Korean Job Discussion Forums

[earthbound14]

sucks.

This never gets easier.

One of my very best friends, a true kindred heart, died the other day.

I'm stuck here
on the other side of the planet
out of the loop
out of contact
just this wire to connect me
hiding the anger I have at his passing
the sadness at the loss
a mask on my face
a fake genuine smile
for those I care about here
but who just can't relate
to the friend I lost
thousands of miles away
where my friends are in pain
and I have nothing to give
I don't look forward to the day
I step off that plane
and find him missing for the first time
my silent pain inside
that others have felt
but I'm detached
never really there
until the day I stumble back in
bleary eyed and out of time
with the tune
they are part of

the only words I have
are a slur of obscenities
but I hold my tongue
and keep on movin on
knowing I'd change it all
if I could

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HnqReq_7Hmk&feature=PlayList&p=D3DBDC9C99CC8B57&index=8&playnext=9&playnext_from=PL

Just a shout out to my friend and to anyone stuck losing someone special while so far away. We all share this, our detachment from home and our common distance from the land we are in. Never fully here, never fully there. Always a part left behind.

RV, I love you man.

[marlow]

Sorry for your loss.

This happened to me my second year. It took a while to get over. A couple of months after it happened I used to be happy when he showed up in dreams I'd have about the gang hanging out. Anyone coming over, make sure you get a hug from all the people close to you before you come. When my friend wanted to hug me before I came I thought it was kind of homo, and like why bother, we're gonna see each other again man. We didn't see each other again. This one's for you Jimmy.

[icicle]

I am with you on this one ... I found out this morning that another of my old friends had died yesterday ... which made it the second one in the last couple of months ... I think it is when this happens to you realise just how far away you are ... One thing I haven't found here is much understanding of what it feels like to have that happen when you are so far away ... Or even the idea that it should effect us at all .... My first friend to die this year was totally unexpected ... He was only 24 and just didn't wake up one morning ... it looks like it was just an undiagnosed heart issue (a bit like adult SIDS) ...

It isn't easy ...

[Pooty]

Sorry for your loss. Hang in there. Remember the good times you had.

[princess]

I lost my grandpa while being here. It was my first job in Korea, and I didn't really like my school so much. I gave my notice of resignation right before he died. But I still had to stay and finish out 2 more weeks. I was the only one in the family not at his funeral. He was 91 and he died on his birthday and one of his son's (my uncle's) birthday. It was tragic and so sad. All my school did was give me one day off...figures...Just like whem I was assaulted this year, I didn't even get one day off. I was so shaken up and my asinine boss expected me to come in and greet parents of new kids the next day on a Saturday. He saw me and smiled and said hello like nothing happened the night before. Then when everyone saw how upset I was, I was "allowed" to go home and not do the greetings. Idiot! I am so done with hagwons after February.

[Becka]

I lost one of my closest like-family friends in my first year here. Hers was a high-profile murder, which just made everything that much more surreal. I totally understand your feeling isolated. If there is any way you can go home for the funeral, do it. I managed to, in my case, and even though things are still hard, I'm convinced they'd be harder if I hadn't done that.

[Hanson]

This happened to me a few months ago... Sorry for your loss, OP.

Big Al, you're missed every day.

[drunkenfud]

That poem brought tears to my eyes. I feel for you, not that it helps of course. As a previous poster said, think of the good times, and keep the memory of your friend alive in your heart.

[bluelake]

My condolences. It happened to me, too. In my case, it was my older brother back in '89; he was 43 years old. My wife, son and I had just returned to Korea that year. He had a massive heart attack two days after his birthday and died in my dad's arms.

I had nobody to grieve with. In Korea, death and grief tend to be orchestrated: somebody dies, there is a funeral, so many days when you cry your eyes out, and then you turn it off like a faucet and continue on with your life. Nobody would talk with me about it; nobody would even listen. The stress pressed on me and I had a severe anxiety attack, which ended up sending me back to the States for a time--three weeks after my brother's funeral. My family had pretty much worked through their grieving, but I hadn't even started; I ended up dragging everyone else back into it. The experience still haunts me to this day--nineteen years later.

The sad thing is, my folks are now 83 years old and chances are I will end up going through this again in the not-too-distant future...

[SeoulShakin]

My condolences to your loss.

It was just over a year ago that I was going through the exact same emotions, as I was stuck in Korea while my Grandmother passed away. I felt out of touch, and found it particularly hard to get over the guilt of not being with her and my family. What got me through was knowing how proud she was of me that I was over there, and that she'd likely get upset if I "left the kids" to go home. She was a teacher in a one room schoolhouse and would have been pretty upset if I left the kids to go home.

It's definitely not an easy thing. I found that writing on here was sort of a way for me to vent my emotions. People said to surround myself with good friends, and comfort food etc. I found I didn't want to be around groups of people, but instead just one person I was really comfortable. The best thing I did was write a letter to her via the online condolences on the funeral home website. It was my way of saying goodbye. It was the hardest letter I ever wrote, and it took about two hours to do through the tears, but it really was a release for me. My school was great and let me take two days off (they offered to let me go home but I just took off a Friday and Monday to grieve).

Everyone deals with things differently, but know you aren't alone in your emotions. Dave's can be an awful place at time, but you will find many people here to talk to if you need it when it is about things like this. Again, my condolences.

[shl82]

Very sorry about your loss. I just lost my grandpa about 10 ten days ago.
And just like you I was unable to go back to US to attend the funeral because it was my first day of work with public school after school program. I told my boss if we could possibly start the program a week later but all he could tell me was like well what if if you went during winter break that is coming in a few weeks. In my mind i was like what the f. Its
pointless of me to go at the end of the month. I lost my grandpa now. It seems like the only thing that matters to owners if their fuc_in school or program. Hang in there man. I know its tough. I am sure he/she is in a better place.

[Yaya]

I lost my eldest aunt in late June this year. She would've been 88 this year, but gosh, all the talk I had with her about her death in no way prepared me for it. She died suddenly from a heart attack, but overall, she was in stellar health for a woman her age. She was probably one of the most influential people in my life and was the glue that kept my dysfunctional family together. I still miss her really bad. I remember returning to Korea after attending her funeral in the U.S., and how I had to remind myself that she wouldn't answer my calls anymore.

It's still hard for me to accept she's gone, and I've read dozens of books on Buddhism and overcoming the fear of death.

[EzeWong]

I also feel your pain, my uncle died about 2 days ago.

Hurts that you cannot go home to the funeral, cannot comfort your loved ones, cannot have one last look, cannot do anything.

It really feels powerless, the only thing we can do is call home. But sometimes, I think that's enough... for them to just hear us call.

His death was a remainder of what really mattered to me most. Family. I think life's biggest regret will always be for anyone that they didn't spend enough time with the people they really cared about.

Even though it's a morbid remainder, we should all think about the ones we care about, and know that good things won't last forever and we have to treasure them while we can.

We are fragile beings, remember, anything can take us down, but don't focus on dropping the glass christmas ornaments, just think about how beautiful it looks on the tree of life.

[diver]

I went through the same thing about two months ago. I lost two friends (One had died last year, one died in September - but I found out about both on the same day). It isn't easy.

Sorry for your loss.

[Faunaki]

Dude, that totally sucks.

I lost a friend and uncle in this year alone!! I know how you feel.

It's getting to be too much. It's time to go home for good soon.