Korean Job Discussion Forums

[waltjocketty]

I don't know who this person is, but I was doing a naver search for Japanese Ramen in Seoul and somehow ended up at this website, which had me cracking up and my girlfriend telling me to stop being racist. It's definitely a well-thought out explanation of the Korean psyche from the perspective of an American:

You know you're Korean When:1) You're 12-years old and you don't go home until 10 pm. 2) And yet when you're unmarried at 25, you have to be home by ten. 3) You wrap kimchi around your rice before eating it. 4) You stare like a blinded deer in headlights at anyone different. 5) You attempt to go into the subway or elevator before the people get out. 6) If you ain't chewing and slurping your food at a loud volume then you obviously ain't enjoying it. 7) You "slightly disregard" traffic rules. Like stopping at crosswalks for those pesky pedestrians. You go home and everything smells bad. 9) You think having 4 seasons is really special. 10) You describe any girl over 110 pounds as "fat." 11) Your closet is full of black, brown, and grey clothes. 12) You suddenly want to go to Prague or Bali because you saw them on a Korean drama. 13) You drive out of a blind alley at 60 km/h. 14) You're an "expert" at making ramyen noodles. 15) You try the doorknob instead of ringing the doorbell or knocking first. 16) You eat more off your friend's plate than your own. 17) You answer the phone with a loud warbling Wieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee???????? 1 Your favorite teacher is the one that beats you the hardest. 19) The national hero you admire most is the one who has a nuclear bomb pointed at you. 20) You watch "Planet of the Apes" and you really identify with the apes or it hits too close to home. Either way, deep down you don't like the movie. 21) You appear to be thinking you look quite dignified while drinking your shooter of 2 cent booze after noisily slurping octopus. 22) You're dropping a log in the squatter and spit on the floor in front of you, thus clearing two orifices at once. Korean multi-tasking. 23) You jump out of the shower at the local gym and stand naked in front of the mirror blow drying your family jewels. 24) You grab the communal toothbrush at the gym and take it into the shower with you! 25) Even though you weigh 120 you have to try and out bench the 190 pound guy, because he's a foreigner. 26) You think that your mom's kimchi can cure your grandma's halitosis and your grandpa's cancer.27) Your cell phone has more than 20 pictures stored on it...of yourself. 2 There's more toilet paper in your dining room than your bathroom. 29) You believe that flushing toilet paper down the toilet will clog up the plumbing so instead, throw your shitty paper in a bin next to the toilet. 30) You are no longer bothered by the old Korean lady (ajumma) shoving a mop between your legs as you stand at the urinal.31) You view the handicapped-ramped crosswalks as a perfect place to jimmy your car into at an angle. Pedestrians and handicapped people be damned- you need to park!. 32) You hang a plastic glove filled with water in the window because you believe mosquitoes and flies are scared of their reflection. 33) You look at thin blonde women and assume they are Russian hookers. 34) You open all of your windows in the middle of winter and crank up the heat. 35) You're standing in the shower at the Sauna and offer to scrub a total stranger's back. 36) You don't think it's at all weird to share a hot tub butt naked with a grandfather and his two grandsons. 37) You open the window a crack when your fan is running, just in case because you think running fans can kill you!3 You've traveled to various places in the world and when asked about whether you liked the food or not, you say, "I don't know." "Did you try the food?" "No. Well, only the chicken. The only food I ate in Germany was chicken." 39) You dial a wrong number, proceed to yell at the people on the other end of the line for not being the people you were trying to call, hang up on them in a huff......and then hit redial. 40) You do exactly what your boss tells you to do, no matter how stupid and idiotic. 41) You would never dream of asking to get paid extra for the overtime worked. 42) You feel well rewarded for the long hours and sacrifice if you get taken out for sam-gap-sal (Pork BBQ)and a few hours in a singing room once or twice a year. 43) You sleep under a piece of oversized gauze and call it a sheet. 44) You put sweet potato on pizza. 45) You think picking your teeth or nose in public isn't polite...unless you oh so discreetly do it with one hand covering up your activity. 46) You push, claw, and elbow your way to position yourself to be the first to exit the subway car, and then right after you exit, you walk at a snail's pace. 47) You go on a nice beach vacation, where you sit under the beautiful shade of your huge umbrella fully clothed, wearing a Darth Vader visor covered in sun tan lotion, refusing to go near the water. 4 You eat dog because it supposedly gives your four thrusts instead of three.49) After going to the washroom, you wash your hands for 1 second under ice cold water and dry them in your hair. 50) You open up a new business with an arch of balloons and two dancing girls. 51) You proudly adorn your new business with a sign that reads: "SINCE 2005" 52) You close the business two years later after realizing there were already ten nearly identical businesses on the same block. 53) You would rather park on the sidewalk than the huge parking lot 5 feet away. 54) You drive for 5 hours to spend 30 minutes at some over crowded tourist trap. 55) You order a side of kimchi to go with your steak. 56) You ask the foreigner next to you if he can use chopsticks, while he is eating with chopsticks. 57) You deny that Koreans still eat dog, after the foreigner next to you has just said, "Last night I went out for dog with some Korean friends, it was better than I thought it would be!" 5 You think eating eel will give you a hard-on, but eating bean sprouts will make you lose it, and the reasoning behind both is: "the shape". 59) You correct the pronunciation of the American in the back of your cab, by saying: "Ahh...you meaneuh Joji Bushi..." 60) You think your foreign co-worker's fridge is full of coca-cola, burgers, ready-made sandwiches and spaghetti. 61) You think the messages of the Buddha and Jesus are perfectly compatible with the statement: "Koreans are a superior race." 62) You base that superiority on being a descendent of a bear that ate garlic. 63) And you claim the above is only a myth, but you believe it. And that makes sense to you. 64) No one in your country has AIDS, but "kimchi" can cure it. 65) You are a young man who really believes in a future Asian revolution, after which you, as a Korean, will be administering an Asian dominated autocracy in which Chinese labor and Japanese technology are under your boot. But whitey is way under that, and Africa and Southeast Asia have somehow disappeared. You perform self-love to this fantasy daily. 66) You laugh at your foreign co-worker's "Brooseuh Williseuh" shaved head, while pressing down your comb-over with a hand covered in your own saliva. 67) Your students try to convince you that Catholics are NOT Christians. 6 Your students tell you that they are devout Catholics but don't know who the Pope is. 69) You order pizza and it comes with corn and mayonnaise as well as a side serve of pickles to put on top. 70) You think that smoking in a crowded restaurant (with a no smoking sign) or any other place is perfectly acceptable behavior for men but woman who smoke in public are clearly prostitutes. 71) Your students are convinced that music by The Beatles is hard core rock'n'roll. 72) You see a flashing green walking man in the distance indicating that pedestrians may cross...and you run at full pelt, as though you were running away from a T-Rex, to cross the road. God forbid having to wait 2 minutes until the next one. 73) You think that the sink in the bathroom/public toilet is for fixing your hair and appearance and NOT for washing your hands after going to the toilet. 74) You have a terrible cold and it doesn't occur to you that coughing in other people's faces and food will make them sick too. 75) You honestly believe foreigners care about whose island takashimi/dokdo is! 76) You think an ambulance with a siren blazing is just another car. Therefore, you need not make way. 77) You hear the monthly air-raid sirens you are totally unfazed and go about your business. 7 You stick a needle in your thumb to relieve indigestion. 79) You wear an undershirt with a t-shirt. 80) You own a cell phone with a built-in breathalyzer. 81) Your main purpose of going to the office everyday is to persuade your colleagues into a night of drinking. 82) Low cut, v-neck, floral print, pink t-shirt, shiny jeans, and Paris Hilton-esque sunglasses are perfectly acceptable items for a heterosexual man to wear for a night on the prowl. 83) You put corn on/in any kind of Western food. 84) You warn your visiting friends/family about how hot ALL Korean food is... and check to make sure they can eat it when they're half done. 85) You understand why prior to a given date there will be no heat and after a given date there will no longer be heat, regardless of the weather. 86) You cover your mouth when you laugh or smile but not when you cough or sneeze. 87) In the winter (-10 degree weather), you wear short skirts, but in the summer(in +40 weather) you cover all skin with jeans and a sweater because that's the fashion. 8 You don't wear deodorant because 'Koreans don't sweat. 89) You whine in the voice that is eerily similar to a spoiled toddler that didn't get his way that the weather is cold. But, you refuse to put on anything more than a spring jacket and panty-hose to keep out the cold because it isn't fashionable. You further refrain from covering your hair in any fashion because it may ruin your hair. 90) You press the button to call the elevator and stare at the display with disgust that it did not immediately respond and then hop on the elevator and fail to press a button for the floor you want.. which causes you to get more disgusted when the door opens on the wrong floor. 91) You acknowledge that while western men are granted a larger "endowment" that they are incapable of keeping it "vertical".. hence the western medical invention known as Viagra. 92) The concept of placing a shoe on a chair is the most disgusting thing in the world but not washing your hands after going to the bathroom is alright as long as you didn't take a dump. 93) You swear that every white man you see is in Korea for the women. 94) You affirm that love motels are for young adults in love who still live at home or for foreigners but don't know any married indivduals who use the motels with someone other than their spouse. 95) The sight of a drunk man stumbling through the streets, talking to himself, and kicking things at 1 o'clock in the afternoon on a weekday doesn't phase you.. --------

stolen from: http://ihaveseoul.blogspot.com/2006/02/yes-you-are-korean.html

[drunkenfud]

I'm sure this list came from a thread on this board last year, but since the search function is down I can't find it.

[waltjocketty]

[billybrobby]

most of these are just complaints with no real attempt to make them funny.

[spliff]

Must not be too good i couldn't get half way through before giving it up as not being funny. I though this was supposed to "crack one up"?

[genezorm]

some of them are true and a bit humorous...
but a lot of them are just ridiculing korean culture because it's different from western culture

[endo]

[xingyiman]

And like Jeff Foxworthy they quickly lose their appeal and become annoying. I honestly never really understood the Jeff Foxworthy phenomenon, although he ate at a restaurant I once worked at and seemed like a nice guy. Everytime I think of his jokes I am confronted by mental images of "roadkill cafe" t-shirts.

[JustJohn]

I think I've read it before, but still thought it was rather funny.

58 blows my mind...