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dpl
Joined: 06 Nov 2007
Location: Ilsan
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 Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 1:47 am Post subject: Does this happen anywhere else in the developed world? |
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OK. I've been here for 8 months w and have thoroughly enjoyed it. I've met loads of great people, both foeigners and koreans, and have definitely made friends I will have for life.
All the stuff people constantly complain about totally amuses me. I'm probably one of the most laid back, easy going people around. There is one thing though that is driving me crazy. It's not making me angry or annoyed or anything like that. It's actually more like my brain feels like it's gonna break tryin to figure it out.
KOREAN MARRIAGE!!
I have three personal examples to add to the many I have heard.
#1 - I had a coworker from the US who went home in February. He had a korean girlfriend for over a year and when he left they were talkin abt her comin to the states and stuff. Well, less than a month later she was engaged to a guy she had met only months before!
#2 - I've got a totally cool korean friend who went to university in the States. He''s only 23. He is in severe depression right now because his parents won't get off his back cause he's not married. They are doing crazy stuff to him like not letting him go back to the states to finish his degree and making him work some pointless job 12 hours a day because that will get him married. Insane.
AND THE BEST
#3 - I have a 29 year old female coworker. She is cute and funny. I've hung out with her and a bunch of times. We even hooked up a couple times (just some kissing). Anyway, I find out from another coworker today that she met some dude on a blind date last week and now they are gettin married in December! WTF!
I just can't understand this sh*t for the life of me. I've heard a myriad of stories just like mine and often when I meet korean girls marriage is always a topic of discussion if I hang out with them more than a few times. It's one of the only things that make me uncomfortable.
Is this an Asian thing or just Korean? Is it something that is gonna die out soon with the next generation?
I don't often call things stupid but this practice totally is. Talk about a sure fire way to mke your life miserable. |
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KimchiExplosion
Joined: 01 Jul 2007
Location: Nowhere near Seoul
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 1:52 am Post subject: |
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I've been told by K-friends that Koreans like to pick an age when they'll get married, and when they reach that age, they just marry whoever they're dating at the time. Whether or not they love that person has little to do with it: it's not a matter of waiting for the right person, but waiting for the right time. That's why you'll often get Koreans asking you when you'll get married.
Also, if the woman isn't pregnant within 6 months of the marriage, something is amiss! |
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nolegirl
Joined: 17 Apr 2008
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 2:00 am Post subject: |
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| You hooked up with a Korean coworker, your bad!!! I'm suprised not everyone knows, my job they're always gossiping, I don't know about what, but they are. |
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dpl
Joined: 06 Nov 2007
Location: Ilsan
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 2:05 am Post subject: |
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| haha. A few people knew but one of them is gone now. It has been what some people call awkward but I find it kind of funny. She has trouble making eye contact with me at work but we are still on good tems. (I think anyway but who really knows) |
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Young FRANKenstein
Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Location: Castle Frankenstein (that's FRONKensteen)
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 2:20 am Post subject: Re: Does this happen anywhere else in the developed world? |
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| dpl wrote: |
| KOREAN MARRIAGE!! |
sounds like story ! and 3 were bowing to the pressures of mom and dad. The women were of marrying age and getting a little old... the dutiful daughter married the next guy to come along. Next up, grandsons! ASAP. |
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Newbie
Joined: 07 Feb 2003
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 2:21 am Post subject: |
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Korean marriages are much closer to business arrangements than to that fictional "love story" kinda thing happening in the West. This comes from a long history of being poor and seeing marriages as a security blanket. Can't hate em for it. It's just who they are.
Go to a Korean wedding. See if you can see the bride smile more than once. |
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Young FRANKenstein
Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Location: Castle Frankenstein (that's FRONKensteen)
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 2:37 am Post subject: |
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| Newbie wrote: |
| Go to a Korean wedding. See if you can see the bride smile more than once. |
They're not supposed to. Koreans have a superstition that if the bride smiles at her wedding, it brings bad luck to the marriage. The older generation still believe it, or at least give lip service to it (just as we do with the whole "groom can't see the bride in her wedding dress before the ceremony") |
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drkalbi
Joined: 06 Aug 2006
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 2:45 am Post subject: |
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This happened to one of my hogwon students.
Single on Monday, blind date on Tuesday(set up by mom), engaged on Friday, married on Sunday.
What a week! |
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zpeanut
Joined: 12 Mar 2008
Location: Pohang, Korea
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 2:46 am Post subject: |
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| KimchiExplosion wrote: |
I've been told by K-friends that Koreans like to pick an age when they'll get married, and when they reach that age, they just marry whoever they're dating at the time. Whether or not they love that person has little to do with it: it's not a matter of waiting for the right person, but waiting for the right time. That's why you'll often get Koreans asking you when you'll get married.
Also, if the woman isn't pregnant within 6 months of the marriage, something is amiss! |
um.. i'd check who i'm getting my info from.
Korean marriage, unlike the western world, is the union of two families. Traditionally the two individuals are not the focus at all.
These days young people do marry for love but many are match-made. Everything goes into consideration but family background and level of education are two of the most important. Koreans don't just pick an age and get married to whoever, thats just too much of a violation of personal rights! Koreans do give their children some feedom to choose. However if the kids are getting a bit on the 'old' side (men 30, women 25+) they do encourage them to date more and do set up 'dates' with suitable candidates.
i'm not sure about having kids, but I think thesedays the number of children couples are having is reducing like many other countries. I know a lot of couples who don't have children in the first year. Some are busy working and runnin a business. It all depends on your background.
in responce to the OP:
For the people you know that got married in a blink of an eye - maybe their parents were searching long before you got with them or knew of them. I'm sure they don't tell you everything that happens. If the parents hit the jackpot with an educated professional guy that comes from a good (preferably wealthy) family, and their daughter can see herself married to him, of course they're going to take the offer.
Whoever you made out with was just having a bit of fun. You were having fun too though, right? so no hard feelings.
As for the guy from the US, how long has he been living there? Is his familiy living in the US or Korea? theres a belief that applies to immigrants. Those who immigrated 20 yrs ago keep the mindset of that time. Immigrants tend to be ultra traditional and can't accept or aren't aware of social changes. |
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Imrahil
Joined: 04 Feb 2008
Location: On the other side of the world.
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 3:49 am Post subject: Re: Does this happen anywhere else in the developed world? |
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AND THE BEST
#3 - I have a 29 year old female coworker. She is cute and funny. I've hung out with her and a bunch of times. We even hooked up a couple times (just some kissing). Anyway, I find out from another coworker today that she met some dude on a blind date last week and now they are gettin married in December! WTF!
Not sure that I would brag too much about that, doesn't really say much about your kissing.
But yeah, Koreans do tend to marry quite quickly. I know a guy who got married after 1 month of dating, another married after 3 months. |
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rocklee
Joined: 04 Oct 2005
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 7:10 am Post subject: |
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| Um...Hollywood? |
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Medic
Joined: 11 Mar 2003
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 7:41 am Post subject: |
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When you go to big Korean supermarkets keep your eyes open for the couples. I tell you that you will sure see some mismatches. Have seen guys embarrased as hell to be with their parners. Arranged match of course.
The fact that a lot of marriages are buisness arrangements is the main reason for the ubquitis double barber pole places, miaris, anmas, tabang girls, and so on. Got a feeling that visits to those places are acceptable by the wife. She of course is allowed to find an outlet too. |
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newton kabiddles
Joined: 31 Mar 2007
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 8:22 am Post subject: |
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| The appropriate marriage partner in Korea is determined by a process similar to a security background check. It's not important to actually know or love the future partner. This is part of the reason why just about everyone in Korea has sex outside of marriage. |
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dpl
Joined: 06 Nov 2007
Location: Ilsan
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 8:38 am Post subject: Re: Does this happen anywhere else in the developed world? |
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| Imrahil wrote: |
AND THE BEST
#3 - I have a 29 year old female coworker. She is cute and funny. I've hung out with her and a bunch of times. We even hooked up a couple times (just some kissing). Anyway, I find out from another coworker today that she met some dude on a blind date last week and now they are gettin married in December! WTF!
Not sure that I would brag too much about that, doesn't really say much about your kissing.
But yeah, Koreans do tend to marry quite quickly. I know a guy who got married after 1 month of dating, another married after 3 months. |
Don't know how that's braggin but whatever. The two coworkers who knew about it were tryin to hook us up for awhile after that but they kept tellin me that she wanted to get married and I was like well, let's see where it goes but no promises. That pretty much doomed me for any further action as far as I see it. No biggy though. If I was gonna brag I got much better stories than that man. Also, I could kiss my way outta an Amazon deathcamp  |
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DrOctagon
Joined: 11 Jun 2008
Location: Chicago
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 10:43 am Post subject: |
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| Well, less than a month later she was engaged to a guy she had met only months before! |
Yes, jumping into a marriage to soon does not happen in the Western world. Never. Our divorce rates are the lowest in the world too. |
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