Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Yu_Bum_suk]

And I mean emotionally and socially, not through great distances and the passing of time.

Do you find it really hard to reconnect with old friends you haven't seen for a while. I have a couple of old friends I exchange regular emails with and so they've sort of been kept abreast of my developments here. I have another one who has a K-wife in Canada so of course he understands how Korea works to a large extent. But with a few others, I just find myself thinking, what can I really say? Why am I here? Why have I changed the way I have? How do you explain the effects of being surrounded by people who think so fundamentally differently from how I do, or at least how I did?

In short, how do you find it effects relationships when you've changed so much while your friends are still the exact same guys they were three or four years ago?

[thematrixiam]

we talk less. I am alittle more opened minded then some of them.
More specifically people I haven't seen in 5 years, or even my own father.

What gets me now is the racist comments I hear coming from people I know. I don't really like to tolerate it.

[caniff]

Yes. I hate the telephone/e-mail. I just get homesick. When I'm back in town I'll be looking them up.

[Stormy]

My two best mates are also expats. One is currently living & working in Cambodia on a 3 year contract & the other has a permanent position in Abu Dhabi in the UAE. WE email regularly & compare stories....I think it definitely helps that they are in similar situations.

[captain kirk]

You really have to keep your guard up out here. Being a minority and somewhat oppressed one has to be tough skinned.

I can't really compare this outlook to old friends and siblings back home. They don't have it. They seem soft.

[KYC]

Back home, my best friends and I lived in different states. However, we always made time for each other one time of the year. We would just pick a random location and road trip together for a week. It was really fun. We all lead busy lives so we rarely talked on the phone.

Now that I'm overseas.....I haven't been able to get ahold of them..and they haven't been able to get a hold of me. We haven't spoken since I've been here. Really sad.

[kenbear]

i jumped ship pretty much as soon as i graduated and some people i thought i would be friends with for a long time have become distant and others, as strange as it sounds, i've become closer to. maybe it helps that this is a 2 year thing for me at the most and that a lot of my friends are older than me and have travelled before, but i now understand the old saying 'absence makes the heart grow fonder'. i can see in my self i've changed, korea has made me more laid back, more accepting but also i no longer tolerate people i don't like.

people change and sometimes you flow in the same direction, others drift apart.

[samd]

[nautilus]

[Bibbitybop]

I have become distant with many people, but not all. Of the ones I became distant with, I'm very happy to be distant with now. Some people, even old friends, never evolve or change and if they radiate drama and trouble, its good to get away without being a bastard about it. "I know we've been friends since 3rd grade, but you are an idiot and a liability." vs. "I'm in Korea, sorry I can't come to the bar with you."

[nautilus]

Email, as a form of communication, is somewhat inclined to create misunderstandings.

i mean you can say something in jest over the phone or face to face and they get it. They enjoy the laff.

Unless you word the same very carefully in written communication, it can cause misperception of even offence.

[kangnam mafioso]

People drift apart -- that's just the nature of life. We might as well accept it. Aside from family (if you're lucky) and a couple of long-term friends (if you're lucky), the people in your life will remain in a constant state of flux. Don't blame it on Korea. You can't expect non-expats to understand what you're doing in Asia.

I have fallen out of touch with so many "friends" over the years ... from high school and college and people I've met travelling and working overseas. It just happens. Eventually, the memories start to fade too.

[i]

Had 5 really close friends when I came here for my first round. Went home to only keep in sporadic contact with one, and only some e-mails to another. Don't even know where the other 3 are. My wife, on the other hand, who is Korean, has even kept friends from kindergarten (even after living in the States for 12 years). She'll be talking on the phone to someone I've never heard of...kindergarten friend, elem. school friend. To this day, and we are in our late 30's. Put a gun to my head and I couldn't tell you anyone I went to kindergarten with, and as for 1st grade, only the deaf kid who got killed by a snow plow he didn't hear and I don't even remember his name. Maybe its not the Koreans who are messed up?

[UberJRI]

I think being away from friends and family actually improves my relationship with them. In all the extended periods of time I've spent overseas, I actually speak with them more than I would back home... Whether or not it's over email or Skype, I find myself getting closer to people and not taking my existing relationships for granted when I'm gone as I sometimes tend to do while I'm at home. Maybe I'm just weird like that though.

[yawarakaijin]

Thanks for opening up a nearly healed wound. On my last trip back home for Christmas, partially made to help celebrate my best friend's engagement, I was hit with something pretty unexpected.

After knowing each other for 12 years I was looked over for the best man spot. New best man.....A guy he has worked with for the past 3 years. I guess being out of country for 2.5 years disqualifies you as best friend.