Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Thiuda]

Hello, children: I am God.

Given your interest in discussing whether or not I exist, I have chosen to answer any questions you may have regarding creation, the purpose of life, or any other matter that may interest you. Don't be shy, it's a PR exercise designed to lift my popularity rating out of the dumps.

Now, a logical starting point is of course, "Where have you been for the last 1967 years?" Well, that's a somewhat embarrassing question, but I think you have a right to an answer. After Jesus got crucified, I was pretty pissed off and decided to go down to Odin's for a beer. My cousin Allah came over to and brought some of those delicious spare ribs his wife makes. There was a lot of food, so we decided to call Zeus and Kali to join us for dinner and some world watching; humans can be so damn funny. Kali made some fiery fockin' curry and Tangun came as well, bringing loads of that Soju his Koreans think of so highly.

The evening was pretty wild. Once we got pretty hammered, Zeus suggested we play some truth or dare. It sounded like a really good idea at the time, but ended in a little bit of a calamity. It started pretty harmlessly, with Zeus daring Odin to scare the shit out of the Danes, which he did by sending his retarded son Grendel down. It was pretty funny seeing all those Danes being killed. Anyway, next was Kali who decided against a dare and was asked by Tangun if it was true that she once gave Vishnu, Rama, Shiva and Krishna a hand job while blowing Hanuman. She didn't want to answer the question, but since I'm omniscient I know it's true. After that it was my turn. I didn't really want to play, so I decided to answer a question. Kali was still pretty embarrassed, so she asked me whether or not I had once had sex with Allah's wife. I'm pretty sure that Allat must have told her, so I said, "Yeah, it's true." Before I could explain that it had happened prior to being married to Allah, he was already stabbing me with one of those curved swords he insists on carrying around everywhere. I'm immortal, so I don't really care, but it does kinda hurt. Kali and Zeus separated us, but, man, was Allah ever pissed. He told me that he'd never talk to me again and promised me that he'd make sure that my people were wiped off the face of this earth, which, coincidentally, is what the suicide bombers are really all about. It also explains why Allah taught his people to have such a hate-on for women; basically, he's pissed at me for screwing his wife before he did, and is taking it out on them.

In the end, Odin had to ask Allah to leave, which he did after puking on Kali. We drank a little more after that, which was a bad idea, since we were all really wrecked. After a while all of us started felling pretty bad. First Zeus had to puke, then me as well, and finally Kali and Tangun to. We figured it was the ribs, Allah must have cursed them while he was leaving.

I don't know how I got home, but when I woke up this morning I was soooo sick. I was puking, my head was pounding, and, on top of that, Allat's ribs and Kali's curry had been fermenting in my ass and I had the worst diarrhea. So, yeah, that's basically why I've been gone for a while; I was really hung-over and had a terrible case of the runs. I'm sorry to have left you all by yourself for so long, but I'm back now, so let's kick some Muslim ass!

Oh, one more thing. nobbyken, it's OK to engage in a little bit of self-love, you can stop self-flagellating yourself now. And stop asking me why Santa hasn't come since you were 15 (hint: He's got an alcohol abuse problem).

[nobbyken]

Nice attempt at humour Thiuda, and no flagellating here.
God created us in His image, and all he makes is good. Love yourself, because you are a miracle of creation: wonderfully made.

Marvel at what is created, but verily I say unto you,"Love the creator first".

Peace and Love,
Have a wonderful week,
Ken


ps-Praying for you.

[OneWayTraffic]

[JMO]

[skconqueror]

The "god" sock has been done before and actually done much better

[arjuna]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3r4xYqhc3Ns

[flakfizer]

[bovinerebel]

Too slow. I wrote a play when I was 17 with the premise that God had been randomly smiting everyone the last few years due to a cronic drinking problem(Daddy issues) and was either drunk at the wheel or hungover.