Korean Job Discussion Forums

[LuckyNomad]

Hello all,

I got married last month and we're hoping to have kids really soon.
For those of you who have Korean spouses and have children here in Korea, I have some questions.

1. How has Korean society received your children? Are they treated as foreigners, koreans, or somewhere in between? How do their cousins treat them? Do your in-laws give any preference to their "pure-blooded," grandkids?

2. How do you do the whole age thing? Do you use both systems or do you use one? When you ask your child how old he/she is, what system do they respond? Is it different depending on which language they are using?

4. Do your children call their brothers and sisters by name or do they use 형, 누나, etc? What language do your kids use amongst themselves?

5. Do you send your kids to korean schools or international schools?
I'm curious about their experience, especially for those who have older kids.

6. Which way do they tend to pull culturally? As in things like, do they use their left hands when passing things to you but use their right hands when dealing with everyone else? Do they think like a Korean, a westerner, or both?

7. Any personal issues, seeing as how they have to live in a land that focuses so much on, "purity," and all that nonsense?

8. When they were young, did they have a longer silent period as their brains sorted out the two languages? I've heard that kids who grow up bilingual tend to start speaking a little later than monolingual kids because they have more to absorb.

9. If your kids are adults, which nationality did they choose? Did your sons join the army?

Anything else that you want to share about your experience with your kids here would be nice too.

Thanks

[T-J]

Great questions and I used to be willing to answer them here, but Dave's being what it is, I don't anymore. This thread unfortunately will probably digress into another racism debate or worse within a few days and then be deleted, so I'm not going to put the effort into it here. Sad, yes, but true.

Might I suggest posting here for questions such as these.

[bluelake]

[fermentation]

I don't have first hand experience of what you're asking since I'm not married. But I will try my best to answer according to what I've seen and heard. Take it with a grain of salt.

1. How has Korean society received your children? Are they treated as foreigners, koreans, or somewhere in between? How do their cousins treat them? Do your in-laws give any preference to their "pure-blooded," grandkids?

It probably depends a lot on the family. I've heard of completely accepting families and some families where it takes time. Or sometimes the kids never really being considered "korean" because they look different. Overall, I doubt they'll be treated like complete crap from their family members.
In my personal experience, several older family members threatened to cut me off if I married a non-Korean (I'm Korean).

2. How do you do the whole age thing? Do you use both systems or do you use one? When you ask your child how old he/she is, what system do they respond? Is it different depending on which language they are using?

Most Koreans will assume you're using the Korean age. If you're using western age, you specify by saying 만 before the number.

4. Do your children call their brothers and sisters by name or do they use 형, 누나, etc? What language do your kids use amongst themselves?

That depends on the household and which language they're speaking, I guess. If you teach them to use 누나 or 형, shouldn't they use those words? I grew up partially in the US, but since my parents spoke Korean, I used mostly Korean at home.

5. Do you send your kids to korean schools or international schools?
I'm curious about their experience, especially for those who have older kids.

I obviously can't answer this since I'm not a parent, but why would you send you kids to Korean schools if you can send them to international schools? In my elementary school, my homeroom teacher used to pick up kids and drop them on the floor instead of hitting them. Wackings on the legs were done by other teachers.

6. Which way do they tend to pull culturally? As in things like, do they use their left hands when passing things to you but use their right hands when dealing with everyone else? Do they think like a Korean, a westerner, or both?

From my experience, I grew up in a Korean household in an American environment. I think much more like a westerner and adopted American customs. My parents had to constantly "reteach" me Korean customs. My younger sister on the otherhand, came back to Korea when she was still in kindergarten and she almost immediately became "Koreanized" even though she barely spoke Korean in the US. I experienced more of a culture clash because I was older and I sort of chose which culture to adopt.

7. Any personal issues, seeing as how they have to live in a land that focuses so much on, "purity," and all that nonsense?

Since I'm not mixed I can't really comment. But its possible they might feel like an outsider. I guess it really depends though. I've heard of kids associating with their "foreign" side a lot more.

8. When they were young, did they have a longer silent period as their brains sorted out the two languages? I've heard that kids who grow up bilingual tend to start speaking a little later than monolingual kids because they have more to absorb.

I was a pretty quiet kid growing up but I don't know if its because of the languages or because I was just a quiet kid in general. My Chicano friend in the US has a kid brother who's learning both Spanish and English. That kid talks a lot though, although its almost always in Spanish.

9. If your kids are adults, which nationality did they choose? Did your sons join the army?

Personally, I would jump at the chance to become an American citizen, and I'm willing to bet most Koreans would to if they had the chance. From what I know, the Korean military doesn't allow people who are "visibly" foreign to join. So even if they were Korean citizens, they might not join.

[/quote][/b]

[LuckyNomad]

[LuckyNomad]

Thanks bluelake. It's good to hear about someone who's done it all the way through already.

[exit86]

I understand where you are and asked the same questions when I was where you are. Here's what I have experienced with my 2-year old:

1. How has Korean society received your children? Are they treated as foreigners, koreans, or somewhere in between? How do their cousins treat them? Do your in-laws give any preference to their "pure-blooded," grandkids?

Depends. I sorta get the impression that nobody really cares too much about the "foreigner" "pure Korean" thing. I think most Koreans secretly know that that type of "pure blooded" thing really ain't the case.

2. How do you do the whole age thing? Do you use both systems or do you use one? When you ask your child how old he/she is, what system do they respond? Is it different depending on which language they are using?

I insist upon "real" age--but we must follow the alternate style when the situation calls for it.

4. Do your children call their brothers and sisters by name or do they use 형, 누나, etc? What language do your kids use amongst themselves?

No sister yet.

5. Do you send your kids to korean schools or international schools?
I'm curious about their experience, especially for those who have older kids.

My kid goes to a local daycare center. No problems at all. She loves going; they love having her; and she has lots of pals.

6. Which way do they tend to pull culturally? As in things like, do they use their left hands when passing things to you but use their right hands when dealing with everyone else? Do they think like a Korean, a westerner, or both?

I do notice a difference in my kid and her buddies. I encourage her to make choices and express her personal desires--which she loves doing.
Further, I spoke to her from day 1--less in baby talk and more like a person. Do this!!!! You'll be amazed.

7. Any personal issues, seeing as how they have to live in a land that focuses so much on, "purity," and all that nonsense?

As I said before: this purity thing is a sham. 99.9% of the Koreans my kid comes in contact with are the nicest, sweetest, most considerate folks you could ask for.

8. When they were young, did they have a longer silent period as their brains sorted out the two languages? I've heard that kids who grow up bilingual tend to start speaking a little later than monolingual kids because they have more to absorb.

Not my kid. I wish. Nope.

9. If your kids are adults, which nationality did they choose? Did your sons join the army?

When the time comes, it will be her decision to make and I will totally respect that.
Anything else that you want to share about your experience with your kids here would be nice too.

Just go for it. Westerners seem to be so scared of having kids.
It is a blast! You'll later find that (before kids) you were only living half your life.

[Thiuda]

[exit86]

Yeah, Thiuda made a good point about more racism in the Western country. I forgot about this. I too have noticed this on every trip we take back to the US during the summers. We like to believe our countries are way PC paradises, but they ain't.

Yes, I second this point, I feel more racism in my home country than here in Korea with my family.

[T-J]

[The Grumpy Senator]

My daughter is 17 months old and we have had zero issues with race from anyone. Her daycare treats us top-notch, the people on the street always smile and utter a 너무 이쁘다 (very cute) as she stumbles down the street like a runaway freight-train. If anything, it has made me more accepted in the community. Business owners on my daily path say hello now and all the ajumas on the street corners wave and ask me how my daughter is doing.

While she, more than likely, will not go to a Korean Public School; it is not out of any fear of social rejection or racism.

[mr. positive]

I have a twenty-month-old daughter, so I'll take a stab at these Qs. Thanks to others who responded, too. It's interesting to hear others' experiences.

1. How has Korean society received your children? Are they treated as foreigners, koreans, or somewhere in between? How do their cousins treat them? Do your in-laws give any preference to their "pure-blooded," grandkids?

I think my daughter has always been received well, in fact, better than 100% Korean kids (my wife is Korean) because she does have unique and obviously Asian and Caucasian look to her, which is pretty beautiful (not to boast). No probs with in-laws, but I'm guessing that is just because they never had a problem with me initially, so it'd be weird if they then had a problem with our kids.


2. How do you do the whole age thing? Do you use both systems or do you use one? When you ask your child how old he/she is, what system do they respond? Is it different depending on which language they are using?

Hasn't come up much yet as I can still say twenty months, but I've gotten confused looks when I tell people she's two years old.


4. Do your children call their brothers and sisters by name or do they use 형, 누나, etc? What language do your kids use amongst themselves?

My daughter says both "baby" and "aga" when she sees a younger child, she mixes both languages pretty well.

5. Do you send your kids to korean schools or international schools?
I'm curious about their experience, especially for those who have older kids.

Haven't had to cross this bring yet, but I am very reticent about the prospect of sending her to public school here, not b/o of the race issue, but rather the quality and style of education.


6. Which way do they tend to pull culturally? As in things like, do they use their left hands when passing things to you but use their right hands when dealing with everyone else? Do they think like a Korean, a westerner, or both?

I think too young to notice this yet.


7. Any personal issues, seeing as how they have to live in a land that focuses so much on, "purity," and all that nonsense?

Have not experienced this at all... oh wait, one time my wife did say that a lady on the subway referred to our daughter (in Korean) as a "mutt" - yes, literally the Korean word for a dog of mixed breed! Crazy, huh? But I don't think she meant anything by it.


8. When they were young, did they have a longer silent period as their brains sorted out the two languages? I've heard that kids who grow up bilingual tend to start speaking a little later than monolingual kids because they have more to absorb.

I have a M.A. in Applied Linguistics and have studied child language development, so I can concur that kids who grow up bilingual tend to lag by about six months on average behind those who grow up monolingual, but that they have totally caught up by age 7-8.

I think my daughter is picking up Korean more quickly than English, but that is because she is with my wife all day speaking Korean to her, whereas I'm only home speaking English to her a few hours a day, but I have no worries about it. If I learned anything from my linguistics studies, it's that all children, barring significant brain development/damage issues, learn their first language w/o problem eventually, though some slower and some faster, so I'm not worried about it. The important thing, though, is to provide the kid with substantial, meaningful input (i.e. not just TV, but conversation) in both languages. It's also best if they get that input consistently from discrete sources, i.e. daddy speaks English and mommy speaks Korean. That's the best way to develop full bilingualism.


9. If your kids are adults, which nationality did they choose? Did your sons join the army?

My daughter's obviously not an adult yet, but I don't see any advantage for her to choose Korean citizenship.

[Unposter]

I must concur with what has been said so far. I have not had any problems in Korea because of my children. In fact, I think it has been the opposite - it has increased the number of positive reactions from both my family, neighbors, total strangers and I even think Korean government officials.

Having kids is wonderful - tiring and trying at times - it is no bed of roses - but it really is wonderful.


As for your questions:

1. How has Korean society received your children? Are they treated as foreigners, koreans, or somewhere in between? How do their cousins treat them? Do your in-laws give any preference to their "pure-blooded," grandkids?

While I would say it is somewhat imbetween, it has always been positive. I find most Koreans, at first, think my kids are Westerners and only after giving them a closer look see some of the latent Asian features.

That said my kids attract a lot of attention everywhere they go. I have had people stop in their tracks transfixed by my kids. We can't go anywhere without a chorus of people going on about how cute they are. On the negative side, everybody wants to touch them which my kids do not like so I have to be vigilant about enforcing a no touch rule wherever we go.

Family is great. I've been married for six years now. At first, it was a little rocky but not that bad but as time has gone on and they have gotten to know me and now the kids they have become more and more fantastic.


2. How do you do the whole age thing? Do you use both systems or do you use one? When you ask your child how old he/she is, what system do they respond? Is it different depending on which language they are using?

We use both. When they speak Korea, they use Korean age and when they speak English, they use the Western system.

4. Do your children call their brothers and sisters by name or do they use 형, 누나, etc? What language do your kids use amongst themselves?

Same thing. It is language specific.

5. Do you send your kids to korean schools or international schools?
I'm curious about their experience, especially for those who have older kids.

They are at a Korean nursery school. They are treated well and it seems that everyone knows them but they don't always know who the other kids are. Teachers are good but sometimes I do think the teachers are somewhat more concerned about inculturating the kids than I would like.

6. Which way do they tend to pull culturally? As in things like, do they use their left hands when passing things to you but use their right hands when dealing with everyone else? Do they think like a Korean, a westerner, or both?

I find my kids a very nice mix of my wife and I. I think their Korean is a little better than their English. I don't have a good sense of "culture" but I have a much better sense of personality - after seeing my own kids I have come to hypothesize that a lot more of personality is genetic than social - they have traits similar to both my wife and I. I think they act differently than other Korean children. Both of my kids have a strong independent spirit and they are willing to say no to my wife, me and their teachers. And, they stick to it. Even their teacher told them that if they did not do something they could not go to the playground. Not only didn't my kids do it but they did not cry or complain about not going to the playground. They are only three years old but they are already standing up for what they want. And, I have never told them to do that. It has come quite naturally to them. I find it interesting because my dad tells sories of acting very similarly.

7. Any personal issues, seeing as how they have to live in a land that focuses so much on, "purity," and all that nonsense?

I have never heard anything like this from anyone. And, it would not really bother me if it did. I am one of those I lead my life the way I see fit and I don't really care what others say.


8. When they were young, did they have a longer silent period as their brains sorted out the two languages? I've heard that kids who grow up bilingual tend to start speaking a little later than monolingual kids because they have more to absorb.

Slightly but not long. I thought they were a little late to talk. But now that they are going to the nursery school both their Korean and their English is beginning to blossom. I think a lot of people worry about this too much. In many ways, language development takes care of itself. It may differ from child to child but eventually it happens. Their teacher has commented on how much better their Korean has gotten. And, I sense some real improvements in their English but it is probably a little behind their Korean. I agree about the meaningful input. You need to talk to your kids; TV does not cut it unless you are directly talking about the program which I sometimes do.

[exit86]

I also enforce a "no touch" rule like Unposter.
This really does annoy me. Every person on he street thinks they have a right to touch my kid. My kid hates it ; I hate it (as I try to communicate with my facial expressions), but, so many folks lack this thing called "nunchi" which everyone thinks is so important in this country.
Anywho, I'm pretty strong on this rule, esp. after some drunk adjossi
was trying to pick up my kid. I stood in between and nudged him to the side (very softly and with a friendly smile), after which the jerk flipped me off and wanted to fight me. WHAT???????
10pm outside the supermarket, daddy (me) holding his daughter in one arm and a shopping bag in the other, and this jerk wants to rumble.
Ha! You gotta love these two-feet tall middle-aged alcoholic adjossi's.

About 98% of my experiences in Korea as a Dad have been great, except for such incidents as this.

So, yup, I too am a big advocate of the "don't touch my kid please if you are drunk, crazy, ugly, weird, stinky, or creepy" rule.

[ytuque]

Does anyone know if a half-Korean/half-foreign person has ever written a book about growing up in Korea?