|
Korean Job Discussion Forums
"The Internet's Meeting Place for ESL/EFL Teachers from Around the World!"
|
| View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
IncognitoHFX
Joined: 06 May 2007
Location: Yeongtong, Suwon
|
 Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 9:03 am Post subject: Korean girls vs conservative guys |
 |
|
[deleted]
Last edited by IncognitoHFX on Tue Nov 06, 2007 8:24 am; edited 1 time in total |
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
MissSeoul
Joined: 25 Oct 2006
Location: Somewhere in America
|
| Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 9:38 am Post subject: |
|
|
| That's the part of life we all sometimes have to face, next time you will do better. Move on ! |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
peppermint
Joined: 13 May 2003
Location: traversing the minefields of caddishness.
|
| Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 9:44 am Post subject: |
|
|
I know how intense a three month relationship can be, and I remember all too well how you must be feeling about now.
That said, are you really going to rule out dating a whole nation of women because you got burned by one? Lots of chicks out there, both domestic and imported. Some are wonderful, others aren't, but culture and race aren't really good indicators of that.
Last edited by peppermint on Wed Oct 31, 2007 9:48 am; edited 1 time in total |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Masta_Don
Joined: 17 Aug 2006
Location: Hyehwa-dong, Seoul
|
| Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 9:46 am Post subject: |
|
|
Welcome to Korea!
As much as I don't care, realize it's called boomerang effect. From one to the next without pause. If it helps you sleep, she probably had another boyfriend when she first started messing around with you. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
pest2
Joined: 01 Jun 2005
Location: Vancouver, Canada
|
| Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 1:16 pm Post subject: |
|
|
It is true about being bad to generalize in situations like these, but I personally cannot say my knowledge and experiences with Korean women in Korea are any different. Of all the buddies I have who are dating or married to the local women, 1 got a really nice one... the rest turned out badly. 1 guy was dating a woman here for 2 years and they were living together until he found out she was secretly humping some Australian car importer. Another guy had a k girl f buddy he knew was doing other guys but didnt care. Another guy had a one night stand with a married k woman who was angry at her k boyfriend for always playing computer games. There are more, the list goes on...
And the K women I've known arent out of line with this 'generalization'. One I know who just went to the USA is juggling 4 guys right now... there's her bf in Korea she still emails weekly, a 40 year old guy where she's living, a 20 year old guy, and some Korean guy in the USA who goes to her church. I knew another one who always told me she was single and alone and wanted me to ask her out even though I was engaged to be married to someone else... then, the very day she was telling me how lonely she was, I saw her in a movie theatre from a distance holding hands with a guy who was clearly her bf!
They - well, all I have known anyway-- have this dating code of ethics that does not proscribe 'shopping the market' before marriage... and to them, there's nothing wrong with using 2 or more products at the same time. After marriage, maybe its even less acceptable to cheat,.. but I reckon it still happens.
As far as lying... well,... when did you ever have the idea that Koreans dont lie IN GENERAL!? Why would dating Korean women be any different?
K women. are. crazy. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
SuperFly
Joined: 09 Jul 2003
Location: In the doghouse
|
| Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 2:02 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Now you can probably understand why some Korean girls are so obsessive about keeping tabs on their boyfriends, and vice-versa. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Atavistic
Joined: 22 May 2006
Location: How totally stupid that Korean doesn't show in this area.
|
| Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 2:17 pm Post subject: Re: Korean girls vs conservative guys |
|
|
| IncognitoHFX wrote: |
I also don't drink, I'm not permiscuous, I've never cheated, I hate night clubs and am not a big fan of night life in general (which is where all the cheating happens IMHO)... |
A lot of cheating happens at work, too. Well, at least in the West.
| Quote: |
Is cheating so prevalent in Korean culture that Korean couples just assume and live with their partner assuming they're cheating? If so, I think I'll avoid dating Korean girls in the future. |
I have no idea what KOREAN couples assume. But I don't really think it's fair to judge a whole country full of girls on a bad experience with one. If I did that I sure wouldn't date any white men. Ever. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
stevieg4ever
Joined: 11 Feb 2006
Location: London, England
|
| Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 2:46 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Really sorry to hear OP. You are better off without her it seems. When somebody is obviously not the person you once thought then it is hard to come to terms with for everyone so dont beat yourself up about it.
And pay no attention to the culture vultures on Daves either. Like many things, dating here is a totally different concept to back in the west. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
SeoulFinn
Joined: 27 Feb 2006
Location: 1h from Seoul
|
| Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 2:49 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I've been asked few times to have some fun by K-women who were dating or married. Unfortunately for me, I was dating at those times and couldn't give them what they wanted. If I had been single for a long time... who knows what might have happened?
Once I found my Really Good Christian(TM) ex-gf from a dating site. She was looking for a foreign man for casual dating/serious relationship. The thing that shocked me wasn't that she was looking for a foreigner, but the fact that she had been married less than a year!  I had suspected that her marriage wasn't based on love, but I had thought that I knew this girl and expected more from her.
I haven't cheated any of my women and I really intend to keep it that way. I'm in a good relationship with a girl I really do care about. Nevertheless, I've told her that if I ever caught her cheating on me, doesn't matter if we're dating or married at that time, our relationship will be terminated immediately. Hey, I don't expect more from her that I'm willing to do. Is that too much to ask? |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
SPINOZA
Joined: 10 Jun 2005
Location: $eoul
|
| Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 3:27 pm Post subject: Re: Korean girls vs conservative guys |
|
|
| IncognitoHFX wrote: |
| I'm pretty bleak right now. |
Cheer up, old chap. We didn't win the war by being depressed!
-----------
| The Beatlles wrote: |
Well I'd rather see you dead, little girl
Than to be with another man
You better keep your head, little girl
Or I won't know where I am
You better run for your life if you can, little girl
Hide your head in the sand little girl
Catch you with another man
That's the end'a little girl
Well you know that I'm a wicked guy
And I was born with a jealous mind
And I can't spend my whole life
Trying just to make you toe the line
You better run for your life if you can, little girl
Hide your head in the sand little girl
Catch you with another man
That's the end'a little girl
Let this be a sermon
I mean everything I've said
Baby, I'm determined
And I'd rather see you dead
You better run for your life if you can, little girl
Hide your head in the sand little girl
Catch you with another man
That's the end'a little girl
I'd rather see you dead, little girl
Than to be with another man
You better keep your head, little girl
Or you won't know where I am
You better run for your life if you can, little girl
Hide your head in the sand little girl
Catch you with another man
That's the end'a little girl
|
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
IncognitoHFX
Joined: 06 May 2007
Location: Yeongtong, Suwon
|
| Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 3:35 pm Post subject: |
|
|
This is what I'm worried about. So obviously, lying and the truth have completely different meanings over here and I'll be hard pressed to find a girl who doesn't cheat... Cheating is basically acceptable and more common than not cheating...
The thing is, I have some friends who are in serious relationships with girls who definitely don't cheat. You can just tell. I wish I could find a girl like that... |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
MANDRL
Joined: 13 Oct 2006
Location: South Korea
|
| Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 3:41 pm Post subject: Re: Korean girls vs conservative guys |
|
|
| IncognitoHFX wrote: |
I'm pretty bleak right now. I had a short-term relationship with a Korean woman and it didn't end well. It lasted for three months, and I thought it was very serious, as I had met all of her friends and seemed to be becoming a big part of her life.
Anyway, I found out she was cheating on me. I confronted her about it and that was that. I just couldn't believe it; how could someone so sweet and so against cheating actually be so deceptive? I was played like a fiddle, folks. I'll be alright I think, but I'm wondering about the future.
I did some reading on Korean culture when I suspected something was up and focussed my searches on adultery. I guess there is a lot more cheating in this culture than I thought, so much so that you're expected to assume it and turn a blind eye going into a relationship.
I'm a very conservative guy when it comes to relationships. If I date one girl, I don't date anyone else, and every time I get into a relationship I only allow it to continue if it appears to have a long future. If a relationship doesn't seem to be going anywhere, I cut it off. As far as cheating is concerned, if it ever comes up I just turn tail and dump the person. No excuses, no second chances... just dump and run.
I also don't drink, I'm not permiscuous, I've never cheated, I hate night clubs and am not a big fan of night life in general (which is where all the cheating happens IMHO)... and would rather, almost always, be home watching a movie, going on a trip or climbing a mountain.
Anyway, I realize this is pretty personal so I'll cut it off there. Its been an emotional week.
Is this what I should come to expect with Korean dating culture? I see many of you are married, did you ever have such experiences on the road to meeting your wife? Where / how do you suggest I look in the future to avoid something like this?
As I said... there were no warning signs, and when I confronted her about it I figure I broke face (the way she comes of to other people) because she was so miserable (and animatedly so) that I just... didn't know what to do. I almost felt bad for busting her on her deception, she was just that miserable. I'm glad I found out when I did, it was only a stroke of luck that I even did find out. I've never had anyone be that reassuring and kind to my face and that wretched behind my back before. Its simply beyond words.
Is cheating so prevalent in Korean culture that Korean couples just assume and live with their partner assuming they're cheating? If so, I think I'll avoid dating Korean girls in the future. |
| Quote: |
Just because it happened in America doesn't mean I should care. Bunch of dead yuppies, no skin off my back.
I'm more worried about Iraqi women and children who live in fear. |
I guess the same logic would fit your current situation, no? |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
mcgeezer
Joined: 17 Apr 2007
|
| Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 3:57 pm Post subject: |
|
|
the funny thing to me is how western guys have a stereotype of being cheating sex maniacs...from my experiences however it has been the women who go out chasing the ROD around, while the majority of my guy friends are faithful.....doesn't add up to me..
also, don't you hate it when girls flip through your phone looking for past phonecalls or incoming text messages to see what you've been up to??
DRIVES ME NUTS!!!
Sorry to hear about your bad experience bro, but it was a learning experience i guess...next time just don't get too serious before you marry the girl...lord knows she won't be! |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
thegadfly
Joined: 01 Feb 2003
|
| Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 3:59 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Incognito,
Seriously, my deepest sympathies and condolences -- being betrayed by someone you trust and care about is worse than most other kinds of pain.
That being said, I don't think cheating is a "cultural" thing. I have only had one Korean woman cheat on me...and one cheat on her boyfriend with me. I don't think I have ever had a western woman NOT cheat on me...I mean, I think that is why most relationships end, actually -- one person cheats on another. Otherwise, you keep dating.... I don't cheat on the person I am with (and still feel guilty about being "the other guy" that one time), so the cheater has to be the other person, in my case....
Oh, the other K-women I have dated broke it off with me because of the race issue. It is tougher for them to have a foreign boyfriend than it is for us to have a Korean girlfriend...and not everyone is strong enough to face that down, on top of everything else life throws at ya....
"Why do things always end so badly?" "Because if they didn't end badly, they wouldn't end...." |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
SuperFly
Joined: 09 Jul 2003
Location: In the doghouse
|
| Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 4:12 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| thegadfly wrote: |
Incognito,
Seriously, my deepest sympathies and condolences -- being betrayed by someone you trust and care about is worse than most other kinds of pain.
That being said, I don't think cheating is a "cultural" thing. I have only had one Korean woman cheat on me...and one cheat on her boyfriend with me. I don't think I have ever had a western woman NOT cheat on me...I mean, I think that is why most relationships end, actually -- one person cheats on another. Otherwise, you keep dating.... I don't cheat on the person I am with (and still feel guilty about being "the other guy" that one time), so the cheater has to be the other person, in my case....
Oh, the other K-women I have dated broke it off with me because of the race issue. It is tougher for them to have a foreign boyfriend than it is for us to have a Korean girlfriend...and not everyone is strong enough to face that down, on top of everything else life throws at ya....
"Why do things always end so badly?" "Because if they didn't end badly, they wouldn't end...." |
What was it that Susan Sontag (died in December 2004) said about cheating?
Ah yes, "...as in life, so in art both are necessary, husbands and lovers..." |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
|
FAQ
Search
Memberlist
Usergroups
Register
Profile
Log in to check your private messages
Log in
