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IncognitoHFX
Joined: 06 May 2007
Location: Yeongtong, Suwon
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 Posted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 4:16 pm Post subject: Dating problems in Korea (why not? So many girl threads...) |
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So, I'm on a dating website. Have been for about four months. I haven't been able to get a date or even a second look in this country for the life of me and I'm running out of options.
The dating website in particular is meant to connect Korean girls with foreigners. It's also a pay site with a free (limited) membership, but I got around it by writing my email address (in Korean) in my profile.
Since my last relationship, I decided to turn a new leaf. That being, I've decided to be VERY picky. I want a serious relationship and I'm tired of stints that last under a year before an inevitable break up that I see coming a mile away. So I made a profile on this website, I was as decidedly honest as I could possibly be. I suppose I could go meet girls in real life but I have terrible luck with that. I also don't drink very much, and don't like night clubs (they piss me off). I'm looking for something more meaningful anyway.
As of yet, about fifty girls have added me to MSN but none have been worth meeting (I've talked to about ten). I keep running into the same person over and over again. On MSN I created a new subcategory of girls who added me through this website, and I end up blocking most of the girls after talking to them for the first time.
Why? Because it's always the same stuff... "What's your hobby?" "I like studying and sleeping" "...What do you do for fun?" "I like hanging out... and I like dancing! Do you like dancing?!" *block*
I'm not saying this only about Korean girls either... I added some gyopos and Western girls via the same means and had the same sort of problems.
Where are the normal, level headed, intelligent and adventurous girls and how do I go about meeting them? The internet is a possibility but I don't think it's a great idea. Actually it's probably a terrible idea. The wrong kind of people use the internet to date and I know I'm not the "wrong kind of person", yet I think it's the only thing I *can* do... I'm just bored of being single.
Help? |
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newteacher
Joined: 31 May 2007
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| Posted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 4:33 pm Post subject: |
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I don't know what to tell ya. It takes time to meet someone that you're really compatible with. I've been single for a year now, having dated about 5 or 6 different girls in the past year and talked to countless others. You just have to be patient and maybe a little less picky. Give them more of a chance and you might find that your first impression of them was wrong?
But if you're going to be super-picky then you're going to have to deal with being alone and learn a little patience.
I'm the same way though with the not picking up girls at bars. It's just not my thing, and I don't drink much either. You could try coffee shops, or maybe dating someone from work, but work relationships have a long list of problems that you have to be careful of.
The best thing to do is to just be patient. Maybe you should learn a new hobby to help pass the time so you don't think about it too much. |
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Pink Freud
Joined: 27 Jan 2003
Location: Daegu
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| Posted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 4:38 pm Post subject: |
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I understand that you are looking for a long-term relationship, but you are aware that "dancing" is code for "sex", right?  |
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yeoja
Joined: 27 Nov 2008
Location: Down south in South Korea
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| Posted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 4:40 pm Post subject: |
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Try bookstores. Esp the gals looking at/reading books in the English section (higher chance of meeting someone that comprehends the language there). ESPECIALLY if they're reading something interesting.
By the way, you said you decided to be picky. What is your idea of being 'picky' ? |
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Goku
Joined: 10 Dec 2008
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| Posted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 4:41 pm Post subject: Re: Dating problems in Korea (why not? So many girl threads. |
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| IncognitoHFX wrote: |
Where are the normal, level headed, intelligent and adventurous girls and how do I go about meeting them? The internet is a possibility but I don't think it's a great idea. Actually it's probably a terrible idea. The wrong kind of people use the internet to date and I know I'm not the "wrong kind of person", yet I think it's the only thing I *can* do... I'm just bored of being single.
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Not speaking from personal experience here, but I've seen both cinderella stories and stories that would make you die upon hearing them about the interweb relationships.
Personally, I have a personal stigma against internet dating, but you might not be so off target if you are looking for a meaningful relationship though. There are no distractions, only pure conversation when you chat.
However, because you're dealing with a very fine pool of people who 1) are in Korea 2) Speak English 3) aren't bubble heads 4) Probably don't look like the cookie monster. I can imagine your enormous difficulty.
I have the same problem bro, as another man of incredibly high standards. Sounds like you'll have to do what I do. For guys like you and me who want meaningful relationships, soul mates, without meeting someone in a bar or club (I'm not exactly thrilled about telling my kids I met their mom while I was hosed down with corona and grinding in a Korean disco)
we have to do it the social networking way.
It's the only way if you want to find someone "normal, level headed, intelligent and adventurous girls ". Easier said than done of course. I know a guy who does it through cafes. He has this whole system in place. I don't know why it is every foreigner i meet here has got some kind of system for girls. N E ways, he'll sit down in his spot, he'll eye the girls that are learning English, and he'll go forward to ask them questions in a highly structured manner. Questions that reveal both her personality and availbility. Mostly questions for the latter.
Not my style though, I'd rather just meet a girl who is a friend, just be friends, and then develop that into a relationship. Requires a lot of effort time and a whole lot of networking. Not metnion it's in Korea which makes it a helluva lot harder. |
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xingyiman
Joined: 12 Jan 2006
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| Posted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 4:47 pm Post subject: |
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You can't really know someone online enough to make a judgement one way or another. There's that level of protection that you have through the internet. Back when I was dating I used the internet for one reason only - the visual screening. If their pic was ok then it was time for the video chat. If the video chat was ok (no posting pics of herself 60 less lbs ago) then we'd meet in person.
The sad fact in this modern world of ours is that the only really lucrative venue to meet significant others is in some bar somewhere where people get drunk enough to let their gaurds down so that things can happen. The only problem is in that environment the chances of meeting someone quality are extremely low. |
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yeoja
Joined: 27 Nov 2008
Location: Down south in South Korea
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| Posted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 4:54 pm Post subject: |
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I'm personally in a relationship with a guy I met over the internet. We met on a networking site, messaged each other nearly daily, started texting and eventually met in person. I have nothing against relationships that started on the internet. Like Goku said, it's purely chatting, no distractions. You can't get judgemental of the other person based on physical features or whatnot.
"a networking site" = facebook, when the networks were still available.. |
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IncognitoHFX
Joined: 06 May 2007
Location: Yeongtong, Suwon
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| Posted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 4:59 pm Post subject: |
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| xingyiman wrote: |
You can't really know someone online enough to make a judgement one way or another. There's that level of protection that you have through the internet. Back when I was dating I used the internet for one reason only - the visual screening. If their pic was ok then it was time for the video chat. If the video chat was ok (no posting pics of herself 60 less lbs ago) then we'd meet in person.
The sad fact in this modern world of ours is that the only really lucrative venue to meet significant others is in some bar somewhere where people get drunk enough to let their gaurds down so that things can happen. The only problem is in that environment the chances of meeting someone quality are extremely low. |
Yeah. I'm down with what everyone has said so far in this thread.
My co-workers ask me ritually why I don't have a girlfriend. I'm not a bad looking guy. I'm not the most handsome guy in the world either, but I know I have enough going for me to land at least something. The fact is that I can't.
Another problem I meant to address is with social networking. I have a lot of friends and go to gatherings where there are a lot of new people. Occasionally a girl catches my eye so I start working my way around, incognito (heh), getting as much information as I can before I finally approach the chic. Then something inevitably happens... "She has a boyfriend". It seems that every new girl I meet has a boyfriend.
The worst is when you get talking to them and thirty minutes later she throws down the sentence, "so yeah, my boyfriend and I..."
Maybe Korea is easy for one night stands. I don't know and I don't care. For dating, Korea is all dried up. Especially for foreign guys wanting to get into relationships with Korean girls (or any nationality). There I said it.
| yeoja wrote: |
I'm personally in a relationship with a guy I met over the internet. We met on a networking site, messaged each other nearly daily, started texting and eventually met in person. I have nothing against relationships that started on the internet. Like Goku said, it's purely chatting, no distractions. You can't get judgemental of the other person based on physical features or whatnot.
"a networking site" = facebook, when the networks were still available.. |
I met my last two girlfriends on the internet. Once in Canada, and again in Korea. Both relationships lasted for a year. One relationship ended very well (we're still friends) and the other ended terribly.
I guess I just wanted to prove to myself that I could meet someone in real life instead of using the internet as a crutch. The thing about the internet is, you're giving someone ample time to organize themselves in an appealing way before you start dating. That happened to me once. The other person had constructed an entire artificial life for themselves, a life that was completely comprised of falsehoods, and it took me an entire year to finally tear it down. After all the lies the relationship simply couldn't survive.
Sure, the internet gives you the ability to have a direct conversation with someone without looks being a factor, but at the same time, it also gives someone a lot more room to construct a portrait of themselves that you would probably be able to circumvent in real life or you just wouldn't date them in the first place had you met them in real life first. This was the downfall of my bad internet-based relationship.
When you see someone in person you get to see them in action. Especially if you meet them without the pretense of being on a date. You get to see what they're like as a friend, get to know them, see who their friends are, see how they relate to other people. Not to say this always works, but it doesn't give them as much space and flexibility as the internet does.
It's sort of hard to explain but I do have a very good reason for avoiding the internet. That and I tend to attract crazy people more than anyone else I know. Not just in the romantic sense. The internet hides the crazy, too. |
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crazy_arcade
Joined: 05 Nov 2006
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| Posted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 5:24 pm Post subject: |
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well....you're getting the same conversation starters because.....
what else will they talk about their first time meeting someone over the internet? Some of them probably do have more to them...but you're not finding that out because you're blocking them immediately. BTW, girls like dancing....all girls like dancing.
Seriously, if you actually want to meet girls here's what you do.
Go to a popular coffee shop. Order a drink, sit down, and open your korean textbook. When you notice a girl you like...politely ask her a question about what you're studying or about pronunciation.
Girls who hang out in starbucks/coffee bean have dispensible income, people who have dispensible income tend to have learned or are learning English and usually have a good education. |
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Brooksmatic
Joined: 06 Apr 2008
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 5:37 pm Post subject: |
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| It doesn't really matter if a Korean girl says she has a boyfriend. Don't get hung up on that. |
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Ukon
Joined: 29 Jan 2008
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| Posted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 5:44 pm Post subject: |
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I look slightly middle eastern and i'm doing a hell of lot better than you...so is my gyopo friend...infact...so is my Indian friend tooo....
Sorry, your doing something horrible wrong or using the "i have high standards/want a girl with real personality" excuse to make up for the fact that your shy...
and nothing wrong with meeting girls in clubs and bars...many adventurous girls also like to dance.....I always found that statement 'only sluts go to clubs" to be downright stupid..some people go to hang out with friends, dance, and listen to good music. Does that make them not relationship material...because you know dancing is the devil's work  |
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definitely maybe
Joined: 16 Feb 2008
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| Posted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 5:56 pm Post subject: |
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| my wife was my language exchange partner. in fact, she is the only "language exchange" partner who didn't want to get naughty within the first few meetings. it took me quite awhile to get into her good graces. enough about me though. i know you're looking for a meaningful relationship, but why not give a language exchange a whirl. it could help prevent future wrist injuries! |
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IncognitoHFX
Joined: 06 May 2007
Location: Yeongtong, Suwon
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| Posted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 6:04 pm Post subject: |
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| Ukon wrote: |
Sorry, your doing something horrible wrong or using the "i have high standards/want a girl with real personality" excuse to make up for the fact that your shy...
and nothing wrong with meeting girls in clubs and bars...many adventurous girls also like to dance.....I always found that statement 'only sluts go to clubs" to be downright stupid..some people go to hang out with friends, dance, and listen to good music. Does that make them not relationship material...because you know dancing is the devil's work |
Yes, I am shy. Not really a big secret.
I like bars that have a sitting/talking aspect over bars that are centered around dancing. I don't think dancing is slutty, but it has usually been a stepping stone to disaster in the past. For example, girl says they like dancing. Then said girl takes me out to a night club to share in their favourite activity, but I suck at dancing and I don't like night clubs... so I can't be there for the girl who likes dancing, which means they have to go to places like that alone and I come off as a crappy boyfriend.
I can't help it, it's the way I'm wired. I also hate when people tell me I need to learn how to "loosen up" as if there is something wrong with not thinking dancing and clubbing is the greatest activity in the world. I'm 24 years old, if I was meant to love dancing and bar hopping then I would have discovered this already. I've always leaned quite to the contrary and will continue to do so.
If someone really values that kind of thing then I wouldn't be a great boyfriend because I wouldn't be able to do it with them. If they see dancing as something they do occasionally of no great importance, then whatever, I have hobbies that they might not like either. If the first thing a girl says to me is "do you like dancing?! I love dancing!!!" then it's obviously very important to them and we aren't going to have much in common.
I'm an introvert. I want to date someone who is at least a little introverted. If I date someone that wants to dance the nights away then I'm going to hold them back and they're going to stress me out. I'd rather date someone who just likes to talk, watch good movies, travel and try new things because I love doing all of that. I'd rather meet someone that likes exploring and trying new things over getting drunk. I don't think I'm asking too much here. |
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Brooksmatic
Joined: 06 Apr 2008
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 6:26 pm Post subject: |
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I have a feeling you are probably a pretty big nerd just looking at your avatar.
Maybe you should check out the computer science department at your local university. Or hit the PC bangs! |
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IncognitoHFX
Joined: 06 May 2007
Location: Yeongtong, Suwon
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| Posted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 6:32 pm Post subject: |
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| Brooksmatic wrote: |
I have a feeling you are probably a pretty big nerd just looking at your avatar.
Maybe you should check out the computer science department at your local university. Or hit the PC bangs! |
Hahaha. Luckily I don't look nerdy. I can usually hide it until the third date or so... |
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