Korean Job Discussion Forums

LuckyNomad · Joined: 28 May 2007

Well, my Korean girlfriend finally told her parents about us tonight. She's really brave and really committed to marrying me because she told them that even if they opposed, we were going to be together and we were going to get married. Her mother said that she was a traitor and that she never wanted to see her again. She decided that she was going to make her own decisions in life and that her parents weren't going to own her. It's particularly hard because this isn't even Seoul. It's a very small town in Gangwon-do.

Anyone with similar stories? Happy endings with the parents after time passed?

moosehead · Joined: 05 May 2007

well I do hope others can have some hopeful news for you but I can't.

I have a very good K friend here whose family has treated her very badly - her first husband died and left her w/2 children; he was a prof and so is she. she was terribly depressed and had an awful time of it.

then she met another fellow and fell in love and he moved in w/her and has been an incredibly wonderful father to her children - in fact they now think of him as their dad.

he has a slight limp, tho, and does not make as much money as her husband did. her family has shunned him from the get-go. then, when the greatest blessing one could ask for came- she became pregnant, her family still didn't come or share w/her. her mother never even came to see the new baby.

and they all live in the same town together. very sad.

so no, it can be hard, it might be. know what you are getting into and discuss it at length w/your woman (and it will help to start seeing her as a woman, not a girl; she certainly sounds like an adult to me)

good luck.

Chet Wautlands · Joined: 11 Oct 2008

That's really tough man. Good luck. Time will help for sure.

madoka · Joined: 27 Mar 2008

A lot of Korean parents will calm down shortly after the wedding. The hardcore will continue to be pi$sed for about 5-8 years or so. By then, they will have come to grips with the marriage, see that it has lasted, and usually there is a kid involved by that point.

I've seen Korean parents get horribly upset over their daughter marrying another Korean with slightly less education or from a lower ranked school. So it's not just a race thing, but a socio-economic issue as well. It's understandable though. I've already decided that no man would be good enough for my little girl either. Twisted Evil

BTW, I would simply count your blessings as you really wouldn't want to be close with in-laws like that anyways.

LuckyNomad · Joined: 28 May 2007

I do see her as a woman. She's just shy of 30 and I'm almost 27 so that's like a double black mark as far as people here are concerned. She started and ran her own business for over a year. She's lived abroad for two years, been to many countries, and she's even brave enough to hold my hand out in public, everybody else's opinions be damned. That last one might not seem like a big deal but this is rural Korea where we are surrounded by nothing but old people.

She told me that this hardship will make us stronger and that her parents will regret many of the terrible things they said to her. Other women probably would have broken it off with me at their parents command but she is something else.

Clinteastwood · Joined: 14 Jan 2006

when I met my girlfriend now my wife of 9 years in Australia we went out for about 5 months , she went back to Korea for her sisters wedding . I was ringing her while she was in Korea her mother kept answering the phone .
Her mother asked if she was going to marry me and she said no , when she got back to Sydney it was New Years Eve or New Years Day I proposed to her and she said yes . We organised the wedding and the night before we got married she rang her mother and this is what she said
"get on a flight back to Korea dont marry him , if you do you are not my daughter anymore "
My wife just hung up the phone it took her about 8 months to come around , about 3 years latter she returned back to Korea and was living there , about 1 year latter I dropped my studies and went there to live , her family excepted me with warm and open arms and now my mother in law has a beautiful grand daughter and does not regret her daughter marrying me .
So just give them a few months , they will come around

justaguy · Joined: 01 Jan 2008 Location: seoul

I like your wife. She's brave and she really loves you. I hope you are the same.

In the end it really doesn't matter what anybody thinks. If the family is ok with it fine. If not, that's their problem. Don't betray her love to you. She has shown it. To the country Korean if you back out, that's worth a knife in the back. Love will always win.

Good luck and God bless.

Xuanzang · Joined: 10 Apr 2007 Location: Sadang

cdninkorea · Joined: 27 Jan 2006 Location: Seoul

When I hear stories of parents who hate their foreign son/daughter in laws but eventually "come around" I can't help but wonder: why is the whole thing up to the parents in law?

If it were me (and it may be in the future), I would resent the parents in law deciding one day to "accept" me and expect me to go along with it. Am I the only one who'd be tempted to say "oh, so now you accept me? Well guess what? I don't accept you!"

Yeah, it might sound vindictive, but how can anyone so easily forgive comments like "if you marry him, you're no longer my daughter" and "I don't accept you because you're a foreigner"?

Xuanzang · Joined: 10 Apr 2007 Location: Sadang

Joe666 · Joined: 19 Nov 2008 Location: Jesus it's hot down here!

LuckyNomad - All I want to say is good for you brother. I believe your K woman is solid through and through. Nobody can make you happier than yourself or the right choice of a partner. The family bullshit is all secondary. I wish you all the best!! *beep* the rest!!

Geckoman · Joined: 07 Jun 2007

sigmundsmith · Joined: 22 Nov 2007

New a guy who went through the same thing as you. His kg went to her parents and told them about him (that they were dating). They met, weren't happy but didn't go right into it.

Then a few months later she goes back to them and tells them that she is getting married. The fit it the shan at this stage and the parents said you have to choose him or them (her parents).

Well, the girl told her parents that she chooses him and walked out. But very soon after that incident they new that they could not change her mind and accepted it as she is a strong wild person.

Now they are married with a baby son.

The parents might come around very quickly or it might take them a long time.

Don't forget, this is a country where everyone knows your business and keeping up appearances is extremely important - especially in rural areas. It's an embarrassment to them in their community and they fear what people will think.

Kikomom · Posted: Sat Apr 04, 2009 2:29 pm Post subject:

Unfortunately, I believe that part of what you are dealing with is the stigma of the US military-- "love 'em and leave 'em" and "girl in every port". Too many GI's have left broken hearts (and orphans on the way) behind and these parents remember. Some even holding a grudge?

Unposter · Joined: 04 Jun 2006

In all honesty, I have never met anyone married to a Korean whose parents did not turn around and accept them. As a previous poster said, the wedding is an important threshold. Once it is all legit and all, well, you are family.

But, that said, I just say this so you can consider all options, as I read your post, I would not be surprised if your fiance did not already have a bad relationship with her parents. If that is the case, who knows how it will turn out? But, my guess is if your fiance does not care, there is little reason for you to care.

You have a lot of reasons to celebrate and enjoy right now, I would not worry over things you actually have little control over, though by all means reach out to the family.