Korean Job Discussion Forums

[jpal75]

Don't know if it's been done yet. I tried the search but came up with zilch anyway, I thougt people could try completing this sentence..(btw it was inspired by this site: - http://www.asianjoke.com

1. You know you've been in Korea too long when you start staring at other and/or new foreigners.

Here's a few more for inspiration from the website I cited above.

You know you've been in Korea too long when...

You are immune to the smell of "the kimchi breath."
You no longer come to a complete stop at the stop sign and you never yield the right-of-way.
You can pick up a single strand of noodles with chopsticks.
You ask for more "ko-chu" because the kimchi-chige soup is not hot enough.
You enjoy slurping your noodles as loudly as you can.
Your back is sore from bowing.
You walk down the street holding hands with your buddy.
You ask your wife to stand outside with a baseball bat to protect your public parking space in front of the house.
You can eat barefooted in a restaurant with a foot in your lap.
You can cut in at the front of the line of waiting people with the best of them.
You look forward to winter in your off post housing so you can store beer and frozen foods in your bedroom or bathroom.
You can fall asleep on the city bus and wake up at your stop.
You can shovel in an entire bowl of rice and half a course of Bulkogi into your mouth before you swallow.
You rather watch local TV than AFKN.
You can make a left turn looking only to the right.
You can convert any US unit measurements into metric measurements in your head.
You look forward to Chusok and the Lunar New Year each year.
You think that Korea's greatest natural resource is good looking young women.
You only lock your door if there are lots of "Mi-gooks" around.
People ask if you want to go by car and you respond, "No, I'm in a hurry."
Someone says, "Bed," and you think "Yol."
You realize that it is safer to "J" walk than use a pedestrian crosswalk.
You wear white socks with a dark suit.
You can use a public bathroom for both genders and think nothing of it.
You know every interchange on the Seoul-Pusan Expressway by heart.
You know all the words to the Korean National Anthem and you enjoy singing it.
You don't need a restroom to relieve yourself.
You crawl back into your house to get your coat, rather than take your shoes back off and walk on the floor with shoes on.
You bow at inanimate objects.
You walk around humming the tune the crosswalk signal lights play.
You enjoy shopping at a local open market place more than Main PX or Commissary.
Someone says breakfast, you think of "fish, soup and seaweed."
You'd rather sit on the floor than in a chair.
You start believing that you can blend into a large crowd of Koreans.
All your shoes are bent flat in the back.
You let your eyes be drawn towards any female whose hair isn't black.
You answer the phone by saying "yoboseyo," and sometimes even at the office.
Someone says "mansion" and you think of a two bedroom flat in a 400-unit apartment building.
You mutter "Aigu" when lifting a heavy objects.
You suck in air through your teeth before saying "no" to anything.
You start growling and spitting inside your mouth to add emphasis to what you are about to say.
You can convert Hangul into English without repeating it to yourself first.
You always wave your left hand to signal you are going to cut in front of another driver without looking first.
You select shoes based on how easily you can get them on and off.
You answer "Nhe" even when speaking English to non-Korean friends.
You carry chopsticks in your back pocket.
You enjoy putting lots of red pepper sauce on your salads or French-fries.
You don't freak out when the salad arrives with octopus legs still wiggling on top of it.
You are not embarrassed when old ladies are standing in a bus while you are sitting down.
You like OB or Crown better than Bud or Miller.

[weatherman]

When all the joke lines seem so chiche.

[just because]

[shawner88]

Hey come on, I did this post before and I did it better


When I went to find it however, it's no longer here or I'm just bad at searching.

Oh well, here are the lists I made a long time ago:

You can see them here: http://www.theulsanweb.com/writings/2002/been_korea_too_long.htm



You've been in Korea too long when�

It no longer bothers you when an Ajuma bumps you out of the way.
You own one of the following: mosquito spray, mosquito smoke coils, mosquito swatters, or a mosquito net.
You own a scooter.
You can order food in Korean.
You have a favorite Korean commercial.
You've eaten Kimchi and rice for breakfast.
You're embarassed about your newly found smoking and drinking habits.
Using chopsticks no longer feels strange and awkward.
You've tried any of the following once: bo shin tang, eel, live squid, whale blubber, or bun dae gi.
You own a handphone, but still find them annoying.
Using a squatter has become bareable.
You eat shrimp chips and seaweed with beer.
You've given in and now beat your students with a stick.
You bought a small dog.
You've purchased several items from subway salesmen.
You know the mystery of the missing 4rth floor.
You understand how to play Baduk.
You eat a lot of the garlic they give you with bulgogi.
Your student loan is almost paid off.
You can drink 1 bottle of Soju.


You've been in Korea MUCH too long when....

You bump Ajumas out of your way.
You own ALL of the following: mosquito spray, mosquito smoke coils, mosquito swatters, and a mosquito net.
You own a car.
You can order food over the phone and give directions.
You have a favorite Korean drama.
You prefer Kimchi and rice for breakfast.
You boast about your now heavy smoking and drinking habits.
Using a fork feels strange and awkward.
You've tried any of the following MORE THAN once: bo shin tang, eel, live squid, whale blubber, or bun dae gi.
You own the newest and most expensive handphone and check it 10 times an hour.
You squat over western style toilets
You eat fruit with beer.
You beat your students with a stick and feel insanely powerful.
You've dyed your dog's ears blue or pink.
Your friend is a subway salesman.
You're terrified to be on any 4rth floor.
You've beaten a Korean at Baduk.
You eat EVERYTHING they give you with bulgogi.
You're student loan is almost paid off.
You hail yourself as Soju drinking champion of your city.




BUNUS!:


How To Know You Lived Too Long in Korea Now That You're Back Home. . .



You didn't recognize your family at the airport.
You habitually bow your head to people.
You're favorite store is no longer Price Chopper. It's Mr. Kim's Happy Korean Market.
You pay $12.00 for Kimchi Chigae and 10$ for a bottle of Soju.
You gasp in horror when people walk into your home wearing shoes.
You squat over your toilet for old time's sake.
You continually call your friends "babo".
You get depressed when little kids don't notice you now. In fact you get very depressed that no one notices you now.
You can't understand why the bars close at 2AM, why you can't buy beer after 2:00AM, why you always have to show ID, and why you can't walk from bar to bar carrying an open beer.
You can drink 4 bottles of Soju. Your friends can't even drink 1. You hail yourself Soju Master of (Your Town).
You continually tell people, "Hurry! Hurry!"
You're friend asks you what you're fixing for dinner. You reply, "Oh, a little dwen jang chigae, kimchi, various side dishes and rice."
You miss the smell of bun dae gi.
You refer to all your friends as foreigners.
You have nightmares about kids screaming, "Hello! What's your name? What time is it? Do you like Kimchi?"
You now find supermarkets eerily quiet.
You constantly beep your horn in traffic.
You're contemplating opening your town's first O-daeng stand.
Your friends and family are concerned about your new smoking and drinking habits.
You casually offer 500$ to immigration officials to issue your Korean girlfriend a working visa.
You can't sleep at night becuase it's just too quiet.
You've called your mother Ajuma more than 3 times.
You're still buying kimchi, seaweed, spicy leaves, and shrimp chips on a weekly basis.
Your friends call the humane society because your dog's ears are pink and blue.
You talk about people near you forgetting they can understand you.
Your friends wonder why you have a roll of toilet paper on your kitchen table and you wonder why they're asking.

[weatherman]

[Corporal]

[The Great Wall of Whiner]

[FlagWaver]

I think that about covers everything.

Whenever I want to remember how life in Korea was I:

1: Jump in a cold shower and make sure the water only trickles out.

2: Drive down the road weaving in and out of traffic, running red lights while waving hello to everyone.

3: Ask my wife to stand behind the Kitchen counter while I ask questions in English and she repeats "Obsoyo" politely...

4: Look up Koreans in the phone book randomly and ask them why they came to this country, how long they plan to stay and if they have a girlfriend.

5: give me some time and I'll come up with some more.

[Cthulhu]

[The Marchioness]

You know you've been in Korea too long (and it's time to go home) when:

You sit on the subway and to pass away the time you pick your nose, examine the evidence critically, and then wipe it on your coat or the handrail (whichever is handiest).

You walk on the street and you decide to clean your nose by blowing the contents of one nostril forcefully (like a projectile), while closing the other nostril with your thumb. You then repeat the procedure with the other nostril, and if there should be any residue, you clean it fastidiously between your thumb and forefinger.

You walk on the street and decide to clear your throat by hawking, gargling and other offensive mannerisms; once you have achieved the objective of bringing up at least half of your mucous membranes, you will spit them out on the sidewalk, where people can dodge them (or not).

You walk on the street, see another foreigner, and scream 'hello' to make sure he/she can hear you clear across the miles. Then you put on an idiotic grin, nudge your friend with an elbow and say either 'waygook-in' or 'migook.' This is essential as your friend will be busy either grinning, staring, or examining every aspect of the foreigner's person.

When eating in a restaurant, you will pick up a living, wriggling fish with your chopsticks and clamp it into a lettuce leaf; you will then add gojujang, also with your chopsticks and then chow down.

While teaching in your classroom, you will say 'aigo' frequently and with gusto; you will also scream 'hajima' and whack students on the head with your textbook, a ruler, or just the flat of your hand. Sometimes you lift them out of their seats by their ears, but you never concern yourself about that as anybody in their right mind knows that their earlobes are meant just for that exercise.

When bargaining at a stall, you will try to intimidate the ajumma or the ajessi by whining and moaning about the price.

And a million others .... God, if I had the time

[coolsage]

You know you've in korea too long when you return to your home country and go shopping for some item and and find yourself asking: "Wait a minute; how much is this in won?"

[shawner88]

Even I'll admit this topic is retired.

[wormholes101]

When the way that taxi drivers drive seems quite normal...

You've been here WAY too long when you start driving like them...

When metal chopticks seem normal...

You've been here WAY too long when wooden chopsticks seem weird.

When you can remember the IMF.

You've been here WAY too long when you you always talk about what things were like before the IMF.

When you can play Starcraft...

You've been here WAY too long when when you can beat Koreans at Starcraft...

[kangnamdragon]

You know you've been in Korea too long when you are a white man and you see another white man with a Korean woman, then turn to a Korean friend and say those foreigners are trying to steal our women, and then the Korean friend agrees with you, forgetting you are white.

[Saxiif]

1. The thought to grilled pork belly dipped in green bean paste makes you
mouth water.

2. Your choice of minimart it dictated by which has the best aloe juice.

3. You develop irrational anti-Kiwi prejudices.

4. You get "taehan mingook" stuck in your head.

5. You start preferring the older kimchi.

6. You start staring at any foreigners you see, and get a real wide-eye look whenever you see a foreign child.

7. You staaaart taaaaalking liiiiiike thiiiiis, even to other foreigners.

8. You consider someone liking Avril Lavigne a sign of GOOD musical taste.

9. You find a korean child who likes hardcore punk and one that begs you to burn more German metal for him.

10. You think your nose looks bigger every day.

11. Your hair starts looking like Charisma Man's
http://karatethejapaneseway.com/photos/charisma_man_01s.jpg
http://karatethejapaneseway.com/photos/charisma_man_02s.jpg
http://karatethejapaneseway.com/photos/charisma_man_03s.jpg

12. You can taste the difference between Korean beers.

13. You're outraged when bars close before 6 AM.

14. You start pronouncing Hyundai correctly.

15. You find a Korean band whose music does not want to make you claw at your ear drums.

16. You've even fist-sized snail, stir fried tripe, boiled tripe, sea
cucumber, octopus *beep*, raw baby octopus, raw squid, a thousand varieties of dried squid, raw squid tentacles that move, stewed slikworm larvae, deepfried shrimp with the shell on, raw crab, raw eel, roast eel and something that might have been sea urchin or possibly sea cucumber or both.

17. You've been to a dog meat market.

18. You find yourself incapable of completeing a sentance without eogi, obso, iso, oh di, pabo, mula or ju.

19. You start pronoucning "strange" strangeeeeeee.

20. You make it a matter of principle to buy all of your condoms at FamilyMart.

21. You're annoyed when there's no computer with internet connection or a free can of tea in your motel room.

22. You get very tired of explaining to Brits that no, "Athelete's Foot" shoe
stores aren't perfect examples of Koreans mangling English.

23. You judge restaurants solely according to the number and quality of their side dishes (especially the baby octopus).

24. It no longer surprises you when middle school boys display a marked
fondness for ABBA.

25. You finally get the kindy kids to stop dongchiming you.

26. You're able to fool your kids into thinking a spelling quiz is a fun game
with a few pieces of hard candy.

27. You stop wondering why there are no high school students in your cram school and are told that high school students are often at school from 5 AM to 10 PM, six days a week.

28. You can't imagine how Americans get by without DVD bangs.

29. You stop asking your kids what they did over the weekend because its never anything besides sleep, study or play computer games.

30. You get bored with your kids English names so you start giving them
nicknames in Korean.

31. Your "my korean is so bad because I've been here such a short time" excuse starts getting more and more pathetic.

32. You've made a contribution to this:
http://www.eslcafe.com/forums/korea/viewtopic.php?
t=316&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

33. You stop pouring your own drinks and watch glasses like a hawk to know when its time to pour for someone else.

34. You've been to noraebangs enough to do a passable karaoke version of Welcome to the Jungle.

35. You've seen Dr. Kwak's Clinic.

36. You've seen the G Spot.

37. You've seen the "man only" In And Out massage parlor.

38. One of your kids shows up in an Axis Club t-shirt.

39. One of your kids shows up in an Easy Girl t-shirt.

40. Your jaw mussels become capable of dealing with dried squid bar food.

41. You've drank enough sofu that cheap vodka starts tasting good.

42. You've eaten deep fried ham and mayo sushi on a stick.

43. It no longer surprises you when you see a Church with a giant neon cross sharing a building with a bar and a "massage" parlor.

44. You realize that there's an evil Japanese conspiracy to get Koreans to
believe that Americans are sex-crazed perverts.

45. You miss Bob's Stores ads.

46. You wish you had a pegwon for every time get warned not to eat the side-dish peppers because they're too spicy to eat and then have them turn out to taste like bell peppers (after which you get to hear about how Korean food is, in fact, the spiciest in the world).

47. You finally start remembering the switch the water from the shower to the faucet and not have to dodge a spray of water while trying to wash your hands anymore.

48. You start to think that all those Koreans must be right, you must be
handsome after all, damn that lying mirror!

49. You stop being annoyed when you miss the subway since you know another train will be there in a minute or two.

50. Your students become convinced that you are Jollaman.