Korean Job Discussion Forums

[drkalbi]

Classic Bar One Liners

Jesus Christ walks into a bar. He hands the bartender three nails, and asks "Can you put me up for the night?"

Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.

A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

A dyslexic man walks into a bra....

A seal walked into a club.

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says "Pint please, and one for the road."

A Priest, a Rabbi and a Minister walk into a bar. The Bartender looks up an says ... "What, Is this some kind of a joke?"

A bear walked into a bar and says, "I'll have a beer.................................................................................................................................................... and some of those peanuts."

The bartender says, "Why the big pause?"

Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "Get out! We don't want your type in here"

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I think I've lost an electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

A Russian, a Frenchman, and a Canadian walk into a bar. The Russian asks the bartender for vodka, so he gives him an entire bottle. The Russian pours out a shot, drinks it, and throws the rest of the bottle into the air and shoots it. The bartender asks, "What did you do that for?" and the Russian replies, "In my country, we have too much vodka."

The bartender shakes his head and turns to the Frenchman, who orders wine. The Frenchman pours a glass, drinks it, then throws the rest of the bottle in the air and shoots it to smithereens. "In my country," he says, "we have too much wine."

The bartender shakes his head again, and turns hesitantly to the Canadian to ask him what he would like.

The Canadian orders a beer, drinks the whole bottle in one go, then pulls out his gun and shoots the Frenchman. "In my country," he says, "we have too many Frenchmen."

[SirFink]

A man walks into a bar. Yells "ouch!"

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender asks "why the long face?"

A mushroom walks into a bar. Bartender says "sorry, we don't serve your type in here." Mushroom asks "why not? I'm a fungi." ("fun guy" get it?)

[santafly]

Ahhhh, reminds me of home...

Why did the Chola (a hispanic woman with big bangs) go to church? She heard there was a guy hung like this (person telling jokes puts there arms out in a crucified position).

[KirbyMagnus]

That manky horse faced b*tch from sex in the city walks into a bar.
The barman says "Why the long face you manky horse faced b*tch?"

[poohbear]

[MollyBloom]

I was thinking along the lines of:

"Is that a keg in your pants because I'd like to tap that ass..."

[bovinerebel]

A piece of string walks into a bar , only to be turned away by the bartender due to their policy of not serving string..

He's determined to get a drink so he goes out back , makes a head by tying a knot and some hair by fraying the end.

He walks back into the bar and the barman glares at him accusingly ...."Hey ! " says the barman ..."Aren't you that string i just kicked out?"

"No!" , said the string.."I'm a frayed knot".






Sorry.

[IlIlNine]

[KirbyMagnus]

A penguin waddles into a bar and hops up onto a stall.
"Got any fish mate?"
"Nah we don't serve food mate."
"Alright."
The pegnuin hops of the stall and waddles out.

Next Day, the pegnuin waddles back in, hops on the stall and says:
"Got any fish mate?"
"I told you yesterday mate, we don't serve food mate."
"Alright."
The penguin hops off the stall and waddles out.

Next Day,
"Got any fish mate?"
"Look mate we don't serve fish. OK!"

Next Day,
"Got any fish?"
"No Food Mate. NO FISH. IF YOU COME IN ERE AGAIN I'LL NAIL YER FLIPPERS TO THE BAR!"

The next day the penguin waddles into the bar, hops on a stall and smiles at the barman. The barman says:
"What do you want?"
"Got any nails mate?"
"No."
"Ok. Got any fish?"

[seoulsucker]

A skeleton walks into a bar, orders a beer, and a mop.

[bovinerebel]

[squexx]

Give me one for the white line.

Why?

I already had one for the road!

[it's full of stars]

A zebra, two nuns, a unicorn, a couple of clowns and Rolf Harris walk in to a bar.

The bar man looks up and says "He's not in yet."