Korean Job Discussion Forums

[fortysixyou]

.....or your Thai, Chinese, Japanese, Filipina, Vietnamese, Laotian, Burmese, or any other type of Asian wife?


Call me old-fashioned, but if I marry my girlfriend, she ought to take my last name.

Not just because it's western culture. I think it makes for a stronger couple and better relationship.

And just like I would be accepting her culture and adhering to Korean marital norms; her taking my name would show that she accepts my culture and is not ashamed to be married to a foreigner (in a land where women are generally made to feel so).


What about you, married guys? What are your opinions and experiences on this?


If my wife refused to change her name, wouldn't that be the same as me refusing to spend Solnal and Chuseok with her family...or something?

Marital expectations and what not?

[bassexpander]

Ha! Funny you mention it. I was addressing our Christmas cards, and didn't quite know what to put on the return address. She didn't change her name, but then again, I never asked her to. It's something we need to chat about. We just never bothered.

[whatever]

Interesting point, comparing the holidays. Part of me is inclined to agree with you, on some level. I'm in a similar situation...engaged. I've already decided to not ask her to. I don't even especially like my own surname... And hey, my mother, grandmothers, great-grandmothers, etc. all had their own names, and I'm no less proud of those identities. Honestly, if it wouldn't piss off my dad, I'd seriously consider swapping my mother's name for his...way cooler sounding.

Moreover, she ought to hold onto her own family identity, unless she chooses otherwise. At least that's my own opinion. Even if we're blessed with children, which I hope to be the case, I don't think it's really that important whose name they bear. Maybe there's a clever way to incorporate both, who knows...

Good luck to you~

[theholyinnocent]

[T-J]

Didn't change the name on any of her Korean paperwork, but all her American paperwork has my last name on it. Kind of a meet in the middle kind of thing.

Our son has both her last name and my Korean last name, again kind of a compromise thing.

I don't think most Korean women would have a problem with changing names as the act of not changing names is really a glaring reminder to women that they are not really part of the husband's family.

For us, we thought changing her last name on the Korean side would create more problems than it would be worth.

We got married back in '95 before they even offered F2 visas to foreign males marrying Korean females though, so it might be easier for a Korean national with a foreign last name now to deal with banking and whatever.

[Yangachi]

[kentucker4]

[NoExplode]

Honest to God story. My friend took his Chinese wife's name. He had motivation though. His name used to be Bruce Pryblewski. Now his name is Bruce Lee. He's in sales, and his sales doubled in a year after his marriage. He credits his new name.

[Mdvl_lady50]

My daughter just got married this last September in the States. She is Caucasian, her husband is native born Californian with ancestry from Ecuador/Philipines/China. She kept her last name of Warner for professional reasons, as she plans on not retiring any time soon from Intel. When they have kids, if at all, I think the child will have a split last name. Times are changing and have been for quite some time. While he is very successful at his attorney job working a zillion billable hours a week, he realizes that his new wife has her career and name recognition is not something to give away. Also, my daughter happens to like her last name. It's her identity.

[crossmr]

[Chamchiman]

[AussieGav]

It's true that Koreean women do not change their surnames when they marry. It is also something that may complicate matters at least while residing in Korea. When we married, my wife said she wants to take my last name, all cool her choice, but she will keep her Korean name as is whilst in Kroea for ease of well everything. All Australian docs have her Korean name and mine as I suggested she keep hers.

I dont think you can make threats of not attending family activities based on something like this. Changing family name for woman when she gets married may be typical in our culture but it is not in thiers. It is typical for the children to take the father's name though.

I also dont think that the strength of a relationship should be measured by people's forced acceptance of something alien but by acceptance of their desires. If she feels strong enough to keep her birth name then that should be acknowledged in my opinion. Good luck.

[aphase]

I actually prefer that women keep their last names. I think that having last names reflect blood relation is pretty cool, and it doesn't make much sense to me that because a person gets married that they have to change their last name. They were born into a family, so why not keep that family's name?

Also, looking up people back home on facebook, such as old classmates who were women etc, can be kind of a pain since its possible to not even know what their current name is after they've gotten married.

Anyways I personally wouldn't be offended if a girl didn't take my last name, it seems like such a small detail and to me doesn't really matter.

[Dysupes]

Personally, I was never really too concerned by the whole last name thing and told my wife so before we ever got hitched. She said that she might take my last name later once we moved back to the West and I've told her repeatedly that it's up to her, I don't care. Her name is her name, not mine.

As for children, we've just found out that we're expecting and we've batted around the ideas for names but to be honest I'm even thinking of just having the baby take her name as it's shorter, easier to write and although I'm the only child my dad has 7 older brothers who have already propagated our already super common French Canadian name so that it will last well into the 22nd century. lol I feel like they've taken the onus off me and so I'm going to let it go and let our child have my wife's easier name.

I guess the whole cultural tradition with naming kind of doesn't make sense to me now and it's because people can change their names to anything nowadays if they so choose so who's to say that even were I to name my kid something I thought was really patriarchal or familial that he/she isn't going to change it down the road anyway. I'll do my best to find a beautiful name rather than one like "Dysupesson." lol

[definitely maybe]

i told her i thought she should keep her last name. she was certainly open to the idea of mine, but our marriage and relationship certainly had no dependence on it. besides, the combiniation of her first name with my norwegian last name would be a disaster!