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Bondrock

Joined: 08 Oct 2006 Location: ^_^
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Posted: Fri Dec 05, 2008 4:24 am Post subject: Christmas Jollies>jokes & quotes |
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A Christmas Story for people having a bad day:
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally
dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree. |
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Underwaterbob

Joined: 08 Jan 2005 Location: In Cognito
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Posted: Fri Dec 05, 2008 6:00 am Post subject: |
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I know there's a less graphic version of this out there somewhere, but I can't find it.
http://frostysfeces.ytmnd.com/ |
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Bondrock

Joined: 08 Oct 2006 Location: ^_^
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Posted: Fri Dec 05, 2008 4:46 pm Post subject: |
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Santa has a terrible sex life. He only comes once a year. |
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cj1976
Joined: 26 Oct 2005
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Posted: Sun Dec 07, 2008 8:28 pm Post subject: |
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Bondrock wrote: |
Santa has a terrible sex life. He only comes once a year. |
And that's down a chimney! |
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DaveMcK
Joined: 22 Oct 2008
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Posted: Sun Dec 07, 2008 9:19 pm Post subject: |
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what's an alter boy at the vatican christmas party?
1st prize |
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DaveMcK
Joined: 22 Oct 2008
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Posted: Mon Dec 08, 2008 7:11 pm Post subject: |
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OK, since I've been snorting vodka for a few hours, I'll up the ante.
Last Christmas my girlfriend told me she wanted something surprising and sexy for Christmas
turned out she didnt mean rape. |
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