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D-Man
Joined: 17 Jun 2008
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 Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 12:29 pm Post subject: My gal and her ex |
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| ......are very close.Daily phone conversations,meetings every few weeks and regular contact.She claims they are simply best friends and there are no feelings there anymore.Should I be worried? They were together for 5 years and were even engaged before it all ended about 2 years ago.The dude dates other girls and tells my gal everything about his dates.It's driving me crazy. |
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D-Man
Joined: 17 Jun 2008
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| Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 12:33 pm Post subject: |
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| .....also when we started this relationship about 6 months ago,she basically told me her ex comes with it also as her best friend and she is not going to lose him because of some "stupid men". |
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Gibberish
Joined: 29 Aug 2009
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| Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 1:56 pm Post subject: |
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| Depends if she's Korean or not. If she's Korean, no sweat (probably). If she's not, well, she'll always have a guy to threaten you with. |
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D-Man
Joined: 17 Jun 2008
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| Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 2:22 pm Post subject: |
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| ......nope...not Korean! |
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jinks
Joined: 27 Oct 2004
Location: Formerly: Lower North Island
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| Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 2:30 pm Post subject: |
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| I'd be wary and jealous. Obviously, you like your gal, but how about the ex? Is he a decent kind of guy? Can you imagine being friends with him? What's he like around you? I bet he's a bit wary and jealous, too. It sounds weird, but that doesn't mean it's not going to work. |
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D-Man
Joined: 17 Jun 2008
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| Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 2:48 pm Post subject: |
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| In all honesty,he's a very nice guy and I could even be friends with the bloke.My jealous side is telling me to be cautious however.My gal told me to trust her and that they are strictly best friends,but I'm still having a hard time accepting this situation. |
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jinks
Joined: 27 Oct 2004
Location: Formerly: Lower North Island
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| Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 2:56 pm Post subject: |
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it's a tough situation - maybe if you do make friends with the ex, he will be less likely to either make a (re)play for your girl or to subtly try and undermine you when he is spending friend time with her.
I hope you work it out! |
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D-Man
Joined: 17 Jun 2008
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| Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 2:58 pm Post subject: |
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| Thanks mate!! |
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Olivencia
Joined: 08 Mar 2009
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| Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 3:23 pm Post subject: |
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| It's a ticking time bomb. Flee from it while you can otherwise it's going to explode right in your face. |
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D-Man
Joined: 17 Jun 2008
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| Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 3:47 pm Post subject: |
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| Why do you think so? |
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Joe666
Joined: 19 Nov 2008
Location: Jesus it's hot down here!
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| Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 3:53 pm Post subject: |
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Gibberish wrote:
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| Depends if she's Korean or not. If she's Korean, no sweat (probably). If she's not, well, she'll always have a guy to threaten you with. |
Sorry Gibbi, I have to disagree. I don't care what planet she is from, somethings a bit strange here. If they were married and had kids, frequent communication would be normal. My guess is they have not let go of their previous relationship. Don't be suprised if you are abandoned and they start it up again. Are you two physical yet? |
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Olivencia
Joined: 08 Mar 2009
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| Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 3:53 pm Post subject: |
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Because they are going to have sex again man. No doubt. Here is just one of the many scenarios it could happen. You and her get into an argument about something. Not something petty but let's just say big or very big. She talks to the other dude about it. She shares feelings to him and opens up. He as a best friend of course will side with her almost all the time. She feels good that he sees it her way and that he is so understanding. She will then question why you are not. Relationships are very complex.
Last edited by Olivencia on Sat Nov 14, 2009 4:00 pm; edited 2 times in total |
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Gwangjuboy
Joined: 08 Jul 2003
Location: England
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| Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 3:54 pm Post subject: |
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| There is now way that this can work. Now it might be more of a problem for some guys than others, but there is no denying that this situation is completely unacceptable. I would be laying down ultimatums. |
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I'm no Picasso
Joined: 28 Oct 2008
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| Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 4:02 pm Post subject: |
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If it were just a friend, I would reassure you (as a woman) that I have guy friends that I'm extremely close to and honest to god could never imagine ever, ever, ever being romantic/sexual with. However. The fact that he's an ex does make things a little weird. I'm not exactly a jealous person, but I don't think I'd be pumped about that situation either. But she did warn you, to be fair....
Have you tried talking to her about why they broke up and why it didn't work out between them? I think that could give you a little reassurance. The fact that they were even engaged (and I know this sounds strange, but...) is a little reassuring. It's sort of like they already pushed things as far as they could go, but it just wasn't right.
Last edited by I'm no Picasso on Sat Nov 14, 2009 4:06 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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I'm no Picasso
Joined: 28 Oct 2008
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| Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 4:05 pm Post subject: |
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| Gwangjuboy wrote: |
| There is now way that this can work. Now it might be more of a problem for some guys than others, but there is no denying that this situation is completely unacceptable. I would be laying down ultimatums. |
She laid down the ultimatum first, though, and he accepted it. |
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