Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Captain Corea]

I'm hesitant to tell this story, so I'm going to put my motive up first.

For the last month or more I've seen more than a few posters try to criticize Korean spouses for 'not backing the foreigner up.' Goldmember in particular has created a number of threads on the subject, and the recent posting about a guy getting accosted at a swimming pool brought a chorus of 'why didn't your wife bloody well say something!?!?'

Well, tonight my wife did.

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We were heading to the car in the underground parking and when we got off the elevator, there was a middle aged (40?) man standing there smoking. Both I and my wife politely told him that this was a no-smoking building. He said nothing and we proceeded to put our kid in the car seat. Then he started walking over to us and shouting how there's no signs saying such and that he didn't believe us. I offered to bring him to the building guard and he could explain it if he didn't believe us.

At this point my wife started to get a little pissed. He had been speaking ban-mal to us for most of it, and even when I was being decent with him about promising him that it's a no-smoking building, he was being quite rude to me, slipping in swear words and degrading comments whenever possible. So, she let into him with a bevy of Korean and English cusses - giving it right back to him. She said, if you're going to talk that way to us, I'll speak that way to you.

The look on his face was priceless. He was shocked, and then he got that 'over-actor I'm a tough guy and really mad' look on his face. He started moving towards my wife, and I stepped in between and told him to cut it out or he'd have to go through me. He tried shoving past me, but that didn't work. Then he tried to shove into me, but soon found himself on the ground in a 'submission hold'.

I let him up the second after he relaxed (which was only a matter of seconds), and he pulled out his phone right away and dialed 112. I guess he thought I'd back down on that. I encouraged him to call, and even said I'd go to the lobby to wait for the police. He pushed me first and poked his finger into my chest, and because of my naturally pale skin, it looked pretty darn red.

We went to the lobby and drew a crowd. Lucky for me, everyone realized that 1. he was drunk, and 2. I was being pretty reasonable. I wasn't emotional at all, and said I'd be more than willing to have to the police handle it. He on the other hand, was turning on anyone in the crowd that questioned him.

20 minutes later and a lot of him raving.. and it was done. His 'driver' came and took him home... and I went about my night.

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I don't really want people to focus on the physical part of this - it was really over in a few seconds and would not be what I would consider and actual fight.

My main point in this is to show

1. That many of the Koreans here that are friends/loved ones can and do back us up.

and

2. Even with that back up, dealing with a drunk is still a waste of time - I should have just bloody well ignored him.

[freshking]

Good on you for holding back. I'd have to say that a guy trying to get physical with my wife and young child around would have probably caused me to lose control of myself.

[Tundra_Creature]

As long as you're around people who are reasonable and friendly and you yourself is being reasonable and friendly, then I would assume that people, no matter what culture do the same.

Nonetheless, it's always nice to hear stories with 'happy' endings. I have to admit, though I'm not in Korea yet, I'm still a bit nervous every time I hear horror stories.

Also, sometimes you just can't ignore drunks. We all have our moments.

[Captain Corea]

[Leslie Cheswyck]

I thought this was gonna be about blue balls.

[coralreefer_1]

First...through the short time I have been at Dave's (much shorter than I have been in Korea)...I have always found your posts rather enjoyable...

But I have to wonder..You have been in Korea for quite awhile now. Surely you understand that the typical adjussi feels he is entitled to do whatever he wants , however he wants regardless or laws, or any stated rules...

So in this situation, even though we all know he should not have been smoking there, why would you or your wife confront the man about it..knowing very well that he was not going to kindly put out his cig and walk away? I mean if you were alone and having a bad day and did like that, I could understand...but you and your wife confronted a man in a situation that was not likely to end pleasantly with your child and mother-in-law present.

Again,I mean no disrespect against you or your wife...but knowing that you have been in Korea long enough to understand this kind of adjussi mentality, it seems like you were itching for a confrontation. I hail you for dealing with the situation well and teaching that *beep* a lesson...but it seems to me a situation that is very common, not likely to be changed, and very possibly to lead to future situations.

The man was there in the building for a reason...either he lives there, or knows someone who lives there. In either case, he will always remember the waegook who made him look like the ass he is, and may come looking someday to get revenge on you, or family, or your car.

So my question is...no matter how wrong he was for smoking there, knowing the society and people like you do...why even confront the man and risk possible current or future trouble?

[Captain Corea]

Valid point mate, and I'm not sure if my post explains it well, but our 'confrontation' really happened after he wanted to show that there were no signs. I and my wife had made our comments as we walked through his cloud of smoke at the elevator door - the comments were not 'put out your bloody cigarette', but something more akin to 'sir, please, this is a no-smoking building'.

I honestly would not describe my comment as a confrontation... but that's just my take on it - I'm sure he has his.

Quick edit: This type of thing has happened a few times in my building... and the guys are usually pretty cool about it, especially if they see I have a kid with me. I try my best to speak in honorifics, and it usually works out well - this time, it didn't.

[Emeliu]

[PigeonFart]

Dare i say it, but you were probably only supported/backed up because a Korean woman and child were involved.

If you were on your own, or with a non-korean wife, you may have been perceived very differently.

I enjoyed the physical part of your story. Nicely done (although you didn't want people to focus on the physicality, fair enough).

[NightSky]

I give people [Mod Edit] for smoking everywhere here. I especially love to hassle the patients in front of hospitals standing around smoking...but seriously nothing pisses me off more than some dinglebat walking in front of me and blowing smoke out of his mouth, like I can't smell it just because we happen to be outside. last month in a market in Itaewon some guy was smoking right under a no smoking sign (the place is full of fabrics and would burn in a hurry ) I asked him if he couldn't see the sign and he sheepishly put out his cigarette. usually I get "okokokokokok" in response.

my two cents, never ask people politely to put out their cigarettes, ask them if they are stupid, or some variation thereof, it gets better results.

[Emeliu]

[endo]

Wait a minute, what's wrong with smoking in a underground parking lot?


How does this harm you? Yeah, it may be against the rules, but seriously, why is it an issue to you?

You do realize that the fumes that come from your car are a lot more harmful?


I support the old Korean dude on this one.

[Adventurer]

Honestly, I wouldn't have cared about someone smoking in the underground parking lot, but if it's against regulations, he shouldn't.

On another note, the Korean spouse of a friend confronted someone harassing Phillipinos. She doesn't like certain types of folks.

It sounds like you have a great wife; you're proud of her.

Kudos!

[Forward Observer]

Usually it's me that breaks the rules. My wife constantly gives me [MOD EDIT] about acting like a typical adjoshi

[Kikomom]