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strange_brew
Joined: 12 Oct 2008
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 Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 8:20 am Post subject: Bowing to Korean parents |
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| It doesn't make much sense to me. To me, bowing seems like you are prostrating, or putting yourself below the parents. I figure we are all equals. I haven't had to do it yet, but I fear the time is coming. The thought makes me uncomfortable. I am a secular fellow and this totally goes against what I believe. I respect her parents, but isn't the fact that I treat their daughter with love and respect enough? I also treat them kindly, but why bow? My fiancee doesn't understand why this makes me uncomfortable. She also said that before we get married, I have to go talk to her parents. I'm not marrying them, I am marrying her. I'll do it to make her happy, but still. To clear a few things up too, I've been around Korea longer than my log in date shows, I just don't post much, and I get along fine with her parents. What are other people's experiences with this? |
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giraffe
Joined: 07 Apr 2009
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| Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 8:33 am Post subject: Re: Bowing to Korean parents |
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| strange_brew wrote: |
| She also said that before we get married, I have to go talk to her parents. I'm not marrying them, I am marrying her. |
Think again. You're marrying her whole family! You're part of it now .. Good luck =p.
Anyways im married and i dont bow to my wife's parents. I do however need to bow to the eldest in the house to show respect. I have to do the korean bow to the floor for her grandpa everytime i stay at their apt. Nothing to it... I also had to bow to her uncle when we stayed at their place... It has nothing to do with religion or following the gods of korean lol. Its really not a big deal just do it and its done and over with. Its kinda like giving a handshake or a hug to family members back home. How do you think your parents might feel if your wife/fiance didnt want to hug or give a hand shake to your parents / family when she meets them because its against her beliefs?( i suppose you might say your parents would respect that.. But in any case hand shaking or bowing has nothign to do with religion or beliefs. its jsut respect and customs.) Other occasions you might have to bow is probably your wedding if you have a traditional one and on koran holidays ( both of which i never did) Just go with it. Its not like they're asking you to praise to baby jesus or allah or buddha or anythign that makes you want to believe in gods. its all done out of respect. |
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sluggle
Joined: 25 Jun 2009
Location: suwon
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| Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 8:48 am Post subject: |
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| It's called respect. You'll likely get flamed for this since I don't understand why adapting to a minor part of your wife's culture is that difficult. |
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sluggle
Joined: 25 Jun 2009
Location: suwon
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| Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 8:49 am Post subject: |
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| I don't mean to sound snarky. Just saying, if you are marrying her and it would mean a lot to her to talk to your parents... then why wouldn't you want to make her happy? |
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bobbyhanlon
Joined: 09 Nov 2003
Location: 서울
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| Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 9:10 am Post subject: Re: Bowing to Korean parents |
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| strange_brew wrote: |
| She also said that before we get married, I have to go talk to her parents. I'm not marrying them, I am marrying her. |
as far as korea goes, you are marrying them. it isn't just two people getting married, its two families. so be nice  |
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strange_brew
Joined: 12 Oct 2008
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| Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 9:30 am Post subject: |
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| sluggle wrote: |
| I don't mean to sound snarky. Just saying, if you are marrying her and it would mean a lot to her to talk to your parents... then why wouldn't you want to make her happy? |
I said in my post I will do it to make her happy, mostly that it makes me uncomfortable and I don't want to. It is almost like subservience. |
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strange_brew
Joined: 12 Oct 2008
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| Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 9:40 am Post subject: |
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| sluggle wrote: |
| It's called respect. You'll likely get flamed for this since I don't understand why adapting to a minor part of your wife's culture is that difficult. |
Ok, this may seem like a silly retort, but perhaps in some other culture, it was respectful to greet your wife's parents with a good grope of the groin. Would that make you uncomfortable? Would you do it still? If she didn't want to hug or handshake with my family, as it made her uncomfortable for whatever reason, that would be fine, I would understand. |
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Carla
Joined: 21 Nov 2008
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| Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 10:07 am Post subject: |
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| strange_brew wrote: |
| sluggle wrote: |
| I don't mean to sound snarky. Just saying, if you are marrying her and it would mean a lot to her to talk to your parents... then why wouldn't you want to make her happy? |
I said in my post I will do it to make her happy, mostly that it makes me uncomfortable and I don't want to. It is almost like subservience. |
Ok, here's another way to look at it. A man holds open a door for a lady, just like a servant does for his boss. That doesn't make the man a servant and the lady a boss, it just means he is showing respect for the lady. All you are doing is showing respect for her parents. |
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giraffe
Joined: 07 Apr 2009
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| Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 10:16 am Post subject: |
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well you have 2 options really. Either you bow or you explain why you dont want to bow. The latter one is most likely going to get you into an argument or make you look stupid. Your pick. I thin most people will think its stupid of you not to just do something as simple as a bow. If you compare a bow to a groin grope thats just retarded because this isnt the case. You're not crossing any line here in terms of doing somethign that isnt physically right.
I get you dont want to bow but just do it and youll see how stupid and simple it is. you're part of the whole family soo better get used to how they do things. OR like i mentioned earlier just tell her whole family how its uncomfortable to bow and see what happens =p... |
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strange_brew
Joined: 12 Oct 2008
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| Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 10:50 am Post subject: |
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| giraffe wrote: |
well you have 2 options really. Either you bow or you explain why you dont want to bow. The latter one is most likely going to get you into an argument or make you look stupid. Your pick. I thin most people will think its stupid of you not to just do something as simple as a bow. If you compare a bow to a groin grope thats just retarded because this isnt the case. You're not crossing any line here in terms of doing somethign that isnt physically right.
I get you dont want to bow but just do it and youll see how stupid and simple it is. you're part of the whole family soo better get used to how they do things. OR like i mentioned earlier just tell her whole family how its uncomfortable to bow and see what happens =p... |
Actually, it's not retarded, you're just missing the point I'm trying to make. Here, it's bows, there it's groin gropes, in North America, it's handshakes. I'm just saying you won't agree with all the local customs, but using something ridiculous to make my point. A basic debating technique.
Anyways, I know I will do it. I already get along with her family, and there is no point upsetting that, then, when we move in a year, no more bows haha. |
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Forward Observer
Joined: 13 Jan 2009
Location: FOB Gloria
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| Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 12:15 pm Post subject: |
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Think of it as a quick nod of your head. Like back home when you acknowledge someone quickly. You know - like when you agree with someone, and you dip your head real quick. Do that with a big smile on your face and you're good to go.
Some parents are better than others. Hopefully your in-laws are as cool as mine. Doubt it though. From what I've read on these boards, mine are the coolest in Korea 
It's all part of the game of love - you do things for each other, she does for you - and you do for her. If you love her, you'll bend over backwards to make her happy, and she'll do the same for you. Just remember one thing though - Korean culture stems from an agricultural background, so there is a lot of sharing involved. Take one for the team, so to speak... |
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giraffe
Joined: 07 Apr 2009
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| Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 12:58 pm Post subject: |
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| strange_brew wrote: |
| giraffe wrote: |
well you have 2 options really. Either you bow or you explain why you dont want to bow. The latter one is most likely going to get you into an argument or make you look stupid. Your pick. I thin most people will think its stupid of you not to just do something as simple as a bow. If you compare a bow to a groin grope thats just retarded because this isnt the case. You're not crossing any line here in terms of doing somethign that isnt physically right.
I get you dont want to bow but just do it and youll see how stupid and simple it is. you're part of the whole family soo better get used to how they do things. OR like i mentioned earlier just tell her whole family how its uncomfortable to bow and see what happens =p... |
Actually, it's not retarded, you're just missing the point I'm trying to make. Here, it's bows, there it's groin gropes, in North America, it's handshakes. I'm just saying you won't agree with all the local customs, but using something ridiculous to make my point. A basic debating technique.
Anyways, I know I will do it. I already get along with her family, and there is no point upsetting that, then, when we move in a year, no more bows haha. |
Forward Observer, i dont think hes talking about just a head nod.. the full korean bow.get on the ground type of bow with your hands to your forehead....
Strange brew, No im not missing your point. I get exactly what your saying. I get why you bring up the groin point but thats just stupid because you're bringing up a made up fake custom that doesnt exist ( groin groping) and comparing it to a hand shake/bow. I can come up with some too " what if you have to punch your mother in law in the tit to say hello" "what if you have to lick your father in law's armpit to pay your respect". Theres no point in making up stuff and comparing a real custom to somethign that just doesnt exist. Were talking about a Bow here. Which is the most simplest thing you could do in the whole wolrd. YOu dont have to chant some odd song at the same time , you dont touch anyone, its not painful and it doesnt cross any lines interms of being weird.. Soo what exactly do you have agaisnt bowing other than you thinking it puts put below the parents?
And yes you wont have to bow to them anymore as soon as you get out of the country =p Until next time you see them anyways.... =p |
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Ruthdes
Joined: 16 Oct 2008
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 1:46 pm Post subject: |
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I'm wondering how you've been in Korea for so long and have so far avoided a situation where you had to bow to parents. Have you changed the type of job you do? Did you used to teach adults?
And I agree with giraffe. It's a very silly retort. There is nothing inherently offensive about bowing, like there is about groping someone's groin. It may make you feel uncomfortable, but it really wasn't a reasonable comparison. |
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crossmr
Joined: 22 Nov 2008
Location: Hwayangdong, Seoul
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| Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 1:52 pm Post subject: |
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| strange_brew wrote: |
| sluggle wrote: |
| It's called respect. You'll likely get flamed for this since I don't understand why adapting to a minor part of your wife's culture is that difficult. |
Ok, this may seem like a silly retort, but perhaps in some other culture, it was respectful to greet your wife's parents with a good grope of the groin. Would that make you uncomfortable? Would you do it still? If she didn't want to hug or handshake with my family, as it made her uncomfortable for whatever reason, that would be fine, I would understand. |
ridiculous analogies away!
What if part of the culture was having to murder the youngest child of a rival household to show respect? Wow..that'd be really uncomfortable..yeah...now I can totally understand why you don't want to bow. Did you fall right off the boat and into the marriage? |
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Leslie Cheswyck
Joined: 31 May 2003
Location: University of Western Chile
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| Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 2:11 pm Post subject: |
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| What would Steven Seagal do? |
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