Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Goku]

K, Normally I'd never ask for social advice, especially on this board.

But lately I've been kind of wondering wtf is going on?

I'm a great conversationalist in my home country. Several times I've even been asked to teach and coach other people how to talk and loosen up and keep a conversation flowing.

I've hit this huge wall in Korea. I can't talk about the same topics and it seems whenever I give them opportunities to speak up, they reject it and give me this dead look in their eyes. It's not that don't understand the words I say, they just don't know how to comment or keep flow. Maybe it's a Korean to English thing. I have no idea. The exchange and the flow of information just seems to be totally different. It's strange, it's like they want me to listen... BUT at the same time they feel like I'm not contributing enough to the conversation, or at least that's the vibe I'm getting from their body language.

My major hypothesis is that the same social cues aren't used. Usually in American we nod that we are paying attention, or go Ahhh, or repeat the last phrase someone says... into a question like "Oh, Cats?" But it must be somewhat different in Korea, or I'm just not meeting the right people. I have no idea. I know in Korea they use like "Ahhh chin cha," "Jung mal" occassionally to signal they are listening, but the cues when I listen to other people's conversation are confusing to me and sound TOTALLY misplaced. Like in the middle of all the talking WHILE they are talking they keep saying jungmal. It's like they aren't even listening to the speaker and just saying jungmal rhythmically.

I have no idea wtf is going on. Obviously, I know that second language speaking is a huge part of it. But I can have conversations in broken Spanish that don't suck so quite as bad as it does here.

How do you talk to Korean people? What kind of topics do you bring up? Is there the same conversation flow as your home country?

[yingwenlaoshi]

I have no idea what you're talking about other than that some people you're talking with have a hard time with English.

[ThingsComeAround]

This is rather funny you mention it. It seems whenever I speak to Koreans, the conversation cannot be political, anti-Korea, or involve critical thinking.

[Michelle]

[redaxe]

Thanks, you must made me feel much better about my own difficulties in having conversations that go beyond the completely superficial with Koreans.

I get the feeling that Koreans don't really have as much give-and-take in their conversations as we do, unless it's with very close friends. Otherwise, one person is always coming from a position of power and dominates the conversation. Most of the conversations I hear, the older person does almost all the talking and question-asking, and the younger person's job is basically just to listen and say "yay" and "nay" a lot (sounds which both mean "yes" in Korean, oddly enough).

I think their concepts of age, hierarchy, rank, authority, etc. are so deeply ingrained in their culture that it makes the ways they communicate with each other so completely different from ours on a very fundamental level.

[Bramble]

[Goku]

[ardis]

[Spud10]

Ok, so you are probably getting sick of us asking for more specifics, but do you mean in casual conversation? On a date? Co-workers? etc etc..

In regards to co-workers, I can kinda see where you are coming from. They are very polite but any questions or topics kinda seem to give off a "its time to get out of dodge" feel. Except for my co-teacher. Had a fun lil' debate
about swine flu today. Anywho...

In regards to dates, aside from the language barrier, I've never had a problem. The girl has always been fairly talkative and though i've had my fair share of awkward pauses b/c of that oh so fun language barrier, one of us manages to get the ball back rolling soon enough.

So um...maybe your topics are too strange? Or they just don't care?

Or maybe I'm just missing the point.

[Goku]

Thanks for the posts redaxe, ardis, michelle, and thingscomearound.

Culture is the main reason. I think, but I'm starting to think it's the crowd I hang around too.

But I just can't figure out why. I've seen some weird phenomenons here. Like this guy, who is branded the biggest loser in my mind, surprisingly grabs the attention to the Koreans he talks to.

I'm mystified... completely. Here this guy, who will never get more than a "excuse me what time is it?" in western countries, has the attention of all the Koreans around him. They listen to him. ears and everything. All he does is ramble about stupid stories about him driving a motorcycle. He just rambles, when someone says something... he ignores them! and keeps rambling on. He doesn't acknowledge them.

He stories are mundane, uneducated, and frankly very un-cooth in my mind. But people sit there and listen to him. He's on his soapbox about how there's some a terrible dinner with a waitress up there that can't serve apple pie... and everyone's listening to this rant with eyes glued to him. He doesn't have charm suaveness or anything physical at all.

Whereas, I try to care about the other person, trying to find out their interests, make them feel important, and talk brighten their mood! only works 50% of the time.

I'm going out of my mind just thinking about it. It's like social statuses are flipped once I hit Korean soil. I'm still popular among the foreigner circles but with Koreans, I drop. And then the weird-bags and losers seem to be more popular with the Koreans. I don't get it.

I'm so frustrated.... I need to adapt here. I'm thinking it's the company of Koreans I keep. I must be with the wrong crowd. I guess it must be that the losers are fascinating because the Koreans can focus on something that is so boring and terrible it focuses their mind off of stress.

[Ukon]

People not as expressive in a second language they aren't fluent in? Crazy I tell ya...

I'd like to hear the input of someone who speaks korean...mine is too low level to ironically talk above the very topics the OP complains about.

[Old Gil]

People are often more willing to express uncomfortable or awkward feelings and opinions in a second language than their first.

[steveinincheon]

I think I understand what you mean about the long rants. When I teach community classes at my school the adults who are less confident in English will generally just say things like "I cook dinner" "I go to church" and leave it at that - no mention of feelings of any sort. However, the adults who are more fluent in English will often tell very long-winded stories that can go on for several minutes and are hard to interrupt, even to just clarify the details. As I've gotten to know them better I have found that give and take conversations have gotten easier, but they still tend to be fairly long winded.

[Ukon]

[Bramble]