sure your health insurance payments are up to date for when she cuts off the meat and two veg.

[mikeyboy122]

Man, If you're for real, someone's gotta go. I can offer no real advice other than talking to your school about changing residence if an apartment becomes available. Good luck. Maybe a Korean or an old timer will chime in.

[darkcity]

close your bank account? you can do it without a bank card i'd imagine.

[nicholas_chiasson]

ok...what to do? Are you serious? I don't think so. But if you are. Drug her. Yep. Buy a serious bottle of booze,(whiskey is good) crush up some sleeping tablets and put her to sleep. Get your bankcard back from her, and move out. Tell your school you want to move out to another location, and if they can't help you, you'll resign. That will scare them.

[PeteJB]

And think about tricking her too. Into believing you are agreeing and being nice about everything, just to avoid being killed that is while thinking up a good game plan.

[bassexpander]

Hi,

Well, every one of my relationships in Korea has been like that. I'm sure every single guy can relate. Maybe you missed the sticky about keeping knives locked-up and heavy objects bolted to the floor? Abuse of foreigners by females is a serious problem here. In relationship after relationship, I've been treated like nothing but a sexual object/ATM to be owned and ordered at will. I've been castrated twice and had to have it reattached, but hey, that's dating in Korea.

Best advice I can give you is to pile her stuff out on the curb and just lock the door. Maybe stay in a hotel for a week. Tell the landlord not to let her in.

[mistermasan]

close out bank account. leave.

[just because]

Sounds like even if you dump all her stuff she will still not go...if she is stabbing at the air at knives that would be warning bells enough as here in Korea nobody will help you. She will manipulate the police and it will be all your fault. She can tell them you raped her and bashed her(she sounds loony enough) and it would be your word against hers and you will lose and who knows what might happen then.

I would move, I know it isn't easy but I would move far far away...if you want to stay in Korea to the opposite end of the country....

I had a similar experience(not quite as hard core though) in Japan with a girl who i dated for almost 3 years(the first 2 years were great) and she was getting nutty, jealous and possessive at the end of it for not much of a reason. I broke up but it went in one ear and out the other like I never said it. She didn't think we had as far as she was concerned so it wasn't true.
I had to leave Japan as she would have found me...she threatened to come to Korea but I told her good luck and she didn't bother. She went to my moms house in Australia and had a knife and threatened to slit it.

Just leave and don't look back for a while....she will find someone else soon enough and she won't be your problem anymore.

[IncognitoHFX]

Dude, she's winning. You're letting her win. It's your house, it's your job, it's your life, and you've made it clear that you don't want her in any aspect of it.

Make her leave. Tell everyone involved what is going on first, and put her stuff outside. Get all your finances separated from her. Open a new bank account if you have to.

Also, if you can, get your boss to explain to your superintendent that you would prefer it if she didn't come in your building.

[jvalmer]

Still can't believe you gave her access to your bank account...

[spliff]

Must be a troll nobody could be that *beep* whipped.

[maeil]

Change your phone number. If you have mutual friends with your girlfriend, I'd wager that you probably want to disassociate yourselves from them, too.

Does anyone know if there is such a thing as a police report here? Have it on record, with your voice recording as evidence, that she has made these threats against you?

I wish you luck, man. Until everything gets sorted out you might want to crash at a friend's house for a while.

[Benicio]

Be very careful whit your next steps.

Go to your school/directors and police again, so you have it on record what is happening.
It sounds like this girl will do as much as she can to destroy your life if you try to remove her from it.
There are many stories of exes accusing foreign males from everything like rape to drugs to anything else you can think of to ruin a person.
When she is out, change the locks, but make sure you go with someone from your school to inform the landlord and kyungbee ajoshi that she is not to be allowed back in without your permission.
If you don't do this, they WILL let her back in and she will probably do waht happened to a guy who's Korean girlfriend did when she found out he was unfaithful.
She waited until he was out, had the guard let her in his apartment with some explanation about needing to get inside. The guard let her in, no problem. She destroyed his computer, stereo, guitar and all other possessions, then took all his clothes outside, put lighter fluid on them and set them on fire. He had no possessions left.
If you are alone with her, hide the knives.
She is a bully and they only succeed when you let them. She's continuing with this abuse as long as you let her.
Get out from under, but do it carefully.
Good luck!

[indytrucks]