Korean Job Discussion Forums

[legalquestions]

In the old days is was perfectly ok to joke about most anyone: queer jokes, butch jokes, dago jokes, wop jokes, redneck jokes, kraut/jerry jokes, guinea jokes, spastic/retatd jokes, lawyer jokes, cripple jokes, midget jokes, negro jokes, indian jokes, asian jokes, polio jokes, ugly person jokes, etc. Did I leave any out? Anyway, you get my point.

Nowadays, however, for some reason the PC police have made all of these off limits except lawyer jokes and redneck jokes. As both a native of the southern USA and a lawyer, I can appreciate the humor in both, but I wonder why both are still fair game, while all of the others are no longer PC?

What is the logic here? Also, heard any new, good lawyer and/or redneck jokes lately? Please share!

[waywardwanderer]

How does this relate to Korea????? Maybe you want the off topic form? or the "who cares" form?

[Trevor]

Here is the correct answer:

In order to silence someone by the mechanism of political correctness, you need power. In the case of 'rednecks' they do not have a strong lobby in Washington. Lawyers, who do have a strong lobby, recognize that if they complain about the jokes it would backlash against them. And anyway, they don't care for the most part if you hate them -- so long as you pay them.

[VanIslander]

legalquestions, we know you're a lawyer, you've talked about that. Are you a red neck too?

What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a red neck?

legalquestions !

[legalquestions]

Perhaps because I frequently hear (and tell) both types of these jokes here in Korea, duh?

And, just for my clarification, what would you consider the limits/guidelines/protocol for a post to be posted on the general discussion forum, by the way?

Things aren't always so "black or white" or pigeonholeable (is that a word?). You sound like an accountant or a teacher or something like that ("a place for everything and everything in its place") - exactly the type of person I would have immediately struck from the jury panel.

If I am wrong, I am wrong! Help me out here, please! Better yet, give me a lawyer and/or redneck joke!

[Hanson]

You know you're a redneck...

... when you take your wife to a stripclub for your anniversary. What the hell, she goes on at ten thirty, anyways.

[Gimpokid]

I think all occupations are still considered fair game. See slimy car salesmen, plumber's crack, bad cop no donut, sailors interested in seafood, sadistic or sponge bath nurses, teaching instead of doing, crooked politicians, less than pious clergy etc.

I also think rednecks are fair game because the stereotype of the redneck includes being intolerant.

[VanIslander]

lawyers are cutthroat, lazy, manipulative money-gouging truth-twisting *beep* and that just describes the ones I like

i speak from personal experience: an estate lawyer just *beep* me out of over three thousand dollars this year with his incompetence, bad advice and underhandedness

[legalquestions]

Trevor - thanks, well thought out answer, just what I was looking for. And, yes, you're probably right. Have you ever considered law school? Maybe you should!

Van Islander - good one! Haha, you got me there, you sly dog! You know, you'd do well conducting a cross examination. Have you considered law school?

But to answer your question, I don't know if I am a redneck or not, but my ancestors certainly were - plowing from daylight till dark behind a mule six days a week in order to put food on the family table. Yes, I reckon their necks certainly were burnt red by the sun. But that was a good thing back then wasn't it?

Actually, I like to consider myself more of a hillbilly, albeit a "sophisticated hillbilly," as I done got me an edjewkashun and have become a world traveller - two things my ancestors didn't do, unless you consider their service to the country in Europe and North Africa during WW2 world travel, that is).

By the way, just what is a redneck anyway nowadays? I guess it is no longer a term of endearment, haha. And, do any of you work with any rednecks here? What about, "you might be a Korean redneck if................................................................................................"

And, what is the difference between a redneck and a hillbilly? (yes, it's a joke). A redneck........................and a hillbilly............................ (anyone know, or care?)

And for the record, there are at least four other American lawyers teaching English related courses where I work at present, and I have worked with dozens over the years. We are a dime a dozen; lighten up!

We (both lawyers and alleged rednecks) don't take ourselves too seriously. Why do most of the other joke "fair game" stereotypes take themselves so seriously nowadays? Why so PC? That is what my original post was all about. No more, no less.

[BS.Dos.]

The Christian right and Muslims are still fair game I think.

[Trevor]

(Sigh) Here ya go.

Designated drunkard

Rednecks don't let friends drive home drunk, they get drunk and ride with them.
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Alabama Farmer

What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A pimp.
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Redneck Fitness

You know you're a redneck when your stair master has an ashtray!
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A Redneck Retaliation

A ventriloquist was making fun of rednecks with his dummy at a bar. Then an angry redneck stood up, rolled up his sleeves ,and yelled, "I resent that!"
The ventriloquist started apologizing to the redreck.

The redneck looked at him and said, " You stay outta this, I''m talking to the guy on your lap!!!!


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Ba Ba Black Sheep

Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex.
"It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours," Clem recalled.

"That sounds wonderful," said Jed.

"Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us."

"Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?"

"Baaaaa..."


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Top 10 Reasons to Know You're a Redneck

1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife.
2. You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations.
3. You have ever had to wash off in the backyard with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house.
4. You've never thrown away a 5-gallon bucket.
5. You can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, herbicide rate and yields on a farm you rented 10 years ago, but cannot recall your wife's birthday.
6. You have used a velvet leaf plant as toilet paper.
7. You have driven off the road while examining your neighbors crops.
8. You have borrowed gravel from the county road to fill potholes in your driveway.
9. You have buried a dog and cried like a baby.
10. You've used the same knife to make bull calves steers and peel apples.
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Redneck Engineering Exam

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.
2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? a) '66 Ford Fairlane b) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle c) '64 Pontiac GTO
3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?
4. A pulpwood cutter has chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The lot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser Tall-Boys will it take to cut the trees?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man's land?
8. A 2-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, how many people will swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain? For extra credit, how many of the vehicles that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?
9. A Coal Mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?
10. How many generations will it take before cattle develop two legs shorter than the others because of grazing along a mountainside?
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Backwoods High Tech

Backup - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods.
Bug - The reason you give for calling in sick.
Byte - What your pitbull done to cousin Jethro.
Chip - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in.
Terminal - Time to call the undertaker.
Crash - When you go to Junior's party uninvited.
Digital - The art of counting on your fingers.
Diskette - Female Disco dancer.
Fax - What you lie about to the IRS.
Hacker - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking.
Hardcopy - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos.
Internet - Where cafeteria workers put their hair.
Keyboard - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere.
Mac - Big Bubba's favorite fast food.
Megahertz - How your head feels after 17 beers.
Modem - What you do when the grass gets too high.
Mouse Pad - Where Mickey and Minnie live.
Network - Scooping up a big fish before it breaks the line.
ROM - Where the pope lives.
Screen - Keeps mosquitoes off the porch.
Serial Port - A red wine you drink with breakfast.
Superconductor - Amtrak's Employee of the year.
SCSI (pronounced scuzzi) - What you call your week-old underwear.
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Tasties in a Half Shell

Q: Why did God invent armadillos?
A: So that rednecks can have 'possum on the half-shell.
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Redneck Marriage

How can you tell if a redneck is married?
There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of his pickup truck.
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You might be i redneck if you drive your ...

You might be a redneck if you drive your truck through a metal detector...and it doesn't go off.
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A Country War

A Tennessee man and an Alabama man were fighting in a war, and both were caught by the enemy.
"Before i put you to death," said the enemy, "do you have any last requests?"
The Alabama man said, "Could you shoot me after you play the song 'Yeah, Alabama?"

"Sure," the man agreed. "How about you?"

The Tennessee man said, "COuld you shoot me before you play 'Yeah, Alabam?"


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Sobriety Test

A young man was pulled over by the Mississippi State Police for speeding. The officer stepped out of his patrol car, adjusted his sunglasses, and swaggered up to the young man's window. "What chew driving so fast for boy? You going to a fahhr? Let me see your license, boy." The young man handed over his license.
Then the officer noticed that the back seat of the car was full of large knives. The officer said, "Tell me boy, why you got them knives on that there back seat?"
The young man replied, "Well sir, I'm a juggler."

The officer spat some tobacco juice and then he said, "A juggler; well you don't say. Boy, put cha hands on the trunk of yer car; you going to jail!"

The young man pleaded with the officer not to take him to jail. He offered to prove to the officer that he was a juggler by way of demonstration. He said, "You can even hold me at gunpoint while I juggle for you." The officer reluctantly allowed him to prove his point while he held him at gunpoint.

Two miles down the road at Joe's Tavern, Billy Bub was drinking it up with Jerry Lee Jones. Billy Bub soon left and got into his old, rusty pickup truck. He proceeded down the road trying his best to stay on the right side. All of a sudden Billy Bub spotted the most unbelievable sight of his life! He drove to the nearest phone booth and dialed the number for Joe's Tavern and asked for his buddy, Jerry Lee.

When Jerry Lee got on the phone, Billy Bub said, "Whatever you do when you leave that tavern, don't go north on route 109. The state police are giving a sobriety test that nobody can pass!"


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Fast Food for Rednecks

You might be a redneck if you think fast food is hitting a deer at 60 miles an hour.
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There was this redneck that walked into a ...

There was this redneck that walked into a bar and ordered a beer. While he was waiting on his drink he noticed a jar of money sitting on the counter. When the bartender came back the redneck asked the bartender about the money.
The bartender replied, "Well, this money is for the goat we have outside."

The redneck was puzzled so he asked again. "What exactly is this money for."

The bartender replied. "Well, We have a goat outside and he just lays there and never moves or hollers or anything and who ever can make him holler gets this money."

So the redneck finished him beer and goes outside.

He comes back in and the goat is laughing so hard and can't stop. The bartender askes how he did it and the Redneck won't answer. So the redneck walks out of the bar with the money.

A week later the Redneck comes in and sees the same bartender. He orders the same thing. And this time he sees another jar of money. He askes the bartender what this money was for.

The bartender replies "Well, ever sence you got that goat to laugh, we can't get him to stop. So we made another jar. Who ever can get that goat to stop laughing gets the money."

So, just like last time he finished his beer and went out side.

Well when he came in, the goat was crying. The bartender was wondering how he did it and the redneck replied, "A redneck never lets out his secrets."

So, he took his money and left.

About a week later the redneck came back and he saw another jar of money. So, he asked the bartender what this jar was. The bartender replied "Well, you have us all wondering how you did it. First you made him laugh then you made him cry and we want to know how you did it."

The redneck just sat there laughing. He says "Well, to make him laugh, I told him my *beep* was bigger than his and to make him cry, well, I proved it to him."


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Highly Illogical

Two rednecks, Bubba and Cooter, decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead.
Bubba goes in first, and the professor advises him to take math, history and logic.

"What's logic?" asked Bubba.

The professor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed-whacker?"

"I sure do," answered the redneck.

"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.

"That's real good," the redneck responded in awe.

The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also have a house."

Impressed, the redneck shouted, "AMAZIN'!"

"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."

"Betty Mae! This is incredible!"

"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.

"You're absolutely right! Why, that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard of! I cain't wait to take this here logic class."

Bubba, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where Cooter is still waiting.

"So, what classes are ya takin?" he asks.

"Math, history and logic," replies Bubba.

Cooter says, "What in tarnation is logic?"

"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed-eater?"

"No."

"You're a queer, ain't ya?"


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NASCAR

What does NASCAR stand for?
Non

Athletic

Sport

Created

Around

Rednecks


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A redneck taped paper to his television...

A redneck taped toilet paper to his television.
He said, "Hey, lookie here, now we have free paper view!"


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You might be a redneck if...

You might be a redneck if you have ever been asked to leave a yardsale
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You might be a redneck if you can french-kiss...

You might be a redneck if you can french kiss with a toothpick in your mouth.
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A Roomful of Rednecks

What do you get when you have 32 rednecks in a room?
A full set of teeth.


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A Sack Full of Chickens

One day there were two men walking down a dirt path. One of them had a big potato sack over his shoulder. The other decided to ask what was in the sack.
When he asked, the man said, ''I got me some chickens for dinner tonight. Mmm Mmm Mmm... Chicken sure sounds good tonight.''

The other one wanted to know how many chickens were in the sack.

''Well I'll tell you,'' replied the man, ''If you can guess how many chickens I got in this here sack I'll give them both to you.''


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A Special Night in Iowa

Q: What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonalds on Friday night in Iowa?
A: Prom.


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Airplane Hijinx

Two women, one from the north and one from the south, are seated next to one another on a plane.
"Where you flyin' to?" says the southern woman. The northern woman turns up her nose.

"Don't you know you should NEVER end a sentence with a preposition?" The southern woman thinks about this for a second.

"Where you flyin' to, bitch?"


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American Divorce

If a man and a woman get married in Texas and move to Washington are they still brother and sister?
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Ark-N-Saw

A new law recently passed in Arkansas.
When a couple is divorced, they can still legally be brother and sister.
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Arkansas Scholars

Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16 year old students! (Don't laugh too hard - one of these may be the president someday.)
Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets a election.

Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.) A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U.

Q: What is the Fibula? A: A small lie

Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby.

Q: What is the most common form of birth control? A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section." A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q: What is a seizure? A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness? A: When you are sick at the airport

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Q: What is a turbine? A: Something an Arab wears on his head.

Q: What is a Hindu? A: It lays eggs.

Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets a election.

Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.) A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U.

Q: What is the Fibula? A: A small lie

Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby.

Q: What is the most common form of birth control? A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section." A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q: What is a seizure? A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness? A: When you are sick at the airport

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Q: What is a turbine? A: Something an Arab wears on his head.

Q: What is a Hindu? A: It lays eggs.

Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets a election.

Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.) A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U.

Q: What is the Fibula? A: A small lie

Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby.

Q: What is the most common form of birth control? A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section." A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q: What is a seizure? A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness? A: When you are sick at the airport

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Q: What is a turbine? A: Something an Arab wears on his head.

Q: What is a Hindu? A: It lays eggs.


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Arkansas State Residency Application

ARKANSAS STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION
Name: ________________ (_) Billy-Bob (last) (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (_) Billy-Jefferson (Check appropriate box)

Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A

Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right

Occupation: (_)Farmer (_)Mechanic (_)Hair Dresser (_)Unemployed

Spouse's Name: __________________________

Relationship with spouse: (_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle (_) Cousin (_) Mother (_) Father (_) Son (_) Daughter (_) Pet

Number of children living in household: ___ Number that are yours: ___

Mother's Name: _______________________ Father's Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank)

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)

___ Total number of vehicles you own ___ Number of vehicles that still crank ___ Number of vehicles in front yard ___ Number of vehicles in back yard ___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Firearms you own and where you keep them: ____ truck ____ bedroom ____ bathroom ____ kitchen ____ shed

Model and year of your pickup: ___________194_

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to: (_)The National Enquirer (_)The Globe (_)TV Guide (_)Soap Opera Digest

___ Number of times you've seen a UFO ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO

How often do you bathe: (_)Weekly (_)Monthly (_)Not Applicable Color of teeth: (_)Yellow (_)Brownish-Yellow (_)Brown (_)Black (_)N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: (_)Red-Man

How far is your home from a paved road? (_)1 mile (_)2 miles (_)don't know


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Arkansas Toothbrush

How do you know that the toothbrush was invented by a redneck?
If it was invented by anyone else they would have called it a "teethbrush".


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Arkansas: It's A Wild Place

Why are there no fertility clinics in Arkansas?

They would tell the women to try another brother.
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[RACETRAITOR]

There's also a thread making fun of idiots. I think idiots deserve the same protection that rednecks deserve. There usually is a lot of overlap.

[VanIslander]

[Gimpokid]

[Mix1]

Rednecks are fair game simply because they are rednecks.
But they aren't that worse than many other groups. I guess redneck humor might be off limits if the rednecks started whining about it, but I doubt they really give a damn in the first place. Oh wait, maybe they do give a damn; look at all the Sara Palin defenders.

You can find humor in almost anything. Nothing should be off limits as long as it isn't overly mean.