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Hyeon Een
Joined: 24 Jun 2005
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 Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 5:48 pm Post subject: Dating a bar-girl |
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Dating a bar girl
In south-east asia it is not uncommon for a young male to date a beautiful female who happens to work in a bar. It is also not uncommon for other residents in the country to look down on the poor young guy. They dismiss him as a poor idiot who got sucked into the ho-trap that so many before him have done. I imagine Oxford Stu might fall into this category, but since I didn't hear the end of his story (thread link, anyone?) perhaps it all worked out. Perhaps now when he posts on ESL cafe he has a delightful little thaiish-delight lolling on his lap.
In East asia, specifically Korea, it is also common for a young guy to 'date' a bar girl. They are also looked down on. In Seoul or Busan or Daegu or Gunsan there are thousands of other little female hotties to flirt with, who aren't being paid to do it. In the big cities, you can meet girls, in bars, who AREN'T being paid to entertain you.
In smaller cities; so small they don't have universities; there aren't girls in bars. Or rather, there ARE girls in bars.. but they work there. Or, sometimes, they are there visiting their boyfriends who work in the town. Or, very occasionaly, they are out on a girls night out so there will be a pack of about 12 of them out together. The ones on a girls night out are generally married.
That is my defense for me, and subsequently this post. I lived in a small town without a university or apparantely youngish un-married people. There were very few unmarried women who aren't still in highschool or lower. The ones that are there are bar-tenders, or a very few work in a shop. So that is why I date bar girls. They're the only single girls going.
What are your experiences dating bartenders who happen to be girls? Here's a few of my thoughts and experiences:
I read on a post before that a foreign english teacher who dates bargirls always ends up depressed, jealous and angry because the girl is flirting with the Korean guys who visit her bar. This is true. I've dated about 6 bar girls. Every single time this happened. Sad.. but jealousy is an easy emotion to indulge in.
Of the bar-girls I dated, about 2 or 3 already had boyfriends and were, basically curious. They definitely weren't looking for love, and weren't really looking for english lessons or anything, they just wanted to kiss a foreigner and make out with a white guy and stuff. I was being used for my.. looks. (foreign looks, not necessarily 'good' looks; I'll be modest here.)
One girl who didn't already have a boyfriend was interesting. She was a bar manager (she didn't own it, but she managed it). Anyway a (female korean bargirl) friend of mine told me that this manager girl used to be a norae-girl. I assumed there was some jealousy going on there, and rumours were being spread to put me off this gorgeous bar-manager girl.
Anyway, a coupla months later the gorgeous bar-manager-girl lost the bar, and went to being a.. norae-girl. Again. She entertains gentlemen and goes home with them (if you call a local love motel a home) and gets paid every day. This really upset me. This girl spent about 8 months managing a bar, earning a legitimate income, and now she's become a 'ho. This just sucks. She nearly dated me, and she DID date my friend for a couple of weeks. She was absolutely beautiful. She could have been a model in Britain. Her face was perfect. She had fantastic style, nice hair, a beautiful personality blah blah blah. So depressing.
I should have had a clue, because one night, about 3 weeks previously, the owner of the whole building (not just the bar on the 4th floor) was there with his own personal bottle of tequila, whiskey, and a bunch of beers. He was flirting with her. Whatever I don't care, it's her job to flirt with him. It's a quiet night. The girl, the guy, me, my friend. Just us in a dimly lit bar. Whilst I'm in the bathroom the owner of the building tells me to go away and leave the bar.. but I was with my buddy, having a good time, so I just ignore him and put it down to a mis-communication.
A few minutes later, as my friend and I are sitting at the bar the hot-manager-girl and the old-drunk-building-owner have an argument. Screaming and shouting in Korean we don't understand ensues. Then the bar-manager-girl (who had dated my buddy just recently) and the guy go off together. They disappear somewhere downstairs. She looks distraught as she leaves. I might have seen a tear shuddering down her cheek.
There are now no bar staff. A Korean guy comes in, and I have to serve him because the manager-girl isn't there any more and the agasshis for the night left a coupla hours before. I'm the only person in the place who knows the prices and where stuff is. The manager-girl eventually comes back forty minutes later. Tear-stained face, doesn't look happy. The owner of the building doesn't come back.
So I guess she was getting trained up for her current job. Sad.
Anyway that girl's bar got taken over by my current girlfriend. She hasn't been a prostitute before, and isn't one now. (lots of history, but.. not overly interesting.. coupla kids, husband blah blah) But she has become.. somewhat crazy.. since she started working there.
She has to drink all night every night (because the men buy the (female) bartenders drinks and insist they drink). Then after work they go to the local soju hof and eat little kebabs and snacks and drink soju and more beer. I have no worries about faithfulness, however I am worried because I am now dating a girl who gets wasted 30 nights of the month. This isn't the 'wasted' like I was in university i.e. I'd drink from 5pm-2am, a quick little 9hr session. It's more of a drink from 7pm to 9 or 10am the next day EVERY day. She's off her head most of the time. Our relationship ergo involves a lot of drunken phone calls. Mostly by her.
Oh I also dated a japanese girl. She turned out not to be japanese, she was lying, but she was cute.
I dated another bar-girl, but she got angry because I didn't call her one day so she thought I was cheating on her so she dumped me (she's a
health-inspector in Gwang-Ju now.. watch out restaurants of Gwang ju!)
I also hooked up with another bar girl. She was a backing dancer for a pop-duo who was big a few years ago (Deux). She was madly in love with one of them. Unfortunately he got murdered by his (ex?)girlfriend so she's pretty unhappy about that. She went round the girls' house to kill her, but unfortunately the murderess had 24hr security. So she dropped that idea.
I think I'll breakup with my bargirl girlfriend when I go back. I'd like to do it over the phone from another continent.. but.. she wouldn't understand.
Her english isn't that good, and I doubt I could say it in an un-harsh way that she would understand: "You, me, finishee Ok?" is not the kindest breakup line in the world. When delivered over the phone.
Anyone else date any bar girls? Any stories?
-HE
PS. My next contract will be in a 'medium-sized' city (350kish). So there will be non bar-girl types to date! Maybe even some single western girls! I'm.. excited.[/code][/b] |
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VanIslander
Joined: 18 Aug 2003
Location: Geoje, Hadong, Tongyeong,... now in a small coastal island town outside Gyeongsangnamdo!
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| Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 6:06 pm Post subject: |
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From "The BarGirl Experiment"
http://www.stickmanbangkok.com/reader/reader288.html
| Quote: |
Let me start of by saying that I have been going to Thailand for 20 years. My first trip was in the 1980��s and Thailand has changed so much over the last 20 years. I was in the US Military on my first trip and had R & R in Pattaya. I did the young guy thing, we drank a lot, had a few girls, but formed no attachments.
My brother worked in Thailand at the US Embassy so I returned about once a year. I visited Bangkok, did the tourist stuff, went to Phuket, Koh Samui, Koh Samet and some of the other tourist places. I have read numerous books, internet sites and of course Stickman Bangkok and was well aware of the Bar Girl Games, their stories, ploys and ways of trapping farang men.
Last year on one of my trips to visiting my brother I met a young 19 year old bar girl, her name was Nong (name changed to protect the not so innocent). She was a freelancer working in Pattaya. Some of my friends knew her and she began hanging out with our group. I thought she was cute and nice so we developed a friendship. I know what you are thinking, but no I didn��t sleep with her, and I still haven't slept with her. She gave me the usual sob story about having to support her poor farmer parents in Isaan and that she had to work in the bar for the money. She told me she wanted to learn English and some kind of skill, maybe computer, and that her granny was very sick, so was auntie...
Well after 20 years of hearing it, I thought OK, this girl is pretty cool, let��s try something different; ��The bar girl experiment��. The premise: Can you take a girl out of the bar, no strings attached, no emotional ties, give her money and see if she will change. Well that is exactly what I did. I told her that she needed to leave Pattaya, go home to the farm, go to school, learn English and take a computer class. I agreed to send her 12,000 baht per month (US 300 dollars). This is more than enough for school, living and helping out the family in a farm town. I went home to California, and I put her on the bus home to Isaan.
She went home, started English school and emailed me. She told me that she had given half (6,000 baht) of the money to her mother and that she needed more money. I emailed back sorry, but 12,000 baht a month was what we had agreed upon. She lasted about three weeks in the school in the country. She emailed me that she was bored in the country and could she go back to Pattaya. She wanted to go to school there. I told her fine, just keep going to school. So she went back to Pattaya, and had another month of English lessons. I later found out that the class was one hour a day. She emailed me several more times over the next two months asking for more money, but each time I politely told her no.
I returned to Thailand about three months later. I was told by some friends that the young girl I had been sending to school was out every night partying it up and telling everyone that I was her boyfriend. I had a long talk with her and tried to explain the concept of wanting to help someone out because you liked them like a friend, not girlfriend. This concept was totally lost on her and she did not understand.
She then asked me if I would help her find an apartment to live in because the one she was living in was shared by her aunt, aunt��s husband, four little children and other relatives, it was only one bedroom. This actually worked out well, as a friend in the US Military had just married a Thai girl and wanted to get her an apartment as well. I again told Nong that I would pay for her school, but she still had to go. I wanted to see report cards of her progress. So we agreed on this. The apartment was a very nice Western 2 bedroom located between Pattaya and Jomtien. She immediately complained (after the 6 month lease was signed) that it was too far to walk and could I buy her a scooter. I again told her no, she agreed on the apartment before and she had never mentioned a scooter.
So again I went back to the States. I got an email about three weeks after I had left from my friend��s wife (the other girl in the apartment). She told me that she was lonely because Nong had not moved into the apartment. She asked me if she could move someone else in. I emailed Nong and asked her what was going on. She said the apartment was too far (about a 5 minute walk from South Pattaya & 2 minute baht bus ride), and that she didn��t like staying there. I was now upset. I didn��t mind trying to help her get through school, but now she was just wasting my money. I told her this in an email, but she never responded back. I later heard through my friend��s wife that Nong had gone over and gotten mad at her for telling.
So I stopped sending Nong money. About a week ago the friend��s wife emails me and says I was too hard on Nong and I should give her another chance. I don��t think so. Bar Girl Experiment Over.
The conclusion of the experiment:
1) You can take the girl out of the bar but you can��t take the bar out of the girl.
2) Thais have their own pecking order and we are last.
3) If I had any emotional ties to this girl then I would have been wrecked.
4) I have found that most country farm girls that become bar girls in the big city, like the big city and do not want to go home because their homes are boring.
5) Most bargirls are very lazy.
6) Most bar girls look at us, as a source of income. It is very rare when they actually like you for being you.
7) No more experiments.
Moral of the story; I knew better but I wanted to try. I am wealthy by American standards and all of my friends in Thailand know this. So do many of the bargirls. I couldn��t have a bigger target painted on me if I had tried. I thought I could make a difference in this young girl��s life. I had no emotional ties to her and I actually encouraged her to find a nice boyfriend, but this did not work, she could not change.
Changing a bar girl is an almost impossible task. My brother married one and is happily married. He tells me that it is and was a lot of work, patience and understanding. |
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Hyeon Een
Joined: 24 Jun 2005
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| Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 6:16 pm Post subject: |
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Hmm. Two very long posts now =)
The post you quoted was pretty interesting.
I think the Korean bar girl experience is somewhat different. My bargirl looks down on me like I'm poor (I'm just a lowly english teacher, and SHE'S a bar manager), and if I'm with her she won't let me pay for a thing, and keeps buying me things.
I've got like the opposite of the thailand bargirl experience. I'm the pretty one and she buys me stuff (she is hot though despite this arrangement). It's the kind of thing thats perfect on paper; but, in the real world.. it doesn't seem so sweet. She also wants me to move into her apartment now too (no rent) which I guess would give me another 400k or so a month in money.. but.. it's too weird. Plus I like my own space.
I lived with a girl before.. as soon as we moved in we didn't have sex for like two weeks.. we got over the hating each other thing eventually and had lots of fun. But still, it sucked when we rushed into the moving in thing. And she was a hot little 18yr old... god knows what it'll be like with a real woman..
-HE
Last edited by Hyeon Een on Thu Aug 21, 2008 1:16 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Hyeon Een
Joined: 24 Jun 2005
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| Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 6:17 pm Post subject: |
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That would be a double post. They suck.
Last edited by Hyeon Een on Thu Aug 21, 2008 1:11 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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mount real
Joined: 07 Apr 2005
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| Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 6:44 pm Post subject: |
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| change your avatar stud |
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Bulsajo
Joined: 16 Jan 2003
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| Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 7:09 pm Post subject: |
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His isn't any worse than yours, IMO.
It'd be a great day if you both found new ones. |
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mount real
Joined: 07 Apr 2005
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| Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 10:07 pm Post subject: |
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Done! Hope you enjoy it more  |
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natemk
Joined: 08 Aug 2004
Location: center field
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| Posted: Tue Aug 02, 2005 3:39 am Post subject: |
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Bar girls work too much. They typically work everyday and get about 2 days off a month.
When they work I play and vice-versa. I've dated two, and it's too much of a hassle to deal with. I have no interest in them anymore. When I go to the bar I don't even bother talking with them, unless they speak English well. |
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Butterfly
Joined: 02 Mar 2003
Location: Kuwait
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| Posted: Tue Aug 02, 2005 3:53 am Post subject: |
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| natemk wrote: |
Bar girls work too much. They typically work everyday and get about 2 days off a month.
When they work I play and vice-versa. I've dated two, and it's too much of a hassle to deal with. |
True, unless you got a bottomless pit of money, an extremely high alcohol tolerance, and the energy to stay awake into the night during the week when you're working a full time job.
Balls to that. They're a bit smelly as well actually, when you finally get into their knickers. Mucky birds, in my experience, a bit mucky. |
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Gwangjuboy
Joined: 08 Jul 2003
Location: England
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| Posted: Tue Aug 02, 2005 4:13 am Post subject: |
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| Bar girls are a waste of time. Go into co*ktail bars, and hofs and get talking to girls who are customers. |
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Reflections
Joined: 04 Jan 2005
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| Posted: Tue Aug 02, 2005 4:53 am Post subject: |
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| Actually, if you in anyway resemble your avatar (disturbing by the way), you have no reason to indulge in modesty as you did.... |
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rapier
Joined: 16 Feb 2003
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| Posted: Tue Aug 02, 2005 6:53 am Post subject: |
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| Reflections wrote: |
| Actually, if you in anyway resemble your avatar (disturbing by the way), you have no reason to indulge in modesty as you did.... |
Hyeon een's avatar is a picture of a pro caught by Chicago police:
http://www.chicagopolice.org/ps/list.aspx
I heard she worked as a bar girl in korea before heading to the U.S. |
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Bulsajo
Joined: 16 Jan 2003
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| Posted: Tue Aug 02, 2005 7:22 am Post subject: |
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| mount real wrote: |
| Done! Hope you enjoy it more |
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oxfordstu
Joined: 28 Aug 2004
Location: Bangkok
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| Posted: Tue Aug 02, 2005 9:36 am Post subject: |
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Well, I should probably put my 2 cents in, but then I'm really going to sleep. I've never dated a bar girl, but I did date a working girl for awhile, which nearly everyone knows about, thanks to dogbert.
It's a big mistake that will end in utter disaster. My experience didn't end too badly, but bad enough so I know to stay away. Just read Stickman's site if you need proof. It saved me from a lot of emotional and financial hardship that I might have endured. I didn't have a clue how these girls thought and the tricks that they played, and I believe that most guys who get into this situation have a similar midset.
And dating a Korean bargirl? Yuck! I imagine they want the same thing as any bar girl: money. And since it's Korea and not Thailand, you'll probably be paying 10 times what you would in LOS.
Oh, and feel free to break up with her over the phone. I sure as hell did. That way you'll avoid any insane tantrums she may throw when you tell her you won't be giving her any more money. |
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Hyeon Een
Joined: 24 Jun 2005
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| Posted: Tue Aug 02, 2005 12:32 pm Post subject: |
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| oxfordstu wrote: |
And dating a Korean bargirl? Yuck! I imagine they want the same thing as any bar girl: money. And since it's Korea and not Thailand, you'll probably be paying 10 times what you would in LOS. |
Naw my bargirl has lots of money. She drives a big black car with tinted windows and insists on paying for everything. She's my suger-momma haha. The bar is booming at the moment.. I think she must get a cut of the takings or something. Or maybe she is leasing the bar and so gets all the profit.. I dunno, but I know I'm not spending any money on her! She's the manager not a lackey.
You also know how much a regular female bartender earns? I know one place where they earn 400,000 a month, with 3 days off a month. I am friends with a girl who works in another bar and she earns 2,000,000 a month. She also gets provided with an apartment. These girls work the same hours for the same work, but one place pays more than 4x as much. Bizarre.
-HE |
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