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Christmas Jollies>jokes & quotes

 
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Bondrock



Joined: 08 Oct 2006
Location: ^_^

PostPosted: Fri Dec 05, 2008 4:24 am    Post subject: Christmas Jollies>jokes & quotes Reply with quote

A Christmas Story for people having a bad day:

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally
dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
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Underwaterbob



Joined: 08 Jan 2005
Location: In Cognito

PostPosted: Fri Dec 05, 2008 6:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I know there's a less graphic version of this out there somewhere, but I can't find it.

http://frostysfeces.ytmnd.com/
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Bondrock



Joined: 08 Oct 2006
Location: ^_^

PostPosted: Fri Dec 05, 2008 4:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Santa has a terrible sex life. He only comes once a year.
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cj1976



Joined: 26 Oct 2005

PostPosted: Sun Dec 07, 2008 8:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bondrock wrote:
Santa has a terrible sex life. He only comes once a year.


And that's down a chimney!
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DaveMcK



Joined: 22 Oct 2008

PostPosted: Sun Dec 07, 2008 9:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

what's an alter boy at the vatican christmas party?











1st prize
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DaveMcK



Joined: 22 Oct 2008

PostPosted: Mon Dec 08, 2008 7:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

OK, since I've been snorting vodka for a few hours, I'll up the ante.

Last Christmas my girlfriend told me she wanted something surprising and sexy for Christmas











turned out she didnt mean rape.
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