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PeterDragon
Joined: 15 Feb 2007
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 Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 1:47 am Post subject: xZZZZZZZZZ |
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I'xz
Last edited by PeterDragon on Mon Aug 15, 2016 12:02 am; edited 1 time in total |
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bogey666
Joined: 17 Mar 2008
Location: Korea, the ass free zone
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| Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 2:16 am Post subject: Re: Sudden homesickness syndrome |
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| PeterDragon wrote: |
I've been in Korea a little over a year. Although I come here to bitch about things from time to time, all in all I like it. I have the most fulfilling, highest paying AND easiest job I've ever had, and a fair amount of good friends, both Korean and expat.
Over the last week or so though, I've become abruptly homesick, so homesick that I'm clinically depressed. Suddenly everything here feels unnatural and uncomfortable, even the good things, and all I can think about is the sense of belonging I felt back in the American Upper Midwest.
Wave after wave of good things keep happening to me--- pay raises, social and romantic successes, having the small community I teach in treat me almost as one of their own, yet suddenly my skin is crawling. No matter how many great things happen all I can think is how badly I want to be in my old life, working an admittedly crappy office job, living in the burbs, and hanging out with other Northwoodsers, and how incomplete I feel out here.
This feeling came on very abruptly, so I don't know whether to trust it. Lord knows every external indicator says I should stick it out for another year or two before going home/elsewhere, but emotionally I'm not feeling it AT ALL. Has anyone else here had similar experiences? |
I think sporadic episodes of this are inevitable, I wouldn not even be shocked if it/ some were to happen to me, despite the fact I despised my life in the US with complaints that mirror your own.
Keep in mind emotions are for women. You are supposed to control your emotions and think rationally.
and at least let some time pass before making any rash decisions.
if you're really worried , go to Costco or somewhere like that and buy yourself a gallon of Haagen Daz ice cream, buy a pirated DVD of an Oprah show and stay in bed also accompanied by a good book.
it works for the girls, no?  |
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icicle
Joined: 09 Feb 2007
Location: Gyeonggi do Korea
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| Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 2:37 am Post subject: |
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I know that I have read in more than one place that homesickness/depression in cross-cultural situations like we are in is very common at around the 8-12 month mark - so after you have felt relatively settled/ok/positive about living and working here - So you are really in what could I guess be seen as the danger period for it - What you need to do is to work out whether you can / want to work through it -
I know that for myself in retrospect I could see / feel like you have described at around the 7/8 month mark - And I made the decision then to go home - and gave a good reason and worked out around 7 weeks of notice with no problem from the school - And I also know that as soon as I got back I had an immediate thought that the "stress" I had been feeling had simply "disappeared" ...
But just under 4 months later I am back here working in Seoul ... And not feeling stressed or depressed ... I think it only took me a couple of months to make the decision to come back ... and to make changes in where I was and the sort of job I was doing to better suit me ... So even though I have education qualifications much loved by Public Schools I made the decision to try for a Hagwon position ... I really hated and found stressful the constant need to be at school with nothing I had to do ... and where requests for something to do went nowhere ... I like to be busy ... and to me a lot of work is not stressful .. I also made the decision to apply for a Kindergarten/Elementary job because I don't find working with younger kids stressful ... and also thought that the much smaller class sizes would be better for me ... And I will admit that 7-8 in a class is very much easier and I think more effective than the average 40 in my middle school. I also made the decision to apply for jobs in Seoul rather than outside of it ... Because many of the things that I wanted/needed meant time consuming travel to get to in Seoul ...
I guess that what I did which made the difference for me (and might be worth trying) is that I looked at what in the situation had created the most stress / tension for me and looked at what I could do which would help to resolve it ... I think that I did need to be out of the situation to do that ... But I don't think that is essential ... I would try to look at what is going on / what specifically are issues/problems/concerns for you ... What you are finding most difficult ... and think about what you could do to make it different ... I guess literally brainstorming either yourself or with other people including the people here ... And that could include doing whatever you can to be less isolated than you perhaps are ... Sometimes it is actually little things which can make a world of difference ...
Icicle |
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Sody
Joined: 14 May 2006
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| Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 6:28 am Post subject: |
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I think most of us can understand what the OP is going through. I think one of the BEST ways to tackle such phases - and that is exactly what you are going through, a phase - is to watch American TV or movies.
That's why I strongly recommend that all teachers here get a computer with Internet and learn about bittorrents. Download all your favorite shows or new shows that you like and watch them regularly. It really helps a lot and gives you a sense of the culture back home that you can't get from everyday life here in Korea. Even if you have cable there are only certain tv shows and movies that they show here in Korea. With bittorrents you can watch what you want most of the time. It will help you until your culture shock phase goes away. |
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bogey666
Joined: 17 Mar 2008
Location: Korea, the ass free zone
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| Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 6:33 am Post subject: |
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| Sody wrote: |
I think most of us can understand what the OP is going through. I think one of the BEST ways to tackle such phases - and that is exactly what you are going through, a phase - is to watch American TV or movies.
That's why I strongly recommend that all teachers here get a computer with Internet and learn about bittorrents. Download all your favorite shows or new shows that you like and watch them regularly. It really helps a lot and gives you a sense of the culture back home that you can't get from everyday life here in Korea. Even if you have cable there are only certain tv shows and movies that they show here in Korea. With bittorrents you can watch what you want most of the time. It will help you until your culture shock phase goes away. |
I have yet to turn on my TV...
but I use the Internet to watch a lot of stuff back from the US that interests me.
a lot of political stuff.. msnbc has lots of videos from shows I used to watch.
and you can watch full episodes of Leno and OBrien as well as SNL and 30 Rock etc on NBC's website for FREE.
so if that's your recipe for his blues, I would strongly recommend he utilize such free web resources on top of your torrent recommendations.
I also stay on top of my rotisserie baseball league and will be playing fantasy football come fall
given the facts he listed about his situation back in US and his "successes" (truly great, in professional as well as personal sphere) in korea, I'm a little surprised, but everyone is wired differently and reacts differently. I'd be curious if he ever had a similar reaction before.
anyways.. lots of free media stuff online if inclined and or interested. |
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Join Me
Joined: 14 Jan 2008
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| Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 7:19 am Post subject: |
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I would say what you are feeling is very normal. I go through periods where I absolutely love my life here and periods where I am ready to pack it up and go home. I often wonder how I can feel such opposing feelings about the same country and same people. I know this place doesn't change that frequently so in my down times I figure I am the problem.
I think one important thing about keeping a positive attitude when here is to remind yourself you are here of your own free will. You sound like you have the money to leave tomorrow if you wanted to. Something is keeping you here though. You just have to sit down and think about what it is. Sometimes it is easy to romanticize the lives we all left behind. It is also normal to mourn them a bit. I have learned to live through the lows because overall I am happy here now. I accept that won't last forever so I plan for tomorrow. When the day comes I am no longer happy, there are many things I am interested in doing...I will also have the money in the bank to pursue them. |
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PeterDragon
Joined: 15 Feb 2007
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| Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 1:39 pm Post subject: |
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[xzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxz
Last edited by PeterDragon on Mon Aug 15, 2016 12:03 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Draz
Joined: 27 Jun 2007
Location: Land of Morning Clam
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| Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 2:41 pm Post subject: |
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| PeterDragon wrote: |
Ignoble as it seems, my main goal in life, even now, is to teach ESL til I've saved up enough money that I can go home and work some low-paying-but-fun dead end job in good conscience, without worrying about the fact that I'm not able to save up. A couple more years here oughtta do me, if I can hold out. |
I'm not feeling homesick right now but I completely understand this topic. My life back home was crappy but it was so so comfortable. If I could do the job I had in university without having to be in university or worry about money..... damn. Just damn. |
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ReeseDog
Joined: 05 Apr 2008
Location: Classified
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| Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 2:52 pm Post subject: Re: Sudden homesickness syndrome |
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| bogey666 wrote: |
| PeterDragon wrote: |
I've been in Korea a little over a year. Although I come here to bitch about things from time to time, all in all I like it. I have the most fulfilling, highest paying AND easiest job I've ever had, and a fair amount of good friends, both Korean and expat.
Over the last week or so though, I've become abruptly homesick, so homesick that I'm clinically depressed. Suddenly everything here feels unnatural and uncomfortable, even the good things, and all I can think about is the sense of belonging I felt back in the American Upper Midwest.
Wave after wave of good things keep happening to me--- pay raises, social and romantic successes, having the small community I teach in treat me almost as one of their own, yet suddenly my skin is crawling. No matter how many great things happen all I can think is how badly I want to be in my old life, working an admittedly crappy office job, living in the burbs, and hanging out with other Northwoodsers, and how incomplete I feel out here.
This feeling came on very abruptly, so I don't know whether to trust it. Lord knows every external indicator says I should stick it out for another year or two before going home/elsewhere, but emotionally I'm not feeling it AT ALL. Has anyone else here had similar experiences? |
I think sporadic episodes of this are inevitable, I wouldn not even be shocked if it/ some were to happen to me, despite the fact I despised my life in the US with complaints that mirror your own.
Keep in mind emotions are for women. You are supposed to control your emotions and think rationally.
and at least let some time pass before making any rash decisions.
if you're really worried , go to Costco or somewhere like that and buy yourself a gallon of Haagen Daz ice cream, buy a pirated DVD of an Oprah show and stay in bed also accompanied by a good book.
it works for the girls, no? |
Dude - did you just call the OP an emotional little bitch?  |
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Vagrantlest
Joined: 03 May 2008
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| Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 3:23 pm Post subject: Re: Sudden homesickness syndrome |
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| ReeseDog wrote: |
| bogey666 wrote: |
I think sporadic episodes of this are inevitable, I wouldn not even be shocked if it/ some were to happen to me, despite the fact I despised my life in the US with complaints that mirror your own.
Keep in mind emotions are for women. You are supposed to control your emotions and think rationally.
and at least let some time pass before making any rash decisions.
if you're really worried , go to Costco or somewhere like that and buy yourself a gallon of Haagen Daz ice cream, buy a pirated DVD of an Oprah show and stay in bed also accompanied by a good book.
it works for the girls, no? |
Dude - did you just call the OP an emotional little bitch? |
Sometimes you gotta be rought o snap people out of it. Im pretty sure this happens for most peope and I would think the best advise would be to figure out whats best without emotions, which as youve posted seems to be SK, and then stick it out. If you start to go crazy youll go home in a crazy episode anyways. Good luck to you. |
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PeterDragon
Joined: 15 Feb 2007
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| Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 4:09 pm Post subject: Re: Sudden homesickness syndrome |
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| ReeseDog wrote: |
Dude - did you just call the OP an emotional little bitch? |
I wasn't offended.
| Draz wrote: |
If I could do the job I had in university without having to be in university or worry about money..... damn. Just damn. |
A soldier buddy of mine elected to stay in Korea after his discharge for just that reason. "If I work here several years, I can go back home and make a career decision not based on money," as he put it. |
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bogey666
Joined: 17 Mar 2008
Location: Korea, the ass free zone
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| Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 7:59 pm Post subject: |
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| PeterDragon wrote: |
| bogey666 wrote: |
given the facts he listed about his situation back in US and his "successes" (truly great, in professional as well as personal sphere) in korea, I'm a little surprised, but everyone is wired differently and reacts differently. I'd be curious if he ever had a similar reaction before.
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This is the first time I've really gone through this. this is also the first time I've ever really lived outside of my own country, or even outside of the Great Lakes region.
I think one of the problems I have is that, even though things are better here, the life I left behind was one I enjoyed a lot. I had fun at my job in spite of the fact that it wasn't a particularly "good" job, and my routine, while dull, was one I was comfortable with.
Ignoble as it seems, my main goal in life, even now, is to teach ESL til I've saved up enough money that I can go home and work some low-paying-but-fun dead end job in good conscience, without worrying about the fact that I'm not able to save up. A couple more years here oughtta do me, if I can hold out. |
AHA. First time outside of your immediate coccoon. That makes more sense.
i have a harder time relating because I was always HAPPY/happier being outside of the US. I come back thinking.. hey I can do the same thing I did overseas back home,, but it never works out that way and I ultimately turn miserable, fall into a US "rut".
Keep your head high, take long walks and think about your life and what you enjoy about it, what you don't, what you want out of it, etc.
As you get older, you will become more comfortable and more knowledgeable about the decision you make.
I could be wrong, but I suspect your current listed "long term goal", you will discard down the road.
but I could be wrong.
I just don't see how you can save up ENOUGH to then make a career decision that completely ignored the monetary element.
remember, life changes, you change, your priorities change.
and then they change AGAIN.. (and again
enjoy your ride.. roll with the tide..
life's too short.. it sucks and then you die.
Seems to me your Korean experience, even if it's meant to be temporary is the kind almost every person here would wish to have. |
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PeterDragon
Joined: 15 Feb 2007
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| Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 10:19 pm Post subject: |
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[ssssssssssssss
Last edited by PeterDragon on Mon Aug 15, 2016 12:04 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Mint
Joined: 08 May 2008
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| Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 11:29 pm Post subject: |
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| PeterDragon wrote: |
| bogey666 wrote: |
I could be wrong, but I suspect your current listed "long term goal", you will discard down the road.
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It's a distinct possibility. My original plan was to return after one year no matter what. Now it's "save up enough money to do wahtever I want back home". Who knows what it'll turn into in another year? All I know is that all of my friends, even some of the more politically conservative flag waving ones, are telling me America is NOT the place to be right now, and asking my advice on how they can get out like I did.
Like I said, going home doesn't look good on paper, regardless of how my emotions sway. |
Hello friend. We both know this happens, anything I post along these lines will be empty and unhelpful. It is time to question yourself.
Why did you come to Korea in the first place?
If it was because it was the best opportunity, as it is for many here, consider what is now your best chance at a happy life. If it was for money, ask yourself what you assumed money would improve. If it was for adventure, then I can break down into a Gandalf type speech, which is unhelpful.
What do you think will add meaning to your life? Does this position help or hinder that? Assume you are 70 years old, what do you want to look back at and feel good about? I will gladly hear what you have to say. Answer these questions and reply. |
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mnhnhyouh
Joined: 21 Nov 2006
Location: The Middle Kingdom
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| Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 11:36 pm Post subject: |
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| Mint wrote: |
What do you think will add meaning to your life? Does this position help or hinder that? Assume you are 70 years old, what do you want to look back at and feel good about? I will gladly hear what you have to say. Answer these questions and reply. |
I like the looking back at 70 question, and use it a bit when working out what to do. This has become easier as time passes, I am a fair bit older than half way there.
Mostly what I want is an interesting life. I was able to do that for many years in Australia, but after a while it was too constraining. After a bit of travel I decided it was time to leave my cradle for at least a long time and start living in the rest of the world.
The original plan was to change countries every year, but I realised that I enjoyed learning Korean and wanted to learn more than I had the first year. Further, a pile of cash in the bank would be a good buffer for any problems that might occur along the way, especially if I decide to work in some countries where the experience and not cash is the main renumeration I get.
So far it is working out well, and while it does I will stick to this plan. But next year I will be in another country, probably China, but maybe Taiwan, or even Japan. Not sure yet.
h |
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