Korean Job Discussion Forums

[MollyBloom]

So...it just so happens this has been brought to my attention as of late so it has been on my mind....

Just curious as to what everyone thinks of giving/getting an engagement ring. Or perhaps you didn't want a ring or your partner couldn't afford it at the time. Maybe you chose to skip the traditional ring and gave/received something unique and different to celebrate the announcement!

Are they still representations of women being bought? Are they a way for a man to show his woman he can spend a lot of money on her? Does refusing one makes you a free-thinkin' woman?

Men and women please share ideas!

[the_beaver]

I think marriage is a primitive and stupid custom, so whither goes that thought so goes my thoughts on engagement rings.

[MollyBloom]

[fadedgirl]

I love shopping for engagement rings...

but chances are that I'll probably end up buying one for myself because I get impatient...AND don't have a boyfriend...AND like shiny expensive things

[aboxofchocolates]

I never really thought about engagement rings. I always just mush them in with the wedding ring thing. Guys don�t get engagement rings, do they? Do guys get any sort of engagement present? Are women proposing these days? I sure as hell hope so. This is a scary universe I have entered!

Well, if I were proposing to a guy, I would do it in a special place, but I probably wouldn�t give him any sort of engagement present right then and there. I�d prefer it if rings were going to be worn, they be worn by both of us. I like the idea of rings, I am keen on symbols, but no diamonds and I�d prefer something meaningful to something expensive. Whoever�s doing the proposing buys the rings, and whoever gets proposed to reciprocates with a gift of similar monetary value. It would be terrible to begin a life long partnership with one party thinking he�s been taken advantage of.

Is an engagement ring a representation of a woman being bought? In Korea it certainly seems so, and conversations about weddings involve the cost of the rings and the dress and the kimche fridge etc. My knee jerk reaction is to say in western society marriage is more of a partnership, and an engagement ring is just a sort of showy traditional thing meant to please a partner. Or maybe it�s a keeping up with the joneses sort of thing, with the ring, followed by the wedding followed by the home the suv the dog the kids etc.

(are congratulations in order by the way?)

[Rae]

Interesting question that I want to be relayed to the bf myself

I don't want one. Most girls that have a "nice" engagement ring won't wear it after marriage anyway. The diamond would have to be forever insured and the ones that do wear it, only bust it out when they go out. Meaning taking it off and on repeatedly. I don't particularly like jewelry all that much and so I found it to be a hassle. Having been through all that before, I realized that love is in no way connected to how gorgeous the rock is on your finger (or more, in the jewelry cabinet since I never wore it after).

I feel that the pressure is high for guys to fork out 3-months or now 5-months salary, as suggested by De Beers (the world's monopoly on diamonds) to show their girlfriend and most importantly, her friends and family, that he "loves" her. The ring is equated to love! And it's easy to be swayed by all beautiful marketing messages but in essence, it is just reinforcing that material possessions, or that MONEY = LOVE. But it doesn't. Notice I didn't say shouldn't because hell, it might work for some!

If you decide to not get a traditional engagement ring, aside from not falling into thee most elaborate advertising trap, you will also go against tradition and will likely have to explain to everyone you know your opinion on the matter, which can be a hassle. Some might secretly conclude that you and him aren't romantic (at best) or he doesn't really love you (at worst). Depending on what culture you're from, it might be the norm and like all traditions, it's only second nature to keep it.

Luckily, my bf's culture doesn't include the traditional engagement diamond. In his culture, people give simple gold bands, supposably 3 of them. One engagement ring, one wedding ring, and one ring for motherhood. The oldskoolers wore all thin gold bands at once. But no one does that now. I think the thin bands work perfectly for me because I've always liked those stack rings and I want one that's particularly uber, paper-thin! Gold is also perfect - platinum is too heavy for my thin fingers and I've always liked the color yellow. But I'm worried he wants to get all American for the first time in his life.

To tell you the truth, all marketing messages and conforming to tradition aside, I think diamonds are pretty! At first reaction, I wanted 3 very thin canary yellow diamond eternity rings! The Californian in me still can't shake that - and it's relatively affordable in comparison to a traditional engagement ring. But now after living in the boonies for a year and learning to make do and all that "what's really essential" lesson, I'm a little on the fence about it because I think how we can use that money for our house. It's funny how I'm so quick to speil about going against the media and marketing yet still can't shake the fact that a specialty diamond is indeed, pretty!

I say just keep in mind that you will wear it for the rest of your life, that's if you don't throw out the idea of wearing it all together. Ask yourself if you would really wear a fat engagement ring + wedding ring combo on a daily basis. If not, then maybe the eternity band idea would be good for you also! Think of it, it passes as traditional and functional at the same time! Less explaining and it can appease your "girly" side! LOL, I think I ended up just convincing myself ... which is great, so I guess I'm no longer on the fence about it, but I don't know if I'd actually wear all 3 of them ... hmmm.

Anyway, Congratulations! Post some links of the ring you want~! I wanna see!

[Xuanzang]

I would buy one for my fiancee but not 5 months salary worth. That`s obscene. Just because I wont fork out so much money doesnt mean I dont love her. I just hope my fiancee sees beyond the material...lol That ring money could pay for a better honeymoon or a better ceremony among others.

I`ve been looking into alternatives than princess cut diamond solitaires. I`m actually a fan of Princess Diana`s engagement ring. A blue sapphire surrounded by diamonds and in Welsh gold. It`s quite lovely.

http://data.tumblr.com/xW6lmuyZM2nzue1jqbtrXzwy_500.jpg

[Mr. Pink]

I think engagement rings are the biggest scam out there. A cartel wants me to believe that diamonds are the only way to show my love - whatever!

I didn't give my wife one when I proposed, nor did she expect one. We are both prudent and thought wasting money on a ring when we needed a deposit on a new home was a pretty stupid thing to do.

In the West, a lot of ppl are totally dumb buying into the whole marriage is forever ideal, or that a wedding day is to remember for the rest of your life.

Spending outrageous amounts on an engagement ring, then waiting and spending tons more on a wedding (usually ppl go into debt) is just plain stupid unless you were born rich. The rich don't count.

My friend who is a geologist told me if you really want a stone that is worth something, give a ruby as an engagement ring. Rubies are much rarer and worth what you pay.

[asams]

I'm more of a traditionalist, so when/if I decide to get engaged I will probably buy a ring. I had always thought of spending an incredible amount of money on this kind of stuff, but that was assuming I would be making bank.

This may come off as sexist but...I think it depends on the girl. I think the engagement ring is a way for the girl to show off to her friends. Most girls dream of prince charming and the engagement ring is part of that package. I know this is a generalization. I don't think a girl wanting/not wanting an engagement ring is bad either way.

I think when you find love you'll do anything if you know it will make your significant other happy.

[Forward Observer]

I was lucky. I have parents that were smart with their money and my mom has a lot of jewelery. When I needed to buy my wife a ring, my mom came to the rescue with her diamond engagement ring. We had it re sized and I was good to go. When we got married and moved back home, my father gave us one of his rental houses as a wedding present. We were able to save a lot of money because we don't have a mortgage to pay. Very lucky.

[cruisemonkey]

It was important to my ex-wife.

[Draz]

[the_beaver]

[lisac1983]

For me, I think the idea of being tied to someone by a contract is incredibly oppressive. I shudder at the idea of being branded as some man's wife.

The only instance that would encourage me to consider marriage would be for immigration purposes, i.e. if I were to fall in love with a foreign boy and want to live in the same country as he. However, even in that case, I wouldn't want an engagement ring or the big fluffy white wedding. The money saved would be better spent on property, travel or future little Lisas.

[cruisemonkey]