| View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
marlow
Joined: 06 Feb 2005
|
 Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 10:35 pm Post subject: Saying Sorry |
 |
|
Is there a problem with this in Korea? Is it a saving face thing?
Anyway, I have an issue with a payment amount for some work. I was quite sure I was promised one amount, and I got another amount instead. I gave up on getting the amount I thought, but requested the other party say sorry for not being more clear at the beginning. I've accepted their amount, but would like them to admit that if they had been more diligent there would not be a misunderstanding.
I've said sorry for misinterpreting, but will they say sorry? No. Kind of bugs me. Actually, it really bugs me; who am I kidding?
Yes, I'm the king of pettiness, but really, how much does "sorry" cost? Is it basically saying they admit they should pay me more?
Jeez. |
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
Captain Corea
Joined: 28 Feb 2005
Location: Seoul
|
| Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 10:38 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Funny, I've kind of found the opposite.
I've had many experiences where people here say 'sorry', yet continue to do the exact same thing.
Many appologies I've received have been fairly empty. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
xingyiman
Joined: 12 Jan 2006
|
| Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 10:39 pm Post subject: Re: Saying Sorry |
|
|
| marlow wrote: |
Is there a problem with this in Korea? Is it a saving face thing?
Anyway, I have an issue with a payment amount for some work. I was quite sure I was promised one amount, and I got another amount instead. I gave up on getting the amount I thought, but requested the other party say sorry for not being more clear at the beginning. I've accepted their amount, but would like them to admit that if they had been more diligent there would not be a misunderstanding.
I've said sorry for misinterpreting, but will they say sorry? No. Kind of bugs me. Actually, it really bugs me; who am I kidding?
Yes, I'm the king of pettiness, but really, how much does "sorry" cost? Is it basically saying they admit they should pay me more?
Jeez. |
I've had lots of Koreans say sorry to me. What bugs me is that after they say they're sorry they go on doing exactly what it was that prompted the apology as if nothing happened. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
mikeyboy122
Joined: 28 Feb 2008
Location: namyang
|
| Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 10:40 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Captain Corea speak truth. Hey, do you have a brother named Chick? He's bad a** on the keys! |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
wyldfire111
Joined: 09 Apr 2008
|
| Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 10:53 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Actually it is a face saving thing. The method usually employed by Asian people to apologize is to smile and laugh. This is exactly the opposite from most westerners so it usually looks insincere. It is the difference between collective and individualistic cultural models. In a collectivist society the group can not suddenly come together because of the feelings of a single member. So instead the problem is minimized.
If you get this sort of apology and then the person keeps doing it then the sorry means "sorry you don't like this, I feel bad for you" not "sorry I won't do it again." Quite the difference. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Kiarell
Joined: 29 Mar 2008
|
| Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 10:58 pm Post subject: Re: Saying Sorry |
|
|
| xingyiman wrote: |
| marlow wrote: |
Is there a problem with this in Korea? Is it a saving face thing?
Anyway, I have an issue with a payment amount for some work. I was quite sure I was promised one amount, and I got another amount instead. I gave up on getting the amount I thought, but requested the other party say sorry for not being more clear at the beginning. I've accepted their amount, but would like them to admit that if they had been more diligent there would not be a misunderstanding.
I've said sorry for misinterpreting, but will they say sorry? No. Kind of bugs me. Actually, it really bugs me; who am I kidding?
Yes, I'm the king of pettiness, but really, how much does "sorry" cost? Is it basically saying they admit they should pay me more?
Jeez. |
I've had lots of Koreans say sorry to me. What bugs me is that after they say they're sorry they go on doing exactly what it was that prompted the apology as if nothing happened. |
I think it's 'cause the person in question realizes they're fucking up, but don't realize what exactly they did wrong. At least that's what I tell myself, "It's a language barrier LOL!" . I worry that your kind of honest assessment might make me go insane if I were to accept it as my own. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
mikeyboy122
Joined: 28 Feb 2008
Location: namyang
|
| Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 10:58 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Hmmm, deep.  |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
marlow
Joined: 06 Feb 2005
|
| Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 11:39 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| wyldfire111 wrote: |
Actually it is a face saving thing. The method usually employed by Asian people to apologize is to smile and laugh. This is exactly the opposite from most westerners so it usually looks insincere. It is the difference between collective and individualistic cultural models. In a collectivist society the group can not suddenly come together because of the feelings of a single member. So instead the problem is minimized.
If you get this sort of apology and then the person keeps doing it then the sorry means "sorry you don't like this, I feel bad for you" not "sorry I won't do it again." Quite the difference. |
That's how it feels, but it's through e-mail. Kind of like "Unhh, I feel bad for you, but... unhhhh." |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
fortysixyou
Joined: 08 Jun 2006
|
| Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 11:49 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I've found that the natives here are really slow to apologize sincerely.
In their language, an apology is a bigger deal I think. It's like admitting incompetence and saying "now you can execute me".
Being here has been the first time I've actually seen people ASK for an apology...and seen someone refuse to apologize. It's such a pride issue here.
To me, apologizing is not that big of a deal...like "OOOOH YOU HAVE TO APOLOGIZE, OOOOOOH." Big frackin' deal. Just apologize and get over it.
In the OP's case, an apology is appropriate, but the OP probably won't get one. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
marlow
Joined: 06 Feb 2005
|
| Posted: Mon Jul 14, 2008 4:21 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| fortysixyou wrote: |
| In the OP's case, an apology is appropriate, but the OP probably won't get one. |
That's my bet. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Scotticus
Joined: 18 Mar 2007
|
| Posted: Mon Jul 14, 2008 5:47 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| fortysixyou wrote: |
I've found that the natives here are really slow to apologize sincerely.
|
Yeah, I think that's the thing. I get apologies fairly often from students, but it's very rarely serious. Getting a sincere apology here is a rare occurence. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
genezorm
Joined: 01 Jul 2007
Location: Mokpo
|
| Posted: Mon Jul 14, 2008 9:10 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Scotticus wrote: |
| fortysixyou wrote: |
I've found that the natives here are really slow to apologize sincerely.
|
Yeah, I think that's the thing. I get apologies fairly often from students, but it's very rarely serious. Getting a sincere apology here is a rare occurence. |
the dude next to me in the office sometimes lets some gas out of his ass, and makes no attempt to hide it.....including leaning over to one side, or lifting his leg......
he said sorry after words a few times he has done it....saying he had a stomach problem or it was because of stress
but he continues to do it regularly...what should i do? |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
moosehead
Joined: 05 May 2007
|
| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 1:51 am Post subject: |
|
|
hold a match near him next time.
if he explodes, say oops sorry !  |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Enrico Palazzo
Mod Team
Joined: 11 Mar 2008
|
| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 2:51 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Sometimes, when you apologize in this culture it can put you in a vulnerable position, and you can end up being attacked. However, the problem with that in a company is that it is harder to communicate and fix things or penalize who are making errors if everyone is protecting each other, and people are afraid to fire someone. You do need transparency, clarity, and honest in order to establish wider social trust. At least, that's my opinion. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Spliff's Son
Joined: 09 Jun 2008
|
| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 3:58 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Did somebody invite a mod to the discussion? |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
FAQ
Search
Memberlist
Usergroups
Register
Profile
Log in to check your private messages
Log in
