Korean Job Discussion Forums

[desperation]

Hello everyone. As someone fluent in both Korean and English I decided to grab a random copy of Korea's premier fashion and lifestyle magazine "NOBLESSE" and translate the "Trends" section. I hope you find it interesting. I know I did!




Refined Modern Social Etiquette

Any conversation with another person should be seen as an opportunity to squeal and whine, in ever increasing huffiness.

A photo without the peace sign, is just tacky. While nobody knows why the peace sign is so alluring, nor why it is called �Kim chi�� it is apparently as obligatory as that food staple, so don�t dare to question it. If you want to be sexy, just do it.

Never drink any beverage with a cost of $3 or more, without several photos to document the purchase. The correct pose is an intent seductive stare with the cup poised and tipped, about an inch below the nose. Or the bashful mug next to the cheek with a cocked head and smirk, is still in very much vogue.

Never go anywhere even the least bit scenic without immediately upon arrival, commencing a half hour photo session of yourself in the foreground. Once the optimum image has been captured, leave the scene.

Ladies-- homemade self portraits for internet usage are the perfect time to hug a teddy bear.

A quick one stroke, Left Eye Lopez �inspired; photoshopped; pink, yellow, or blue under eye/cheekbone graffiti is the perfect way to show your sex appeal. If you feel daring, add a small heart to the opposite cheek. In this case (and many others) it�s a good idea to puff out your cheeks like a goldfish holding its breath. It�s ravenous. Boys, you too can try this look. It is equally as fetching for men. Unlike a teddy bear which is clearly ladies� territory exclusively.

When food is served, one must morosely churn the assorted ingredients so that the obligatory red sauce is equally distributed. Never eat foods unmixed. And if there is a soup (hopefully a communal bowl) make sure to place some food from another plate (maybe even another person�s plate) onto your spoon and then dip that heaping mess into the soup. When consuming this concoction, bear your teeth and snarl your lips as you do. Add a slurp, for dramatic effect.

Spoons are really small shovels, don�t you agree? Hold it with a fist and hunch over it, in order to obstruct the view of coveting eyes.

Eye contact and conversation during meals is not attractive. Communication is best done indirectly via a stylish slow smacking of one�s cheeks and lips, the gnashing together of teeth, and lolling the tongue around the mouth (particularly the roof). Table-side demeanor should be intense and compulsive. Preening is the only acceptable diversion, so do try to keep a large hand mirror or reflective cell phone on hand for check ups.



Culinary Tips

Cookware�2 Words: Aluminum & Teflon!
Alzheimer�s and cancer never tasted so good!

Appetizers and side dishes must be served on white bowls and dishes and main meals must be served on black bowls and dishes. Deviation can be disastrous and embarrassing.

This season, restaurants are keeping the fare simple. And by �simple� I mean unseasoned dirt cheap ingredients. Appetizers like bread, butter and salad are so 1950�s. Instead, why not try some yellow #5 vinegared radish slices and raw onion bits with diarrhea consume for dipping?

Garnish can always be tricky but Korea�s best chefs are throwing caution to the wind this year and topping any mound of cheap unflavored ingredients with an un-refrigerated egg (any style). Bringing the hearty woodsy and citrus robust flavors of an egg, along with the health benefits of salmonella to the table�is something everyone can appreciate. It's to die from!

Keep herbs and spices where they belong�..out of food. There are plenty of indistinguishable varieties of thick salty pungent red hot sauce to choose from, so pick one and go to town! Live a little! It�s delicious!

Aside from the staple (red sauce), saliva makes a wonderful condiment. Try to share one small bowl of soup among an entire table of diners. Also make sure to put your chopsticks into every plate on the table. This is a gracious gesture that invites everyone else to do the same!

Scissors make better knives, and when using them for Gabi, be sure to touch both raw and cooked pork with the same scissors. This is also true for the tongs. And never fully cook the pork. Any char-broiling done on the �BBQ� is considered uncivilized and gauche.


Fashion Forward

A must-have for any wardrobe, is an original Mickey and friends character shirt. Snow White, Little Mermaid, Pooh, etc. are not attractive. Think Minnie, Mickey and Goofy exclusively. Nothing says �Take me home tonight.� like this playful icon. Smurfs were in for a hot minute but their time has passed like Charlie Brown and the Peanuts of last year. The coming year will be big for the �Muppets� and the �Muppet Babies�. You heard it here first!

Young casual wear tops with wide horizontal stripes of two colors: Black and any other color are still red hot this season. For a bold statement, layer the look with different colors (with fat horizontal black stripes). Think �vertigo�! Make sure one of the striped layers is a t-shirt with a hood-- the crucial ingredient for pulling off this look successfully.

Speaking of stripes: The hottest thing in men�s work wear/formal wear this season is mismatched thin vertical stripes. You�ll want slacks of one variety, a long or short sleeved dress shirt (wide boxy cut with epaulets) of another variety, and a tie of a completely other type. Just remember to keep the stripes thin and vertical. Three or more mismatched stripe patterns is the way to say, �I pay attention to detail, I�m conscientious.� Shark skin suits are no longer fashion forward. Your father can still wear them but they are not for those of us that like to keep current.

This summer�s hottest accessories are going to be #1 black rimmed glasses (any style), with no lenses whatsoever in them. And #2 a large expensive camera hung at waist length, worn on the hip, with a bold wide statement-making strap over the shoulder. These accessories are not meant to be used. It�s all about their uselessness. Next season look for the laptop bag to return (without the laptops again). Fashion conscious people never tire of looking capable.

The sexiest thing in young men�s casual bottoms this summer is 2 exciting varieties of shorts! You can have either the huge shapeless (sweatshirt material) nautical gauge drawstring style. Or you can have the less baggy cargo style. Top off the look with a jute (raw hemp) fedora or bowler hat in earth tones. Or try a sweatshirt material hat with symmetrical razor blade cuts, for that carefree reckless look.

For boys and girls, but especially boys; dirty white converse sneakers paired with Ethiopia cut jeans are still very much in vogue. For a fresh summer twist, fold the cuffs upward for that Capri pant sex appeal.

Ladies, clear plastic bra straps are completely invisible, and a must-have for this summer. And why buy new high heels when you can walk on the ankle straps of the dirtiest ones you have? Grunge is back for footwear ladies. It�s fierce! And ladies, if you can find a very cheaply made baseball hat with anything at all written in English, wear it! Trust me.

All this talk of sweatshirt fabric reminds me that this fall, ginormously hooded sweatshirts with very low necklines are coming back for young men. They came onto the scene at the end of last season and will be back with a vengeance this time around. The hood should drape liberally in piles upon the shoulders. The hairless chest should be unobstructed by any fabric. This is not the outfit to wear your Peter O�Toole �Lawrence of Arabia� hound�s-tooth neckerchief. These sweatshirts will again feature the timeless nautical gauge drawstring sewn into both the neck, and the knee-length hem.



Hair Care

When visiting your favorite salon, remember that bangs are a must. Furthermore, it is advisable that you have your bangs gradually increase in length as they spread away from the center of your forehead. The goal should be an arc from neckline length bangs on the temples to any length above the eyebrows on the forehead. Keep the sides short because you�ll need Dr. Spock pointed sideburns that reach your cheeks. This is a style that is high maintenance. Although the hair never moves, you�ll need to carry a large mirror (the fold-open countertop type is best) because you�ll need to periodically preen yourself. Swat and smooth your bangs and side-points to your left, then back again to the right. Always go from left then back to the right, to their original position. Finish the deed with a pouty puffed-out cheek look, into the mirror and put it away with a sigh-- feeling unsatisfied. The goal is to have your hair look exactly as it did before you touched it.

Sometimes a professionally created hair dye change can be too much fuss. For a little more fun without the hefty price, split a bottle of blond hair bleach with a close friend or lover. This way, you can both have matching mammoth colored hair as opposed to you actually accomplishing blond, by using the full bottle. Being unique is never advisable so this is a perfect way to look cool as a couple. Remember: Same-same is the name of the game!

If you�re the mother of a young boy, this weekend is the perfect time to perm yourselves at home isn�t it?

[R-Seoul]

I never knew the Koreans where so aware of their own ridiculousness!

[billybrobby]

That joke got old before it even began.

[RubyC72]

agreed. not funny.

[Stevie_B]

I thought it was quite witty and well observed.

[Yu_Bum_suk]

I thought that was one of the funniest things I ever read on Dave's. Very well done. It should go in the next Lonely Planet.

[Ya-ta Boy]

It looks like desperation is desperate for a new hobby. Perhaps collecting fur balls from alley cats...?

[desperation]

[aka Dave]

I'm not going to comment on the "wittiness" factor.

A couple things that have struck me about general fashion. Most of my students who wear baseball caps (male and female) wear Detroit Tiger baseball caps. I'm a Dodger/Angels fan, and I could see them wearing Yankees/Bosox or Dodgers (Chan Ho Park is back with them).

But I don't get Detroit. They're not that good, haven't been in a long time, and what city is more dreary than Detroit? It seems totally random.

And about the ajumma perms. I had two excellent young female students in a hagwon a while back who were sisters. One day they come in with their mom, and all three of them had an identical perm. It was hilarious. In class the girls kept fluffing their hair to get the maximum perm effect.

[desperation]

Yup, I've yet to see anything this funny on Dave's. So sad what a lowbrow environment this place is. It is a tragic reflection of the foreigners that choose to come here, being are so damn boring and drinking themselves into giddy fervors nightly. A person with a developed personality with an evolved sense of humor, real world experiences, particular tastes, and the innate ability to make funny observations; are about as easy to find here as......reality.

[fortysixyou]

Funny stuff!

[Huh Kyung-young]

[R-Seoul]

Detroit? It's probably more to do with Koreans lame fascination of US rap culture (despite being afraid of black people). Detroit was big in rap cirles a few years back no? Guess the news has finally hit Korea.

[nolegirl]

[KimchiExplosion]

I approve of this thread.