Korean Job Discussion Forums

[sistersarah]

Start by saying hello to all because this is my first post....

I made a vow that I would never date a Korean man (for several, i think, obvious reasons), and now I've broken it.

As if I didn't get stared at enough before....walking down the street hand in hand with my man, people are totally amazed, stop and look. And when I tell people of my boyfriend, both korean and foreign, they are absolutely astounded! I realize that this does not happen as often as reverse (foreign man - korean women), but I didn't realize it was THAT rare.

Truth is, things are going perfect (it's been almost 6 months) but I'm a litlle nervous about things, since his parents don't approve of him dating a foreigner.

Are there any other foreign women dating korean men, or anyone who knows of any? If so, I'd love to hear what you have to say on the subject, any stories, testimonies..........

Thanks

[kiwiboy_nz_99]

I'll let the girls answer your question.

I'll just say welcome to the board!

If I can ask a personal question, you've obviously been here a while now, what made you decided to start posting on Daves at this time?

[Spiky]

Hey SisterSarah!

I'd recommend that you check out this website www.iskakorea.com. It's a site for foreign women married to Korean men. There's lot of great people there!

Good luck in your lovelife;)

[anae]

There are quite a few ladies on the board who are married to Koreans. I am just one of them. My husband and I have been married for almost five years and dated for more than two years before that. I never ran into significant problems dating or marrying a Korean man. People stared, his friends worried that our relationship wouldn't last, foreign men made rude comments, but all in all nothing serious.

His parents are rural people and didn't exactly jump up and down about a foreign girlfriend, but they came around. We knew from the get-go that it would be hard to convince them, so we introduced the idea slowly. I first visted them on Chuseok. My husband told them we were doing a language exchange and I wanted to learn more about Korean families. I went there and met everyone and helped out with all of the daughter-in-law duties. His parents weren't fooled for a minute. They saw how much we cared for each other. His mother decided right away that if her son was happy, she didn't care where I was from. His dad wanted more time to think about it. I visited again at New Years and did all the things a daughter-in-law does. This is when his father decided that I was probably more polite than a Korean girl and would make a great addition to his family. The next Chuseok we were engaged and his father not only approved, but asked me if I would marry his son.

We have now moved to Canada and his parents still support our marriage.

Things can be wonderful. Persevere if he is the right one.

[waterbaby]

Hey I've dated a few Korean guys... I married the last one! One year next week.

Where do you live?

We live in Seoul now and I am either not aware or it's just not happening, but people don't give us more than a glance & we're always handing hands when we go out. Recently we were outside of Seoul (Gwangju, Busan & Pohang) and I noticed that people were no longer glancing at us but staring.

I've found that foreigners are the most surprised when they discover that I'm married to a Korean guy. If they read some of this forum, I could understand why

It may take his parents some time to get used to the idea of their son dating a foreign woman. I was lucky in that my in-laws welcomed me into their family from day one. They're awesome. I've heard that quite often, you'll never meet the parents until there's a whiff of marriage in the air... meet the parents means it's super serious. This is not just for Korean-foreign relationships but Korean-Korean ones too.

There's quite a few women posting on here who have Korean husbands/boyfriends. I hope they'll chime in here. Mokpochica just got married, Jaderedux is going to get married, Corporal is married and has a baby, there's also Anae who posts some good info & Ody who is a little different to us - she met her husband in the states and has been married for 12 years and they have a son & another on the way.

There's also an organisation called ISKA, a network of foreign women with Korean husbands/boyfriends.

We're not as common as the foreign guy/Korean girl match up, but you may be surprised at how many there are.

[osangrl]

I just recently started posting on this board too and this is my 3rd year!!

[Howard Roark]

My first year in Korea I didn't meet any Korean men that I would be interested in dating. I didn't see many that even turned my head. I generally don't find Asian men attractive, that's just my personal taste. However, this year I'm working at a big company and I've met lots of great guys there - travelled, well educated, open minded, and good looking too If I weren't attached to a big Turk for the last 3 years I might even consider dating some of them - well if they weren't my students and coworkers.

[little mixed girl]

......

[ryleeys]

[sistersarah]

Hey, it's good to know there's "others"!

kiwiboy - i don't know why i haven't posted yet....been here almost two years and i was content with reading, i guess.

anae - it was nice to hear that your in-laws "came around". That's what we're hoping will happen. I'm trying to stay optimistic, but it's hard being in this situation, where i want so badly to be accepted by these people who have dismissed me, despite the fact we haven't even met.....I'm trying to stay positive, since i know this is a huge pressure on my boyfriend too....what a situation!

Howard - I know what you mean! my first year, i would never have given a korean a chance! but there exist some well-rounded, handsome k-men out there!

[sistersarah]

littlemixedgirl - i suppose i just thought that there were no korean guys out there that i would ever get along with, you know, for cultural reasons. koreans and westerners have some different ideas about love and relationships.....and especially ideas about gender roles.
but i was wrong! people can still want, and adapt, to different ..... oh i don't know, you know what i mean.

[Tiger Beer]

How were you able to manage reading without posting? seems like the desire would get too strong at times..

[kiwiboy_nz_99]

Tiger you took the words right out of my mouth!

[Ody]

Hi Sistersarah,

You sound pretty serious. Have you told your family? If yes, how have they responded?

Like Waterbaby says, my experience is a little different since I met my husband in the States. Although it was more than 10 years ago, I remember when we called our parents to share our plans to marry like it was yesterday. Both sets thought we were making a big mistake. My mother was most concerned that I�d live the life of a subjugated woman (her words). And the first thing his parents asked (after confirming that I wasn't a Korean American, which in itself they considered drastic enough) was if I was black or white.

They turned out to be good sports though. In fact, I like my husband's family so much that I decided to move here. It was actually my idea, my husband gave up the notion years ago thinking I�d never agree to it. Through the years I saw Seoul become much more foreign friendly with each visit. I wasn�t taking any chances though and so came her alone with my son to check it out. That was a year and a half ago. When my husband joined us here this summer, I feared that he�d turn into the He Korean Monster described on this site but he didn�t and is actually more American now, contrasted with his Korean fellows, than he was in the states.

I�m not sure if people stare less or if I�m just used to it now. Actually, being almost 8 months pregnant heralds as much attention on the street as anything, and I don�t need to have my husband around! It�s true that the looks get fixed longer outside of the metropolitan areas.

One thing that�s not often mentioned is how much fun it can be. Cultural differences and misunderstandings can be frustrating or quite amusing, it all depends on the spin you two give it.

Good luck and enjoy!



Thanks WB, for adding me to your distinguished list.

[sistersarah]

Ody, thanks for your reply. Actually, it is a little more serious than I let on in my first post, and the more happy endings I hear, the better I feel. When i visited home recently, I told my family about him, and they assured me they don't care about where my boyfriend is from. I wish things could be as easy on his end.....but you're right, it sure makes things interesting!